Out of my mind
I was just randomly listening to the James Blunt song: "Out of my Mind" and I got an idea for a story … sorry I didn't get a chance to update "Changes" recently, once I got this idea I needed to write it. Please comment if you can and thanks for reading.
THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH "CHANGES"!!!
He had a long week between the fights with Kathy and the kids, and the fact that Olivia was mad at him: when he talked about Kathy. He didn't mind when people were mad at him, but when Olivia was mad at him, his mind stopped. She was his rock, she kept him stable and he returned the favor to her. They were close: they were partners for crying out loud, and they would do anything for one another if it meant injury … or even death.
…………………………………………………………………………..
"Thank god it's the weekend!" said Olivia getting her desk neatened up so she wouldn't have to do it on Monday.
"Yeah wonderful." Said Elliot sarcastically
"Shouldn't you be happy it's the weekend? Go home, get a beer, and watch the Yankees!"
Elliot wishes he can stay and catch a case anything to stay away from the hellhole called home. Kathy has been throwing fits and the kids are being a pain in the ass too. He really wishes he didn't stay that night, and just have gone to the bar with his buds or Olivia. But instead he was on top of Kathy panting like a dog, wanting more.
"I don't want to go home." said Elliot quietly
"Elliot what's going on?" asked Liv pushing her cluttered pile of papers aside and resting on both elbows.
"Nothing.."
"Tell me Ell." She said
He loved when she said that, it always made him feel comfortable and secure in telling her what was on his mind or what was going on.
"Just Kathy is being a bitch that's all."
"Elliot she is pregnant you know! Trust me my friend was like that, just get her pickles or ice cream or whatever and she will be fine."
"It's not that … Its just … the pregnancy is very high risk, so the chances of the baby making it are slim. And I just want her to be alright"
Olivia never knew that it was high risk. Olivia knows what it feels like when a baby doesn't make it though the birth. The mother blames herself and takes her anger or sadness out on anything.
"Oh Ell I'm sorry." She said quietly.
"Yeah, It's just, …" said Elliot pausing, looking at her
Olivia's expression told him to go on so he did:
" It's just that night I wasn't thinking, I …"
"Regret it?"
"Yeah, the fact that I had sex with her was bad enough, but she is pregnant. I don't love her anymore… I --"
"You didn't practice what you teach." Interrupted Olivia, batting her eyebrows.
"What's supposed to mean?"
"Elliot do I have to explain it…"
"Yeah, enlighten me."
"You teach people to use protection Elliot, you go home and your ex-wife asks you to stay … you do BUT you don't use protection … do you ever?"
"And you are a god-damn saint Olivia!"
"I'm not saying that Ell…"
"You gave money to your fugitive brother … your lucky you still have your job!"
"Elliot you're blowing this way out of proportion!"
"Haha I am not!"
"Yeah you are!"
"You know what Olivia, you expect everyone to cut you a break because you have no father and your life was hell and you got all this shit in your closet."
"Screw you… you bastard!" said Olivia looking like she was about to cry.
She was just getting up to walk away when it just struck Elliot. He was going to lose the best thing that he ever had and he really hurt Olivia.
"Wait Olivia!" he said trailing her, grabbing her arm and looking into her teary eyes: " Olivia I'm sorry I treat you like shit its just I don't love Kathy I love –"
"ELLIOT, OLIVIA…!" said Don scrambling over, " you guys need to get to Julie Geary's house STAT!"
"What's going on?" questioned Elliot with a serious look on his face.
"Her rapist returned and he's got a gun. I just got the 911 call!"
"Let's go!" said Liv.
Then ran down the hall, down the stairs and out of the precinct like a bat out of hell. They jumped into the car and blasted the lights and sirens, flying down packed city streets faster than ever. Julie was in real danger and they had to get there FAST
They arrived at the apartment and Elliot and Liv stormed in. They went up into her bedroom with their weapons drawn. They saw the young woman on the bed covered with only a sheet, shaking and crying. The masked man had a gun and was pointing it right at the girl.
"THIS IS DETECTIVE ELLIOT STABLER WITH THE NYPD … PUT YOUR HANDS UP WHERE I CAN SEE THEM!"
Olivia was standing close by, on alert. They have done this type of thing over 100 times and she is always scared every single time.
"AGAIN, PUT YOUR HANDS UP WHERE I CAN SEE THEM AND DROP YOUR WEAPON!" blares Elliot.
