Title: The Slytherin Dungeon Harlot, or The Truth Behind Blaise Zabini

Author: Melon Gatorade, Impainemas_Angel@hotmail.com

Genre: Comedy/Romance/General

Keywords: Blaise Zabini, Slytherin Harlot, Dumb Blondes, True Illusions

Spoilers: Not really, just knowing that Draco and Pansy are a couple and Pansy owns pink dress robes.

Rating: PG-13 for Language, maybe some drinking if my Slyths get bored, and snogs galore.

Archive: Ask me. I'll probably say yes.

Summary: So no one really knows who Blaise Zabini actually is. Here's a hint: she's a redhead (and for all practical purposes, related to the Weasleys…important for reasons to come). And Draco thinks she's banged the whole school. Beginning of fifth year, Cedric's dead…:(

Disclaimer (the boring legal stuff): This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. And besides, if you sued me….you know what you'd get? You don't? Neither do I.

Author's Note: I've created Blaise's personality…and I decided she was a redhead because of Cassandra Claire's "Draco Veritas"…a damn good fanfic, may I add, if you have the time to read it. All right. Now that we're all done with that…presenting…Zabini's Gang Bang! (OK that's a joke from my hockey team…with the Boston Bruins, go figure). Seamus's personality is loosely based on my friend Tyler's. "You're stupider than Pansy Parkinson" is also Tyler's, except he used it on me in the context of "You're stupider than my dog". And I can make fun of blondes because I am one. Ok?

~*~*~

~The Slytherin Dungeon Harlot, or The Truth Behind Blaise Zabini~

"So I heard you got yourself a new boyfriend." Draco Malfoy gave Blaise Zabini an evil grin. "So that makes it how many Hogwarts guys you've fucked this year?"

Blaise cracked her bubble gum loudly. "If we're going into technicalities here, he was my…" she trailed off, counting on her fingers, "seventh hookup, and I've only had one serious boyfriend. Which isn't bad for me, mind you." She blew another bubble that lazily popped.

"And another thing. Why the hell do you chew that stuff?"

"I like my gum the way you like your Yule Ball dates: pink and bubbly." Draco ran out of comebacks and Blaise grinned. "It's too bad that both our fathers are death eaters, because I have to go to those damn Malfoy Family Death Eater parties. I'm so sick of you it's not even funny."

"Redheads piss me off. When I think redhead, I think Weasley. When I think Weasley, I think Muggle Lover. Of course, you've probably banged each one of those Weasleys senseless, you being the kind of person you are."

Blaise turned away, disgusted. "I'm not dignifying that with a response. I'm off to the Library." She walked out of the Dungeon, leaving Draco miffed. Malcolm Baddock leaned over and whispered conspiratorially to Draco:

"Dude. They're cousins."

~*~*~

"I'm so bored. Can't we do anything?" Fred and George Weasley were spending a lazy night in Gryffindor Tower. They couldn't do much until about 9:30, and it was only 8:45.

"It's not that bad, Fred…although I'd like to get over and start working on the stuff soon. How do you think it's gonna turn out?"  George was quickly shushed as Lee Jordan walked by. "And he can't know why?"

"He's a prefect before a friend now. If he knew what we were up to, we'd be getting Howlers from mum faster than you can say 'bludger'."

"Good point. All right. What can we do for," George consulted his watch, "thirty-seven minutes?"

"How about some Exploding Snap?"

~*~*~

"What's up?" Blaise sprinted into the Library, stopping short in front of a table that had a fairly attractive Irish boy at it. Seamus Finnegan. Her Potions partner for tomorrow. Snape had finally switched up partners, so she wasn't working with Pansy. Pansy was incompetent as a potions maker; she couldn't even measure right, let alone make a correct potion. Blaise was the only reason they got full marks in that class.

"Wear a watch much?" Seamus grinned up at her. "Don't worry, I've just gotten here myself. How the hell are we supposed to make this potion again?"

Blaise leaned over. "Well…" her voice trailed off as she saw the potion they were making. "I can tell you this much. I'm skipping tomorrow."  Blaise consulted her watch…it was 9:25 "Crap. I gotta jet."

"Where to?"

"Well, I can't really say…I'm kind of sworn to secrecy under a contract. But you can walk me there if you want. That way, if you see something, it's not like I told you. Deal?" Blaise shot a sly grin at Seamus. That grin…it got him every time. If she wanted to, she would have had him whipped faster than her Nimbus could fly.

"Sure." Blaise took off. Seamus followed behind, distracted. Why would Blaise get so upset by a "True Illusions" Potion?

~*~*~

"Hey! It's the Slytherin Harlot, up for her first day of Potions since she was given the nickname!" Draco called to Blaise as she entered the room.

