Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine. All rights go to Michael Patrick King and Whitney Cummings.

For: Sour Waffles

Note: "Chárti. Chreiazómaste éna chárti" means "we need a map."

"O, edó, edó" means "oh, here, here."


2 Broke Girls And the Pop of Invasion (part one)

"Well, we're out of toilet paper," Caroline frowns coming out of the bathroom. "The last roll went down the drain, you know, kind of like my life."

Max rolls her eyes while grabbing the step ladder. She goes up to the top shelf to retrieve coffee filters.

"Use these," Max says tossing them down.

"Using coffee filters for whipping? That's where I'm at?"

The brown-haired woman climbs back down and puts the ladder away. Caroline sighs heavily, but her roommate chooses to ignore it. Caroline sighs again, more loudly, and this time Max goes over to her with fake concern. "What's wrong?"

"Do you actually care?"

"No, but I feel like you're going to tell me anyway."

Caroline plops down on the couch.

"Right. When was the time we got out of here?"

"I don't know."

"Exactly, we need to do something fun. Like a vacation. I have great planning skills. Did someone say, "Caroline finally living in back up in the Mykonos?"

"No."

She keeps her smile and playfully jabs Max on the leg and her natural reaction is to swat her hand away.

"You're crazy," Max declares.

"Me?" Caroline asks, pointing at herself. "I'm crazy for wanting to go on vacation?"

She nods, "That's like the definition of crazy. I also would like to know who is paying for this."

"Well…"


"So you're kind of like…using me?" Deke inquires with a confused expression, sitting down on one of the diner stools.

"Not kind of, we are," Caroline smiles. "But you would come too, or course."

"I don't know."

"Come on, Deke. It will be amazing. I even made an itinerary."

"So you're not fun in Greece either," Max responds.

Sophie pops her head up out of the serving window. Oleg also pops his head out and puts it near hers. "We're going to Greece?"

"No we're…"

Sophie cuts Max short, "We're going to Greece!"

"Sophie, this was actually just supposed to be the three of us."

"And there will never be a fourth," Max grins referring to her roommates decaying love life. She crosses her arms, still in protest regardless of her wise cracks.

"Come on, you won't even know we're there," the polish woman pleads.

"Trust me, we will," Deke adds.

Oleg slaps on a look of happiness and nods to Sophie as if they're having a conversation with their minds. He exits the kitchen to go towards the group with his pants on the ground. Max and Caroline look away in honor. "That's perfect since the statute of limitations is up on that New York thing."

"Then it's settled. We're going!" Sophie cheers. "I'll go pack the rest of my hair."

Sophie sprints out of the door with Oleg in toe trying to pull his pants back up. Caroline waits for the door to close before starting the conversation back up again. Max moves to sit near Deke.

"Well, this is a disaster!" she exclaims.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Max bites. "Weren't you the one that said, "Let's go to Greece! It'll be amazing!"?"

"First off; great Caroline impression," Deke smiles. "Secondly, I can't believe I'm being taken advantage of. The only person I want to take advantage of me is Max. In the sheets, that is."


The next day Max comes out of her room with her one black suitcase wheeling behind her. She props it up on the counter and turns around. Caroline's eight bags crowd up the living room. She then comes out of the bathroom to add a ninth.

"What the hell is all of this?"

Caroline answers, "My luggage. I need to be prepared."

"You're broke. How many items could you possibly have?"

"Oh, no," she laughs. "I only have two bags. The rest are all empty."

"Why?"

"For all the extra stuff your boyfriend is buying me. I need somewhere for it to go."

"You would think after six years of you being poor you would have stopped being so selfish," Max observes as she clears the couch of her bags.

"I'm not being selfish, Max. It's called opportunity."

"Well, when you put it like that," Max replies, full of sarcasm.

The blonde goes over to her friend on the couch. "What's the point of having a rich boyfriend if he doesn't buy you nice things?"

"Deke buys me nice things. Remember all of that jewelry you took?"

