Inspired by the one I forced to be my partner-in-crime, I present you all with the first (and maybe the last) song-fic. This is for you, Queenie! :)
Unbreak My Heart
"I'm tired of the back and forth, Rin."
"I love you. But this has got to stop."
"I can't keep letting you hurt me, hurt yourself. I...have to go."
"We're done."
Rin hadn't ever believed she'd hear those ugly words uttered from such a beautiful soul. She never thought he'd be the one to walk out, to give up. She thought he'd forever be her shield and defense and stance against fear and pain and insecurities. That the abusive childhood she'd fought her way out of would be beautified in the poetry of sex and long conversations. That what they had - no matter how few years it lasted - would be a photograph framed in rose gold, hung up for everyone to see and envy. To covet.
Not the crumpled sephia that lay in Haru's wastebasket with its broken and dilapidated frame. It was the talk of her belongings against the wall as she threw them. It was the whispered nostalgia and wistfulness in her tear-soaked pillows. It was the ballad that lulled her to restful sleep and separated her from dreams in the dawn of morning.
She only had hospital bills from when Akito tossed her out the window, like stale and unwanted garbage.
She could only run her black nails through her chopped and uneven tresses, tempted to tear them out as frustration burned hot enough to disintegrate her bones.
She could only hate herself for the mistake she made in letting a good one get away. Choosing to be a slave to everything daunting instead of taking his hand and trusting him to never let go.
Now all she could do was watch him.
See him pick himself back up almost two years later with a new girl on his arm and a career in tricking out motorcycles. How she was far less demanding and high-maintenance than she. The way she carried herself with confidence that Rin could never fathom having. Unless it was of the counterfeit variety. How she was a mirror image to the drama free lifestyle Haru must have craved after all the tumultuous years of ache.
It must feel pretty good.
For him.
...
Rin tugs on the sleeves of her white sweater, shivering as if the cold rain was drowning her from the outside. And she couldn't be so sure that it wasn't. Not only did she feel like the room had dropped several degrees since her sun left her those years ago...but their place suffered leaky roofs every spring. Haru would grab a ladder and climb heights that Rin never dared to reach. And he'd fix the hole, dedicating his time and focus to its repair. Because he wanted to keep her safe and warm. He wanted to care for their place as he did for their relationship.
But, he wasn't around to fix the hole in her heart.
And somewhere in the world. Maybe among the lonely spinsters and widows of her neighborhood, there was someone waiting around on their couch for someone to come and fix their roofs. And maybe, their heart along with it.
Don't leave me in all this pain
Don't leave me out in the rain
She looks around the lonely kitchen, recalling all the wine bottles that her lips kissed when she could no longer meet Haru's. The fridge fully stocked with carton after carton of milk. The cow print dish cloths hanging from the steel handle of her stove. What was once theirs.
Come back and bring back my smile
Come and take these tears away
She searched the shelves of her pantry for junk food. Preferably something fattening and sweet enough to distract her from her souring soul, and the jewelry box of unopened letters from Haru. Ones he'd written before the dramatic split. The very same she hadn't cared enough to read when they were together.
What a fool she was.
I need your arms to hold me now
The nights are so unkind
Bring back those nights when I held you beside me
Grabbing a package of white chocolate Oreos and half a jar of creamy peanut butter, she carts it over to their bedraggled love seat, directly in front of their brick fireplace. She plops down on the right - Haru's spot - and shoves her feet between the cushions as the rain patters against the roof. With shaky hands, she rips open the blue-white packaging, before occupying herself with unscrewing the lid of the peanut butter.
Un-break my heart
Say you'll love me again
She dips Haru's favorite cookie, scooping up her favorite kind of peanut butter, seeking peace in the couch Haru persuaded her into keeping.
She wasn't crazy about it when it was first offered by their neighbors the day they arrived in this building. They were moving out of what would be their home for a few years. And gave it to them free of charge.
No surprise, there.
It was ugly. And raggedy.
To make a long story short...it had seen better days. But this hideous piece of furniture made for better days between them. Kisses and snuggles and stories were swapped here. Love was made. Hearts were broken and patched up. And fights had met their end. But as much as she dreaded burning the midnight oil of term papers and research, the sight of him right here on this sofa brightened her day. And she was swept up in a renewed passion for him again.
