Introduction:
In her dream she stood at the Alter in the coronation hall. Her subjects and foreign guests filled the chamber with the sounds of shifting movement, small coughs and sighs. They had prepared for this day for months, and each person sat with their own mixture of emotions. Some waited with bated breath, excited to see the young Princess assume the role of Matriarch and Queen. Others were nervously fidgeting, their minds occupied with worries of preparedness and maturity. The younger Princess, Anna, stood beside the soon to be Queen, shifting impatiently as the Minister finished his benediction. Elsa slowed her breathing and tried to clear her mind. She struggled to cast away thoughts of anxiety, excitement, and impatience. But inside she felt a pressure rising.
Not contained within her chest it spread to her hands where ice crystals gathered at her fingertips. She held her breath and closed her eyes, willing the frost to stop its relentless trek through the thin fabric of her gloves. Chancing a glance at the Minister she saw his eyes staring back at her with cold reproach, flickering away only to glimpse a lone snowflake gently falling in what felt like a collapsing space between them. His hands shot out and grasped her throat, and wide eyed she attempted to pry away his vice like grip. Self-restraint shattered as her willpower became focused on the Minister. She meant only to burn his hands with frostbite, but her intentions were not heeded by her powers. His hands turned white, followed by his arms, face, and body. As if made of fine powder his face began to crumble, and the Queen's throat was freed as his hands fell away. She gasped and turned in horror to see what was left of her sister as Anna too dissolved before her eyes. She spun around and without warning the entire hall became a white wasteland devoid of any discernable figures. The hall, her subjects, her sister- all became one ominous storm of white snow and ice. She screamed out but her words were lost in the swirling tomb. Desperately searching for an escape from the desolate prison, Elsa awoke thrashing about within the confines of her bed.
A small ice storm of her own subconscious making was hovering overhead, threatening to move beyond the walls of her chambers. Disoriented, she attempted to empty her mind and calm her tempestuous emotions. The table. Her books. The drapings of her four poster bed. Elsa quietly named the objects in the room, their permanence acting as anchors to settle the turbulence within. With each deep breath the storm above quieted, and the storm within was tamed. Without the impending blizzard she now realized that sunlight shone through the curtains, creeping its way above the mountains surrounding the fjord, and marching toward her with unyielding determination. Today was Coronation Day.
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It had been a week since her Coronation, and the Queen was no longer plagued by apprehension. Looking back, Elsa felt a mixture of regret and relief. If she hadn't lost control the evening of her Coronation the midsummer blizzard would never have happened. Crops tended by honest and hardworking workers had been lost. A child had died when the local doctor couldn't reach their home amidst the swirling snow. But regret was always overpowered by the relief she felt at having left behind her life of entrapment and isolation. Had she not lost control then she would never have found a way to regain it, this time in a meaningful and constructive way. Her mouth tasted metallic as she remembered the oppressive presence of her gloves; for thirteen years she wore the shackles and for thirteen years she tricked herself into believing she had gained command of her powers. Meanwhile she lost a decade of practice in honing her abilities. Anna's strong will and reckless passion had been the snap that freed Elsa from her sentence of seclusion and destruction. Elsa made her own path now, determined to be the architect of her own destiny, and resolute in her resolve to remake her relationship with Anna. The list of reparations to be made was long, including an entire kingdom of subjects that feared a monarch they only knew to be distant, cold, and dangerous.
Yet one week was not enough time to undo thirteen years of damage, for Elsa and Anna both. Pain still lingered in the space between their sentences, with questions unspoken and unanswered, the adrenaline of reconnection no longer bridging the gap. Life in the Castle had undergone a similar transformation, with open gates and halls that teemed with light and sound. The Castle and Kingdom had become symbolic of their evolving relationship. Questions could remain lingering in the air when other tasks were at hand, distracting and relieving Anna and Elsa from facing difficult conversations. The Regent that sat in place of a Monarch for the years between the King's death and Elsa's coronation was relieved of duty and stationed instead as Royal Vassal.
For three years the kingdom had remained in relative isolation from most outside contacts. Such a state of affairs had nurtured a strong self-will and independence among everyone in the territory, which left the Regent with duties that extended only within the realm. Becoming Royal Vassal meant many of his duties were retained, ensuring the smooth continuance of affairs within the kingdom. Affairs outside the kingdom were another matter, which now fell under the charge of Queen Elsa.