"DON'T BE STUPID, JUST DO WHAT WE SAID!" screamed Olivia.
"Ohh a female cop… get over here!"
"No, drop your weapon!" said Olivia
"I said get over here!" the man said unzippering his pants. "You leave!" he said pointing the gun at Elliot.
"No, I'm not leaving without Julie or my partner."
"Julie you can go now." The masked man said.
Julie ran out of the room crying. It was just Ell, Liv, and the masked man.
"We can try to help you … what's your name?" asked Olivia
"I'm not going to tell you my name detective, I want to know your names."
"I'm Elliot Stabler, and this is my partner Olivia Benson."
"Just your partner, I find that very hard to believe." He said winking at Olivia, which made her cringe.
"Your so insistent on not leaving … I guess your going to have to watch me and Olivia screw each other then. You are going to be so jealous that I got a gorgeous woman like her…"
"Olivia, don't." Elliot whispered.
"Elliot do you want him to shoot us… I'll just give him what he wants."
"I'm not going to let you degrade yourself like this Liv. You're going to get hurt and who knows what this guy's got."
"Olivia are you ready?" the man asked.
"She is not going to have sex with you."
"Who asked you buddy?" he said pointing the gun and taking a shot at Elliot.
Olivia knew this was coming … she pushed Elliot out of the way and she felt a sharp pain in her chest as she crashed down to the floor. The man jumped out of the window and ran down the fire escape. Elliot looked over and saw Olivia lying in a pool of blood.
"OLIVIA, OLIVIA!!" screamed Elliot at her aid. "WE NEED A BUS IN HERE!" he screamed.
Cops and EMTs came rushing in and put Olivia on a stretcher. Her eyes were slowly closing.
"Olivia I'm not going to leave you ok… ok??" Said Elliot hysterically
"Elliot … Elliot." She hoarsely whispered, grabbing his tie and pulling him towards her as they boarded the back of the ambulance.
"Talk to me Liv!" he said with his face right up against hers, their lips as close as they ever were.
"I love you." As she said this her eyes closed.
"Olivia I love you too baby!! Don't leave me please!" said Elliot pleading with her.
He held onto her hand and it was cold…. The machines in the back of the EMT weren't beeping anymore and she was unresponsive…
"Olivia … OLIVIA!" Elliot cried.
……………………………………………………………………………………
"Where the hell is he?!?" screamed Kathy sitting at the kitchen table with her hand in a jar of pickles.
"How am I supposed to know?" Said Dickie working on a poster for school in the dining room.
"MOM!!!!!!" screamed Lizzie from the living room.
"WHAT!" Kathy yelled, shuffling over to Lizzie's side.
"There is breaking news coming into channel 7's newsroom, let's get to Anne Allread with the news, Anne?
"Yes there has been a shooting in downtown Manhattan and there are reports that 1 officer has been killed and the suspect has not been found."
They showed a video of Elliot walking along a stretcher crying hysterically as it boarded the back of the ambulance.
"That's dad!" said Lizzie
"Who is on the stretcher?" wondered Kathy.
"We have just learned the identity of the officer who was killed…"
Now the whole Stabler family was gathered around the TV set.
"Thirty nine year old Manhattan Special Victims Unit detective Olivia Benson was pronounced dead on the way to Mercy General hospital with her partner Elliot Stabler right at her side."
The showed an official picture of Olivia in her uniform from over 9 years ago. She had the short, dark brown hair and chocolate brown eyes.
"Oh my God, I got to get down there!" said Kathy getting up to grab her keys.
…………………………………………………………………………………………..
The whole one-six was in the hallway in front of the room Olivia was supposed to be in. Everyone had been crying, including Don and Fin. Elliot sat there with his head in his hands with Olivia's blood still on his shirt. Casey walked in and saw them all crying.
"What's wrong, John why did you call me down here?" she questioned with a worried look on her face.
"It's Olivia …"
She ran into the room and saw an empty bed.
"Where's Olivia?"
"Case… Olivia's dead."
"NOO!" screamed Casey collapsing into John's arms crying.
"Shh, it's alright Case." He said half-sobbing moving her into the hallway with everyone else including Melinda who just showed up. She just got the news from Fin and she was in his arms crying.
"Elliot…. Elliot." Kathy shuffled down the hallway approaching the crying group with her baby-bump very obvious.
"It's Olivia," he sobbed as they both hugged.