Blaise took her usual seat to Draco's left, pulled out her quill and bottle of purple ink, and wrote "bite me" across the top of Draco's paper. She gave him a smile. He reacted by biting in midair. She rolled her eyes. 'Not literally', she wrote. They began to waste some of Draco's parchment, trying to figure out creative insults before Snape arrived. She burst out laughing at Draco's comeback of "You stupid bitch! You're dumber than Pansy!"

Terence Nott sat next to Blaise, as usual, and leaned over into her ear. "You know. If you and Draco keep doing that, you might get labeled as a slut." With a nonchalant flip of her middle finger, Blaise went back to passing notes with Draco.

Severus Snape walked in. His air of authority shut up the class. He cleared his throat. "Today we are brewing the True Illusions potion. Can anyone tell me what it does?" Blaise put up her hand, but Hermione started in on the explanation.

"It's a potion that will show the drinker's…"

"Ten points from Gryffindor for speaking out of turn, Miss Granger! I expected more from a prefect such as you. Miss Zabini? Something to add?"

"I was just going to answer the question, sir. True Illusions allows the drinker to reveal one thing about his or herself to the rest of the world, permanently. It can be a desire or a dread."

"Good." Snape seemed distracted; he didn't even give Slytherin any points. "Get into your groups. Start working."

Blaise moved over to where Seamus was sitting. "Hey. Sorry about last night, we musta scared you pretty bad."

"I've seen nicer things than Fred and George Weasley turning into slugs."

Blaise laughed. "Well, they're funnier than the Canary Creams in my opinion. And they're selling them together."

Seamus rolled his eyes. "So why don't you like this potion?"

"Because…" she lowered her voice, "I'm going to turn blonde. I've always wanted to be a blonde. I hate being a redhead because I can't wear pink. Either that or I'm going to confess my love for the Backstreet Boys. Neither sounds too appealing to me."

"Go for the blondeness." Seamus's shoulders were shaking from laughter so much so that he couldn't measure out any of the potions ingredients. This seemed like the perfect time.

"Seamus," Blaise smiled, "You stupid shit. You're dumber than Pansy Parkinson."  Seamus completely lost it. He broke out into peals of laughter and couldn't stop. Blaise quickly brandished her wand and muttered a Calming Charm onto Seamus. The effect was immediate, and Seamus was able to continue the potion. However, Blaise's charm came a bit too late, and Snape had already made his way over to their cauldron.

"What's the meaning of this, Finnegan?"

"Sorry, sir. I was trying to light a fire with my wand, and well, it's been acting up the past week or so, so when I tried to light the fire, it cast a super-strength Cheering Charm on Seamus, but I reversed it as soon as possible." Wow. Never before had so smooth a lie escaped her lips. Snape, disgusted, seemed nevertheless to accept Blaise's explanation and walked away.

Draco caught Blaise's eye and mouthed "bullshit" to her. Blaise grinned and began to prepare herself for blondedom. Hey, then Draco wouldn't think "Muggle Lover" when he saw her, right?

~*~*~

After Potions class, just as Blaise suspected, she was now blonde. She caught up to Draco in the hallway. "That's your secret desire? To be a dumb blonde?" He burst out laughing.

"Bite me, Malfoy." To her surprise, he leaned over and nipped her on the neck. "What the fuck was that?"

"Don't say it unless you mean it. So I guess you must have had fun today. I'll bet you've had better things on your lips than that lie, though."

"Such as?" She was baiting him; he took the bait.

"Well, I can guarantee you haven't had the best lip experience until you've had Draco Malfoy's tongue in your mouth."

"I dunno. Cedric Diggory was pretty damn good…" Draco was giving her a strange look. "What? It just kind of happened when I was in an 'off' period with Justin."

"That is awful."

"Well, I guess we could see how you match up, huh?" Blaise moved dangerously close to Draco, her lips almost brushing his. "Wait. No, we can't. You think I'm a slut. Never mind." She walked down the hallway to Slytherin Dungeon, giving the password (Griffin), while Draco stood in the hallway.

"She almost kissed me. Gods. That'll be the last time that'll ever happen." With a sigh, Draco walked into the common room.

~*~*~

(Author's Note: Yes, there are more. Draco's pissed. He's supposed to be going out with Pansy, and now he has to make fun of her. Hey, just because you're going out with someone does NOT mean that you can't make fun of him or her. I do that all the time. And Blaise, yes. You are a dirty, dirty, skankbag. Get over it. But you're blonde for now, and blondes definitely have more fun.  After all, you get to taunt Draco Malfoy, while making Slug Jellies for your cousins, AND hooking up with Seamus Finnegan… :-P. O yea, I took the "Which Draco are You?" Test and I got ::drumroll:: EVIL DRACO! Ok, enough of the ranting. Review me. Flames will be read and used for my Teen Open Diary Hogwarts Barbeque, haha.)