A/N- Alright. This is a mixture of different things. I hope you like it. There is going to be another chapter. Its a two part story. Sakura's verison, and Ino's version. This is Sakura's.
It is called Oats We Sow, because the last Half of the story i listend to that song, because it was kinda happier then the first half, and light. I should have named it Boats and Birds, because i did the entire first half listening to that song. So. If you wanna get a better feel of it, and i highly suggest it, you should listen to those songs during first and second half. i'll show you when.
Enjoy.
DISCLAIMER- I do not own Naruto.
Introduction
(This is first half where I listened to Boats and Birds for writing. Listen, i think youll get a better feel for it.)
I remember when I first met her. She was sitting alone in the park, swinging on the swing slowly, looking at the sand that sat there, still. Even at that young age, I remember thinking that she looked really sad. The first step, for some reason, was the hardest part of going near her. Even from then, it seemed like she was untouchable. Unreachable. But she was so lonely. I needed to do something.
So I took the step, after fighting every will in me. My feet crunched underneath the sand as I took another, then another, finally flowing without jerking. She looked up, the turned her head towards me. Her blond hair was blinding. That was what I thought before I saw her eyes, deep blue as the clearest sea. Her eyes were what made me stop moving, not her defensive look.
After a second of hesitation, I kept moving. When I finally reached her, she was still looking at me, her swinging had stopped. I stood there for a second, and I asked softly, almost sweetly, "Why are you all alone?"
It's funny, how we act as kids. our intentions so pure, our actions meant to only warm the heart and soul. We don't think of being mean in till we are exposed to the cruel world. That's when we lose all of our innocents. All of the pure.
That, was twelve years ago. I wonder if she still thinks about that day, where we were so young, not caring about the world. Before we were exposed to the cruelty and was robbed of our pureness. Does she even admit to herself that, once upon a time, we were friends?
Most likely not, as we haven't truly spoken over the nine years. An occasional 'hi' as we bumped into each other at school or at the store. Only when we were alone, did we acknowledge each other presence. This wasn't the choice of me, but her. And, if that was what she wanted…How could I deny her? I never have been able to before.
Seventeen now, both of us, going through the last year of high school. Then, we could move on further into our lives. Live out our dreams. Grow old. Die happy.
for three yeas. My true happiness withered like an old rose. The only way that I get close to the feeling is when someone sprinkles droplets of water on my withered petals. But even the water can't bring back the petals to its vibrant, pulsing, red that it once was.
Ino Yamanaka.
You've unintentionally destroyed me.
Me. Sakura Haruno.
Of course you didn't do it on purpose, because, back then, we were nothing but pure.
Of course. You had no intentions to…
Chapter I
I walk down the hall way, head straight ahead, my vision fixed at the end of the hallway. I don't notice the people who pass by, or their faces. They merge together into a big blur of colors. They pass without a single sound, or at least none reach me. To focus on my destination, like a racehorse.
Though, I've learned that no matter how focused I am, there is always one weakness that causes me to lose my focus. Blond hair. Platinum blonde hair. The color causes my eyes to flick to the direction. Searching. Always searching, of course, for her.
For Ino.
Though, sometimes, I do find her walking the opposite direction, I do nothing but continue. My heart kind of squeezes, as it has done for years now. But over time, the slight pain turned into a numb poke, and hardly fazes me. For some reason, though, I try so hard to feel the feeling. I never want to forget it, because in a way, that's just me forgetting a part of Ino. If I no longer feel it, then I forget how I used to feel about Ino Yamanaka. How I still do feel for her.
I move my shoulder back as I continue walking, skillfully avoiding contact with the person that passed. I stare ahead, at my destination. Focused. Nothing but focused.
Finally, walking smoothly into my classroom, though to me it felt like diving out of the choking black smoke I barely escaped from, I breathe out softly, and sit at my desk. I look at the clock on the wall. Eight thirty. Right on time.
And so my day begins.
And then quickly ends.
Already, I'm walking out of school, staring ahead like a focused race horse, as always. Nothing in the day keeps me secured to the ground anymore, to earth. Each day, it's always the same. The day begins, and it ends. No matter how hard I try different, it does the same. All against my will. I would like to remember my days, feel happy about all of them and laugh about the past. But, always, so suddenly and always without my knowledge, it would be days later till I am back on earth and try to think what has happened in the past hours. The past day or week. It's an empty feeling having to deal with it. Or, maybe, because it happens, it fills me with nothing but emptiness.
