Hi Guys I know I have like twelve other things to do but I wanted to write this so yeah. The story will be mostly letters and Steve's reactions to them but this is the chapter set up to explain all of it.

Prologue

Steve sat sketching on the couch. He was working on a handsome man with a cocky grin and happy eyes.

His subject sat on the other end of the couch. A frown and a blank stare replace the old features that Steve is drawing.

Steve knew his best friend, Bucky was still inside the man but he was fighting an uphill battle against the Winter Soldier side of himself. He rarely spoke, never smiled and just seemed uncomfortable in his own skin these days.

Steve just wanted Bucky to be happy. He drew the old Bucky a lot so as not to forget what Bucky smiling and happy looked like, not that he would ever say that out loud. He used the excuse that he was practicing faces and there was no one's face he knew better than Bucky's.

Steve went out to Lunch with Sam and the conversation turned to Bucky before they even ordered.

The men where in an old style diner Steve had found one day wail wandering DC. It had good food and reminded Steve of home.

"I just wish I knew what was going on in his head he barely ever talks. I used to never be able to shut him up." Steve sighs.

"It'll come just give it time," Sam reassures. "Soon he'll be telling us embracing stories about you and you'll be wishing you could shut him up."

Steve smiled at this.

"So what did he want to do, like for a living before the war? From what you've told me about him I know soldier was not his choice occupation," Sam asks

"Bucky always wanted to be a writer," Steve replied. "He wrote the way I sketch, religiously and about everything."

Sam just smiles at this. "Wow you two really are a pair."

Steve rolls his eyes but doesn't see the wheels turning in Sam's head.

The notebook appears a few days later. It was just your everyday red spiral notebook but it had James 'Bucky' Barns written on the front in Sam's I'm all business neat handwriting on the front.

Steve soon discovers that Bucky is writing again.

They are watching baseball one evening and Bucky simply pulled the notebook out and began to write. Steve smile but didn't dare ask what he was writing though he really wants to.

Steve tries not to think of the notebook. He tries not to breech Bucky's privacy but, he just wanted to know what was going on in his best friend's head.

Bucky and Steve used to trade notebook for sketch book back before everything. Steve missed the way Bucky could take twenty six letters and make worlds that seemed crazy. He missed Bucky's stories of adventure, love and the mysteries he concocted to keep Steve guessing. Now Steve was guessing but in a different way that wasn't fun.

Steve was alone in the apartment a few days later after Sam had dragged Bucky out on a 'let's get you used to not murdering people adventure/ ice cream trip'. Steve's curiosity gets the better of him and he gives into temptation, opening the notebook which had been left on the coffee table.

The first page had a note from Sam

-Dear Bucky,

Steve told me you like to write, the way he likes to draw. Knowing Steve's habits, I can't believe you haven't been writing on the walls of your apartment. This notebook is yours do whatever you want with it.

Your Friend,

Sam

Steve turns the page and finds a list entitled:

Things I Want to Say but Can't

Steve you make coffee too weak

Sam I really wish you would stop the Ice cream thing and just drag me for a drink instead, I'm not seven

Natasha your Russian is showing

I'm Sorry

I really want a chocolate shake

Why can't I speak full sentences?

Steve I'm sorry I keep hurting you

I'm always cold these days

The list goes on and on and Steve doesn't know what to say. Its obvious Bucky is still in there. He wished he knew what to do.

Steve turned the page and found a second list entitled

Things I remember

Little Steve

Cyclone/ throw up

Train ride of death

Flying car

Torture (during war and Hydra)

Cryo freeze

I love hamburgers

Big Steve

As Steve is reading Bucky comes in. He takes one look at what's going on and marches over to Steve, takes the notebook and says, "No." Before going and hiding it in his room.

Bucky does not meet Steve's eye for a week after that.

Steve and Sam are out for breakfast after a run and Steve tells Sam what happened.

Sam gives Steve a look that could kill.

"What?" Steve says.

"He was starting to trust us Steve. He was opening up! You've done a lot more damage than you think."

Steve could no longer meet Sam's eyes because he knows he is right.

Sam does some damage control. Taking Bucky out for ice cream because he refuses to listen to Steve talk about the contents of the notebook.

When they get home Bucky holds a blue notebook in his hands. He shoves it into Steve's grip without a word.

The cover reads Ok for Steve to read if he wants in Bucky's messy handwriting.

Steve opens the notebook to find a note from Sam.

-Steve

Bucky and I made a deal. He will write something in this everyday if you leave his other notebook alone. Don't disappoint me.

-Sam

Steve goes into Bucky's room and finds him sitting on the bed.

"I won't touch your notebook without asking again. I'm sorry I did in the first place. I just wanted to know what you were thinking. You don't have to write anything if you don't want to." Steve leaves the other notebook on the bed with Bucky.

Before he is out the door he hears the scratching of a pen.

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