CHAPTER ONE
When Regina first started noticing that something was off with Emma, she had been able to do nothing more than frown to herself and keep moving. They had still been in the Underworld caught up between saving Hook and every other soul there and trying to escape that literal hellhole intact themselves. The entire heroic nature of their trip hadn't left a lot of time for casual chats about why Emma was suddenly so hell bent on retrieving Hook from the Underworld, especially once the pirate himself had become resistant to the idea. And so Regina started to file away the things she noticed about the blonde that made her feel uneasy.
There was the sudden behavior shift from being the kick ass savior that had barged in to Storybrooke and in to Regina's life, to a more reserved and love orientated mindset. Regina couldn't fault Emma for wanting to love and be loved in return, not when she was busy chasing her own supposed happy ending, but it did strike Regina as strange that much of Emma's character had changed so drastically recently. Emma's loss of appetite and emotional tolerance had also given some cause for concern.
Truthfully, Regina wasn't sure that Emma's change was any of her business. They were friends, probably best friends, but Regina was still unsure where her place was in Emma's life. In the Underworld, Emma had placed Hook's welfare above that of others time and time again such was her desperation to keep him with her and whether Emma meant it or not, it put Henry as risk. Regina would have gotten to the bottom of the issue right then in the Underworld if she hadn't noticed how utterly meek Emma appeared whenever she was without Hook, and meek was certainly not a term that Regina felt comfortable applying to Emma in the slightest.
It was right before they had returned to their reality of Storybrooke when Regina had finally made the realization of why she felt so uneasy about Emma's behavior, and put the pieces of the puzzle that was Emma's new attitude and actions together. Hook had decided to move on to a better place, and Emma had reluctantly agreed, too selfless to beg for Hook to stay though she did truly fight for him to change his mind. Regina hadn't doubted that Emma loved him then, but it made more sense why when Regina caught a glimpse of the blonde clutching at her stomach as the pirate stepped over in to the light that promised him an endless happiness. His brother and father would be waiting for him, and Milah too after they had rescued her soul.
The emotional ups and downs, Emma's new timid nature and her constantly pale pallor tied together quickly in Regina's mind. By the time their feet hit the ground in real Storybrooke, she had no doubt that Emma was pregnant.
A few days had passed since their return in which Emma was yet to venture out of her house, or to let anyone in it, including Henry. The more everyone discussed how Emma simply needed time to grieve, the more irritated Regina grew and so she arrived on Emma's doorstep intent on not allowing Emma to wallow alone.
As expected, the first few knocks on Emma's front door went unanswered, much like the numerous texts and calls that Regina had made. If not for Henry begging for his mother to let him know she was still alive twice a day, they wouldn't have even known whether or not Emma was still breathing in the empty house.
Huffing out a breath, Regina peered through the window by the door once more though it was useless, Emma had drawn the curtains.
"Swan, if you don't open this door I'll blow it off it's hinges," Regina called out warningly, not at all bluffing but also knowing that Emma likely wouldn't care considering the state she was in. Regina considered another tactic, a slightly crueler one perhaps. 'I know what you're really hiding from. I bought you food from Granny's and you won't see any of it if you don't open the door,' she called out once more.
It took half a minute before Regina heard the distinct clicking of a lock, and she smiled triumphantly before pushing the door open. As she expected, the house was still as empty and barren as it had been when she was first there. Grey seemed to seep out of every corner and invade the space, making the atmosphere almost physically heavy with its lack of light or personality.
Evidently having used magic to unlock the door, Emma was nowhere to be seen as Regina closed the door behind her and quietly strode in to the living room where she had once seen Emma sit dejectedly on the couch as the Dark One. It was in almost this exact position that Regina found the blonde now, though without the frosty hairstyle and leather outfit.
Walking around the couch, Regina found Emma to be lying down staring blankly ahead. Her eyes were red from crying too hard and the skin on her cheeks was visible dry. Emma had cried herself to the point where no more tears would come, it seemed.
"How do you know?" Emma asked, her voice cracking horribly and barely audible through the sheer sadness that colored her tone.
Carefully pulling the small chair closer to the couch, Regina sat down, offering a sad smile to Emma. "You should eat," she said, offering the bag to Emma and hoping that the simple grilled cheese would be the right call.
Frowning, Emma reluctantly sat up, and slowly scooted to the end of the couch where she could lean against the end of it heavily. "You didn't answer my question," she pointed out as thin, grey fingers deftly picked at the top of the brown take out bag.