"I know I saw it on the news honey." She said kissing him on the cheek. They both sat down and he put his hand on her stomach and his head on her shoulders, while she whispered something into his ear.
About 5 minutes later a familiar voice was heard screaming up the hallway:
"WHERE'S MY SISTER?" screamed Simon running towards Elliot.
"Simon we need to talk." Said Elliot getting up.
"Elliot, what happened to Liv? Is she ok?"
"Come on follow me." Said Elliot leading him into the room and shutting the door.
"Where's Olivia... Elliot talk to me!"
"Simon, she's dead."
"What, but how??"
"She got shot Simon …"
"Why didn't you try to protect her Elliot, you're her partner!" sobbed Simon, grabbing onto Elliot's shoulders and shaking him.
"Simon, he meant to shoot me … she took the shot for me." Elliot said quietly.
"What were her last words?"
"I love you Elliot." Elliot said quietly.
"Oh." Said Simon
"I'm sorry, I should have protected her …"
"Elliot … she really cared about you." Said Simon opening the door and walking down the hallway past everyone else.
Elliot just stood there watching him walk down the hallway. Her last words still rang in his head. That was why she left the unit after the warehouse incident with Gitano. She really cared for him and he cared for her. He wishes he never acted like a dickhead today; he was trying to say that he loved her but she interrupted. He had no idea what he was going to do without her … she was his life and reason for living.
He walked out of the room and saw Don talking to Kathy. When Don saw Elliot he looked up and spoke:
"There is nothing you guys can do now … go home, be with your families and whoever. I'll see if I can get all of you guys a few days off … me, Simon and IAB will be making arrangements. If you need anything please call me or swing by the precinct."
While everybody else got up and was leaving, Elliot and Kathy stayed.
"Elliot, I need to talk to you." Said Don, walking into the room and keeping the door open a crack, Kathy overheard them talking:
"IAB wants to talk to you first thing tomorrow morning." Said Don
"Yeah I know."
"Elliot, go home to your family and kids. Kathy said she'll be there to help you out, she knows how hard this is."
"Don, she took the shot for me … why did she do that??" questioned Elliot sitting down on the empty bed.
"Because you've got a family Elliot, a pregnant wife, 4 kids. She really cares about you Elliot … you know that."
"Yeah I know."
"She loved you Elliot." Don said quietly walking away.
Elliot just said on the bed and shaking his head;
"Maybe one day I'll wake up and this will all just be a dream." He thought.
Kathy walked into the room to see Elliot sitting on the bed. She went over to him and sat next to him. He put his head on her shoulders and cried.
"Ell, it's all right … I'll be here for you ok?" she said taking his hand and kissing it.
"Alright." He said looking at her.
"How about this … you go home and take a nice hot shower, I'll get your car at the precinct and I can pick up a few pizzas on the way home."
"I'm not hungry."
"Yeah well me and Stabler junior are. Drive me to the station and I can get your keys. Where are they?"
"Middle drawer." He said weakly.
"Ok let's go." She said.
……………………………………………………………………………………..
Elliot walked into his house without saying a word, his kids just stopped what they were doing and just looked at him. He had Olivia's blood all over his shirt, tie, and pants. He went into the kitchen, scurried around in a few cabinets and pulled out a bottle of scotch. He walked past his speechless kids, and went upstairs into his room, slammed the door and locked it. After crying and drinking the scotch, the room started to turn fuzzy and spin around…
……………………………………………………………………………………………
Kathy walked into the cold, empty precinct to grab Elliot's keys. Cragen was sitting at Olivia's desk going though her phonebooks and drawers. He looked like he had just been crying for the past 4 hours.
"Hey Don I just came by to get Elliot's keys and bring some stuff home to him."
"Alright." He said not looking up from what he was doing.
Kathy sat down and went though Elliot's cluttered desk. Once she got the keys, she tried to clean up his desk and drawers. She was looking at pictures on his desk of her and the kids. She saw a picture of Olivia and Elliot that looked like it was old. Elliot was wearing a tux and Olivia was wearing a little black dress. Don had a big pile of photo albums and pictures on Olivia's desk.
"Pick out some you think Elliot would like." He said quietly.
"Sure." She said quietly grabbing a book and flipping the pages.
