I played OFF and absolutely loved it, and I accidentally started doing this weird shipping thing between The Batter and The Puppeteer/Player? But mostly this is happening because I'm trash and want to write a shitty fanfiction xD I flipped through my old fanfictions a while back, and I'm combining some of the biggest faux pas I can think of and putting them in this horrible parody fic. So literally, this is pure crack and I do not expect it to be taken seriously at all xD

Anyway, this fic won't contain any graphic smut, sorry yo's. It might have heavy implications of some Puppeteer/PlayerXBatter action, but no 'He put tab A into slot B'. I also refer to the "Player" as "Puppeteer" because I saw them referred to that on an OFF wiki and really liked it.

He walked in silence along the long pathway of Zone 0. The Batter, purifier of the world, was on a mission. The world was corrupt and sick, in need of his saving. It was a daunting task, but one he was proud to have been given. Beside him walked a woman, her feet making even less sound than The Batter's quiet footsteps. Her long hair stopped inches from the ground and fell around her shoulders in a faded-grey cascade. The Batter could only hazard a guess as to what colour it was, for in this world most things were leached of pigment. Her eyes were a similar story, but considering they were a lighter grey than her hair he guessed they were maybe a blue, or light green. She carried a thick book in her arms, a book The Batter knew told her all important information about the world such as his Health, CP and other vital stats. Her clothes were plain, a white top and black skirt. Monotonous, unsuspecting. She was not one to seek attention, and her plain attire reflected.

She was the Puppeteer, the one 'Controlling' The Batter. Or so it was said. The Batter knew better, she was there to observe, and nothing more.

"This is not the Zone that needs to be purified. Why have you brought me here?"

The Puppeteer glanced sideways at The Batter with a sad look. Her face was always sad, but his questions just made it even sadder. She could answer him all she wanted, but she was a being of another plane, and while her image could exist alongside The Batter, and the beings of the world he was in, her voice could not. So all she could to in response to his questions was glance sadly at him, or roll her eyes.

The pair walked for what seemed like ages, until in the path before them stood a lone cat.

"Greetings." It said to them in welcome.

"I am The Judge, I live here in this quiet zone by myself. It is quite rare to get visitors, tell me, are you perhaps a figment of my imagination?"

The Batter and the woman exchanged a quick glance.

"Ah, no, I see you are both very much real, a treat."

The Judge walked closer to them.

"Tell me, what is your name?"

The Batter held his bat aloft proudly.

"I am The Batter, here to purify the world and cleanse it of evil."

The Judge licked his paws in boredom.

"I'm afraid I was addressing your companion, the one who is not of this plane yet seems free to walk among it."

The Batter raised an eyebrow in interest.

"You can see her?"

"Indeed, but it seems like she is too far gone from this place to answer my question, so I will ask you to answer in her place."

The woman bowed her head as The Batter spoke.

"This is Palamilla. She is a watcher as I am on my journey of purification."

The Judge swished his tail politely.

"Most excellent to meet both of you. Now come and follow me, Batter and Palamilla, and I will lead you from this place."

The Batter followed The Judge with confident footsteps, while Palamilla followed meekly behind. She watched as The Judge told The Batter of the puzzles in the world, and watched from the sidelines as the deceptively strong cat taught The Batter to fight. Of course he already knew how to fight, but to pass up an opportunity to prove his might to anyone was far unlike The Batter. When they reached the end of Zone 0, it seemed a full day had passed. But had it really? Time always passed so strangely. There were times Palamilla could remember where it seemed like it took a thousand years just to move from one room to the other, and then times where it seemed walking between worlds took mere seconds. But so was the curse of being The Puppeteer.

The Judge bid them adieu at the outskirts of the Zone, promising to reunite with them later. The Batter paced around for a few moments, watching Palamilla as she stood still with her book cradled against her chest. The fact she wasn't moving was evidence enough she wasn't planning on going any further for now. The Batter sighed and sat down, Palamilla following after.

"I trust we are going to continue before too long?" The Batter huffed.

Palamilla looked at him with wide eyes.

'Of course.' She said, but he could not hear her.

'I only wish to rest a moment.'

While The Batter sat impatiently, Palamilla read over the book in her hands. His HP was full, he carried a couple of healing items from The Judge's impromptu lessons of the world, and his stats looked awfully nice considering he was just starting out. Palamilla slid the book over to The Batter and stared at him. He eventually took the hint and started reading it.

"So these are my stats? Worthy I guess."

He slid the book back and adjusted his cap. Conversation with The Batter was difficult. Between his personality and the fact Palamilla could not directly communicate with him, most of their conversations were largely guessing what the other was thinking and awkward staring.

"Can we leave now?"

Palamilla sighed. She exaggerated her shoulders moving and the rise of her chest so The Batter would be fully aware of her annoyance. The Batter noticed her sass and returned it with sass of his own in the form of impatiently cleaning his pristine bat.

'Fine then,' Palamilla huffed as she stood up.

'Get moving.'

The Batter stood up with her and headed towards the Zone's end. Before them was a large red box. Touching it completely restored The Batter's Health and Competence Points, and when Palamilla touched it, she felt the power to transition between other Zones. Palamilla moved herself and The Batter into the hub world between Zones and gasped. It was a dead place, no life and horrible whispers filled her head. The Batter didn't seem to be bothered by it, and calmly strutted around like he owned the place.

"Are you coming? Zone 1 is this way."

The Batter waited by the entrance to Zone 1 for Palamilla and the two placed their hands on a large red sphere that would take them to the entrance. In the brief, blinding light that shone before they completed their transfer, The Batter thought he got a glimpse of Palamilla's hair colour.

Wine red.