Title: My Love's Too Big for You My Love
Pairing: Lauren/Carter, with mentions of Kaylie/Austin and Payson/Max. Kelly/Carter are sprinkled in there too.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
My Love's Too Big For You My Love
…
Baby, you've got the sort of hands to rip me apart
And baby, you've got the sort of face to start this old heart
But your eyes are warning me this early morning
That my love's too big for you my love
…
In the grueling world on gymnastics, it's almost impossible to have the fun that children were expected to have. To people like Payson Keeler, that didn't seem much of a loss. "Normal" kids just sat around in front of the television watching various Saturday morning cartoons or running around the house pretending they were dinosaurs or princesses from fairy tales. Basically, things that had no value in the greater scheme of the world once you grew up. Lauren Tanner disagreed completely and was constantly confusing her priorities as a gymnast with her self-thought right as a thirteen year old girl to do things normal thirteen year old girls did—such as oogle at the cute thirteen year old boys.
"Kaylie. Lauren." Carter Anderson said, approaching the two of them as they sat down by the creek at gymnastics camp. Lauren sat up straighter on the boulder they were sitting on and cleared her throat, avoiding a smirk from her knowing best friend.
Ever since they could remember, the three of them—plus every other gymnast in Colorado from ages 5 to 15—would spend their summers at gymnastics camp perfecting their craft. The younger kids were a part of the daytime division not too far from them and would only stay from 9 until 12, but once a gymnast was 11 they had the choice of staying at the camp for the complete two months. Being in such close quarters with everyone had made everyone that much closer and tightened the bond they formed during the rest of the seasons. Still, Lauren was glad she had Kaylie with her from the start.
Kaylie flashed a smile. "Hey Carter." She nudged Lauren discreetly.
The blonde blinked. "H-Hey."
Carter smiled at both of them and joined them on the rock before looking around. He finally turned back to them. "So, did you guys hear about the game tonight?" His voice dropped down to a whisper as he leaned in closer to them. Lauren felt her hands get sweaty.
"Yeah, once the lights are out." Kaylie said, nodding. Lauren looked in between the two of them, trying to hide her confusion. Kaylie caught on though. "We're playing truth or dare." She informed.
Lauren nodded, casting a look over at Carter. "Oh right. Yeah, we'll totally be there. Wouldn't miss it." Carter nodded, smiling again. "A-Are you going to be there?"
"Obviously." Kaylie replied, causing Carter to let out a laugh. Lauren started playing with her braid nervously. "We'll see you tonight."
"Sweet." He stood up and then ran back over to the mess hall cabin. Lauren watched him go and then turned to see Kaylie grinning at her.
"What?" She snapped, suddenly gaining back her snarky exterior. Kaylie laughed and shook her head before linking their arms and motioning towards the mess hall. Lauren slowly smiled.
Yeah, like she was going to be able to eat with tonight on her mind.
…
Baby, you've got the sort of laugh that waters me
And makes me grow tall and strong and proud and flattens me
I find you stunning, but you are running me down
My love's too big for you my love
My love's too big for you my love
…
"Okay, I think that's everyone." Kenzie Graham, the official leader amongst the immediate girl gymnasts, commented before closing the cabin door and rejoining the makeshift circle that lined the inside. There weren't that many of the 13-14 year olds in the camp, but everyone piled into one cabin was kind of hard. The beds had been pushed back against the wall and everyone formed a circle on the floor.
Lauren glanced over at Carter, who was laughing at something Donovan had said. She kept staring until he looked over, but luckily she was already pretending she was fascinated by Kaylie readjusting her messy bun.
Kenzie cleared her throat. "Alright, here we go." She held up a flipped over baseball cap with tons of straws in it. "Shortest straw goes first." She passed it the hat around the circle.
Kaylie pulled out a full straw and sighed. "Darn it." She mumbled and looked over to check at what her friend Jordan got. Lauren pulled out one that was in the awkward stage between short and full and looked over at Carter just in time to see him pull out a small one. She felt her stomach drop, but Donovan was grinning at her so she looked away and tried not to look so obvious about it.