"They weren't your style. I was helping."

Max shoots Caroline a blank stare, clearly not amused, but she shakes it off and continues to talk. Not that she wouldn't have anyway.

"You're going to have fun and you're going to thank me. Like I said before, when I see an opportunity I take it."

"You think you have me all figured out, but what you don't know is that Deke and his money have a limit."

"You told him not to buy me stuff?" Caroline questions, her dismayed tone ringing through the room like a house phone.

"No, I told him not to buy you everything."

"Fine. I can pull back," she inhales. "What's my limit?"

"Five thousand dollars."

"Five thousand dollars? That's it?" she asks receiving a slow nodding motion from Max. "You can't buy anything with five thousand dollars!"

"Oh, I'm sure you'll think of something."

"This vacation is going to suck."

"I know."


"Sophie we have enough pictures. Can we just get on the damn plane?" Max groans resting her arms on the top of her suitcase.

"Seriously, we don't want all the memory used up before we even get there," Caroline explains.

"Your right," Sophie nods putting the camera back into her purse. "I should wait to take pictures of myself down at the beach!"

"That's not necessarily…"

"Come on. Let's go already!" Sophie yells.

They make their way down to the metal detectors. Caroline catches sight of the waiting line and almost passes out.

"I still don't see why we couldn't take the private jet."

"We could have," Max starts, looking over at Sophie. "But someone just had to insult the woman flight attendant!"

"I just asked for the name of her plastic sergeant. It's not my fault she got all mad."

"Sophie, you implied that she was fake," Caroline spoke.

"Well, isn't everybody fake to a degree?"

Collective murmurs emit from the group. Minuets tick by slowly as they start to inch up the line. Once they hit the metal detectors, Deke glares at the guard staring down Max. Not wasting another minuet, he pushes ahead of her causing Max to have to walk to the female guard. While doing so a clear amused smile is stuck on her face.

"I'm watching you," Deke snaps.

One of the guards whips Sophie's luggage onto the conveyor. She notices the action right way. "Hey watch that bag. It has my special toys in it."

"What special toys?"

"Oh, you know what toys."

Sophie goes through the detector and it goes off. She steps back and goes through a few more times with the same results.

"Miss, you may have to take your earrings off."

"No way, these took hours to put on," she frowns picking up her bags.

Caroline is next and goes through with no problems at all. "See, Sophie. If you…"

"We don't have nine years, Caroline. In and out!" she yells.

Max and Deke glance at each other trying their best not burst into laughter. Max steps through, but sounds the alarm.

"Um-Hum, what is it?"

She pulls out her travel flask and hands it to the woman.

"It helps with the turbulence," she explains cheekily.

"Um-Hum. Next!"

While Max mourns the loss of her travel flask over near the rest of the group, Deke takes his turn sliding in and out. When he doesn't go off the male guard from before scowls, "Full body search!"

Oleg is the last of them to go and, of course, he has to make it memorable. When he goes off, he refuses to give up his cigarettes. Four security men have no choice but to tackle him down causing passing pedestrians to judge from afar.

"Go on without me," he says, reaching up dramatically.

"Ok," Caroline shrugs.

She's about to walk the other direction until Max pulls her back. "Stay."

Caroline turns back around and pouts like a baby, "This is what I get for suggesting vacation."


Caroline starts to pace back and forth in front of the others that are sitting in the spacious, open airport terminal.

"You seriously don't know how to act at the airport?"

"Hey, I act how I want, baby!" Sophie exclaims, getting a tad offended.

"Relax, Caroline. They're giving us a redo after we all calm down," Max speaks up.

"Yes, a redo," she whispers. "What are we, five?"

"I'm a lot bigger than five," Oleg smirks.

"See, that's the kind of behavior we don't want."

"We can't help who we are," Deke points out.

"Well, for the next ten minutes try to be like me."

"So, annoying and flat-chested," Max motions. "Got it."

Sophie raises her hand. "I might have to go to the bathroom. Yeah, because that'll take a lot of tape and time."

