Prologue) Sunna
It's an oddity among his mother's things. A bunch of ripped pages painstakingly pieced together and glued to new paper in an attempt to save them. He almost ignores it, really, except that he's at a loss of what to do. He knows he should work, but he also stubbornly, and childishly, wishes to just not do anything for a while. Azel was in lessons, as typical for a six year old, and he had no more meetings for the day. For once, maybe he'd just do what he wanted.
So, he tucks himself into the very back of his study, and pretends he's just a normal thirteen year old, and not the Duke of Velthomer, as he had been the past six years. He hides away, and reads through the jumbled pieces of what looks to be a journal, along with some notes to try and make things make a little more sense. And not just anyone's journal. It's the journal of Sunna, his mother's best friend.
As soon as he walked in, I knew trouble would only follow. It's not the normal reaction to Prince Kurth, heir to Grannvale, but nothing about Velthomer was 'normal'. It was a pit of despair, a den of agony, all hiding behind pretty smiles and the proud name of Vala, the Mage Knight, the Crusader who burned away evil with the flames of the sun itself. Someone as kind and moral as Prince Kurth only brought trouble to a place like this, but in this case, I wasn't sure it was a trouble Velthomer could really afford. After all, he had visited when Duke Victor was out doing 'business', really having an orgy or whatever with a few of his many, many mistresses. This meant that the one to receive him was Cigyun, and after so many years as Victor's wife, it was clear that being treated with any sort of decency was making her fall.
"Sunny?" Arvis's voice caught my attention and I looked over to where he was doing his lessons. He moved through them quickly, despite being only five years old. "Sunny, is everything k?" he asked, frowning. He frowned often, thanks to his father. It was a damn miracle, from the Crusaders themselves, that he inherited more of Cigyun's personality than Victor's. "Sunny?"
"I'm just a bit lost in thought, Arvis," I reassured, making sure to smile. He smiled back, pleased. "Do you mind if I leave you alone to work, though? It seems we have a guest, and I'd like to help Cigyun."
"I'll be fine!"
"Okay." I crouched in front of him and gave him a playfully stern look. "No pranks. If you're perfectly good, I'll snatch you an extra serving of dessert from the kitchens."
"Really?!" His face lit up, like most children's would. I always made sure to try and give him time to be a child. "Yay! I'll be good!"
"I thought so."
"Prince Kurth is very nice, isn't he, Sunna?" Cigyun commented as I brushed her hair. It was a few weeks since that meeting, but this was the first time she'd spoken of it. It had to be. It was the first night in a while that Victor hadn't been here to 'take his rights' with Cigyun. "Kind, gentle…"
"Has a lot of common sense," I added absently, focused more on her hair than what I was saying. Since Victor wasn't here, Cigyun could get away with staying in my room tonight. We both hoped beyond hopes that he wouldn't come back drunk, again, and rape one of the maids. We told all the ones we could to hide, just in case, but there was always one who couldn't hide well enough. "The people like him."
"I can see why. And he hates the hunts!" She giggled, smiling brightly, and I shook my head. She always cried when she heard there was a hunt for Loptyr worshippers. I supposed she was just gentle like that. "Ah, why couldn't…"
"Be careful, Cigyun." I stopped brushing her hair to hug her. "I don't blame you at all, but be careful. We both know how Victor is."
"Yes, we do." She sighed and twisted to curl into me, resting her face against my chest. "I never should've left the forest. You and Arvis are the only good things that came from it."
"I'm glad to be your friend, Cigyun." But I could understand so easily why she still wished she never left her home, wherever it was. When she had, she had been lost and confused, falling prey to Victor's suave words and false charm. It was her bad luck to be incredibly beautiful as well, the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, because that meant Victor always wanted her. He abused her, cheated on her, but he always came back to her, because of her beauty. "I wish I could protect you better."
"You protect me enough." Cigyun smiled up at me. "You're like the sun, Sunna. The only warmth and light in this dark place. Believe me, that's enough."
"If you say so." I held her a while longer before letting her go to brush her hair again. "Don't forget. In the morning, we're going on a picnic with Arvis."
"I can't wait."