"That's it?" Kenzie asked, once the hat returned to her. She set it down. "Okay, let's see it." Everyone held up their straws and after a drawn out debate over Carter's and Jackie's straws—to which new girl Payson exclaimed, "can we just move on? Let's just get this over with so I can go to sleep." (seriously, who invited her? She's so annoying.)—it was finally determined that Jackie's straw was, indeed, bigger. Carter would be second.
Kenzie smiled mischievously. "Jackie. Truth or dare?"
Jackie ran a hair through her short hair and thought for a couple moments. "Hmm, truth?" All the girls let out a squeal with excitement.
"Got it." Kenzie started. "Who is the hottest guy in the room?" The squeals got louder, which was expected with a group of thirteen year olds.
Jackie yelled about how unfair that was and refused to answer until repeated prodding from everyone. She mumbled a barely audible "Donovan", which sent the room into bigger squeals and laughter. Lauren grinned, totally calling that since last summer.
Once the laughter died down, everyone stared at Carter. Kenzie grinned once again. "Alright Carter, truth or dare?"
Carter looked up and shrugged. "Dare, always." A couple of the guys in the room nodded approvingly.
Barely having time to think, Kenzie sat up. "I dare you…to kiss someone in here." If the squeals from Jackie's round weren't loud enough, these made you question how they didn't get caught by the counselors.
Throughout the noise, Carter glanced around the circle trying to seem nonchalant. Lauren could've sworn that his eyes lingered on Kaylie for more than a second, but before he could get to her, Kenzie quieted the group with the raise of a hand and focused attention back on her.
"So, are you up for it Carter?" She asked softly.
Carter looked back at her. "Who do I have to kiss?" More squeals.
Donovan raised a hand this time. "I have someone." He cast a look at Kenzie for approval and after a simple nod, he looked directly at Lauren. "Lauren."
The next couple minutes were actually a blurry mess, as dramatic as that sounded. All she remembered was the inevitable squeal and then Carter slowly crawling across the circle towards her and leaning in. The kiss itself was quick and dry, but it was her first (before Kaylie surprisingly) and she was pretty sure that Carter kept staring at her for the rest of the game. Is this what heaven felt like?
Odds are it isn't, since the rest of her camp stay severely lacked the presence of her acrobat in shining armor. He seemed to be making a firm purpose in avoiding her. Anytime she passed him in the gym, he suddenly seemed way too interested in anything Donovan was saying or the bar routine he was trying to master to notice her.
But then there were the few moments in the mess hall when Kaylie was rambling about some guy asking her out or Mr. Cruz's almost daily check up calls and she would look away for a distraction, only to see Carter staring back at her. The first couple times, he would immediately look away, but after a while he held eye contact. It was obvious, at least to her, that he had a crush on her too. So then, what was up with the cold shoulder any other time?
On the last day of camp, she decided to find out.
"Hey Carter." Lauren called out, as the curly haired hottie lugged his suitcases down the wooden stairs of his cabin. She slipped one of her hands into the back pockets of her jean shorts and the other as a makeshift visor to block out the sun's harsh rays. Winter couldn't come fast enough.
Carter looked down at her, but didn't speak until he got off of the stairs and onto the grassy floor. "Hey Lauren." He said, setting his bag down.
His complete focus on her suddenly made her retreat back to that clammy-hands-stuttering syndrome she suffered towards the beginning of camp. Before the kiss. Before she deeply fell in love with him, or so she thought.
"I-I j-just…" She started, lowering her hand and pulling out the other. She clasped them together behind her and looked back up at him. "…wanted to say bye." The blonde finally got out.
He let out a half smile that almost made her melt into a puddle on the floor. "I'll see you back home, remember?" Oh right. The reminded comforted her. It wasn't over just yet. Hopefully it never would be. "See you in two weeks, Tanner." He said, giving her a full smile before picking up his suitcase again and walking down over to the buses.
She watched him go, finding it hard to erase the huge smile that found itself at home on her face.
Tanner.
Yeah, it was her last name and not a real nickname like Kaylie's "Lo," but it still counted for something. It had to.
Once again, odds didn't seem to be in her favor because it didn't mean anything. The end of fall and winter at The Rock were all about her perfecting her beam routine and not dating Carter. Well it's not like they could date anyway with Marty's no dating rules, but there wasn't anything. He wasn't avoiding her like how she had felt at camp, but he wasn't exactly making an effort to talk to her. Still, she knew that he liked her.
