Disclaimer: Anything HP belongs to J.K. Rowling, not me. If you honestly want to sue me, how does $25 sound to you? I have it all ready in my pockets if you want it.
Author's Note: Another plot bunny. Curse random thoughts and A Cinderella Story.
This is dedicated to the one and only Kalie, whose kindness and humor has a knack for making the saddest person in the world become happy once they talk to her. (And of course she isn't going to agree with any of this ;) )
Much thanks to Jennifer for her awesome beyond awesome (okay, so that was a hyperbole) betaing and support.
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She was locked in. Locked in a glass house of her own making. She couldn't get out of it, even if she tried her absolute hardest. And by her standards, "absolute hardest" was tough to beat. The locked glass shield sort of home she had built herself in had helped with that. She had gotten herself into this irresolvable mess, and she knew it was up to her to get herself out of it. After all, she had always been self-reliant; now was the time to apply that knack and have her get out.
She hated living in a so called impenetrable guard she had built for herself; she felt trapped. This was to protect her, but she didn't feel protected. Her shield wasn't weak; she knew it was strong, as strong as strong could be. Yet she also knew that it could break down easily if she didn't keep up the invisible façade she had on. Her glass shield depended on her façade and whether she could keep it on.
In her mind, the glass house, a sort of protective shield she had put herself in, were the same thing. Interchangeable. They both protected her from the things she couldn't confront, that she couldn't believe. She wasn't scared to face the truth – it was that she just couldn't. A part of her was strong enough to resist and stubborn enough to know the truth. What was this truth? That she wasn't in love with a person she had fabricated in her mind. She was in love with the real person behind the "façade" he was forced to put on. The true person whose face and personality was hidden behind a mask.
A strange masquerade this was, she thought, looking at him in the corner of her eye. They were the only ones in the common room, and she was thankful for that.
She wondered how he would react if she took off her mask in front of him. She would be uncovered, naked to his eyes. Although he could read her expressions and gestures so well, and knew the person who was underneath the surface, she wasn't sure how he would act to truly seeing the real her for the first time. It wasn't as if she could help it; years of being ridiculed and silently mocked had caused her to close up and be on guard. Always. She had learned that the hard way . . and she didn't want to bring up that memory. Not now, not ever. It would stay buried deep within her mind, not to be bought up again. Not in this lifetime, she thought, her lips wryly lifting up into a semi smile.
And now, she reflected, that she had been confronted with the truth, she wanted to break down that invisible glass wall now. She couldn't and didn't want to keep it up anymore. She knew he could see through it and it really wasn't her time and effort to keep up something that covered who and what she really was. What was the point? He knew the real her, and that was that. She couldn't do anything to change that, and her glass mask definitely didn't help. It only complicated everything.
So what was stopping her from breaking it? She hesitated for a moment. The protection that had been so careful to cover every bit of the real her wasn't useful any longer, true . . but she still felt fiercely loyal to it and reluctant to part from it. But she knew it had to be done, if only to rescue herself from herself. From the glass prison she had enclosed herself in. There was no point in caging herself in anymore. If this was the only way she could free herself, she would do it.
She took a deep breath and stood up. It was now or never, to uncover her true self.