"Ah, hello, Prince Kurth, I'm surprised to see you here," I said, keeping my calm with all the practice of living in Velthomer for seven years brought. I'd been one of Cigyun's ladies in waiting ever since she became the duchess, after all. We'd been friends ever since, and I never left her. "I'm surprised you'd be attending the party."
"Well, I was invited," Prince Kurth pointed out. He glanced at the ballroom, expression mildly uncomfortable. Victor and his guests were making quite the show, now that they were drunk. I could only pray no one would strip, or be stripped, in public again. "Though, I am reminded why I normally am conveniently busy."
"I see. I suppose, then, that I need not ask why you are not with the other guests, and are instead, in the hall." I smoothed the front of my skirts, mildly self-conscious. I was wearing an old dress, and no make-up, since I hadn't planned on anyone seeing me, save Cigyun and Arvis, hidden safely away in my room. "Do you need help finding something?"
"Actually, I was wondering where Cigyun was." He said the words lightly, but I tensed anyway, eyes darting to the ballroom. Thankfully, the two of us were still alone. "I would've expected her to be here, and last time, we had a fascinating discussion of spell theory. I'd hoped to continue it."
"Cigyun is unwell, I am afraid." I spoke the lie easily. In truth, Victor locked her in her room, forbidding her because she'd 'flirt' with the guests again. Really, she'd just smile politely, but Victor was obsessed and possessive and a damned hypocrite. "She is resting in the back with her son."
"Ah, I'm sorry to hear that." He looked it too. Prince Kurth was someone who wore his emotions on his face, even with the political climate being as… hectic as it was. Victor wasn't the only one who was a far cry from his crusader ancestor. "I hope she feels better soon."
"I'm sure. Illnesses pass." I hesitated, thinking of how much Cigyun had smiled when she talked to him, talked about him. Dangerous as it was… "If you would like, however, I can pass on a message, or a letter, to her."
"Will you?" Prince Kurth's face lit up with a bright smile. "That would be wonderful!"
"I will, on one condition. You be very careful." I glanced over at the ballroom, where Victor's raucous laughter bounced off the walls. "No names or anything. If Victor sees them… well, he has an active imagination."
"I see." Prince Kurth nodded, smile fading for seriousness. "Of course. Thank you for this."
"Cigyun smiled for you. It's rare that she smiles. I'm willing to risk a bit of danger to see that." I was, after all, Cigyun's only real protector here. She and Arvis… I protected them with everything I had. "But I do ask that you make it a little easier for me."
"Of course."
That was far from the first letter I passed on. It actually became almost routine, to the point that rumors circulated that Prince Kurth and I were seeing each other in quiet, because no one could think of any other reason why there would be so many letters. No one really paid attention, of course. Even if that were true, it was far from the first time Prince Kurth had a lover. The difference between him and Victor, though, was that he was unfailingly kind to his loves, made sure to break up instead of clinging, and never intentionally abused anyone. If anything, though, I welcomed the rumors because they helped hide what was going on.
"Thank you so much, Sunna," Cigyun whispered on night, as she read one of Prince Kurth's replies. The letters had started as simply talks of spell theory, but they turned into something more. I could see how Cigyun had to pick her words with care, the feelings she had threatening to make her confess, and expose both her and him to far more danger. "Truly, I…"
"Relax, Cigyun, we're fine," I replied. I'd just finished reading Arvis a bedtime story and had tucked him in, smoothing the blankets over his sleeping form. "I'm really glad he takes more after you."
"I am as well. I can only hope he continues to have good influences as he grows older, so that he's much kinder to his eventual partner."
"As do I." Honestly, it would probably be better to foster him out in a few years, just to be certain Victor didn't corrupt him. I wondered who would be best. Lord Bryon of Chalphy was always spoken well of, and he had a son only three years younger. Sigurd, I believed the name was? "Ah, before I forget, I made that miscarriage tea for you."
"You don't have to make it for me each time I fear I'm pregnant again, Sunna. I know you're allergic to some of the ingredients."
"Well, Victor can't find out that you take it. I make sure to wear gloves." I had quite a bit of practice at it. Cigyun was adamant that she only have one child. She might've consider having more if she had a better husband, but there was no need to inflict Victor on more than one child. It was too much that he was inflicted on Arvis. "Come now. Think of happier things. Like the picnic you and Prince Kurth are going to take Arvis on."