I mean, look at her. Once puberty had finished—well as much puberty as a gymnast got—she could even admit that she was hot. If not hotter than just as hot as Kaylie, so it couldn't have been that he didn't find her attractive. It had to be something else. But what?
Almost two years later, all the girls had gotten together for Kaylie's 15th birthday party. It was a sleepover ordeal with everyone being forced to sit through Never Been Kissed, Kaylie's favorite movie. Lauren had already seen it a billion times, being the best friend, so she instead focused on what was making her best friend so weird.
Constant texts that evoked her "Flirty Smile," jumping whenever someone said something. What was this? A part of her knew, but she wasn't sure how to approach it.
Luckily, someone else got to it first. "Kaylie, are you even watching this?" Payson asked, holding her pillow up to her chest. Who would've known that Lauren would actually befriend the former new girl? Well, sort of. She was more Kaylie's friend if anything, just like Jordan had been before she disappeared.
Kaylie looked up instantly, slipping her phone under her own pillow. "What are you talking about? Of course I'm watching."
Lauren shook her head, curiosity preventing her from dropping the subject. "We're not stupid. You've been off texting since we got here. Who is it?"
"No one…"
"Kales, I'm your best friend, I can tell when you're lying." The blonde reached for the phone, but the brunette pushed it out of her reach.
"Lo, stop. It's none of your business." Kaylie warned.
Lauren smirked. "So, it is a guy? I knew it."
Kaylie took too long to respond, causing Payson to perk up. "You're texting a guy?"
"So what if I am? The rules don't say that I'm not allowed to have guys that are friends."
"But you don't, you have a boyfriend. What's his name?" Lauren pressed.
Stuck, Kaylie gives us a hint. "He trains at The Rock like us."
Payson sighed. "Well duh, what other boys do you know?" Lauren stifled a laugh. This Payson girl was all right.
"Come on, just tell us. It's not like we're gonna spill to anyone and get you in trouble." Lauren finally said, getting bored with this conversation the longer it went on.
Kaylie sighed and sat up Indian style. She looked towards her closed bedroom door and then back at them, specifically Payson. "It's Carter."
Payson rolled her eyes. Lauren froze.
So there it was. The reason Carter never officially made a move on her was because he wanted Kaylie, not her. All those stolen moments weren't actually stolen after all. The kiss was just a dare, no hidden subtext. Kaylie had won.
But it wasn't ever really a competition because Kaylie had never expressed interest in Carter before. Or did she? Every time the three of them interacted, Kaylie was always sending Lauren sneaky nudges and grins. Did she know about her best friend's crush? No, if she knew she wouldn't be dating him. At least, Lauren hoped.
Still, Kaylie's uneasy smile and focus on Payson seemed to have a deeper meaning then just not getting caught by her parents or Marty. She was hiding it from someone else. Lauren wasn't going to let her get that satisfaction though. She sighed what she hoped appeared natural.
"Carter Anderson? Ew."
There, crisis averted. Except not really. Not ever.
…
Tell me what to do, to take away the you
…
Years later, all the drama had passed: Lauren losing her virginity to Carter that night at the kegger, Kaylie and Carter going from secret to not, then dating to not, to Carter moving in with Lauren, then dating her, then dumping her and leaving town, Kaylie's anorexia that led to a relationship with bad boy Austin, then not. Emily and Damon, then just Emily. Everything was different, except not.
Somehow, Lauren had been awaiting the next day she would see Carter again. For awhile, he was hers. Not when they were dating oddly enough, but when he was up in the attic completely dependent on her. She had never had someone trust her like that and now she didn't even have him anymore.
But there was Max, Austin's best friend who had just moved in town. For a second, she thought she could have someone to call her own once again. Then he noticed Payson. Of course, but she wasn't giving up. She would find her one and only and for once, they wouldn't be so captivated by her best friends.
As if sensing her need to move on, there Carter was at the exhibition at Denver. Months had passed, but he still made her momentarily freeze during their reunions. And everyone knew it; that's why Kelly Parker's using him as a weapon against her.
"Ask Lauren, she knows why I left."
