Deus Ex The Patch Upgrade

The game was produced by Eidos so therefore it is theirs.

Hello FFNet peeps! I have had this idea of a parody of this fine game, so here it is, constructive criticism is helpful. (

-------Chapter 1: Film obsessed manic is officially evil!

Two guys are in a cool looking red room, even by 2000 game graphics standards..

BAD GUY 1- You appointment to Super Lawyer should be ready within the week. I've discussed matters with the senator, we decided to watch Titanic instead of The Scorpion King.

BAD GUY 2- I take it he was agreeable?

BAD GUY 1- He didn't have a choice, my taste in bad films makes him cringe. It was the lesser of the two evils.

BAD GUY 2- This plaque-

BAD GUY 1- What plaque? Are you insulting me in my taste of films?

BAD GUY 2- Hey! You consider Battlefield Earth a masterpiece! Can we get back to the virus that kills poor people?

BAD GUY 1- Oh, that one.

BAD GUY 2- It's getting out of control. More than those crappy music records your friends listen to constantly and you have to avoid hurting their feelings by saying 'It's good' then they blast that shit out all the time.

BAD GUY 1- That crappy eh? And it kills poor people?

BAD GUY 2- Not enough ear muffs to go around, the music just kills them.

BAD GUY 1- I mean the virus.

BAD GUY 2- Not enough vaccine to go around. The under classes are starting to get desperate to use the toilet, and plenty of people don't flush them.

BAD GUY 1- Of course they're desperate! They can smell their death-

BAD GUY 2- Damn straight.

BAD GUY 1- And the sound they make will serve as a warning to the rest.

BAD GUY 2- My advice: Don't drink the water in other countries. You'll hear the exact same sound. I hope you're not underestimating the problem, others may note go as quietly as you think-

BAD GUY 1- Like the time I put laxatives in that scientist's coffee?

BAD GUY 2- (Snickers)

BAD GUY 1- That'll teach him to talk to me about quantum physics while I was watching 'Leprechaun In Space'

BAD GUY 2- Paris is in trouble-

BAD GUY 1- He would be in trouble after that 'incident' in Troy.

BAD GUY 2- The city?

BAD GUY 1- Oh yeah. Those peasants are pathetic, they don't know a masterpiece when they see it!

BAD GUY 2- For the last time, Under Siege is not an epic!

BAD GUY 1- And Steven Segal is an actor with no talent (!)

BAD GUY 2- Yep.

BAD GUY 1- He's the best actor ever! Anyway the old gits are trying to run the world. But they were left behind with black and white films long ago, WE ARE THE FUTURE!!

BAD GUY 2- Other problems...

BAD GUY 1- Badass Squad?

BAD GUY 2- Formed after the A Team, I have someone in place though, but Savage has relocated to Sydney to make more Matrix films.

BAD GUY 1- I thought 3 films were enough! Never mind, our Lord of the Rings remake is far more advanced, and their..budget constraints allow us to move into areas they refuse to consider!

BAD GUY 2- The Annoyingly Indestructible Bastard That Will Turn Against Us project?

BAD GUY 1- Among other things which will be kept anonymous for the player to find out, but I must admit I'm impressed with the primary unit.

BAD GUY 2- Unit 2 should be operational as soon as the first level loads up, my people will report on his progress and then the primary will be made with a typical MicroSoft patch upgrade.

BAD GUY 1- (Shudders) Poor guy. We've had to endure much you and I but Cloister The Stupid spoke of Fuchal and soon we will be crowned it's kings...or better than kings...PORN STARS!! (Evil laugh)

BAD GUY 2- Uhh...Fuchal is from Red Dwarf...and it's a comedy, you shouldn't take it seriously-

BAD GUY 1- They never took me seriously when I nominated Steven Segal for an Oscar did they!

BAD GUY 2- Oh boy.

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So what do you think? Should I continue? Support appreciated!

Thanks!