"And you haven't started eating," Regina countered simply, raising a single eyebrow challengingly at Emma who promptly rolled her eyes and opened the bag up properly. Only once the blonde had taken the smallest of bites did Regina move to say anything else. 'You've been acting strange for weeks now. Your stint as the Dark One and our trip to see Hades provided good distractions but I put things together when Hook…you know,' she said, waving a hand vaguely so as to know specifically remind Emma of what had happened.
Still, Emma paled even more so, and froze mid-chew. Her throat clenched with the visible effort it took to force the food down her throat, and Regina chastised herself internally for not waiting until Emma had eaten more before she said anything as Emma carefully put the grilled cheese aside.
"Does anyone else know?" the blonde whispered, now unable to make eye contact with Regina.
"No. The others think the reason you've hidden yourself away is simply because you lost Hook, they don't know that there's a little more to it than that. And honestly, they're a little too dense to notice," Regina replied, crossing her legs and clasping her hands in her lap as she did so. The urge to reach out and take hold of Emma's hands was great, but she was sure the blonde wouldn't respond all that well to physical touch at the moment.
Nodding, Emma let out a derisive chuckle. "I should have known I couldn't get away with keeping it a secret from everyone," she said, leaning back in to the couch and leveling Regina with an intrigued sort of frown. 'You didn't get anything for you to eat,' she pointed out.
With a quick glance to the take out bag and then back to Emma, Regina made it clear just why that was before she even spoke. "Not all of us desire to have our arteries clogged with cholesterol before we're forty," she said.
"Aren't you technically already in your sixties?" Emma pointed out curiously.
Her own expression darkening, Regina pursed her lips. "If you ever mention such nonsense again I'll burn every jacket you own and encourage Snow to lend you some of her wonderful sweaters. Perhaps a nice cardigan or a shawl would be lovely," she threatened, though she smile as she saw the corners of Emma's mouth tilt upward at their banter.
Appearing slightly more at ease, Emma reached for her sandwich once more, determination in her eyes even if Regina could tell that there was a slight lack of appetite there. "Did my parents send you?" Emma asked before she took another bite, this one only slightly bigger than the first.
"No one knows that I came. There is a general belief that you need time and space in order to properly grieve," Regina replied flatly, reminded of the stupidity that accumulated whenever the Charmings and their gaggle of geese got together to talk about anything. She might have mended things with them but that didn't mean she agreed with their actions, especially when it came to handling things with Emma. Typically, her parents were rather terrible at it.
Emma seemed to understand Regina's frustration as she smiled a little bigger this time. "Leave it to you to go against my parents and just show up banging on the door demanding to be let in," she said with a dry, raspy laugh.
Sniffing indignantly, Regina briefly inspected her nails. "Someone had to be proactive. I couldn't let you waste away in this place on your own, grieving or otherwise," she said, conjuring up a look of disdain for the interior of the house that Emma now resided in.
Also glancing around, some of Emma's sadness returned to her eyes but her lips were still set in an almost smile. "The quiet is nice, after living with my parents for so long and with Henry there, too. I love the kid and my parents, but they make a hell of a lot more noise than they have any right to," she sighed.
Regina clamped her jaw down before a throwaway comment about the noise a baby would make could leave her mouth. Emma had let Regina in and was talking to her, that would be enough for today if that was all Emma could give. It wasn't the right time to start questioning Emma about her plans, not that it was any of Regina's business to do that in the first place.
Still, when Regina met Emma's gaze then she could tell that Emma had been thinking the same thing. There was a defeated sort of look in Emma's eye, like she knew what was coming and had resigned herself to the unhappiness that she predicted would come for her. It made Regina's heart ache uncomfortable to see the hopelessness that was hovering in the depths of Emma's glassy eyes.
"I could help you decorate," Regina found herself saying, and surprising herself with the earnest meaning that she had put in to the words.
Emma was surprised, too, blinking as she paused in the movement of taking another bite from her grilled cheese. "You would do that?" she asked, pulling away from the sandwich to frown at Regina almost confusedly.
Rolling her shoulders in a shrug, Regina attempted to remain nonchalant. "This place is depressing for the soul, Miss Swan, it needs some lightening up," she replied simply.
"Coming from the woman who lived in a medieval style castle and currently living in a house that's completely black and white?" Emma chuckled, quickly overcoming her surprise at Regina's offer. 'I'm kidding,' she added, and Regina felt her shoulders relax. She hadn't even noticed that she had gotten offended at Emma's comment.
"Well, the offer stands. God knows you shouldn't trust your mother when it comes to decorating, I'm still trying to fix the mess she made of my office when she was mayor," Regina continued, eyes darting around the bland living room and wondering if the house itself could be saved or if it was too dark and beyond anyone's help.