The words stuck with her as she sat near the pseudo bar drinking her virgin Shirley Temple. After her dry hump fest with Max against Kelly and Carter, she had worked up an appetite but as she went to get some food Max had ditched her.
She felt a body move in on the stool next to her. "I'll have what she's having." Lauren knew the voice, how could she not, but she barely flinched. Instead, she swirled her straw in her drink absentmindedly. "Where's your new boy toy? Max, was it?"
She stopped swirling and looked over at him. "Oh please, I'm pretty sure you're screwing Kelly Parker, which ew. If you were trying to make me jealous with that revelation, then you failed because no one, and I mean no one, is jealous of Kelly Parker." It's funny how she would've never plucked up the courage to talk to him like that when she was 13, but had no problem doing it now. Times had changed. They had changed.
He let out a laugh, one of the few people who actually got her snark most of the time. "Not that it's any of your business, but I'm not 'screwing' anyone. Let alone KP."
She mentally puked at him calling her 'KP'. KP and Car Car. A match made in heaven. "You're right, it's not any of my business." She paused. "Why are you even over here? I thought you 'hated' me?" She said, raising her arms to make lazy air quotes. "What was it? 'Lauren knows why I left'? We both know the reason you left Boulder is because you had nowhere to live other than my attic so stop trying to always make me feel bad for your issues."
Carter blinked. "I'm trying to make you feel bad for my issues? Wow." He ran a hand through his sandy blonde curls and shook his head. "Let's be real here. If anyone should be feeling bad for why we broke up, it's definitely not me."
"Why should I feel guilty? You knew my intentions from the start. I didn't even do anything." Lauren spat. Somewhere in their argument, they had left the stools and were now standing face on in front of the bar. A small crowd was beginning to form, but Carter caught on and led them outside the tent before the paparazzi caught notice.
Lauren complained the whole time and once they stopped, she snatched her arm away and fixed her hair. "Don't touch me, okay?"
Carter glanced around and then took a step towards her, lowering his voice. "My intentions were always clear, Lauren –"
"Really? Might wanna take that back because, in case you forgot, you cheated on my best friend with me and tried to cover it up."
"Okay, Kaylie's not your best friend anymore. Wake up!" He yelled. Her smug smile dropped and she focused down on the floor. "And I meant after that, when we were together. If I was really the bad guy you think I am then I would've told you I loved you when I…" He trailed off.
Lauren looked up and stared at him. "When you what? Didn't love me? Yeah, I kind of figured that you only chose me because you knew I would sleep with you." She felt her eyes tearing up and she leaned her head down to wipe them away.
Carter sighed. "Look, I'm sick of fighting with you. If this Max guy makes you happy then I'm happy for you."
Once her tears were wiped, she looked up at him and was about to lie and say the same about him and Kelly when they heard someone laughing getting closer. The both of them looked around until they saw Payson and Max approaching. Carter moved them closer into the shadow of the tent and a bush.
Payson finally stopped laughing when Max said something that ended in 'beautiful tonight' and blushed. Max grinned and soon enough they had entered the tent and were out of sight.
Lauren got out from the shadow and walked straight into the tent without looking back at Carter. When she finally spotted him when everyone headed back to the hotel, he gave her a sympathetic smile. She frowned and looked away, wishing they hadn't reunited that night.
At the actual meet, she was determined to wipe the sympathy off of his face. If there was one thing Lauren hated more than being second best, it was people feeling sorry for her. So she sucked up her self-pride enough to wear the leg warmers Austin suggested for Emily's sake and went to business.
Denver was first. Lauren tried not to both laugh, at the lame music/routine they picked out, and gag, at Kelly and Carter being partnered up, but it was hard. Finally it was over.
Carter walked offstage with the rest of Denver and slowed when he got to Lauren. She tensed up as Emily and Payson looked at her suspiciously.
"Good luck." He said simply before running after his team mates. Once he was gone, the other two Rock girls turned to face her.
Emily spoke first. "Since when are you and Carter talking?"
Lauren scratched her head. "We're not."
Emily raised her eyebrows. "Really because last night you guys were having a disturbing dance battle on the dance floor and now he's saying 'good luck' to you during a competition."
"It's nothing." The blonde snapped. "Carter and I are done, okay? Now focus. We're next." She sprinted away and up the stairs leading to the stage. She cast a look over at Carter, just in time to see him massaging Kelly's shoulders as she sat down on the bench. She shuddered.