But, no matter how long I'm out of it, I always snap back when I see her. And I can always remember when I saw her, even if I'm not on earth.
Ino. Do you remember the day I asked you why you were all alone? Do you remember what was your answer? I do. So well, I can hear your small voice say it.
"I don't know… I don't have anyone to be with today."
That day, you found me to be with. I sat on the swing right next to yours, smiled, and told you that you had me. And I swung, and you did too.
Ino. Don't you see me alone? Why won't you walk over and ask me why I'm all alone. If you ever asked, I would surprise you with my answer. I'd watch your face as you slowly realized the familiar, old, words…
"I don't know… I don't have anyone to be with today."
Chapter II
Smiling. Every time I see her, she is smiling. It looks, sincere. I'm sure it is. I know her well enough to know that much. I smile too, with the classmates I have. Of course, I can't blame them for not realizing, that my smile is no where near sincere. It's sharp and rigid like thousands of pieces of broken glass. It's such a struggle to bring my muscles to obey such a task. So much energy and work that my smile only comes out small and timid.
But, a smile is a smile. I wonder if she aspirates my smile as much as I do hers. Even from the distance, it warms my heart. My soul. It thaws out the cold empty black ice inside of me. For a moment, I feel as if I'm truly anchored to the ground. For a moment, I feel the faint happiness as she sprinkles droplets of water on me.
Then, her tears. God, how they tear me piece by agonizing piece for each tear that falls from her deep blue sea eyes. I don't anchor to her tears. I float further away from the earth. Further than I have ever traveled before. Because, where I'd rather be is comforting her. And I couldn't be further than that, even as I wish so hard. Maybe, I don't want it bad enough? Maybe, since I don't want it bad enough, I never make it to her to be able to comfort her.
Maybe, that's why we are so far apart.
My tears. Are for her, and for me. They are for the friendship I lost. The most important thing I had in my life. My tears. They are so desperate, so pure of sadness, that it is heartbreaking. It breaks my heart, into halves, then fourths, then to eighths. It breaks me down to the lowest point of myself. So low, that always, every single time, I feel as if I will not be able to leave the place. It chokes me, suffocates me till I can hardly breathe. I never realize that I've made it out in till the morning after, when I have crust in my eyes so badly that I have to struggle to open them. That is when I realize I can breathe again, and I no longer feel as if I will never make it out.
Then I start my day.
Look at the clock on the wall. Eight thirty. Right on time.
And so then the day begins.
And so… the day ends…
Chapter III
The end of the first semester is here. Our new classes are handed to us on a sheet a paper. I stare at it hard, already trying to remember it. I cant go staring at this sheet of paper when I'm in the hall way, how will I be able to dodge while staring at that thing?
First period is room 104.
Second period is 275.
Third period is room 002.
Fourth is 341.
104. 275. 002. 341.
104. 275. 002. 341.
I repeat, over and over in my head. In the same order. I need to remember this in the next three minutes, because then the ringing of the bell will send us off to our classes.
104. 275. 002. 341.
I close my eyes and mutter them to myself.
104. 275. 023. 341.
I open them satisfied and shove the paper into my paper with determination.
104. 275. 023. 341.
Good.
And there goes the bell, and again I am right on time.
I stare ahead, dodging the students smoothly, careful not to make contact.
Again. I dive into my classroom, escaping the choking black smoke. I sit down. Look at the clock, eight thirty. On time.
And I continue to mumble my schedule to myself, hoping that I can remember fully and perfectly by the end of the class.
X
I walk towards my third period class, mumbling to myself 023, as I race towards it. For some reason, I felt as if my destination was pulling me to it, more than me going towards it. I practically sprint as I speed, dodging so fast that the people were more than just blurs, but a streak of color. I couldn't describe the feeling, but I needed to get there. Now. On time wasn't going to do it this period. I needed to be early. And it felt, as if the smoke was thicker at the moment. I couldn't breathe. I literally gasp for breath that wasn't there. I need to get to my class. I need to be there.
Finally, it was only a couple of steps away. Swiftly cover the ground and walk through the door way.
Then.
Platinum.