Across from her, Emma similarly looked around as though the ghosts seeped out of the walls. "I appreciate the offer, I really do, Regina. I'm just not sure if I'll stay here much longer," the blonde admitted quietly, not needing to explain why.
The house had been Hook's idea, and Emma had made it a reality when she had become the Dark One. It was supposed to be a home for them both, and now Emma was left without Hook but with a constant reminder of him both internally and superficially as far as the house was concerned.
"There are plenty of other places for you to stay. Not everyone came back over in the curse your parents cast, some were beyond its reach. I'm sure we can find something that will work, whatever suits you," Regina provided simply, aware that there were indeed empty houses that were being advertised throughout town.
Finishing up the sandwich more delicately than Regina thought she was capable of doing, Emma carefully folded up the paper bag. "You haven't asked me about what I'm going to do," she murmured quietly, keeping her gaze downcast.
Even though Emma wasn't looking, Regina found herself shrugging as her first version of an answer. "It isn't my place to pester you about what you're going to do now. It's my place to show up and tell you when you're being stupid, and right now you're pushing the people who love you away. That equates to stupidity, as understandable as I may find it," she continued gently, knowing that she had to be delicate now that the conversation had made this serious turn.
Vaguely nodding along to Regina's words, Emma roughly cleared her throat. "I don't know what I'm going to do. I've been…I've had a…"
Emma clenched her fists and eyes together at once in frustration, unwilling to speak the exact words aloud, and Regina quickly leant forward. Instinctively, she reached out to take Emma's closed fists in her own hands and gently worked them loose so that she could hold them firmly.
"You don't have to say or do anything you don't want to, Emma. I won't judge you, I'm here to help," Regina murmured earnestly, willing the other woman to open up and not to shut down as she was obviously so close to doing.
Chest working to force air in and out in something that might resemble a calming manner, Emma took more than a minute to calm down, and for her hands to gently grip Regina's in return. "I've been through this before," she finally said, eyes open but staring at their hands. 'I haven't taken a test but…I know.'
Though Regina didn't doubt Emma's experience, and didn't doubt her own hunch about the pregnancy, common sense still prevailed. "You should take one just to be sure, and then you can think about what you want to do. There's no rush, and I won't tell anyone while you don't want me to-"
"Please don't," Emma interjected, wide eyed meeting Regina's fearfully. 'I can't deal with anyone else knowing.'
With a squeeze of Emma's hands to assure the woman, Regina inclined her head in affirmation. "I know that it's been a long road and we've been through a lot, it might be hard to imagine, but you can trust me. I might not have been through this like you have but I do what I can to help. I owe you that much, as my friend if not for a repayment for ruining your life in the first place," she said.
Emma shook her head, "You didn't ruin it, and you've done plenty to earn my trust. You don't have anything left to atone for with me," she said, glancing down at their joined hands again. 'Thank you, Regina. For the food, for this,' she added, her words dripping with gratitude.
Smiling to herself, Regina let out a relieved breath. In her mind on the way to Emma's house, she had imagined many scenarios that could have taken place but she hadn't expected Emma to actually want her help.
"Is there anything you need?" Regina asked, inwardly surprised at her willingness to obtain whatever it was that Emma might happen to request. It wasn't exactly not in Regina's nature to be nurturing and accommodating, but it was certainly a first for their friendship that the feelings were manifesting in a physical desire to want to make things better or easier for Emma. Regina felt a rush of pride for them both and for how far they had come from punching each other in a cemetery.
With a knowing, almost embarrassed smile, Emma met Regina's eyes with a newly bright gaze of her own. "Any chance you could phone in an order for another grilled cheese?" she asked hopefully.
Letting out a laugh, Regina shook her head and rose to her feet. "Granny's are far too greasy. I'll make you one, instead," she said, making her way out toward the kitchen.
"Thank you," Emma whispered as Regina reached the doorway, not looking back at Regina but instead staring down at the palms of her hands.
"Don't mention it," Regina countered before slipping from the room.
She may never have particularly liked Hook but it was truly awful that Emma was being left alone in the current predicament that was being forced upon her. As Regina sought out a pan in Emma's kitchen, she found herself gritting her teeth in anger. Hook was currently in some wonderful place of betterment and happiness while Emma was grieving, pregnant and alone. Again. Emma might be sad about missing Hook, but Regina was furious. Her friend didn't deserve the pain that she was being put through, and Regina truly was going to find a way to be whatever support Emma needed.