She saw pictures of Olivia with Casey, Alex, and Melinda. They were all wearing party clothes and they were in a bar with a bunch of guys. She had her flowing brown hair, and beautiful brown eyes that just matched her olive skin. Then there were a bunch of pictures of her and Casey making funny faces wearing there PJs. Kathy took out one of Olivia laughing and giving the peace sign. She continued looking in the book and saw a load of pictures with Liv and Elliot. There was one in black and white where Elliot had his arm around Olivia's waist and she was laughing hysterically and one of Olivia and Elliot singing and the rest of the squad laughing.
"Wow she is so pretty I wish I looked that young!" thought Kathy as a small tear ran down her cheek.
It finally struck her why everyone loved Olivia; she was smart, funny, sexy, and good at being a detective. She cared and always had advice and could be your best friend; Kathy went to her for advice about her and Elliot's marriage. The guys always treated her as one of them when she joined the squad over 9 years ago. They aren't going to be the same without her.
………………………………………………………………………………
Casey, Melinda, Monique and Fin were all at John's house sitting in silence. Casey was sitting on the couch hugging her knees while John sat next to her snuggling her. On the other side of John, was Monique who had her head on Johns shoulders with tears in her eyes. Fin was sitting on the other couch with his arm around Melinda. After what seemed like forever John spoke up:
"Remember at the Christmas party about 8 or 9 years ago when Olivia sang 'Man I Feel Like A woman'?"
"Yeah I do… Me and her were dancing." Replied Fin "She was a wicked good dancer."
"We danced too … remember John?" Monique asked. "You weren't that bad."
"Yeah I know a lot of women say that..." said John.
"Hey Monique remember when me you and Liv went to the gym and we saw Elliot there?" Casey asked.
"Yeah she couldn't keep her eyes off of him that night."
"Neither could we." Smiled Casey.
"Remember when Olivia …."
…………………………………………………………………………………….
Kathy got the pizzas and hurried home with the pictures she picked out for Elliot tucked neatly in her pocketbook. When she pulled into the driveway she took a deep breath, got out of the car, and entered the house.
"Thank God I'm starving!!" said Dickie clearing the table and grabbing plates, cups, and soda.
"You guys can start eating, where's you dad?" Kathy questioned.
"Went upstairs a long time ago." Kathleen said. "Is he alright?"
"Not right now honey, just leave him alone for a few days ok guys?" said Kathy weakly.
"Alright." They all replied in unison as they ate their pizza.
Kathy trudged up the stairs and headed to her room.
………………………………………………………………………………………….
"Elliot … Elliot…" she said knocking on the door.
She tried to open it and found that it was locked. She reached over the doorframe, grabbed the key, and unlocked the door. To her horror she found Elliot passed out cold on the bed with the bottle of scotch still in his hand.
"Oh my God!" she said as she scrambled to the bathroom to get some cold water.
"Elliot…honey…wake up!" she said splashing him with the water.
"Ughhh." Elliot moaned.
"Elliot it's Kathy … wake up."
"Kathy…. Where am I?" he said groggily, opening his eyes.
"Your at home honey." She said running her hands though his hair and trying to get rid of the water under his eyes.
"What the hell happened?" he said trying to comprehend what happened.
"You just had a little too much to drink that's all."
"Ohhh." Said Elliot noticing that he was holding a half empty bottle of scotch
Kathy took it out of his hand and tried to sit him up. He got woozy and felt the room spinning so he lay back down.
"Kath where did all this blood come from?" he said noticing his shirt.
"It's from Olivia … honey Olivia passed away…"
"Nooo" sobbed Elliot huddled on his side.
"It's ok honey … I won't leave you I promise." She said, as she lay down next to him face to face. She was staring at his rugged face, his clear blue, teary eyes and set-jaw. She placed her hand on his face, leaned in and kissed him on the lips, her heat transferring to him, but the taste of tears was lingering on Kathy's lips.
Elliot just laid there crying, wishing as hell that Olivia was right next to him staring at him face to face with her brown, long hair, her chocolate eyes and olive skin. He would do anything to see her, kiss her, and tell her how he really feels. Now he is trapped: his ex-wife has his baby on the way and the other woman whom he fell in love with is now dead. He just wanted to die too, just so he can see Olivia and feel her again. On the way to the hospital he has never been that close to her in his life. He just wanted to feel his lips press against hers ever so gently and take in the sweet scent of her perfume that always drove Elliot wild, even when he was still married. He just wanted to touch her in all the right places….
Now she is gone…. Gone for good.
Dumm dumm dummm … yeah this chapter is sad, but it will get better I assure you. And can you please leave some feedback if you can (did you love it, hate it, whatever.) The comments keep me writing!