"Ah, yes!" Cigyun blushed prettily and giggled. Prince Kurth had suggested taking Arvis hawking or something for his sixth birthday, and Arvis had jumped on the chance before begging that his mother come along. I think he'd noticed that when Prince Kurth visited, Cigyun always smiled. "I'd prefer it if you came with us, though. Arvis would love it."
"Someone needs to make sure Victor doesn't ruin Arvis's day." I smiled kindly at her. "Relax, and simply be prepared to enjoy yourself. It's not every day your baby boy turns six years old. I'll have the extra time to sneak his presents into his room."
"True." Cigyun smiled back. "Oh, I hope he enjoys himself. He's been so sad lately…"
"I'm sure he will." I looked to Arvis, smiling at whatever dream he was having. "I'm sure he will."
"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" It was all Cigyun would say, these past few weeks. Always accompanied by weeping, of course. "I'm so, so sorry!"
"Cigyun, relax," I whispered, trying to smile. It was hard, though. After everything, it was hard to do much of anything, even breathe. "I'm just pregnant." I just wanted to dig into my skin until I could rip it all off, just to forget Victor's touch. Rip out my hair until it fell in black clumps to forget how they'd tangled. Gouge out my eyes so that I could forget the sight of him over me. Try to erase all traces, and yet, knowing I'd fail. "It's fine. I'm fine. I'll be fine."
Cigyun and Prince Kurth had taken Arvis out for his birthday, just as planned, and afterwards, Prince Kurth had lingered to watch Arvis open up his presents because neither Cigyun nor Arvis wanted him to leave. It should've been fine. Victor wasn't due back, after all. It wasn't as if the man remembered his own son's birthday. But unfortunately, Victor had returned earlier than expected, drunker than anything, demanding to know where his wife was. I'd refused to let him anywhere near the three, because I knew Victor was mad enough, jealous enough, to kill Prince Kurth for being in the same room as Cigyun. I didn't want that. I'd chosen to protect him too, along with Cigyun and Arvis, and Victor had chosen to take his anger out on me in the worst way possible.
"I'm sorry," Cigyun continued to sob. I shook my head and tried to draw her into a hug. She refused, though, and instead hugged me, tucking me against her. "I'm sorry." And with that, communicated all that she was sorry for. She was sorry for letting Prince Kurth linger. She was sorry she couldn't protect me. She was sorry she couldn't 'fix' this for me, because the only miscarriage teas she knew had herbs I was allergic to. But most of all, she was sorry this was all she could do for me.
"You're worth it," I whispered. I closed my eyes and curled into her, wishing I could cry. I felt mostly dead inside. If not for Cigyun and Arvis, I knew I would feel completely dead. "I knew that was a possibility, when I decided to protect you three. If anything, I'm the fool." Protecting just seemed to be second nature to me. It was why I didn't run like all the other ladies in waiting. I stayed, and held my ground, because I couldn't just leave anyone to fend for themselves. "I adore you, Cigyun."
"And I adore you. I wish I could do more for you."
"You're doing plenty." This time when I smiled, it wasn't quite as hard. "Just try to smile, and try to make me laugh. I know it'll be hard, but…"
"Of course. You're my best friend."
"And you're mine."
Alicia. I named my daughter 'Alicia'. Or, rather, Cigyun suggested the name, and I went with it because I didn't have one in mind. It was an odd name, truthfully, but Cigyun said it was the name of protagonist from a story she loved as a girl. Regardless, though, that became her name, and I did my best to take care of her. But it was a chore. Motherhood didn't suit me well, particularly since it was so unplanned and forced, a reminder of what happened, but I did do my best. It just felt like a particularly tedious job.
Luckily for her, though, Cigyun adored her and was more than willing to cuddle her and deal with all the need for affection. Arvis was jealous at first, but he quickly took to her too, his precious baby sister. And when Prince Kurth visited, he'd play with her constantly, always beaming and even helping her when she started to crawl and get into everything. It was tiring for me, but bliss for them, and Victor ignored her. I couldn't really want more for the girl. Except, of course, the gods decided to still have a bit of fun at our expense, so maybe I should've wanted more.