Her responsibilities included communication with foreign allies, trade routes, and investments, as well as overseeing the Royal Vassal in matters of justice, patronage, and taxing. These were but the beginning of a long list of duties bequeathed to the Queen. She had spent much of the last thirteen years studying and learning, largely under the tutelage of her Father, how to manage such responsibilities. She knew how to address foreign countries in war and peace, how to draft tax reforms and how to act as an impartial arbiter of judicial disputes. But knowledge and action existed as two very separate and distant entities, and the act of carrying out duties she knew how to perform proved to be an unpleasant and unexpected challenge.
Exasperated, Elsa threw down her quill, splattering the parchment list of potential Castle staff candidates with black ink. She clenched her jaw in frustration and the temperature around her dropped a few degrees. The sound of creaking hinges alerted her to company.
"Elsa?" Anna entered gingerly, as if her presence in Elsa's study was not a natural state, "Can I come in?" Elsa regarded her sister with a look of sadness, intensely wishing that the circumstance of occupying the same room was not so unusual.
"Of course, Anna." Of course. As if Anna had no reason to ask the question, which was clearly untrue. Anna looked as though she were going to speak, but bit her lip instead. Elsa faltered, "I don't mean 'of course', I only meant that-"
Anna entered the room to give rest to her sisters stumbling, "I know what you meant, its fine." A pause. "How is your work going?" She tried to stay within the parameters of safe conversation, worried that even with the promise of building a closer bond the potential for further damage to their fragile relationship was too great. The stakes were too high.
Elsa let out a breath, seeming to deflate as she gestured to the mess of ink and parchment on the table. Anna continued, "So, it looks like that is going well…".
At that, Elsa chuckled softly to herself, "I guess I'll just have to hire the ones whose names are still legible." She picked up the parchment and the still wet ink trailed across the page, a black river which half obscured the last of the names on the list. "Which I guess means we're not hiring anyone today." She let go of the parchment and it glided back to the table, a soft swish as it landed atop a crowded pile of books and parchments. She closed her eyes and pressed her fingers to her temple, massaging as she imagined collapsing the swell of ice mounting in her chest. She jumped, startled, and looked down to see Anna's hand resting on her shoulder. The warmth flowed into her, stamping out the last of the storm.
"Elsa, you're so cold! Do you want a blanket? Or I could start a fire- I mean, not I, or me- I mean, I can't start one but, ya know, if you want one…"Elsa shook her head. Anna let out small sigh and began to back up when she felt her sisters cold hand grasp hers. "Well, if you don't want a blanket would you settle for some help? I happen to be very knowledgeable in matters of hiring castle staff."
"Oh really?" Elsa raised her eyebrows at her sister and released her hand.
"Well, I mean it depends on how you define knowledgeable. If you think of it as a kind of relative term…" She saw her sisters scepticism and sat down beside her, "Alright, I don't know the first thing about hiring staff but I do know a little something about the staff we have right now."
Elsa nodded her head in assent and pushed the semi-legible piece of parchment toward Anna. "Okay. It would be good to know what we have to start with before trying to add in new workers. Let's start with the stables."
The two sisters hunched over the parchment and began parsing the current staff and proposing how to best supplement them. The work gave them something to focus on while they debated back and forth. As the minutes ticked by the list of new hires grew and the ease of conversation steadily increased. Elsa began to tell Anna about the dry and tedious texts containing uninspired monotonous advice about the lineage of royal staff. Anna countered with her own stories about the current staff that she had come to know reasonably well over the years.
"…but while I was hiding inside the suit of armour I realised I forgot to replace the arm of the suit!"
"Oh no…" Elsa grinned and shook her head at Anna.
"Yes. So of course they found me as soon as they walked by the West hall. I wasn't allowed in the kitchens for a week after that." Anna took a breath in and shrugged her shoulders, eying her sister. She still felt somewhat like an intruder, as if at any moment Elsa would realise who she was talking to and she'd be locked out again. There was a brief quiet as each sister regarded the other. Elsa broke the silence.
"How is it you've had so many adventures with the staff?"
