I curled up into a ball and cried, knowing I had to stop the over-dramatic water works soon as I had to put on my makeup soon. I didn't want a waterfall of black mush running down my face, so this would have to be the last time. For now.
He invited me to his wedding. His wedding. I haven't seen him in 5 years, and he invites me to his wedding. His wedding with her.
How dare he?
Well, I suppose it wasn't his fault. I never told him. I should have, but I didn't. Despite his profiling skills, I doubt he would have figured it out himself anyway, and I didn't have the guts to tell him. So when I left I gave him a big hug and told him I'd be seeing him around. I look back to that day and mentally kick myself for not telling him...
-FLASHBACK-
Everyone has their limit and mine had been reached. With a sick mother and a job offer closer to her, I had to take the job. I was leaving my home – The BAU – and taking off. It was hard, but I knew it was the right thing to do. My last days sped by and the next thing I knew, Morgan, who had driven to me to the airport, was saying his final goodbyes.
"Well, I guess this is it, Morgan," I said looking at the ground.
Tell him. Tell him now!
"Yeah, I guess," He mumbled.
I bit my lip and looked up at him and to see that he was staring at me. We both stared at each other for a couple minutes until he took two giant steps towards me and enveloped me in a giant hug. I laughed and dropped my bag and wrapped my arms around his neck. He put his chin on the top of my head and I rested mine on his shoulder.
I wrenched my eyes shut willing the tears to not pour like they were threatening to.
I should tell him. Tell him now. Quickly whisper into his year how much I've been in love with him all these years and then leave, so I wouldn't have to see his reaction. How easy would that be?
Finally, I pulled away from him; I really had a flight to catch.
But both of his hands were on my arms still.
"Morgan, I-," I started.
I was going to tell him. I was going to tell him right now.
I sighed, no I couldn't.
"-I'm going to miss you," I finished dejectedly.
He gave me a confused look.
"I'm going to miss you, too, Em. We all will," He said.
He waited looking at me like he was expecting me to say more.
But I didn't – I couldn't – say anything more, so he pulled me into another hug.
"You have no idea how much I'll miss you," He whispered into my ear.
My body erupted into goose bumps. He pulled away from me and I chuckled.
"Don't get all sappy on me, Derek."
He grinned that Derek Morgan grin and my heart melted, knowing it was going to be a long time before I'd get to see that again.
Okay, tell him now.
He raised his eyebrows, as if reading my mind, expecting me to say something.
I really am going to tell him.
I opened my mouth to let the words come out, but…nothing did. I stared at him with my mouth open while only air came out, there wasn't even a little, "I love you," squeak.
"Uh. Bye, Derek," I rushed.
The breath he seemed to be holding in deflated and he looked down at his feet with a disappointed sigh.
"Bye, Prentiss."
-END FLASHBACK-
We all talked on the computer everyday for the first year, and by the second year, it was a couple times a month. When we hit the 4th year apart we were lucky to talk to each other 3 times in the year.
So, when I got a small envelope in the middle of July, five years later, I was greatly surprised. I tore open the piece of mail with a large grin on my face, excited that I heard from Derek. I opened up the small beautifully decorated card, and any sense of happiness washed from my entire body.
It was an invitation.
To his wedding.
With a Ms. Laura Conaway.
I looked at the picture on the back of the card and my heart shattered in a million pieces. He looked wonderful, so happy. Abby was gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous. She had bright emerald green eyes and thick, masses of curly red-brown hair. She had tan skin and looked slender and tall.
I hated her. How dare she marry the man I love? With another heart wrenching realization, I looked at the little silver date printed under the picture.
The Eleventh of August.
I gave a sarcastic laugh and rested my head on the ground and let the tears pour from my eyes. The man I loved was getting married to another woman…on my birthday. And, so now I'm here, in a Hilton Hotel room in Virginia. Crying.
With a shaky hand, I wiped away the tears and gave out a last sob. The last cry I would waste on a dream I could never achieve. I slipped on the skintight, short, and low cut black dress over my lacy black undergarments. I dressed to impress, and with the black satin 4-inch stilettos, I would. I curled my hair into an elegant low bun, and did a few tricks with my makeup. I studied myself in the hotel mirror. Even I could admit I looked good. Then, I remembered. I couldn't compete. Not with Ms. Laura Conaway, future Mrs. Laura Morgan.