"She's incredibly young to be showing a Holy Mark," Prince Kurth murmured, frowning at the napping Alicia. Her right arm stuck out from under the covers, showing the source of the problem: the red mark blooming on her lower right arm. A Holy Mark of Vala, showing that she was of Minor Holy Blood. "She's not even a year old. Majors don't normally show until they're five. Minors, until they're ten."
"Arvis's didn't appear until shortly before his sixth birthday," Cigyun murmured. She was the only one of us sitting in the room, in a chair by the bed. She'd been the one to discover the Mark. "I'd thought…"
"Like I said, she'd very young, especially for a Minor. But the question becomes…" He paused and looked up at me. I'd been standing apart, feeling a little awkward. Part of me was terrified, because while she didn't have a mark, it would've been easy to pretend away that she wasn't Victor's daughter, a bastard child. With the Mark, though, it would be absolutely obvious, and I was sacred of all she'd suffer. But part of me was selfishly relieved, because I had an excuse to give her away. I truly was the worst person. "Sunna?"
"I'm thinking," I murmured, hiding all those thoughts. Only Cigyun knew how little of a 'mother' I felt. In terms of want and action, Cigyun was far more of Alicia's 'mother' than me. I just gave birth to her, made sure she was fed, and made sure she was safe. Cigyun was the one who loved her. "I don't want her involved in the politics. I don't want Victor paying her any attention. I know that much." I owed her that much, at least. Regardless of my own feelings, I needed to keep her safe, as the one who brought her into this world. Actually, no, because of my own feelings, I needed to keep her safe. I had to keep her safe from me, as well as Victor. "It might be best to give her to someone else, hide her far away from here."
"Are you sure?" Prince Kurth asked. Cigyun looked ready to protest, but she bit her tongue. She understood why, of course. She just hated it, because she loved Alicia and because Arvis would cry. "If you are, then I know of a place. There's a priest in Jungby who owes me a favor, and no one would think oddly of me visiting Ring. It's also far enough away that no one will think much of her having Vala-red hair, especially since she didn't get the typical red eyes." No, she hadn't. She'd gotten my green eyes. "I can take her there."
"Yes, that'll be best." I knew of Duke Ring. He was one of Prince Kurth's friends and advisors, and known for being a good ruler. I had no idea how happy Alicia would be, but she'd at least be safe. "Let's do that, then."
She'd hate me, when she was old enough to understand. I was certain she would. But that would be okay. She'd be safe, and she could find her own happiness when she got older. Hopefully. It was, really, the best thing I could do for her.
Some weeks after Prince Kurth hid Alicia for me in Jungby, Victor got drunk and raped Sif, Cigyun's favorite maid, and banished her when she got pregnant, because he could actually do that with her, unlike with me. Cigyun had been near beside herself, already emotionally weakened from losing Alicia, and so, I'd gotten Prince Kurth to help calm her down and make her smile. I knew it was dangerous, and I was quickly proven right. Victor was home and he was looking for Cigyun, as he always was. So, I was about to do something absolutely stupid, but something I knew would at least keep him away for a little while. I was going to make sure he stayed away. Even if he assaulted me again, I'd do it. I had to, really. I couldn't just hide. It was my curse to be protective, to the point of stupidity, but I wouldn't change it. If my protective nature could save them, if it could gain Cigyun a little bit of time to be happy, I was more than willing to do so. Besides, in this state, he could hit Arvis again, and damn if I was going to let him.
I hoped Alicia didn't inherit my foolishness. I hoped she'd end up a little saner than me, than Victor, far away from here. I hoped…
**He didn't 'assault' her for protecting me. He killed her. As I was helping Prince Kurth escape the estate, I heard him scream how he was tired of her defying him. Tired of her keeping him away from Arvis and me. Tired of her in general. As I ran down the halls, trying to find them, I smelled the smoke. When I arrived, I found… I found her remains. She was burnt to a crisp, expression locked in agony. He killed her. My best friend. He killed her.
