Please only constructive reviews-please don't just say give up it sucks.
This is set to start before and between Encounters- but it's River's story.
She sat under a blanket of stars, confused by her mother's refusal to let her sleep outside. The beauty was beyond imagining. The blackness surrounded tiny spots of endless light. She thought of tomorrow-of the new academy. For the first time she didn't know what to expect. School before had been predictable, easy. She rushed ahead of all the others. She knew they resented her. She knew how they felt, they left no doubt by their words and actions. She told others she didn't care, but she never lied to herself. It did hurt.
Constantly on her mind was her future. She knew what her parents had planned for her. Her mother's life. Marry a wealthy man who can stand you. Judging by the reaction on others she had always gotten, that would be easier said than done. She as also worried about Simon. She would hate for him to end up with some vapid, empty headed socialite, but that was what was inevitable. That was their future, and nothing could change that. She only hoped she could meet someone at this new school that she could learn to live with. She only hoped Simon could do the same at his job.
"River, come in and wash up for bed."
Mother always made sure she did everything possible to make sure River's skin looked it's best. River saw it as pointless-only surface, not important. But it was important to Mother, so she would sit there while she watched to make sure River applied all the right cremes and gels.
River hoped this wasn't all that was left of life.
She sat up abruptly in bed. She was back to reality, back to life as it was now. Serenity, the middle of the night. Dreams were controllable now that Miranda was done. She hadn't woke Simon in the room next to hers. She laughed silently about how much her wish had come true. Next time she should be more specific.
Serenity wasn't like it was at first, now pain was the overall emotion, not just an undercurrent. She got up to walk the ship. It was calming to listen to Serenity tell it's tales. Not just the people, but the ship itself. Every surface spoke of memories, of life and love. Serenity had seen love and pain, and she was in pain now. Death was not easy for Serenity to handle, especially not the death of it's pilot. Both she and River missed Wash. He was simple, sweet and fun. He let her play with his dinosaurs. Now playing with them seemed wrong somehow, like trespassing.
The shepherd was felt as well. Even with his evil hair and symbol of contradictions, he was still here. He always would be, but it would fade, they always do. She felt his presence mainly in his room, the galley, and the cargo bay, where he and Jayne had lifted weights. Serenity missed him too. She missed his calm, his light. It was the same thing that River missed. The morality in the den of thieves.
She walked by his room on her way around. She felt his peace. She felt him here. But he wasn't there. He never would be again. She also felt the sadness surrounding the presence- the death. She felt tears welling up in her eyes, and turned to leave. Enough pain. She was going to skip Simon's room, because she didn't want to feel concern for her. But she sensed something different. She immediately knew what. It was Kaylee. All bubbles and sweetness and bright light. Simon was not concerned for her for once. She went closer to his door. She noticed Kaylee was a shadow. She wasn't in there for once, he was dreaming of her. River giggled into her hand and moved on. She really didn't want to think of her brother that way, sometimes it forced it's way in, but she had control tonight. She went up the stairs, past the infirmary. She steered clear of the infirmary on her walks. All that was in there was pain and anger. She went to the engine room. Kaylee was everywhere here. Serenity loved her mechanic, and the mechanic loved Serenity. Nothing negative had ever penetrated the beauty and fluorescence of this room except once, when Early had come. His ugliness was gone now. It was replaced by sweetness, concern and sex. Always present in a Kaylee room. River left this room with a better feeling, but still the undercurrent of sadness.
The galley was contradictions. Anger, frustration, happiness, pain, love, confusion. She loved this room because each piece of furniture had a different tale to tell. She sat in her seat for meals. This seat was the exact center of it all, that is why she had gone for it. She could immerse herself in whatever feeling she wanted. She got up and continued her journey to the bridge. She evaded the personal spaces of the others tonight. She knew what each one contained, what they always contained. The Captain's was responsibility, anger and his attempt to keep hope from his life. Jayne's were simple. Sex and violence. Nothing but. Sometimes it was refreshing in it's simplicity-but not tonight. Zoe's had been the same since Wash died-irrepressible sadness. Kaylee was the same as the engine room. Sweetness and sex. Not tonight.
The bridge was now drenched in sadness. It had been Wash's happiness.
No ghosts tonight she said as she turned and went back to the galley. It was the place for her tonight. She went behind the island, something was different. She sensed something was new, the island had a new feeling. She cautiously went up to it. She ran her hands over the surface. It was new. She smiled. She didn't know why, when or how, but Serenity had been infused with hope. The island was the main source of it. River didn't know why, but neither did Serenity. River was still smiling as she went back to her room. Everything was tempered with convictions that everything would turn out well. River was pleasantly confused at Serenity's change in attitude. Something new was coming, and it brought wishes with it.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
River once again sat under the stars, but without censorship this time. Simon may not approve, but he was busy with Kaylee. She thought back on her thoughts that day. The day before the angel had infused their lives. Broken wings- needed healing. She felt something wrong, something amiss. She sighed and frowned, she would have to do what she had never done before, talk to someone's dreams. She didn't like it, but it was necessary. She lay back and let herself drift. She searched the town until she found the one she needed. He wasn't asleep. She swore in her head. She would have to do something she liked even less, talk to someone's unconscious mind. People didn't accept it well unless you did it perfectly. Lightly, as a part of themselves. You couldn't add anything, just make an unheard voice heard. In this particular person's case, this part of his mind had been dormant for a while. Like Serenity, she had to encourage hope.
