All characters belong to Janet Evanovich.
I stood looking at the gorgeous Italian cop in front of me and tried to hide my grimace. You would think that just being within a mile of this man could make any woman happy but you would be wrong. My name is Stephanie Plum and right now that gorgeous piece of art work was my soon to become ex-boyfriend. Joseph Morelli was good looking by any standards and we had been dancing around each other long enough, I mean it all started when we were six and you think being in our thirty's we would finally have given up ages ago but there you go.
"Cupcake, why the hell can't you just marry me?"
"Well if that's not the worst proposal I've ever heard in my life!" I screamed back angry at his obvious cockiness. He knelt down on one knee and took my hand.
"Fine then, Stephanie Michelle Plum will you do me the honour of marrying me?"
I was completely stunned, I mean who the hell did he think he was!
"I didn't mean the marriage proposal was the worst I meant the idea of us getting married was!"
I screamed at him, turning to head to my car I pulled out of the police parking lot and headed home. Dear god I was never going to have the pleasure of that wonderful Pineapple upside down cake for the rest of my life. This is an everyday occurrence for me, okay maybe not everyday but definitely every week. Now you would think that would be great and why was I not at his just now consummating the marriage? Well simple he is an ass and thinks I'm going to change my entire life just for him so that's a no go, I mean I love him but I'm not in love with him.
Hell as scary as it was I was in love with the one and only Batman. Batman, one Ricardo Carlos Manoso or Ranger as everyone calls him is my mentor, tormentor, best friend, confident and lover for one amazing night, he has also put his life on the line so many times for me I can't count. He is 195 pounds of sex rolled into one mocha skinned muscle clad body, sound like another reason to be in bed right now instead of heading for my Ben and Jerry's but he is completely emotionally inept. What is it with men?
They think they are god's gift and when they get you into bed you're their property, only if they still want you, doesn't matter if you want that or not. Right now the only men in my life were the only ones I could rely on, Ben and Jerry had been there through every tear and I could trust them to make me feel better. I mean I could trust Joe and Ranger to keep me happy in bed and I trusted Ranger with my life, just not my heart.
After half the tub was gone I felt considerably better, I mean I had cried, but now I was surprisingly over Joe and his ultimatums, hm guess B&J's can do that for you. Now I can tell you all I wanted to do was to finish this ice cream and have a nice long bath and fall asleep with Ghostbusters on.
I was pulled from my ice cream haze by the sound of my locks tumbling and I didn't even bother to turn around when Ranger strolled into my dingy apartment and sat next to me.
"Babe?"
"Ranger?"
He looked at me for a few beats and evaluating I wasn't going to answer him he reach out wiping a tear from my cheek and tucking a curl behind my ear.
"For good?"
"For good."
Any time he feels like putting a full length sentence in I would be happy to give him a gold star. I think I was accurate earlier MEN, can't live with them but don't wanna run your luck too much with the shower massager.
"You okay?"
"Fine." Yeah, I'm just sitting here drowning my sorrows in ice cream and crying because my life is so god damned dandy. So you see what I mean about emotionally inept. Urgh!
"I have to leave."
"Okay see you around."
"Babe, I'm leaving for a while, it will be about 2 or 3 months."
What the hell?????? How can everything happen in one friggin' day? Argh!!
"What? Why? When?"
"I'm leaving for around 2 or 3 months tomorrow for a mission, It's not dangerous just not something I can tell you about. Sorry."
OK what the hell there is no way he can be leaving this amount of time and have only found out about this now, and he left it till the last minute to tell me? I was zero to rhino is 2 seconds flat, in fact it was more impressive than that, in the mood I was in I went home -5 to rhino in 2 seconds damn men.
"You leave it till the last minute to come and tell me this? You couldn't give me the courtesy of telling me earlier? 3 months, 3 MONTHS!!! This is definitely not my day." I felt the tears well up again but I couldn't let him see how much this was affecting me so I rushed off to my bedroom without a glance over my shoulder, if I looked it would hurt even more.
"Okay see you in 3 months." I had deflated now and it came out a soft squeak before I closed the bedroom door before I rushed through into the bathroom and turned the shower on peeling off my clothes. I stood under the blistering heat and closed my eyes. I felt a quick breeze rush past the shower curtain so I pulled it back to see what he was doing; he stood staring at me with not just lust but something else. He kept eye contact as he slowly pulled of every stitch of clothes and climbed in. I was too upset and dazed to do anything but comply as he started to wash my hair then he pulled me close to his chest as his heat seeped through my skin burning my heart where I stood. He put us both under the stream of water then lathered in some conditioner leaving it in as he carefully washed ever inch of me. Usually I would be humming with the need for a release but this was just so tender I was having a hard time feeling anything but pain at the fact he was to be gone for 3 months. Once I was squeaky clean he plunged us back under the shower and held me close as the water cascaded down over our joined bodies. I held on for dear life, listening to the drumming of the water on his shoulders and the steady beating of his heart, until the water turned cold and he pulled me out drying me and slipping a small Jammy set on. He quickly dried himself; I was too tired and upset to fight him as he picked me up. Tucking me into bed he pressed a soft kiss to my lips and I was out like a light.