Anna fidgeted for a moment, looking down at her hands. Eventually she mumbled, "I guess it's just what happens when you don't have anyone else to be with…" She glanced up and gave a slight shake of her head, "I don't say that to hurt you, I know it wasn't your fault, it's just-"
"The way it was." Elsa finished the sentence for her. A silence settled over the two and the space between them felt thick. Elsa focused her eyes on the pile of books, Anna stared at her hands, still fidgeting in her lap.
Finally, Anna looked up, "I know it was lonely for both of us, Elsa. I just didn't understand why it had to be that way." She knew she was moving into dangerous territory, unsure of how such serious topics would be received. At last Elsa nodded.
"Of course, how could you know?" Elsa looked at Anna and shook her head, raising her shoulders with a look of helplessness, "I wanted to tell you, so many times. I wanted it to be the way it was, before my powers went beyond my control." Snow began to fall around them. Elsa continued more fervently, her eyes pleading with Anna to understand, "We were so young when- when it all went so wrong…" Her eyes fell, along with a continuous collection of snowflakes.
Anna glanced around at the snowflakes, squinting her eyes in wonder that they seemingly appeared out of nowhere. This magic. That was where all of it began; the lying, the isolation, and the rejection. Anna bit her lip again, trying to decide whether now was the time to break through the ice and finally reach Elsa. Ever since their reconnection after the great thaw they had come to know each other a great deal more, but with all the flurry of activity following the blizzard they hadn't yet had a chance to delve into the details. It was as if they wanted so badly to have a normal relationship that they chose to pretend to have had one all along. But the groundwork had never been laid. Neither had talked much about the blizzard, Elsa's powers, Prince Hans, or many of the other important topics that Anna felt deserved discussion.
Elsa was staring darkly at the wood of her desk, following the contours of the grains, but her mind was back in the Great Hall thirteen years prior. If only she could do it over…she would do so many things differently. Her heart ached every time she remembered and re-remembered, pouring over the details of that night. At times she wondered what she should have done differently, other times she merely accepted the events and instead focused on the guilt and shame at having been the cause. Before the accident her powers had been a blessing, a boon- her chest squeezed tight at the memory of such vivid emotions long since lost. Eventually she realised Anna was gently calling her name.
"Elsa? The snow…" She whispered, and placed a hand on Elsa's knee. Elsa looked up at the freely falling snow, then down at her sisters hand. The snow stopped as the temperature rose by a few degrees. "Does it always happen like that?"
"Like what?" Elsa met her sisters curious gaze.
"Your…your powers- do they always come and go like that?"
"No", Elsa shook her head and let out a dark laugh, "I used to keep it all bottled up inside, trying to keep everyone- even myself- from accessing it, and I only saw it when I lost control." There was a pause as Elsa thought back to all the wild bursts of energy that had solidified her belief that the powers were nothing but dangerous. "At first when I was- when we were first separated, the powers weren't so strong, but I wasn't good at controlling them either." She gestured toward the globe resting on its axis in the corner of the office, "I froze the globe when I stubbed my toe on the chair when I was nine."
Anna laughed, "So you froze the entire world when you were nine? That makes Arendelle seem like nothing if you think about it." She playfully nudged her sister, but Elsa only shook her head without laughing. This wasn't a time for sarcasm; her sister was trying to connect. Anna sat back and listened.
"I was quick to learn how to control the small waves, back when my powers were relatively small as well. If I didn't feel an emotion strongly then my powers didn't react either- most of the time. I once froze the entire library when Father surprised me from behind a statue. The entire library- I ruined so many books, and Father was so…disappointed."
"I'm sure that's not true, Elsa."
"That's when he bought me the gloves." She rubbed her hands together, trying to rub off the feeling of confinement. What looked like blue and white embers began to spark and swirl around her hands. She looked down and drew in a sharp breath, holding her hands in front of her and studying them as she continued her story. "When they died… my entire world froze."
"I know what you mean."
Elsa looked at Anna and saw no sarcasm in her eyes. "I guess you're right, you do. But after that- I'd seen what my powers could do, whether it was because I was angry, afraid, or grieving it didn't matter. I knew it could hurt people, and it was only getting stronger."