-------------------------------------------
Hope is a dangerous thing, River thought. She knew she had been caught when the other voice stopped abruptly in the morning. Now it was time to see to the other. When she got there she realized her mistake. Pain's voice was even louder, and couldn't be shouted over. Something came over her. It was unexpected. It wasn't fear, uncomfortableness, confusion or anything else she expected. It was anger. Pure and unadulterated anger. Now she saw why she saw the arch angel not just an angel. She wasn't perfection. Like an archangel she was capable of sin and violence, but she also made mistakes, unlike a real angel. She had removed sympathy and real love so far, it would take a long time to resurrect them. Anger had beaten them back.
River left her confused. What she had seen was against what she had seen earlier. It made no sense. She couldn't go back to the other and tell him never mind. River was stuck. She was now deep in it. She would have to fix what she had done, but still fix the one's consciousness. She was aware of what had caused it, but not how bad it was. Jia was not the person River thought she was.
Now River started thinking of all the other things she had put in motion. Wash decision to have the baby. The healing of everyone else so quickly had blinded her. For the first time in a while, she was unsure of the future.
---------------------------------------------
River didn't want to go back. She had never been so wrong about someone before. What if she had been wrong about other things? Now she was unsure of her actions. Should she have been so dismissive of Inara as a part of their future? Was she moving things way too fast? This is what she had been trained for. This is who she was. Could she be that off? Had Miranda taken away her abilities? There was only one way to find out and she didn't want to do it. She really didn't, but she had to.
She knelt down and lay on the grass again. It wouldn't be easy.
She knew they would be angry she was late, but that was too bad.
River found herself in a darkened hallway. It was endless. She ran and ran. Soon she was at the last door . The only thing that was beyond it was an absolute darkness. A darkness that was inching away to be replaced by more wall, and eventually a new door. River reached for the handle, and the handle split in two, and went to opposite sides of the door. She had seen this before, the future was not set. It changed rapidly, and could take two paths when an important decision was to be made. Her decision. For the first time, River had no idea what her decision was. She didn't know the answer, but she was about to see the answer. She reached for one handle and turned it. It wouldn't turn. She went to the other one. It turned very easily. She got the message. The easy road and the hard road. She opened it. The easy road was good to see first, because it usually wasn't the best road.
The door opened without protest, and she was thrown forward. A scene played out in front of her. Ten years had passed in the galley on Serenity. Zoe was there with a little boy. Wash sat across from them. They were all sitting there smiling and happy. The ever present undertow of strangeness was back between Zoe and Wash. It had disappeared since he had come back. River realized they weren't talking to each other, just to the boy. Everything fuzzed over. She was now in Serenity's engine room. Five years after now. Kaylee was there. Simon walked in.
"I guess we'll be leaving now."
Kaylee didn't even look up.
"I'm sorry Kaylee, but it's for the best. The Captain..."
"Don't you dare tell me the same thing you've been telling me for three years Simon. Just go."
Simon turned and left. Kaylee's sweetness and bubbliness was gone. River sighed.
The scene switched to the cargo bay. It was seconds later. She was older. Simon was loading their things out of the ship, and into the waiting transport. Kaylee was no where to be found. River saw herself. She heard herself whisper, "I wish I could just tell him."
She had no idea what that meant. The only one was Mal, and that was from a distance. She looked up and saw Jayne watching from secrecy. He was different. He was softer somehow. Looking at him made her heart ache for some reason. She looked away. Without a word, she saw herself follow her brother off the ship. Mal went up to the controls and closed the door and informed Wash to take off. The scene fuzzed again.
This time she found herself in a temple of some sort. Shepherd Book was kneeling at an alter. He had changed as well. He was filled with regret and sadness. The scene fuzzed quickly this time.
Next she saw Inara in a room she recognized as the training center. This time was only three years from present. A woman came in. She hugged Inara. "I am so sorry meimei."
"So am I Barbra, so am I."
"Was it marriage or your ex-husband?"
"My ex. I always thought it would work with us. I should have known better."
Inara started to cry and the woman held her. "Did he sign your papers?"
"Without hesitation. Said if I wanted out he wasn't going to stop me. I didn't even want him to fight for me this time. I just got tired of not being my own person, just being his wife wasn't enough. I thought it would be."
"Companions are used to being independent. Marriage is not a good fit. They have to give up everything. That is not easy."
"I thought it would be enough."
The words echoed as the scene once again fuzzed. This time was somewhere she didn't recognize. It was a small, humble house. The door opened and Jia entered. She slumped against the door. She looked around the house. She went to the couch and sank into it. River didn't sense another person in this house. Not even a ghost of someone that had been. Jia was alone.
She was flung out the door. The door slammed shut. She didn't know what the other side had in store, but she knew she couldn't let the other one happen. She went to the other side and used all her strength to turn the handle. Then she put her foot against the door frame and pulled as hard as she could. The door opened with screeches of protest. She was not sucked in, she had to walk in.
In a field far away, River lay on the ground, her eyes closed. A smile slowly played across her face. A few moments later, her eyes flew open. She knew what she had to do.
--------------------------------------------
