Author's note: Maybe more than an OS? Betaed by my dear friend Urahara-Girl. (Original in German)

There was stuff you wanted to say but you didn't say it

by

Sam96

There was definitely stuff John always wanted to say to Sherlock. Not all of it would have been good but it should have been told.

Say it now!

No. I'm sorry, I can't.

He didn't lie to his therapist when he told her that. He really couldn't tell her what he wanted to tell Sherlock. She would never understand what he'd be talking about and she'd just write it on her list and he'd read it upside down.
Lost in thoughts John takes paper and pencil and sits down by the window, staring into the endless depths of rain that keeps falling since 4th of May and won't stop anymore.
At first, it's hard to fill the blank white page with words but shortly after, his pencil is peeding up so the last line is hardly readable.

1. I hate you for playing the violin at 2 am - sometimes even at 4 am - in the morning but I'm always listening in awe.

2. I hate you for blocking the kitchen table with your experiments all the time so we didn't eat at it the entire two years we were living together although I preferred the living room anyway.

3. I hate you for damaging our table although I learned to ignore all the marks and I finally started to accept that we have to buy a new one soon.

4. I hate your moods that make you fall from the highest highs to the lowest downs but I'll never leave your side no matter how brisk and repellent your behaviour will be.

5. I hate your arrogant and ignorant behaviour which makes you forget sometimes that I am your friend and that my IQ is much higher than Anderson's although you seem to notice this by yourself now.

6. I hate you for the fact that I have to remind you that sleeping and eating are needs of the human body and that you cannot ignore them.

7. I hate you because I have to tell you over and over again that smoking is killing you while you either don't care or you don't understand.

8. I hate you for forgetting my girlfriends' names because it embarresses me every single time.

9. I hate you for interrupting my dates and making me run through London although you showed me places I've never seen before.

10. I hate your 'We-both-know-what's-going-on'-look because I never know, which is why I find the look so annoying.

11. I hate you for confiscating my laptop and hacking into it while I need weeks to remember the password.

12. I hate you for knowing all about me while you'll always remain a secret to me.

13. I hate you for fighting with your brother and that I don't know the reason why.

14. I hate you for treating Mrs Hudson the way you do because you mean so much to her.

15. I hate you for you risking my life and brining me so close to death because Mycroft didn't tell us that the CIA was after Irene Adler's camera phone as well.

16. I hate you for blaming me that I didn't listen to you when I wasn't even at home but I guess that you'll never lose this characteristic trait - no matter where you are now.

17. I hate you for jumping off a roof top and making me watch.

18. I hate you for believing that you could convince me that you were a fake because you should know that I'm John Watson and that it will never work.

19. I hate you for leaving me alone.

20. I hate you because now I have to stare at your empty seat and I have to write this list because I can't tell you all this in person but most of all I hate the truth which is:

21. I love you.

Rain keeps falling.
Hour by hour.
Day by day.
For three dark years.

To be continued ...?