Author's Note: This is is less of a multi-chapter story, and more of a collection of short fics. Yes, I named it after that Amanda Bynes movie. In this fic, I am when I say football, I am referring to the American version. Know that my actual knowledge of American football, while greater than my knowledge of soccer, is not actually all that extensive.
She's the Man
Alanna was perched in wait on the arm of the couch in the living room when Thom got home from his robotics meeting, or wherever it was that he'd gone. She sprung on him immediately. "Hey Thom, did you get my text?"
Thom frowned, because he had and he was pretty sure he did not want any part of whatever Alanna was planning. "Yeah, I got it," he said. "Do I want to know why you want a copy of my last physical?
"I'm going to join the Tortall football team," she answered promptly
Thom raised an eyebrow. While that had definitely sounded like an explanation of sorts, on the whole, it didn't really do much to clear up the situation. "Congratulations. And that requires my physical because...?
Alanna huffed and crossed her arms. "Isn't it obvious?" Though she and her brother had been nearly identical when they were younger, by age fourteen it had become much easier to tell them apart. Thom was slender and pale, and his sharply arched eyebrows and wild orange-red hair gave him the look of someone who'd stuck a fork in an electrical outlet. Alanna was tan and solidly muscled from years of recreational sports leagues and various outdoor activities. She'd joined a community swim team that summer, and hours in the pool had tinged her long red hair green
"Not particularly," Thom replied. "I'm afraid you're going to have to explain it for me.
"I'm a girl, Thom," Alanna said, her voice overly patient. "At a rich private school like Tortall? They'd laugh me right off the planet, Title IX be damned." She sighed. "I should have enrolled at the Governor's School, too. I bet they wouldn't care if I was an alien, so long as I could catch a ball and run.
"I don't think the Governor's School has a football team," Thom replied absently. He did feel a bit sorry for his sister. The boarding school their dad had picked out for her was exactly the sort of place she'd hate. "And your solution to this dilemma is what, exactly?
"I'm going to enroll as a boy," Alanna replied
Thom was at a loss for words for several seconds, though he'd have thought that by now, Alanna's crazy plans would have ceased to surprise him. "You're going to what?!
"Enroll as a boy," Alanna repeated. "No one there knows who we are, it'll be easy.
"What about Dad?" Thom asked.
Alanna made a dismissive noise. "Oh, you know him. Once he gets to China or wherever—"
"Malaysia," Thom corrected, his voice faint.
"Yeah, that's the one." Alanna nodded. "Anyways, once he gets there, he'll be totally wrapped up in his research for at least a couple of years. If and when he comes home, I'll figure something out."
"What about your—you know," Thom said, waving his hands vaguely around his chest.
"I bought a binder," Alanna said. "I'll just have to keep my shirt on. And I've got an appointment to get my hair cut this afternoon, so that will be taken care of." She rattled on a list of several more things she would have to do.
Thom was quickly moving from shock to resignation. He had experienced Alanna's crazy plans before, been reluctantly involved in several himself, and knew better than to try to dissuade her when she'd decided on something. After a minute, he held up a hand, cutting Alanna off mid sentence.
"Fine," he told her. "My physical is all yours. But when you get caught, I reserve the right to say I told you so."
"Really?" Alanna said, and squealed. She threw herself at her brother, wrapping her arms around him tightly. "Thank you so much!"
Thom blushed and shrugged his way out of his sister's vice-like grip. "Come on," he told her. "You'll need my help doctoring the paperwork."