"All I have to do is be annoying," Deke laughs while giving Oleg a high five.

"Oh, good. You already started," she huffs plopping down.

Max pats her friend in comfort. "You seem really tense," she goes into her pocket. "Would you like to borrow my flask?"

Caroline snatches it, opens it, and guzzles it down with a satisfied sigh at the end. She then hands it back to her. Max clutches it and looks at Caroline with wide eyes. "Damn it, that was supposed to last until we got there."

"I was hoping that would be fruitier."

"I don't know what you were expecting bringing them along."

"I'm trying to create memories. Good ones that I can look back on and tell my children."

"Well, that's…"

"Max, please don't. I'm hurting."

Just then, Han comes in through the double doors wearing pilot apparel. He walks up to the group and doffs his cap. Everybody glances over starting to giggle. He shrugs it off and smiles anyway feeling as though nothing could ruin his jubilant mood.

"I heard someone was having plane problems."


"Hey everybody!" Sophie yells climbing off the jet. "I'm in the frickin' Mykonos!"

Caroline laughs as she motions for them to gather around her. Deke jumps down and extends a hand for Max. "Ooh, such a gentleman," she smiles whilst grabbing it.

"Nice place. Good work, Caroline," Oleg nods, descending. He waits for Han to waddle out before picking him up and setting him back on the ground.

"I have made an itinerary."

"Caroline, come on. We don't need that," Deke sighs.

"Yeah, besides Deke and I wanted to check out Vinos."

"Oleg and I have some steamy stuff to take care of," Sophie winks. "And doing it in Greece is on my bucket list. Yeah, right after doing it in a Denny's."

"I've done it in Denny's," Max recalls. "Not a lot of room, though. I prefer Pizza Hut."

"Plus they got those cushy booths," Sophie adds producing a nod from Max. "I love that!"

"This is supposed to be a bonding experience," Caroline whines.

"I got that covered," Oleg beckons. "We have a session with Princess Donna."

Max shakes her head while Caroline starts to feel nauseous. The latter looks around after a brief pause and shouts with realization, "But that leaves me with Han!"

Han projects an offended expression over at Caroline's direction, which she chooses to omit. He finally throws his hands up. "I don't need it!"

"Alright, relax. We'll meet up later," Max suggests.

The two couples run off before Caroline had any more words on the subject. Han awkwardly smiles going over to her. "I will follow the itinerary."

"Thank you, Han," Caroline beams, but suddenly her pleased reaction melts off. "It's just that this took a lot of time and effort, you know, and for once I would like my skills to be valued and not ridiculed. Just because I might not be as…"

She looks up from her rant to see Han had been inching further and further away with every word and was now long gone.

"Typical."

She turns around to collide with a tall, handsome employee carrying a juice tray. She automatically goes into flirt mode and starts to twirl her hair with her fingers. Then man lets out a small laugh then hands her a blood red drink in a frosted glass.

"I changed my mind. I like it here."


It was meeting time, but Caroline did not seem to care. While she was off with her new potential suitor, the rest of them were sitting around a table in Nikos Taverna surrounded by beautiful while carved buildings where other tables lined a finished stone paved walkway.

"Where is she?" Max asks. She leans off Deke to check the time on her phone. "It's noon."

"Well, if she doesn't have to be here why do we, because I have plans!" Han exclaims. "With a girl."

"Well, we wouldn't want to keep the ladybug waiting," Max snickers.

Deke shares in the laughter adding a high five for good measures followed by everyone else. Han just shrugs and gives her one too. "If you can't beat them, join them."

Caroline rushes up to them with messed up hair, ten minutes late. Her outfit wrinkled and her makeup all over the place. She straightens out her dress the best she can. "Sorry I'm late," she apologizes in between breaths.

"You dirty little slut," Max declares.

Caroline furrows her eyebrows in confusion. Max lifts up her phone for her to look in. Once she catches sight of her sex hair and bruised lips, her cheeks turn crimson as she tries to smooth out the tousled strains.