Undo this hurt you caused
When you walked out the door
And walked out of my life
And she killed that.
Un-cry these tears
I cried so many nights
Un-break my heart
My heart
An hour later, the entire package had been polished off. Crumbs decorated the mostly eaten jar as thunder clapped above her head. She had just been sitting there. Reflecting numbly on what should have been. On the eve of their anniversary.
Take back that sad word good-bye
Bring back the joy to my life
Don't leave me here with these tears
Come and kiss this pain away
Her feet carry her to their neglected bedroom. And she rips out all her dresser drawers without thinking or even pausing to breathe. She just has to tear out the reminders of what today and tomorrow are meant to be. What burned a blazing red hole into her mental calendar without cease.
She removes all the lingerie and cards and perfume.
She takes out all of his old band tees and the necklaces he made just for her.
And she shouts, though the sound cannot compete with the endless rain.
I can't forget the day you left
Time is so unkind
Was he buying it for his new girlfriend, now?
Did she know what music to play?
What colors he liked?
How to touch him like she did?
And life is so cruel without you here beside me
Her legs buckle beneath her, clenching a particular black shirt in her trembling hands.
It was the one she'd thrown at him when he had his bag slung over his shoulder, and she'd watched his face fall as it him square in it.
She'd never forget that expression as long as she lived...
It blinded her to all the smiles and laughter they shared, once.
She couldn't remember any of that now.
Un-break my heart
Say you'll love me again
The last memory she had of him...was that frown.
Undo this hurt you caused
When you walked out the door
And walked out of my life
Un-cry these tears
Those tears.
I cried so many nights
She craved him.
Un-break my heart
My heart
To the point it ached.
Don't leave me in all this pain
Don't leave me out in the rain
She shoves her face into the material, wanting to feel what he did. Where he had once been. To relive that nightmarish moment in false hopes of changing the outcome. Because this wasn't the ending she signed up for. Even though he deserves better than she could be for him.
She breaks down anyway.
Bring back the nights when I held you beside me
An obtrusively sharp knock sounds from her front door, raking her back into the present though she clings for dear life to the happier past.
"Open up, Rin," a gruff voice demands, his tone pained and hurried.
She jolts upward. And she cants her head, wondering if she was just hearing things.
That her broken heart was creating delusions for her to cope in.
"Please?" He says, softer this time.
And for the first time that night, she returns from the dead.
His voice is the strength she needs to save her heart from remaining buried six feet under.
Despite the wetness of her cheeks, and the unkempt state of her hair, she raced to the door.
Un-break my heart
Say you'll love me again
Removing the deadbolt and unlocking the door, she would like to say she expected a million things for Haru to say when facing him again. But really, she never knew he'd show up in her life again, even for a visit.
So when he leans against the threshold, with a word of greeting as simple as, "Hey."
She launches herself at him. And flings her arms around his waist, crying into his chest.
She'd been dying to hear his voice for twenty-three months.
Undo this hurt you caused
When you walked out the door
And walked out of my life
"Hey gorgeous," he whispers, squeezing his eyes shut. "I missed you."
Rin's hands slide up his finely tuned body, rising up on her toes so that her lips hover right over his.
His scent pours over her like melted honey.
And her eyes roll back as she breathes it in.
Just...breathes...him in.
Un-cry these tears
I cried so many, many nights
"You've been crying," he remarks with a wavering note his voice. "Why?"
"Because I stop being able to exist without you, Haru. And I hate that I was too stupid to tell you sooner." She looks him in his stormy grey eyes, wondering if he was truly seeing her. Wanting her again. "What happened to your girlfriend?"
He shrugs. "It just didn't work out between us."
She brushes her nose against his, his eyebrows pinching together as he registers the contact of her tears on his face.
Un-break my
Un-break my heart oh baby
Come back and say you love me
"I'm sorry," she repeats, echoing the same words that have lorded over her head space. "I need you, Haru. I need you back. Even though you should have girls as generous and bold as your last." She closes her eyes. "There's just no replacing you. Anyone else would be a downgrade..."
Un-break my heart
Sweet darlin'
Without you I just can't go on
Can't go on...
He smirks, closing the door behind him with his foot as he carries Rin in his arms.
"Took you long enough."
The End.