One ankle brace reveal, Max appearance, and Emily speech later, it was time to go home. Lauren now had a mix of feelings about her mom and Carter and she just didn't have time to deal with them so she plugged her headphones in and tried to take a nap on the bus ride home. Payson took the hint, or didn't care either way, and kept to herself.
…
Several months later of embarrassing herself to get Max's attention then almost killing him in a car accident, and it was time for Rio. Everyone had tried to keep their personal issues aside, especially since Kaylie was back, but it inevitably spilled over and in the end the three (sans Emily after some baby momma drama. Long story.) could actually call Kelly Parker a friend.
Then they won and everything got real. It was actually happening. So why did Lauren still feel something missing?
She knew why. It was obvious during the initial celebration when she saw Payson and Max hugging and Austin and Kaylie finally working it out. Her biggest fear of being left alone had finally happened and she had no one to blame but herself.
Here she was on her last night in Rio, getting ready to turn in early. Kaylie and Austin had went out for their first official date somewhere, Payson and Max went for a night jog on the beach, and Kelly had just taken her phone conversation to the hallway when she saw Lauren come out of the shower.
This was fine though. She could be single. It wasn't that hard and she had technically been single for months now. Her whole life when you add in reciprocal feelings. This time, she would just stop latching onto some guy.
The hotel door opened and Kelly reentered. "Hey."
Lauren looked up from the bed and let out a small smile before she finished brushing her hair.
"Are you really going to bed this early?" Kelly finally asked, sitting down on the foot of Lauren's bed. "It's not even 9."
"We had a long day." Lauren pointed out. Kelly looked around. "Why? Are you inviting Carter over here and sneak in a nightcap?" Kelly made a face, which made Lauren realize what she said. "Sorry, I'm still getting used to use being friends."
The brunette nodded, letting it go, and then hesitated. She sighed. "Since we're friends, it's only fair that you know that Carter and I are just friends."
"You got dumped too? Girl, join the club." Lauren said, reaching over and giving her shoulder a pat. "It gets easier."
"No…we've always been friends. I was just trying to get a rise out of you at the exhibition." Kelly clarified. "I knew you two had history and he was all tense and wouldn't stop talking about that being the first time you two would see each other and I decided to help him out. Plus, any chance to humiliate you was a plus. No offense." Kelly said, adding on the last part.
"None taken. I would've, and have, done the same." Lauren said, suddenly feeling like they needed to crack open a window. "Why are you telling me this?" She finally asked.
Kelly shrugged. "Because we're friends now, strangely enough."
Lauren smiled slowly and then stood up, slipping on her fuzzy slippers and checking her appearance in the mirror.
"Where are you going?" Kelly asked.
Lauren looked over at her. "To get some ice." She asked, heading outside. Hopefully Kelly wouldn't notice that she didn't bring the ice container with her.
As she walked down the hallway, she heard the door open up behind her. "He's in room 230." Her roommate yelled. Jeez, why did they ever hate this girl again?
230. 230. 230.
230.
It was all the way on the other side of the hallway. Lauren stood in front of the door for what felt like an hour at least before chickening out and heading back down to her room. The door opened anyway and she turned around just in time to see Carter coming out with his own ice container. Well if this wasn't movie perfect.
"Hey." He asked, blinking. Lauren awkwardly switched weight onto her other foot.
"Forget it." She said before turning back around and walking away. This was stupid.
"Lauren, wait!" Carter whisper-screamed. He caught up to her and grabbed her hand, instantly letting go as if remembering that night at the party. "Just, wait."
Lauren turned around and stared up at him.
…
Baby, you've got the sort of eyes that tell me tales
That your sort of mouth just will not say, the truth impales
That you don't need me, but you won't leave me
My loves too big for you my love
My loves too big for you my love
…
"So, did you want to talk or what?" Carter asked, looking over at her on the bench. She sighed and looked over at him. It was nearing midnight and she knew she should get some rest before the plane ride home, but she just wasn't sleepy.
She stopped fidgeting with her hands. "Kaylie and Austin are back together and will probably be happier than ever. Payson is…with Max, despite how hard I tried and put myself out there." She paused, only to calm herself. "I just want someone to love me without me having to try all the time for their attention. But that'll never happen."
