The Mark of the Zapper

"John you know he doesn't have a chance to make it through the DOOP officer program. He repeated kindergarten 4 times!" Marie Brannigan begged her husband.

"Damn it Marie, this is our chance to get rid of him…..forever. Don't you remember how bad it was raising the moron? Who cares, if he fails I'm sure the DOOP will find him some outlandish, meaningless battle to fight in." John Brannigan replied.

"You know, you have a point there, lets get rid of the oaf and retire and move to Utopia in the Ballsack Nebula!" Marie said, clasping her hands together in pure joy.

John had already packed a small suitcase for his son, Zach Brannigan. He walked up the wooden staircase towards his only son's room and knocked on the door.

"Yeah pop?" Zach called, over the noise of his loud stereo.

"Son, I got some bad news or good news. However you want to take it?" John replied from the other side of the door.

John heard the music cut off and his overweight son plod toward the door. Slowly, the door crept open. Zach's room was full of filth and trash. Wrappers from 7/11 and half eaten pizza's dotted the floor. A rat was crawling up the curtain to hide.

"Son, you have been drafted by the DOOP. Universe War uhhhhh 3 has begun. They called you because you are they're uhh only hope." John lied.

Zach felt a bit nervous at first. But then his heart began to steadily beat and he got goosebumps on his neck. Pride was over filling his already pompous ego.

"The DOOP, eh? I guess with my grades and athletic ability they would select me.!" Zach announced.

His dad turned to a bulletin board in the room and looked at the Track Meet Ribbons, 9th place, Better luck next year, Everyone gets a ribbon day. And the report cards, where he even got a D in lunch.

"My thoughts exactly. Here is your bag son. There should be a hover taxi any moment to pick you up?" His father said.

"Why aren't you and mom taking me?"

"Uh, we have to get you a big gift plus your Mom is taking this sorta hard. You know woman." John replied.

" Ahh woman. The most erotic part is the boobies." Zach announced.

His father rolled his eyes. "Space God, maybe Marie is right. Nobody is going to pass this moron!"

"Uh, yeah that's right Zach. The boobies, yup. Well you should go wait out on the porch and wait for that taxi. Don't want to let the DOOP down son." John Brannigan said.

His father patted him on the shoulder and left the room. That was the last time Zapp Brannigan would ever see his father.

He waited on the porch and watched the rain begin to fall. He pulled out a tape recorder he had grabbed from his room.

"Branigans Log, 1.1.2.4. carry the 3 divide by niner .5. The DOOP has sent fourth to recruit me in their apparent time of need. I have answered the call and shall serve her well. Today marks a new chapter in the Saga of Zach Brannigan, today I become a man. Brannigan out." Zapp said into the tape recorded, which had no batteries.

He then said into the recorder, "Note to self, pick up more batteries."

END CHAPTER 1