I turn my head, switch my focus from surviving, to the blonde.
She sat there, crying quietly. No one was around her, all the desks were empty. Not even the teacher was at the desk. She didn't notice me, she just continued to cry silently.
She was there, right there, so close, crying.
I need to move. I need to move.
In my mind I'm mumbling continuously, with such speed that it morphs together, The first step is always the hardest. The first step is always the hardest.
MOVE!
Finally, I take the first step.
She stops sobbing silently quickly. Looking up as she wipes her eyes, she looks towards my direction.
It was her eyes that stopped, not her broken expression.
But I continue, pushing past my hesitation. I start to be able to walk without the jerky motion. I stand in front of her even though she is looking away from me. And, after what seemed like a century to me, I ask, "Why are you all alone?"
I watch, as she slightly jumps at the words and slowly turns her head to me. Her eyes stare at me, with wonder and amazement. Then, she smiles slightly, sniffing and wiping her eyes again, "I don't know… I don't have anyone to be with today."
My heart, my world, my soul. They all started to slowly piece together again. The millions of pieces that were scattered all around this universe, soared back to me and tiny piece by piece, started to make wholes.
I start to shake my head, holding out my hand while still staring at her eyes, "No. You have me."
For a moment, all she did was watch me. And I waited patiently for her hand, because I knew she would take it. And I had all the patients in the world for her. She was the only one that mattered to me.
She takes my hand.
And I take her away.
Chapter IV
We are sitting at the park. She is swinging on her swing, like she did so long ago, and I am swinging on mine. I took her here, because I wanted to show her that I still remembered everything. I wanted her to know that, if she felt like she had no one else in this world, she should know that she has me. She always has me. She will forever have me.
We sat there silently, she's looking down at the sand, and I'm looking ahead, swinging contently. I am anchored. More than that, I am…Alive. I don't have that black ice in the emptiness anymore. It is filled with something. I don't know. It's so foreign feeling, but in a strange way, also familiar. It makes me want to smile, a sincere smile. To laugh and shout with joy.
"So. What is wrong?" I ask, ignoring the urge to shout with joy and laugh and smile.
She sighs out, shaking her head, "Nothing important."
We are silent again, and I muse over her words.
"Well," I start off carefully and softly, "I find it important."
Ino snorted, and it surprised me, "I don't believe that…"
I blink and my heart squeezes, with so much more feeling and pain that it makes me close my eyes just to bare it. Yes. The old feelings, the true original feelings, were coming back, "Why do you say that?"
"How many years has it been, Sakura, since we haven't spoken? " Ino asks, looking directly into my eyes again. I can see it. The hurt.
"Nine." I answer without hesitation or thought, "It has been nine years since then, Ino. But, I still care."
Ino takes her eyes away from mine, laughing that was so empty and hallow, "You still care?"
"Ino…" I try, but fall short and just breathe out, looking away and starting back ahead.
We sat there, the wind blowing and cold hair biting at our skin. The swings besides us swing also, squeaking as they did so.
"Where have you been? What happened to us?" Ino asks, her voice desperate and broken.
And I answer, toneless, "You don't remember? We had a fight, and never got over it."
Ino glances back at me, "You never came back."
I chuckle in disbelief, "You never apologized."
Ino eyes dropped, "You always came back though. You always came back first so I didn't have to."
"And, for some stupid reason, I decided I was sick of the routine… I thought, that if you cared even a bit, you could apologize."
"I cared!" Ino yells out, "I cared a lot. I cried so much when you never came back."
"But, slowly, you've got over it. You moved on." I spoke softly, sadly, "And you never apologized."
Ino shook her head, "No. No I never got over it. I never will."
Those words make me look up, into the sky, "Then why didn't you come apologize to me, Ino. Why didn't you end it."
"Why didn't you?" Ino counters, defensively.
"Because, after that. I convinced myself that you got over it and moved on, and I told myself to move on too." I mumble out, filled with so much passion. Passion of hate and distaste.
"Why," Ino starts so softly, so filled with hurt, "Why would you ever believe that."
"I don't… I don't know." I say, my voice hitching. I start feeling the fresh tears sting, "I don't know. I should have gone back. I should have. But I didn't. I've been so broken ever since."