She had him. I didn't; I never would.
It was kind of ironic to wear black to the wedding; it will be beautiful, pure and joyful. The birth of a new love. But for me…it will be a death, the ending of all that was and all that could have been. I don't know how long it will take me to get over this…maybe I never will. I gripped the dresser, my fingers tightening, my whole body growing rigid when I felt the prickly of tears at the back of my eyelids. I couldn't screw up my makeup; I didn't have enough time to fix it. I had already decided I wasn't going to get a date for this event…I just…I couldn't drag a guy to this.
I looked at my phone, which was lying next to my hairbrush. Time to go.
With a pitiful sigh, I grabbed my black clutch bag and threw my phone in it. I hurried out the hotel and to my parked car outside. As I drove to the church, I reminisced at all the old times with the team. The successful cases. The fun little pranks. The bar nights to relax and forget the world. My stomach churned. The memories that once made me joyful, now made me sick. It was because I no longer say them as times with my family. I saw them as missed opportunities.
I reached the church. Of course, it was picture perfect. It looked like it came out of a magazine, just like the couple. A large yard, white balloons lining everything with white roses and white ribbons. I walked through the gravel as best as I could in stilettos, catching the eye of some good-looking men in tuxedos talking together by the door. I saw a bunch of people in fancy clothing talking in the lobby, none of which I knew. I walked a little farther and saw the main part of the church. Stunning. The church benches lined with white roses and ribbon. Like the outside, many people were sitting down in there, too.
Suddenly, I panicked. What was I doing here? I decided I needed to get away from all these people. I spotted a hallway to my left, then practically jogged to it.
There were many doors lining each side of the hallway and at the end of the hall was the most magnificent stain glass window I had ever seen. It was many colors and it had a large white dove in the middle. It made the hallway look multi-colored. Incredible. I bit my lip. I couldn't do this. I was on the verge of a mental breakdown in front of everyone here. I leaned against the wall, trying to catch my breath.
When I was about to run out of the church and never look back again, I was startled by the sound of an opening door. I looked up in surprise to see a slightly older Mrs. Morgan.
"Emily!" She said in a surprised tone.
I smiled. "Hi, Mrs. Morgan."
She laughed and pulled me into a hug.
"You look stunning, but I have to say I'm surprised to see you here," She said crossing her arms over her dress.
My mouth dropped. "What?"
"It must be hard to watch the man you are in love with marry someone else," She said raising her eyebrows.
I was at a loss of words. When I finally got my voice back, I spit out, "Excuse me?"
"Let's just say Derek had to get his profiling skills from somewhere," She gave me a strange smile and pulled me into another hug.
"You need to tell him, this is your last chance," She whispered, "Laura is dear, but she isn't right for him…if you don't say something, you'll regret it for the rest of your life."
She pulled away from me and winked.
"He's in the room behind me if you want to…congratulate him," She smirked as if it were a big joke.
All I could do was stare at her, mouth ajar, after she left. I slowly looked at the door in front of me. Maybe Mrs. Morgan is right, if I don't do this, I will regret it. It won't change anything if I tell him, but it will take some weight off of my chest.
I took a deep breath and pushed open the door.
"Mom, I told you, I'm-," He started, but then he looked up.
His eyes widened in surprise. I'm sure mine did too. He looked amazing. His black tuxedo, his deep brown eyes. It took all my self-control not to jump him.
He breathed, "Emily?"
I shrugged. "In the flesh," I smiled.
He laughed once and jumped up. He walked over to me in two steps and threw his arms around me, just like he had five years ago. I laughed and squeezed my arms around him. I inhaled his scent; it was so familiar, a scent I've been missing for a long time. I smiled into his shoulder.
My heart tore a little when he let me go.
"God! I can't believe it's you!" He laughed, "You look great."
"You too," I grinned, meaning it.
He returned it. We both were smiling and staring at each other for a couple of minutes before we realized what we were doing. We both quickly looked away.
"So…" He coughed, "how have you been?"
I grimaced. "Great," I lied.
I bit my lip, it was now or never.
"Actually no, I haven't been good at all," I said looking down.
"What-?" He started.
"No," I stopped him, putting up a hand, "It would be best if I did the talking for a little bit."