"So you kept it hidden. Oh Elsa I'm so sorry you had to go through that." Anna knew her own childhood had been filled with a staggering tower of rejection and isolation. She had often felt ashamed of herself even as she was unsure of what she could have done to deserve such treatment. But she was never afraid, not of hurting herself or anyone else. Speaking timidly, not wanting to sound petulant but genuinely curious, "Elsa, I can't begin to imagine what it was like going through what you went through-"
"Nor could I ever understand the hurt you must have felt-"
At that Anna felt a piercing pressure in her chest, reflecting a lifetime of painful seclusion. "But why did we have to go through it alone? Why couldn't you tell me? Why couldn't Mama or Papa tell me? I just don't understand why you had to shut me out." She quickly shut her mouth, afraid she may have gone too far. She didn't mean to accuse her sister of anything- they both had been so young when everything changed. Elsa still hadn't responded, and the room was distinctly lacking flurries so Anna continued, "I just want to understand. You're so concerned with protecting me, but I still don't understand what made you- or Papa-" She added hastily, "decide to separate us so quickly and so far apart."
Elsa could only nod her head, she felt pressure behind her eyes and squeezed them shut. Anna deserved the truth, and Elsa couldn't honestly think of a reason why Anna shouldn't be given the whole truth. Enough secrecy; enough concealment.
"It was because I hurt you- I hit you, with my powers."
"Like on the mountain?" Anna was sure she'd remember such an ordeal, even if she had been young when it happened.
"No, I hit you here." She opened her eyes and reached up to trace the white lock of hair starkly contrasting the vivid red background of Anna's hair. She pulled her hand away just before it reached the strands," It was an accident- I was trying to help- but when we went to see the trolls, they fixed it and told me that my powers were dangerous. They even told me that to hit you in the heart would have been much worse, but I was too young to understand. Father thought if I could learn to control my powers…."
"Kristoff told me the trolls had something to do with it, but he said it was up to you to tell me how," Anna said it without emotion, as she was still working out how she felt about the matter, "I didn't know that's what sparked Father to control your powers."
Elsa's eyes darkened, "But he didn't mean control, he meant conceal." Her expression then softened, "I know he only wanted what was best for us both, and so he made the decision to separate us and try to teach me to suppress my powers, which meant suppress my emotions."
Anna shook her head and stared off into space in thought, "There had to be a better way. I mean, I understand that Papa only wanted to protect us; he probably didn't know what else to do. But now we do!" She turned to fully face Elsa, "We can face this together now, you're not alone in this anymore."
The change was visible on Elsa's face, as worry lines melted away and were replaced by an expression of relief. When Anna grasped her hand she gave it a squeeze.
"Brrr, are your hands always this cold?" Anna asked.
Elsa regarded her hands and her brows came together quizzically, "I'm not sure- I don't notice it. I don't feel cold. But you do feel warm. There's so much more, to all of this."
Anna gave a small smile and the distance between them got that much shorter, "I know", she agreed, "And I don't want to keep avoiding these conversations."
"I didn't mean-" Elsa interrupted but Anna pressed on.
"I know you didn't mean anything by it, neither did I, but we're both walking on egg shells around each other." She gave Elsa's hand another squeeze, "We're sisters, we can take it. And starting now I want us to be able to ask each other questions."
"And answer questions honestly." Elsa added. "We missed out on a lot of each other's lives; I don't even know where to begin."
Anna yawned and stretched her back, hearing it crack in protest, "For now let's call this progress, and perhaps call it a night." Elsa nodded, "Will you be alright?"
Elsa nodded again. "I'll be fine, especially knowing I'm done with the staff lists for the night." She grinned and pushed the pile of parchment away from her, rising from the table. Anna followed suit and the two walked down the hall toward their bedrooms, which sat opposite each other in the same hall.
As they reached Elsa's door they turned toward one another. Elsa hesitated, not sure of what to say. That she was sorry for the past? That she was happy to be moving forward at last? Every statement felt too big for the small space of evening departures. Instead she embraced Anna then gave her a pointed look, "See you tomorrow?"
"Of course, good night Elsa" Anna released her arms and turned toward her own room.
"Good night, Anna" Elsa said, entering her own room. She left the door open.