Then I felt it. The skin contact of her hand on mine. I can't bring myself to looking at it, but I listen to her soft words, "I know. I've seen you…But. Things will change. I'm sorry. About yelling way back then. We found the stupid toy together, we could have shared. I don't know what I was thinking. But. I know better now. You're too important to lose again. I just… I just couldn't handle it. So. We wont ever let go of each other from now on. From here on out. We will be together."
The words, it felt like warm healing water as it fell on top of me. It tingled, healed, and I felt it. I felt the slow, silk, run over me. And, I knew, I just knew, my pulsing red again.
"I love you." I mumble.
I hear her sniff, sobbing out a laugh, "I love you too."
Chapter V
(Second half. Oats We Sow song. Suggest you listen to it while you read. You'll probably understand the story better.)
What she doesn't understand is that I love her. I love her in ways that I shouldn't. But I can't control it.
Her words are still strong, we still friends, and we are never seen apart. After that day where we gotten back together, I looked at my schedule, and realized that I had studied wrong. The classroom I was suppose to go to was 002 not 023. The mistake was easy to make, but what was really…special, about making the mistake is that it led me to Ino. It was bizarre, but I didn't question it. I thanked whoever had a hand in it.
Ino, she talks to me about everything now, it is like we were not apart those nine years. It makes me happy. I smile so much more sincere, and I cry so much less. She also anchors me, I no longer wake up days later wondering where have the hours have went. No, I spend that time smiling and laughing at the past memories of the week. She brings me alive, and she has no idea of the power she caries.
What saddens me is the fact that high school is almost over. I don't want this to end. I want to spend forever with her. But, she looks past me, as she should. I'm her best friend, nothing more, nothing less.
But those nights, where we sleep together. How she holds me, cuddles into me and whispers to me to tell her a story. Those nights, I can't help but wish that maybe, just maybe, she'll realize that no one will care for her more than I do. Realize that I am the one that will make her happy forever. In till then, which will be never, I am here as her best friend.
Always, though, my mind wanders to where we are together and she likes to sit on my lap, taking my arms and wrapping it around her stomach. Making sure it's tight and secure. Or the times, during scary movies, she likes to burry her face into my neck, holding my hand so tight in fear.
The best, are the days when she is with her boyfriend. You'd think these are the worst for me, but no. Because, always when I try to give her her space with the boy and not come over to see her, she'll call me to hang out with them, most likely without the boy permission. And, instead be all over her boyfriend, she sits closest to me, taking my hand and playing with them, talking and laughing. She never notices that the boy is extremely jealous. I point it out to her, but she shrugs it off, saying I come first anyway, and if he doesn't understand it, he doesn't need to be with her.
I think, she acts the way she acts, because she craves human affection. She wants the contact all the time. She can get it from her boyfriend, but I think she likes it from me more than others because she knows, no matter what, I will forever be there. From here on out, I will always be wherever she needs me. And I will never abounded her.
What makes me think this, are the nights when for a single moment, both of us, I'm sure of it, feel as if it's no one on this earth but us. And she'll lie on top of me, and stare in my eyes for a moment, then lay her head down on my shoulder, and burry her face in my neck, and whisper, her lips rubbing against my skin, "You can't ever leave me again."
Chapter VI
No matter if I'm happy or broken, life keeps moving so fast. It's already time for graduation. I'm sitter here, legs crossed, watching Ino get ready.
"I always thought you looked better without makeup." I tell her, running my hand over a wrinkle I see on my dress.
Ino stops her movements and looks at me through the mirror, "Really?"
I nod, smiling slightly, "You're really beautiful the way you are Ino."
She places her makeup down and looks at herself in the mirror, she frowns slightly, "I don't know. I don't think so."
"I do." I press.
She looks away from the mirror and looks at me, smiling very slightly, "Thanks…"
I laugh, "Of course. Can't help the truth. So, are we heading out or what?"
Ino nods, grabbing her purse and looking around her room. She stops, and looks uncertainly at me, "Do I look ok?"
I stand up, taking her hand and looking into her eyes, smiling easily, "Ino. You look beautiful." I let her take a moment to sink it in, standing in silence for a second as I stare into her eyes, "Now. Let's go. We are graduating. Who wants to be late for that?"
So we left.