"Don't judge me."

"Oh, we're already judging, girl," Sophie smirks with a long drawn out motion.

She sits down in the vacant chair reserved for her. She then gazes up and notices their eyes boring into her soul like a python. "What?"

"Well, who is he?" Max inquires breaking the silence.

"Was the sex good?" Oleg chimes in. "On a scale from one to ten mine was fifteen."

"Seven for me," his wife admits which paints an offended look on his face. "What? I have standards."

"I am not talking about sex in public."

Deke sits in his chair and starts playing with his napkin. The others follow suit in light of the current awkward state. The fatal moment is cut short when he decides to be the first to speak up. "While we're talking about sex in public, I give Max a twenty."

"Seven for me," Max admits.

Deke glances over at her mocking the look Oleg earlier.

"What? I have standards."

"We get it. Everyone had vacation sex," Caroline rolls her eyes.

Han raises his hand. "Not true. I didn't."

"Oh, we know."

"Cool, brag Han," Max chuckles.

"Look," Oleg calls out pointing at women surrounded by a large a crowd. "Strippers!"

"They're not strippers, Oleg. They are dancers. A Mykonos favorite."

"Same thing."

"Hey! Stop paying attention to those strippers!" Sophie exclaims.

"Oh, now you're offended. You weren't last night."

"Wait, you hired strippers and didn't invite me!" Han shouts. "Now I'm starting to get mad!"

"Han, they don't let little kids around ecdysiasts," Max retorts.

"I'm thirty-five!"

"Can we stop staying," Caroline lowers her voice. "Strippers? We're in nice place."

"What a prude!" Sophie vociferates. "We can't say sex, we can't say strippers. Why not just hollow us out and plant seeds in us!"

A young woman comes up to the table with a cart full of food and gifts. Caroline's eyes go wide at all the fancy accessories.

"Sorry, I can't buy anything," the blonde pouts. "I already reached limit."

"We've been here six hours," Max frowns at her last statement. Deke nods in return, conforming, and she sighs.

"Oh, no. These are gifts."

"In that case we must," she lunges for the most sparkly bracelet and puts it on slowly with ear bursting acceptance. Once she is done with her mini jewelry orgasm, she faces odd expressions.

"Don't judge me."

"Oh, we're already judging, girl."


"And take another picture of me over here," Sophie says striking another pose.

The camera clicks and more groans admit from the group. Max lowers the camera with a sigh. "Sophie, my arms are tired! That's the fiftieth picture we took."

"Ok, then give it to someone else."

Max turns around and holds out the camera. All of them back away quickly as if she had some disease they did not want to catch.

"Looks like it's you and me."

"Joy," Max grumbles.

"I will pair with Caroline," Han says. "The itinerary is super organized, leaves time for everything!"

"Alright, looks like it's you and me, man," Deke looks to Oleg.

"I want to go to the Minima again," he says, looking at his pocket map. "It's a pretty classy place. No condoms on the floor or anything."

"So, is everyone ok with their partners?" Caroline checks.

"Yes," they all mutters right over Max's, "No."

"Fine," she huffs. "Sophie you and Deke, Oleg you with Han, and Max with me. How is that?"

"As long as you know how to work a camera, I don't care who you are," Sophie says, grabbing the camera from Max and handing it to Deke.

The pairs split up as Caroline pulls out her itinerary. Max rolls her and snatches the paper away from her. She then proceeds to rip it up into microscopic pieces and throws it into a nearby water fountain. She looks at Max with wide eyes.

"Don't look at me like that."

"That took me three hours!"

"We don't need that."

"If we want to see everything, yes we do."

"Well, I don't need a piece of paper telling me what to do. I had enough of that in High School."

"You mean your schedule?"

"Is that what that was?" Max questions. "I thought it was to clean up messes."

Caroline lightheartedly rolls her eyes whilst continues to walk with Max. A few seconds later she stops. "So, where are we going?"

