My complete and utter thanks to chickenwinglegolas! I read her fics of Emmett in a computer lab and an elevator, and I wanted to stick with them. Since chickenwing is working on a Harry Potter/Pirates of the Caribbean crossover, however, she couldn't do it... so she let me! Cheers, chickenwing!
Emmett strolled casually into the mall, flicking mentally through his list of things to do. He had to admit that it was quite extensive… perhaps some things could hold off until tomorrow.
He walked quickly down the escalator, whistling softly through his teeth. When he reached the bottom, however, he howled and began tugging on his foot, screaming, "My shoelace! Help, my shoelace!" As people began to stare at him, alarmed, he jumped backwards and scurried away, whimpering.
He hurried off to his first stop, which was the pet store. Pausing by a rack of flea collars, he grabbed a few and began attempting to fit them on. When he failed with each one, he whined piteously and scratched furiously. An anxious looking salesman hurried up to him and asked if everything was all right. Emmett threw the flea collars down and began bawl. Between sobs, he gasped, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
The salesman looked horrified and stuttered, "I- I'm so sorry, sir! I was just trying to- to help…."
At this, Emmett brightened up and beckoned the salesman towards a cage of guinea pigs. He said, "I was just wondering how much meat these have on them." The salesman stared at him. When no response seemed likely, Emmett shrugged and strode out of the pet store, leaving an utterly bewildered salesman and a pile of flea collars behind him.
Emmett hurried purposefully towards a clothing department. He slipped in between two racks of jeans, grabbed a few pairs at random, and hurried into the changing rooms. He pulled some on (backwards), and dashed out of the changing rooms. He walked up to the nearest saleswoman and said loudly, "Excuse me, ma'am, but do these make my butt look big?" The poor woman hemmed and hawed for a moment, struggling to find the words to explain Emmett's situation to him, but he left her hanging mid-sentence to change again, and sprint off towards some ladies' underwear.
He grabbed a pack of brightly colored panties and jogged back to the saleswoman. He said, "Do these match the color of my hair?" The woman's mouth worked furiously and she began to redden, but Emmett just tossed the underwear down at her feet and darted off again.
He slipped into a clothes rack and held his breath, waiting. He heard a small group of people walk p to the rack, and when one young man reached out towards a shirt, Emmett shook the one next to it and whispered loudly, "Pick me! Pick me!"
The young man shrieked loudly, and then covered his mouth, embarrassed. Emmett, meanwhile, sprang out of the clothes rack and ran away, laughing maniacally.
Emmett turned himself to a department full of guns. He walked up to a clerk and held out his driver's license. He said, "Sorry, sir, but have you seen this man?"
The clerk stared for a moment, then gesticulated feebly at Emmett, who shook his head pityingly and sauntered off. He stood gazing at the guns for a while, and then turned suddenly to the clerk and said, "Excuse me, but do you happen to know where the anti-depressants are?" The clerk looked confused for a moment, and then a creeping look off horror began to creep across his face. By this time, however, Emmett was long gone, his shoulders shaking with laughter as he burst from the mall.
Thankee for reading, hope you loved it! ^_^ My thanks to chickenwing, again... and don't forget to r&r! :P