I nervously laughed. What the hell was supposed to say?
"Morgan," I started. I realized that my mind has drawn a blank. My lip quivered and I had to bite it to keep it still. I was about to break.
"I-I...I loved you," I mumbled.
"What?" Morgan's surprised voice came.
I couldn't stop the tears. One slowly rolled down my cheek. How could I explain? How could I possibly explain how I felt?
"I loved you, Derek. I loved the way you were all tough and mighty yet you weren't afraid to show a little emotion. I loved the way you care. I loved the way you never let any girl – your mom, Garcia, anyone – feel inadequate. I loved your smile. I loved it when you called me Princess. I loved you more than you could ever fathom and…I-I still do," I replied, barely breathing.
He was silent. "Is this really how you feel, Emily?" He asked finally.
"Yes."
"Em-," He started.
He reached for me, but I jumped backwards. I laughed through my tears.
"Don't say anything, Derek. That's all I wanted to tell you. I know this changes nothing. Just…congratulations. And I'm sorry. I hope you have a wonderful life with her."
I ran out of the room before he could stop me.
No, stop crying, Prentiss, don't break down. Keep yourself together.
I rounded the corner to the lobby and my eyes were dry. I walked straight to the church and searched for a place to sit in the benches.
"Emily!" Someone called. I looked over and, in spite of myself, smiled at the woman in the fuchsia dress.
Penelope. I walked over to her. We both gave each other a big hug.
"Here," She said, directing me to a seat near the front of the church. "I saved you a seat! The whole team's here!"
I walked over the team. I fawned over how big Henry and Jack had gotten. We chatted about our lives until someone shushed us all. The priest was standing at the alter, ready to go. The groom and the best man, Reid, walked up, and stood by the priest. Reid looked excited; he kept shaking Morgan's shoulder and laughing.
Morgan looked troubled.
He looked out in the crowd and somehow his eyes met mine. I didn't smile, but I didn't frown. I didn't look away either, I simply stared at him. He looked like he was trying to tell me something in his eyes, but I couldn't read it.
Soon, I heard a gasp and then the wedding march started to play. I could hear everyone turn around in their seat to see the glowing bride. I didn't. I didn't look away from Derek. The sad thing was, he didn't look at her, either. He kept looking straight at me. I bit my lip again.
Do. Not. Cry.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw a big white figure and turned to see the Ms. Laura Conaway marching up the aisle. Derek finally turned away from me to look at her. She got to the alter and grinned brightly at him. He gave her a short smile, and by the look on her face, I wasn't the only one who noticed how fake it looked.
"We are gathered here today…" The priest started.
I couldn't take it anymore. Tears pooled in my eyes and Morgan turned to me again. I shook my head, stood up, and ran out of the church, ignoring the surprised glances. I ran outside through the balloon-covered walkway that the happy new couple will be running through in less than an hour.
I cried and as I did my tears blurred my vision. I didn't run to the left where my car was parked, I ran to the right. There was a sidewalk lining the street so I ran along it. The Virginia sun was shining brightly, the bright blue sky was cloudless, and the trees with white flowers in them lining the street were equally flawless.
I didn't belong here. Everything was too perfect.
Finally, when I couldn't run any longer, I collapsed, crying to the ground. My beautifully curled and pined hair came falling in front of my face, and I was sure I looked like a mess. I realized how pathetic I looked, but I couldn't stop crying.
What did I think I would accomplish from telling him? I ruined what friendship we had left, made him feel uncomfortable during his wedding, and, not to mention, made a huge fool of myself.
Did I think it would make me feel better by telling him? Maybe, but it didn't. I felt worse. Which is more horrible, being in love with a man without telling him and letting him drift away, or knowing a man knows you love him, but he still doesn't care?
I'm so stupid.
"Prentiss, you're going to ruin your dress if you lie on the ground like that," A voice came from behind me.
I quickly turned around and looked up. Through my blurry eyes I saw…Derek?
I sniffed and rubbed at my eyes, trying to clear the tears. When I could see fine again I gave him a questioning look.
"Derek?" I asked in a small voice.
"In the flesh," He smiled cheerily. He bent down to his knees so he was level with me.
"Shouldn't you…what are you…aren't you supposed to be kind of in the middle of something?" I sniffled.
