Title: Father and Son
Synopsis: He did some things that no father should. /Joker-centric. A bit of Beast/Joker in there, too./
Rating: T
A/N: Does writing this make me a creep? Because I think that writing this makes me a creep. Anyways, I didn't really like Kuroshitsuji until the circus arc, so I've got a soft spot for it, because it's what made me like the series. Yeah. Enjoy.
Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji, its characters, plots, settings, etc. etc.
…
On the east side, the world was dark. And everything was dirty, disgusting… decrepit. Dilapidated, too. And no one had a name or a past. All that Joker could remember of his family was having his mother kick him out on the street when she finally realized that no, the arm would not grow-in with time.
"They're so clean" was the first thing that he said when he saw his ringleader's outfit. "Can I really have these?" was what he said next. Father nodded and Joker had lit-up. For a boy who had never owned anything clean in his life, having these clothes, this arm, this life was more beautiful than could be imagined by anyone who had spent even a day living in luxury.
The clothes had been tailored to fit Joker. Father must have paid a fortune for them—or so Joker thought—because they were perfect in every way. Sure, they were not what the people on the streets wore, but they were beautiful in their own way. They belonged in the circus, where Joker would belong, too. The checkered pattern, the colors, the pointed shoes… They all seemed to fit perfectly with who Joker was.
"They're perfect, Father." He smiled at the man who had brought him the world. "And everyone is getting them?" Father nodded. "You're too kind… I don't know how to thank you for all that you've done for all of us." Joker did not think in 'me' or 'I' anymore. He thought in 'we' and 'us'. This change was not something that he noticed; it was something he had adapted without any thought at all. Once his survival was ensured, his next priority became the survival of all who had once been like him.
Father nodded and nodded with the same distant smile on his face. "It is no problem, my son. It is all for the children whom I love so dearly." That was when Father moved his hand onto Joker's shoulder. "I want you all to look perfect for the circus which matters so much to me." The hand moved again, slowly down Joker's chest and then traveled lower. "You all must be perfect, like dolls."
"Father, are you…?" The hand continued to move.
"I am so happy that I can be so kind to all of my children. And all I ask for is a little kindness in return…"
Joker had never had a family, really, besides his friends. He did not know how families worked, the dynamics they went by and the societal norms that they were supposed to be ruled by. Since it was not the first time that this sort of thing had happened, it did not seem strange to Joker. He had heard of much more terrible things on the streets and from his friends than a man touching… loving him. A father loving him. Because that was all that this was, right?
…
"Joker, you look so great!" As per the usual, Beast was more than supportive. "It's like you were born to wear that costume." Beast, herself, held her arms over her more than revealing outfit, looking almost afraid that the breasts that seemed to have spouted overnight—much to Dagger's delight—would fall out. "Although I think mine is a bit revealing."
Joker chuckled. "Don't worry Beast, you look fantastic." He paused. "As always," he added, almost as if he were realizing it for the first time.
"R-really?" she asked him, the slightest bit of a blush adorning her cheeks. She pulled her arms over her chest even tighter, only accentuating her bust to Joker. "I'm not so sure about all of this." Her eyes met with his, questioning everything that he knew. "It still seems to good to be true." She stared at him, willing him to reassure her of everything, to hold her and make the world bright like he did when they were both young and the circus was only an idea in Father's head and when Father looked at him there was nothing but fatherly affection in his eyes.
Still, Joker put his arm around her shoulders. "We're so lucky, sister, you have no idea. There is so much-"
"Joker," she says, "I-"
"No." He wants to be gentle with her. He wants to tell her that the world is not full of demons anymore and that the two of them will always be together, but something stops Joker. Maybe it's the thought of the children in the basement of Father's home, or the hours he had spent naked in Father's bed, but something within Joker had changed, had shriveled up and died. A hope that was once there was now being covered with darkness.
And that was not something that he wanted, nor was it something that he wanted Beast and everyone else to realize. If the seeds started to sprout within him, they would start to within everyone. It was best to keep it inside and never let the feelings free. If they escaped, then there would be disaster for them all.
He patted Beast's head. "I have to go check on the others." He smiled and though it felt like he was smiling at her pain, he continued, because it was the right thing to do. "Get comfortable in your costume; you'll be wearing it for a long time, if things go well."
And he walked away. And it killed him to do so. But he couldn't stay; he couldn't be honest with Beast any longer. Maybe he would never be able to be honest with her again, or with himself. Because if he were to be honest, he would be unhappy, and this paradise that he had found would be lost, forever.
And even though he was living in hell, it was better than the hell he was living in before.
…
Fin