The graduation is over, and everyone is crying. I have to admit, I feel like shedding a tear also. Because, this is it. Our child hood has ended. Now. We are on towards life. No more parents taking care of us. No more time to go out so care free. Now, we must consider so many things. We aren't children anymore. We are adults.
And, I know, somehow, that everyone understands it, just like I do. And for some reason, I think it has hit all of us at the same time. Ino stands beside me, the entire time. She sniffs, reaching her face to wipe her eyes occasionally. Finally, I turn to her and smile. She just looks at me, broken with happiness, a mixture that has never in my life reached me before, and whimpers out, "I'm going to miss everyone. And everything."
I smile slightly, my eyes softening at her words. I start wiping her tears carefully, shaking my head slowly, "Ino, don't worry. We will all see each other again."
But she cried on, happily, she cried.
Then, out of no where, some where deep in the crowd of all our black cap and gown graduates, yells, "On the count of three, everyone throw your hat."
I look at Ino with a grin, making sure she heard. She smiled slightly also.
"One! Two! THREE!"
And caps scatter the air. I laugh, real sincere and hard, and try to take in how it looks with all the caps flying. But quickly, too quickly, the caps came to the ground. Everyone shouted sounds and hooted. Then, distant, someone sang the anthem of our school. And one by one, everyone joined.
Ino, grabs my hand and lays her head on my shoulder. I can hear her hum along, and I start singing it also, swaying with her. I know, today, will forever be in my memories.
X
That night, there were parties happening everywhere. But when I asked if Ino wanted to go, she said no and told me she wanted to just hang out with me. I didn't mind it, and deep down, we both knew that's what the other wanted. We sat on a hill, looking out at a lake. After a bit of sitting there, Ino grabbed my hand and held it. I never understand this. Never understand why she holds my hand. A simple explanation is that she likes me. But. She doesn't, so it has to be something else. I guess because she has missed me, but still.
But, I don't complain.
"Sakura." She whispered.
"Yeah?" I answered, turning my head to her.
Ino continued to look ahead, "You'll always be there, right? No matter what?"
I smiled slightly, looking ahead also, "We aren't eight anymore Ino. I wont be going away just because of some stupid argument. I will always be here for you."
Ino looked at me, "Promise?"
I looked back at her, "Yeah. I promise."
"If I was broken, would you put me back together?" Ino asked softly.
I nodded, "I would glue you back together myself."
Ino smiled slightly, "I'm glad you're my best friend."
I chuckled, "I know. Glad you're mine too."
That is…When she leaned over and kissed me. A small speck. I sat there. Stunned. But, she looked at me, and smiled slightly, and moved closer to me. Grabbing my arm and forcing it around her waist. She leaned against me, her body heat transferring to me. I took it all in, and wished for her to be mine. God. She might as well. Just, someone, please, someone send her to me.
Chapter VII
That was years ago. We still keep in touch, we talk now and then, but text all the time. We are still best friends, and visit once or twice every so months. I never got her. No. I never did. I even sat through her wedding, one of her braid maids. She had to know how much that hurt, how it stabbed my heart. Because not only did I not get her, but it was like me giving her up to another. Giving her up so this other guy could take care of her from now one. I was still her best friend, but she no longer needed me.
Still, I've gotten over it. Seen some men and women of my own. Never truly happy, oh no, not without her, never without her.
But.
That's life. Never working out how you want it too, not matter how desperate you are.
I miss her, I always miss her. Everyday I think about her. Think about her happy with someone else. I smile painfully at the memories and thoughts. But the pain is good. That means I haven't been unanchored. I'm still here, on earth, remembering every day. Living every day.
Hey Ino, remember, when you'd ask me to read you a story, my arms around you?
Or do you remember when you held my hand and said, from now on, things will be different?
I hold all of those memories, just like I hold the memory of the first day we met.
Ino.
If you ever need me. If you're ever broken. If you're ever ready for me to love you with every fiber of my being…
I'm here.
You're not alone.
A/N- So, what do you think? Yeah, its sorta different from my other things, but i like it alot. It has deeper thoughts and what not. My fans of my other work might not like this. But maybe new fans would like it? Oh yeah, and those songs, the words dont describe the story at all, its more of the sound of it, how it is. Not the lyrics.
Next Part is Ino's. Prepare yourself, this might be a lil sad.
Review, tell me what you think :).
SHYCADET LOVES. Out.