"Yeah," he nodded, he turned so he was sitting by me. He looked out back at the church, sighing.
"So…" I tried again, "Why are you here?"
He was silent for a moment, and then he turned to me.
"Emily," he started, looking me straight in the eyes, he reached up and pushed a strand of curly hair behind my ear, his hand lingered on my cheek. I forgot how to breathe. "I couldn't do it. I couldn't marry her after what you told me-,"
My stomach dropped. Of course I would ruin everything. "Oh God, Morgan, I'm sorry-," I interrupted. He cut me off.
"No, let me finish. Those things you said, it hurt me more than I've ever been hurt in my life."
I looked down, ashamed.
"No! Not because of you, it's my fault. I hurt you. Emily, you have no idea how long I waited for you to say something like that to me. When we were on the team and everyone thought I was a player, all I could think about was you. You thought I was some guy who slept around." He laughed, remembering. "That probably wasn't my best ideas, but I was so afraid if you found out how I felt about you, you would kill me or worse, laugh. So I secretly pined after you."
I mentally kicked myself. I did the same thing as him. Covering up my true feelings with flings.
"I kept waiting for a chance to tell you, but that chance never came, and I regretted it."
He sighed and looked down, angry.
"What I'm trying to say is...if I should be with anyone, it should be you. I love you, Emily Prentiss. I always have and I always will."
I couldn't help myself. More tears clouded my vision and I laughed. I didn't know what to say, so I spoke with actions.
I closed the space between us. Our lips met and it was like magic. I was filled with all the passion for him I buried deep down all these years being let out, and I guess for him it was the same. Our lips moved together in sync. I knotted my fingers in his hair, and his hands moved to my face.
His tongue brushed my lips, asking for permission to explore. I opened my mouth in response and our tongues went into a full out war for dominance. I moaned into his mouth and his hands moved to my waist. He picked me up and he leaned back so his back was against a building. My lips ventured away from his mouth, and I placed small kisses down his cheek and then moved to his neck. I heard him moan, too, and I smirked into his neck.
His hands went back to my face and he forced my head to look back at him. His eyes were glazed over with lust, but that quickly faded into…happiness.
"I love you too, Morgan," I smiled back.
"Well about damn time!" A voice yelled.
Morgan and I wiped our heads to the left and saw Garcia standing in her bright pink dress, her hands on her hips.
I blushed and jumped off of Morgan, standing up, and smoothing down the short black dress that almost rode up all the way to my hips. I patted my hair, but gave up. That was a lost cause.
"What?" Morgan asked her.
"Well, gorgeous, it's obvious you two have been crazy about each other since she joined the team but you had to wait all this time! Couldn't you find a better time to tell him…like, oh I don't, before his wedding day?" She yelled, scowling at the both of us.
I looked down, but as I looked at Morgan who was still sitting on the ground, he was biting his lip, trying to not to laugh. I couldn't hold it in, I busted out laughing and Derek joined me. Garcia was still scowling but a smirk was tugging at the corner of her mouth.
Soon she was joining us and we were all laughing so hard that we had to wipe away tears.
"Aw, I love you guys!" She giggled throwing her arms around us both.
Morgan's and my eyes met over her shoulder and we both shared a secret smile.
"But, seriously!" She said, backing up. "We have one seriously pissed off bride back there."
"I deal with her," Derek sighed.
Garcia scowled again and turned to walk back to the church.
"She's going to be one hell of a problem, but, it doesn't really matter now," He laughed, and looked at me. "I can't believe it, I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life, but then-,"
"-Then I came and saved your ass," I finished.
"Yes. Yes, you did, Prentiss," He laughed, kissed me on the cheek and grabbed my hand.
As we both made our way to the church (I swore I could hear Laura Conaway's angry shrieking from a mile away), I knew there would be hell to pay, but it was okay, because, selfish as it was, I had Derek.
And he will always be mine now. I smiled to myself.
To think, this would have never happened if I didn't give him my congratulations.
Just kind of threw this out here; I hope it's not too bad! Feel free to point out and grammar/tense issues. I feel like there are quite a few lurking in this story, but I couldn't quite find them...Haha. I also posted a new start to a multi-chap story. Those who are interested should check it out! :] Thanks for reading, friends!