I woke the next morning to the smell of bulgari; I rolled over and pressed a hand to the warm indentation on the other side of the bed. Sighing I turned back and caught sight of the note propped up against the alarm clock. I dragged an arm out from my warm covers and snatched up the note, unfolding it I knew it was from him.
Babe,
I didn't mean to leave it so late, I'm sorry. Any problems call Tank or another of the guys. If you could still do distractions that would be good and you have a job running searches if you have time, I could use the help. Take Care, take your gun and take time to yourself.
R x
How can that man be so infuriating, so sweet, so caring all at once? Right that is it I am so over men, they need to get a grip. If he thinks I'm still going to need his help when he returns he is sadly mistaken. I climbed out of bed and tamed the nest atop my head, a few swipes of mascara and I was ready to go. Right lets take stock of the day, I need a to-do list. I grabbed a pen and some paper and started scrawling a list of my plans for the day.
Go to parents and pick up Rex.
Drop by office.
Skip chasing if any.
Shower if skip chasing goes bad.
Grocery shopping.
Visit to Rangeman.
Out for a drink with Mary Lou and girls.
Okay so how's that for a plan? Perfect, yeah I thought so too so I packed my purse reluctantly dropping my gun into my bag and headed for my parents house. I pulled up and was able to collect Rex with as little fuss as possible and even managed a free sandwich in the process. Score. Next up after I dropped Rex at home with some carrot to munch on was a trip to the office. When I pulled up I saw the black Rangeman Bronco and hoped to god it was either Ranger saying he had decided to stay or if he was still going that it better not be him. I stalked up to the door and thankfully saw Lester sitting on Lula's desk looking sick. I opened the door and saw why he was a lovely shade of green, Lula and Tank were sitting giving each other googly eyes and whispering under their breath then Lula would giggle and blush as Tank grinned like a Cheshire cat. I turned away as fast as I could and closed the door making my way over to the desk. As soon as the door closed they all turned to me with concern obvious on their faces and I felt the stab of pain fresh as if he was here telling me again. I did not need this hell I could go all day without having to face the question I knew was coming so I plastered on a confused smile.
"Hey guys, why are you all looking at me like that?"
"You okay girl?"
"Yeah fine thanks you?"
"You know what I mean, so?"
"I'm fine, for Christ sakes," I turned to Connie extending my hand, "files please."
She handed them to me and I flicked through them as they all eyed me cautiously. I spotted Carl Henry and barely suppressed a groan, last time I had gone after him he had bolted through the house and I ended up being mauled by his bloody pit bull dog till Ranger had stepped in and yet again saved me. I looked up and found them all eyeing me suspiciously and with caution Christ I wasn't going to blow up.
"Tank would you mind if I borrowed a Merry Man today? Just for like a half hour or so?"
"That's cool Bomber, how about I swap you partners, you take Lester, and I'll take Lula." He grinned at Lula and she jumped to her feet pulling him up with her and heading for the door.
"Damn skippity, you know I think that Caroline Scarzolli is still FTA lets go, laters."
Caroline Scarzolli owns the Pleasure Treasures store, I suppressed a shudder at the thought of Lula and Tank with handcuffs and anything from that store.
I turned to Lester who was standing with the biggest cheeser plastered to his face.
"You know how much I love you, I was going to be stuck with him going on about how wonderful Lula is for a whole day and now not only do I not have to listen to it but I get to spend the day with you." He picked me up and twirled me around planting a big slobbery kiss on my cheek.
"Okay, well it's my pleasure but lets head out I have to pick up Carl Henry because his dog has a taste for me so your helping. Later Connie. I'll be at you're house around 6 tonight right?"
"Yeah and bring a shot of your choice. See you then."
Lester and I headed to the Black Bronco Tank had left and climbed in. He turned the engine over and I glanced over, he was still smiling ear to ear.
"Lester what are you grinning about?"
"Beautiful, I get to spend a day with you, the guys are going to be so jealous."
"Oh shut up no they wont." I scoffed as he started to pull over, pulling out his phone and dialing he put it on speaker.
"Watch this then."
It rang twice then Bobby answered, "Go ahead."
"Hey Bobby it's Lester put the phone on speaker." He motioned for me to stay deadly quiet and as confused as I was I complied.
"Okay you're on speaker what?"
"Guess what I'm doing today?"
"Going on your rounds with Tank?"
"Nope, I get to go for a day's skip chasing with Bomber." He grinned wide and I heard the guys at the other end all jump to attention quickly.
"Wait is she listening to this?"
"Na, I had to come out to the car so thought I would rub it in. Jealous?"
"Fuck you man, that not fair. I wanted next Bomber run."
I heard a few more grumbles as Lester laughed. "Well better get going, enjoy surveillance." He hung up just as Bobby shouted some more profanity down the phone. I smiled despite myself, hell that was damn cute.
