Each night, I wake up with my face soaking wet, bed sheets just as bad. Soaked in sweat. Just like always, I get up and leave the room. It's safer for everyone if I'm in a different dorm and stay there for the rest of the night. Not in the same room with my brother. Never that.
At these times, I'm thinking about my old man. The way he would smile at me, how he fixed my tie that one time just before he died, how he would try and calm me down when I was throwing a tantrum, and how he would make fun of me for anything that I did, but it wan't like he was being mean. He was always the best person I had ever known. But then my memories turn bitter sweet - his face morphing into how it looked when possessed by that demon. Even while he does all the same, kind things my old man did.
My biological - if you can call it that - father, and the reason my old man died. Satan. His expression is on my kind old man's. His face is the one that haunts my dreams and disrupts the beautiful memory I held for Shiro.
It's happening again.
I can't show anyone what I think during the day. If I did, there's a chance I'd let my flames out and burn everything to the ground, like it did the first time I had these dreams. That night, I had just barely gotten out of the dorm and into some open clearing at the back of our building. It wasn't fun asking Mephisto to make everything look normal after that. He's a creepy man, looking like he already knew everything that was happening but still wanted me to admit to it.
I'm finally making friends now, so burning anything down where they could notice it wouldn't be good. At all. So instead I go into a separate place so I don't disturb Yukio, and I leave class if I fell asleep and had a nightmare during school.
Then I break down.
On our second night here, one day after I burnt the clearing, I woke up and went into the bathroom, not expecting to fall asleep. When Yukio knocked on the door to see if I was in there, I had to act fast without even knowing what I was doing. It's wasn't easy to convince him nothing was wrong, and I just passed it off as an upset stomach.
Yukio threatened that, if I was trying to miss school, he would give me a ton more homework that I would have to complete by the next day. Needless to say, I didn't miss school. Not that I was planning to in the first place.
It's happening again.
After that uncomfortable confrontation, I would go into one of the other dorms and let myself fall asleep there. Somehow, I would always wake myself up just before Yukio would, and would climb back into my normal bed so he wouldn't panic.
It's good I've learned to do all this so early, cause the dreams keep getting worse, and at a rapid speed. Now I attack my friends with bare hands and extended claws. They scream as I rip them to shreds. I can feel their blood on my hands, and dripping onto my shirt. When I wake up, it feels like the blood dried and crusted over my entire being, body and soul. The hardest part is facing my friends and pretending I didn't brutally murder them when I was dreaming.
I can only hope none of these thoughts come to me while I'm going through my day. There had been a time when I woke up and part of the room was on fire. It was when I was in the separate room, so Yukio wasn't in any danger. But if he walks into that room at some point, I'm dead. The entire place is scorched, and I haven't been able to talk to Mephisto to convince him to reverse time in the room.
It's happening again.
But lately, it's been getting worse, and not just the dreams. I find myself waking up and actually wanting to attack people. One time I woke up, walking from the dorm to the kitchen. Only when Yukio started walking down the stairs was I was jolted awake.
I pretend I lost my hair clip - my precious present from Bon, one of my first and only friends -and woke up terrified. Yukio helped me look for it.
It was on the desk, right next to my bed. I'm never gonna live that one down, but Yukio didn't think anything out of the ordinary was going on. So I guess it's alright, just a small sacrifice of ego.
It's happening again.
And now I wake up, about to strangle my twin. I really need help. I shouldn't think it's alright to strangle my brother, my blood, and my very first friend through out my life. I'm horrified I could do this, but for some strange reason my unconscious mind which shows itself when I sleep must believe it's a good idea to get rid of him. To kill him.
It's the third time this has happened. Each attempt has been within in the past seven days. Other than that, there has been a time I tried to walk straight out of the building (don't know where I was planning on going), and another time I woke up on the roof, just before I fell off the ledge.
I can't control these actions, just as I can't control my flames. I question if I'm really half human, or am only just trying to fool myself into believing it. Am I truly a full demon? The only spawn of Satan who gained nothing from their mother? I tried to strangle my innocent twin brother. How is that human?
I need help.
If demon instincts come out while I sleep, I'll drink some drug, most likely containing holy water or something. I'll place myself in a coma that lasts the duration of a night, if that's possible. I'll chain myself to the bed if nothing else works! Anything that'll make my body stop moving by itself during the night.
"Nii-san, wake up already! You're going to be late for school again!" Yukio said. It was the fourth time he tried to get me up, but I just can't. It's normal for me to fake sleep until he gives up and heads down stairs, but today there was no energy within my body.
"OOOF!" Yukio pulled the covers out from under me, sending me tumbling to the ground. "What was that for?!" Man, it's tiring to speak. I never knew how much work it takes to get air through your through to the point it makes a sound. I just want to curl up and stay in bed, even the ground would work. But Yukio had his irritating face on, partially glaring at me.
"You're awake now. Get ready to go." I don't think I can get out of this one. He's set on it. So another day of avoiding people, trying not to fall asleep during school hours, and holding back the blood-lust that rises within me when I see any human. Back to pretending my friends didn't die by my hand as I slept.
Fun.