Carter sighed. "Yes you will –"
"No, because I love you." She said, looking over at him. "You know that. I love you, and there's never going to be anyone else out there. You were my first everything and I know there'll always be someone better out there that you could be with, so I just wanted to say what I didn't say at the exhibition. I wish you and whoever she is a happy life together, but it's time for me to move on."
He didn't say anything, not like she expected him too. He never really showed much fight for anything concerning her. So she got up and walked towards the front door of the hotel.
Footsteps followed behind her and right before she reached the door, he called out. "I don't want you to move on." She froze. He waited until she turned around before elaborating. "Look, I know this doesn't make any sense and I don't even know why I'm saying it, but I'm sorry. You were right; I knew your intentions the whole time we were together. That's why I stalled. I'm not anything special Lauren, but you love me like I am and it's scary. You're so passionate and intense and I just never knew how to respond to it before, so I left. It's kind of what I do." He took a couple steps towards her and cupped her face in his hands. "But I really do love you, okay? I love you and I'm so sorry for ever making you think you weren't good enough. If anyone wasn't good enough, it was me."
She looked back and forth between both of his eyes, in shock that this was actually happening. She knew the smart thing to do would to thank him and say that she was staying strong, but she was only human and it seemed something out of a fairy tale for him to be saying these things to her. Things she had literally dreamed off. She let out a sniff just as someone tapped on the front door. The both of them looked over to see Ellen Beals staring at them smugly. Carter dropped his hands and Lauren wiped away the tears on her face. Did this woman ever sleep?
The door opened. "Tanner, Anderson. It's pretty late to be out, especially with each other."
Lauren cleared her throat. "We were just heading back. Nothing happened." She said, briskly walking past her towards the elevator. The no dating rule had been dropped so there was nothing Beast could do, but she was still creepy to be around. She didn't look back to see if Carter got past just as safely, but her head was buzzing. She got up into her room and pulled the covers over her head before Kelly could grill her for details on what happened.
…
And if I was stronger then I would tell you no
And if I was stronger then I will leave this show
And if I was stronger then I would up and go
But here I am and here we go again
…
The next morning, everyone lazily finished packing and got downstairs to the shuttles that would take them to the airport. Paparazzi made camp outside and Kaylie and Austin did little to resist them, even stopping to take a couple shot before climbing into the backseat of the USA shuttle. Payson and Max chose a less PDA scenario and kept a fair distance from each other, aside from the sneaky smiles once they got on the bus probably. Kelly groaned before stopping and posing for a couple shots as if she had been trained to from birth. She probably had been knowing her mom.
Lauren smiled for a couple, but since she didn't have a guy on her arm the cameras moved onto the next girl. It didn't matter that she was on the winning team apparently. She was heading over to the suitcase drop off section when Carter stood in front of her.
She had already been preparing herself for the however long ride to the shuttle with him, but seeing him before that was kind of putting her off her game. Especially with him smiling at her like that.
"About last night…" He started. She let go of her suitcase. "I got interrupted before I could do this." He grabbed her face and kissed her, bringing her back to that night in the attic when he chose her after Kaylie. Except now it was in front of paparazzi and everyone they knew. She felt the cameras go off like crazy as she wrapped her arms around his neck as he held her up a little above the ground.
It was moments like this and the official retry on their relationship once they got back to Colorado, that convinced Lauren that she had always gotten it right. Even at thirteen ½ she knew: Carter Anderson was hers.
Always was.
A/N: Your eyes aren't deceiving you. This is in fact a pro Lauren/Carter fic. Not-so-funny story: they were my favorite pairing in season 1 and I actually squealed when he chose her in the finale. Yes, squealed. Anyways, this song (Sort of by Ingrid Michaelson) is so them to me and Kaylie's hesitance when Lauren questioned her keeping her relationship with Carter a secret because it was against the rules or because she knew Lauren liked him. Then I saw Never Let Me Go for the first time and got inspired by how Cathy and Tommy were always supposed to be together, but Ruth got in the way. So there you have it.
This isn't proofread or anything so there may be some mistakes. Review? Tell me if I succeeded in humanizing both of them? Or call me crazy for even trying.