"It was on the itinerary!" Caroline screams, stopping as well.

"No need to get hostile," Max draws back, putting her hands up in defense.

Max inspects the area until coming to a halt at a small stand. She strides up to an older looking man wearing a long floor-length poncho and open-toed shoes.

"Hello, do you sell maps?"

"No," he shakes his head.

"Do you sell itineraries?"

"No."

"Then what do you sell?"

"No."

Caroline rolls her orbs moving Max out of the way to speak to the man.

"Chárti. Chreiazómaste éna chárti," Caroline translates.

"O, edó, edó," he smiles handing her a map.

"You know how to speak Greek?"

"Just a little," Caroline smiles modestly. "I had a language couch when I was six."

"Of course."

She opens the map to scan it. Caroline, aware of her instructions, doesn't really need to look over the map for a place to go; however she does it anyway to add effect. She lands on a specific spot and Max leans over.

"Ooh, let's go to the beach. Beaches are fun."

"No, they're lame," she sighs. "Beaches are bitches."

"We can bring beers."

"Let's go to the beach!"


"You will not be disappointed," Caroline states, adjusting the strap on her bag. "Elia is one of their longest beaches. Six miles long, very beautiful and pristine. It attracts…"

"Only you can make vacation an all you can yawn fest."

"Sorry, you're right. No more facts."

"Good, now give me a beer."

"Wait until we get down there."

"Ugh, why not just let the tide take me?"

Caroline gives in and goes into her bag for one. While rummaging around for one her hand lingers on the red velvet box. She smiles to herself, looks over to Max, and hands her the beer.

"Here you go."

Max gratefully takes it. "Aw, you brought my favorite kind."

They finally get down to the beach and start to set up all of their equipment. Suddenly, Caroline freezes when she catches a glimpse of Deke snapping, preforming the signal from afar. Still frozen she manages to get out, "Max, can you get me a snow cone?"

"Sure," she shrugs and looks over at the tent. "And look, no line."

For one of the best beaches in Mykonos there was not anybody there. To most people that would strike them as odd, but Max did not even notice. While the snow cone woman was stalling Max with in-comprehensive Greek words for her cash offer, Deke runs down the hill with a folding table. The two of them rush around like headless chickens trying to get everything set up before Max comes back.

Before running to the excited others, she hands the velvet box back to him and whispers, "You can do this."

Max starts advancing towards the table, which gives him a second to pull himself together. Seeing her getting closer he starts to panic. He goes through several different emotions causing him to be so preoccupied he doesn't even notice her presence.

Max drops the snow cone and that snaps Deke out of his trance like state. Like a gentleman, he pulls her chair out.

"Ma 'lady."

"What is all of this?"

He pushes her in and rushes to his seat pushing himself in as well.

"How do you feel about us?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, would you say we're serious?"

Max takes a brief a pause and the action, for a short while, causes Deke to feel taken aback.

"Would you say we're serious?" she counters, feeling slightly perplexed.

Caroline – watching with the others – looks like she's about to explode.

"What is she doing?" she whisper-shouts. "I would kill to be in her situation."

"This is hella awkward," Han replies, stiffly.

"I'm thinking this wasn't a good idea," Caroline sighs.

"I'm thinking about that bread," Sophie chimes in, licking her lips.

"I can't believe we're watching this when we could be doing it near the hammocks like on Tuesday!" Oleg shouts in a quit, raspy tone.

The talking seizes when they catch sight of some one knee action. They all gasp in as Caroline pulls a wad of tissues out of her pocket.

"Max, there's something I have to ask you."

Max looks everywhere else but at the man in front of her. She is in the midst of fighting to form words. When she does she utters, "Deke get up. You're getting sand on your pants."

He ignores the last statement, pulls the velvet box, and opens it. Inside is a beautiful, simple fishtail ring embedded with elegant heart stopping diamonds. Everyone's eyes go wide in anticipation. There is a long drawn out pause before the next sentence.

"Max, will you marry me?"

To be continued…