"Arizona."
I'd recognize that blonde hair anywhere, and her name inadvertently falls from my lips as my eyes glance over the slim silhouette in front of me. I wouldn't have expected to see her here. I mean, we rarely run into each other outside the hospital, unless it has to do with Sofia - I found a place near our old neighbourhood after we sold the house, and her new apartment is closer to the harbour - but of all places, I didn't expect to see her at a kitchenware store.
She turns her head, blue eyes glancing back in surprise, and I offer up a smile.
"Callie, hey."
"What're you doing here?"
I wince internally the moment I voice the question, fearing that came out a little harsher than intended, but she just flashes me a friendly smile, motioning to the display in front of her.
"Blenders. I got one of those little stick ones, and I think it works fine, but Sofia's been pretty insistent that my smoothies aren't smooth enough. I figured it was time to invest in the real deal."
Chuckling softly, I step up beside her and glance over the shelf. There's a surprising selection of the small kitchen appliance at this store, and she doesn't seem to have one picked out yet.
"This is the one we-I have," I trail off a bit, pointing to a model, "it's pricey, but well worth it."
If she noticed my slip of words, she doesn't react, instead diverting her eyes back to the display.
"I thought it was. Thanks."
She reaches forward and pulls one of the boxes off the shelf, and I make an impulse decision before I lose her attention.
"Do you want to grab a coffee?"
Blue eyes glance up in surprise again, meeting mine more fully this time, and she raises an eyebrow ever so slightly.
"I mean," I look around, suddenly fumbling for words, "if you have some time. Unless you...where's Sof?"
"With April," she shifts the box in her arm a bit, then elaborates, "one of the nurses' cats had kittens, and she's a friend of April's. Sofia heard her mention it and then wouldn't leave her alone until she took her to see them. Alana, I think...I don't really know her, she's fairly new, but I guess she's from April's neck of the woods and..." she shrugs a little, "kittens. Sofia was really excited."
"I hope you're prepared to get a cat now."
The blonde laughs, shaking her head, and I watch as silky curls bounce lightly around her face. She's looked so happy lately - so beautiful.
"Trust me, we had a lengthy, serious discussion last night about how that would not be happening."
She pauses slightly and grins at me.
"Not at mama's house, anyway. You're on your own."
She heads down the aisle carrying her box, and I wander beside her, sliding my hands into the pockets of my jacket.
"I definitely deserve a yes on coffee for that."
I sidle up next to her as she gets into line at the cash register, and a mix of emotions flutters briefly across her face as she looks at me curiously.
"Sure, why not. That...sounds nice."
.
.
Two cups and more than an hour later, we're still sitting at the Starbucks down the street, comfortably sharing a small table and conversation - even laughter flowing easily between us. It was truthfully only awkward for about five minutes, and now it kind of feels like nothing ever changed between us. Like we're us, seven years ago, when we were first together and everything was light and happy and...easy.
I grin at something the peds surgeon says and lean back a little, picking up my over-sized mug. It's never been like this with anyone else. It wasn't with Penny, or any of the other women I've dated - it wasn't even really with Erica, or George. No one can come close to Arizona. It's not always easy, I know that, but it's always better. It's better when I'm with her.
And I think the gut feeling I've been harbouring for the last year has been right.
"Arizona."
She sips her latte and looks up, and a glance at her face is all it takes to push me over the edge.
"The thing is..." I take a breath, pausing slightly, but the words immediately start to fall from my lips, "it's been two years. Today, it's been two years since we were together. Did you realize that?"
Something in her eyes changes, and she sets her mug down.
"Of course I did."
"Which means it's been two years and a day since I've kissed you. Seven-hundred-and-thirty-one days. And the thing...the thing is, I thought it would make you happier. I genuinely did...and, and it has - you look like you're happy. You've looked so happy the last six months, and I'm so glad, but I'm not. I thought I would be, but...I have been happier here in the last hour and a half than I've truly been for the last seven-hundred-and-thirty-one days."
I bite my lip a little at my sudden outburst, and I see her go completely still, just staring at me.
"And I realize that...maybe it doesn't matter how I feel. Maybe you are happier because we're not together, now that you've had time, but I just..."
She's not saying anything so I barrel right ahead - I've been thinking it for nearly a year, so may as well just say it all now. I might be setting myself up for epic failure, but it can't get much worse than it has been.
"I miss you. God, I miss you, Arizona. And I still love you. I've tried not to - I have - but I just can't. And I want..." I run a hand through my hair in frustration, "I don't know what I want."
"You have to know what you want, Callie."
She speaks then, and I can see her fingers curl tightly around the mug in front of her, tension evident in her posture.
"You have to know what you want, and don't you dare say anything else unless you-"
"I do know."
I cut her off with a firm voice, looking up and waiting until she meets my eyes. I do know what I want, there's no doubt about it - I've known for a long time now. I knew before, and during the months I was with Penny, I knew when we sold the house and when we finally sorted out our belongings and our bank accounts and our lives. I knew every time over the last year that I dropped our daughter off at her house. I should have said it a long time ago, but at least I'm saying it now.
"I want you. I want to be with you. I don't want to live the rest of my life without you in it, Arizona. And..."
I take a breath, afraid that she's going to walk away, that she's going to do exactly what I did to her seven-hundred-and-thirty days ago. I probably deserve it.
"so...if you're up for it...I'd like to take you to dinner."
Her eyes hold mine for a moment and I can see her contemplating my words, see the myriad of emotions swirling through her blue gaze as silence falls between us. The silence reigns for a few long minutes as she just looks at me, reaching up to tuck loose hair behind her ear, and my heart is beating so loudly I think the whole café must be able to hear it.
"Yeah...maybe," she answers nonchalantly all of a sudden, quirking an eyebrow, "my schedule's kind of insane right now, I'll have to get back to you."
A warmth spreads throughout my chest and I catch my breath, almost unable to believe the words as they leave her lips. Words echoed seven years ago in an elevator, words that changed my life once upon a time...and maybe, just maybe, words that will change it again.
I know we can't erase our history, and I know we can't jump back into a routine, or a house, or a relationship without moving slowly and getting to know each other again, but - I love this woman. I'm in love with her. And it might take the rest of my life to show her, but I'm willing to put in the time. I let a smile tug at my lips as she speaks again, and I feel my heart bloom with hope for the first time in two long, long years.
"How's tomorrow?"