I screamed at him then. I cradled the body, begging her to just wake up like this was a story, and I screamed at him. I screamed of how much I hated him, how I loved Prince Kurth, how I hoped to annul our marriage so that I could take Arvis and myself as far away from him as possible. I screamed and screamed, and I felt almost powerful at the shock, pained look on his face. Almost, because I was just so heartbroken. I never should've left my home. If I hadn't, then Sunna would've had a much better life, a life she deserved, instead of losing it all, protecting someone like me.
Victor committed suicide. He went through Sunna's things, ripped them apart, and committed suicide. Supposedly, my hating him was 'too much' for him to bear. I think, based on what he did to Sunna's journals and the like, he's just being spiteful, trying to hurt me one last time. But with his last words is a curse, a curse on me and on all that I love, and though I am tempted to ignore it, I can't help but wonder if there is a curse. A curse on me, for breaking the old laws of my home and leaving, dooming those I love to misery. It's a worry I can't shake, no matter how much I try. I know curses do exist. I know that there is power in words, especially in the words of those with Holy Blood.
So… so, I will leave. Perhaps it is foolish, leaving instead of seeking the happiness Sunna fought for. But seeking that happiness just led her to so much misery that I can't help but wonder if continuing to seek it will just lead to Prince Kurth and Arvis dying, broken and alone, just like her. So, I will leave, in the hopes that they will be fine in my absence. It's probably selfish. No, it is selfish. But it's the only thing I can think of to protect them.
Arvis… Arvis, if you read any of this, I love you. I love you, my precious baby boy. I love you so much. I hate leaving you, but if it keeps you safe, then I'll do it. I'll pray for you every day, and I'll hope for your happiness, even from beyond.
-Love, your mother, Cigyun**
He drops the pages, a little… no, more than a little stunned by what they revealed. He remembers Sunna, of course. His mother's best friend, who he always called 'Sunny' because of her bright smile. He remembers she had a daughter, but somehow he had forgotten… or maybe he'd never been told… that the daughter had been his sister. He hunts through the pages desperately, hunting for clues, maybe even a reason why Sunna and his mother were such good friends, but there's only that. Sunna had died protecting his mother, Prince Kurth, and him, and she had a daughter that was also his sister.
He remembers the rumors. He rolls his eyes at the idea of that Prince Kurth still loves his mother after six years, and he glares at anyone who suggests that they had a child. Not that he wouldn't adore another sibling. He just hates that those gossipers think his mother and Prince Kurth were that stupid.
No, he'd love another sibling. He has one. It's not just him and Azel in their broken little family anymore. Somewhere, in a church in Jungby, he has a sister. A sister who his mother loved, who Prince Kurth hid to keep safe. Who Sunna had wanted to keep safe, just as she kept him safe.
He thinks about asking Prince Kurth, but shakes his head. He doubts Prince Kurth would remember, or tell him. Prince Kurth couldn't even look him in the eyes the few times that they talk, and he wants to prove to everyone, especially Prince Kurth, that he's strong enough to stand on his own. Strong enough to protect people too. Like his mother. Like Sunna.
So, he jumps to his feet and finds a map, looking for the location of every church in Jungby. He'd figure out which one it was. He'd find her and make sure she was still safe. He would. That's… that's what brothers did. That's what family did. They made things safe.
He'd do it. For his siblings, and for those who suffered like his siblings, like his mother, like Sunna… he'd do it.
Author's notes: Well, welcome to Memoirs of Velthomer, a short backstory thing to Memoirs of the Holy War, an FE4 novelization. Despite this first chapter, the focus (and the POV for future chapters) is actually going to be Arvis (which I think is both the first time I've done a male POV for a fire emblem fic). Try not to let this first chapter get you down too much. A lot of the focus will be on Arvis's relationship with his siblings, particularly Alicia, the first generation POV char for Memoirs of the Holy War, mostly providing insights into the decisions he makes. This will be a very short story (probably only like... five chapters at most), and it's kinda here to give a little more background.
I've gotten a few questions about Alicia's mother in the past, so here's about all the information I'll ever give about her, somewhat (since it might not have been clear: Sunna had black hair and green eyes). Sunna is the name of the Norse Sun Goddess (or the Sun Goddess's daughter, it depends on the story). Since Azel's mother is never named in canon, I went with Sif, another Norse goddess, wife of Thor.
