I'm So Crushed
Crushed
By the sweetest lips I've never kissed
And your fingertips
And the warmest touch that I've always missed
Crushed
By the softest hands I've never held
Probably never tell
You're the strongest love that I've ever felt
-Crushed by Rosette
"Morning, Rin," my mother greeted, not expecting a response as I continued on my way out the door.
Late, late, late. I was going to be late again! I let out an annoyed groan as I glanced at my watch, praying that it was wrong as I rushed out onto the pavement, my school skirt fluttering in the breeze, definitely giving everyone quite the show. Why were these school skirts so freaking short? I didn't have the time to stop and hold it down, but it's not like I cared, anyone. The only one who I'd care about seeing me right now was—
I let out a shriek as I crashed into someone. I stumbled backward, and then I felt myself being grabbed by the shoulders and steadied. Letting out a sigh of relief, I offered a brief thanks, not having the time for anything more.
"Living a rushed lifestyle isn't healthy. You know that, right, Rin?"
A rosy blush crept into my cheeks as I looked up, meeting Mew-oneesama's smiling face. "M-Mew-oneesama!" I stammered. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize it was you! Shouldn't you be in classes?"
"I came to pick you up," Mew-oneesama replied, smiling. "I was worried you'd be late again.
"Y-you didn't have to that," I stuttered, my cheeks reddening further.
"I can't just leave you to fend for yourself," Mew-oneesama laughed. "C'mon, I came to pick you up, but that doesn't mean that I want to be late."
"O-okay," I murmured, accepting the helmet Mew-oneesama offered to me. By the time I finished clasping it on my head, she had already climbed onto her motorcycle and was waiting for me with that smile I loved so much. I gently sat sideways on the bike, wrapping my arms tightly around her. My eyes squeezed shut as the motorcycle began moving. My heart pounded so hard. I begged to God that she wouldn't notice.
Mew-oneesama and I had met months ago, at my middle school's culture festival. My class had opted for a maid café, much to my annoyance. Not that I cared about the drooling boys, but, honestly, that was just so overdone. Anyway, I'd been serving Mew-oneesama, and the older girl, a girl from our sister high school, had been amused by my fiery, overly-blunt mannerisms. She'd even laughed when my annoyed self had spilled hot tea on her while being distracted by yelling at our class rep.
Ever since, Mew-oneesama had come around to my house to hang out and, upon discovering last week that I had been late to class three times in one week, had decided to come and pick me up in the mornings, apparently. And, because she was just so awesome, everyone quickly took notice.
"Look, it's Mew-senpai," Lui, a kid a couple years younger than me, murmured as I climbed off the motorcycle at the school's gates.
"What's Rin-senpai doing with Mew-senpai?" questioned Oliver, Lui's friend. "Well, she's cute, but she's not hot like Mew-senpai."
I cast a glare at them while Mew-oneesama took the helmet off my head and onto hers. They were taken aback by my vicious look. Didn't they get it? Mew-oneesama was mine, not theirs. In fact, tonight, I was going to confess to her.
If only I hadn't thought that multiple times every single day ever since I'd met her.
"Okay, I'm off," Mew told me with a smile. "I'll come pick you up after school, okay?"
"Yep, I'll look forward to it!" I cheered, glad just to have Mew-oneesama's attention. I smiled at her. The sun was shining in her long, black hair. She was so pretty. I really did like her. If only I could finally tell her.
Tonight, I swore to myself. I'll tell her tonight.
. . .
I didn't tell her that night.
She came to hang out, and we curled up on the couch to watch a movie in my dark, dark basement. It was a horror movie, of course, so Mew-oneesama, on hearing my scream as I cowered behind a blanket at a particularly disturbing scene, laughed and hugged me by the shoulders, pulling me toward her so that my head lay on her chest. Her heartbeat echoed in my ear. I really hoped she couldn't hear my speeding heart.
"O-oneesama?" I murmured nervously.
"Don't worry, Rin," she teased, tweaking my nose. Thank God for the dark that hid the blood rushing to my face. "It's just a movie. Besides, I'll protect you."
I averted my gaze, embarrassed. "Don't say things like that."
She stared at me curiously. "Why not?"
"N-no reason," I replied. Dammit. Why did I get so nervous around her? I was infamous for having a terrible, bitchy attitude, but, when it came to Mew-oneesama, it was like I was some hopeless, ditzy girl.
"C'mon, Rin," she whined, pouting at me. "You've been keeping something from me for a while. I can tell."
"I-I don't know what you mean," I insisted. "I'm not keeping anything from you."
Mew-oneesama gasped dramatically. "Could it be, Rin . . . ? Do you . . . hate me?"
"No!" I shrieked, leaping onto her, unable to believe that she'd said that. She fell back in shock, pulling me with her. Our faces were inches apart as I shouted, "I could never hate you, Mew-oneesama! Because the truth is that I . . . I . . . ."
The lights flicked on, showing me Mew-oneesama, staring at me, startled by my actions. Then, a voice rang through the basement. "Rin, do you know where my DS is?"
My brother, Len, happened to enter at the most inopportune moment, when I was currently pinning my friend to the couch, our faces inches apart, both of us obviously not watching the movie. This, of course, led to him shuffling off very uncomfortably without discovering where his DS was, even though I actually did know where it was.
After that, we returned to watching the movie. I wasn't brave enough to try again after that. Before leaving, she told me she had something to tell me. However, she promptly seemed to forget about it, because it wasn't brought up again until weeks later.
. . .
"Five days in a row that you've been on time," applauded Aoki, one of my best friends, when she met Cul, Kaito, and I in our classroom, bringing my brother along with her.
"Go to hell," I retorted, knowing that Miss First Rank in Our Grade was harassing me. My brother couldn't even look at me. "What's up, Len?" I teased, narrowing my eyes seductively, putting on the sexiest voice I could muster. He looked at me, startled, before quickly looking away.
"Nothing!" he lied quickly. "C'mon, Kaito, let's go somewhere else!"
"Aw, but I wanna be with the girls," Kaito complained, begrudgingly standing to go with my brother despite his complaint.
"So what's your secret, Rin?" Cul wondered., putting on a news-reporter-type voice, pretending to hold a microphone toward me. "How are you getting here on time so consistently? Fans want to know."
"Mew-oneesama," I replied, smiling dreamily.
"Ooh, what's with that look?" teased Aoki. "Got a crush?"
"I'm in love with Mew-oneesama, actually," I said bluntly.
"Like hell I'm leaving!" exclaimed Kaito, having heard us from the classroom door. He ran back to our table and took a seat beside me, staring at me eagerly. "Go on."
"Perv," I grunted, shoving him sharply so that his chair fell sideways, along with he himself. My brother, his face beet red, took a seat between Cul and Aoki. I looked to all of them, who gaped at me. Actually, the entire class had heard me and had turned to stare. I didn't care who knew, though, so it was alright. "What?"
"Have you told her this?" Aoki questioned.
"W-well, I just haven't found the right time," I mumbled indignantly.
"No, Rin!" exclaimed Kaito, clawing his way back up to the table and gripping me by the shoulders, forcing me to face him. "You have to tell her! And then invite us over while you're on a date! And then make out!"
And then, he fell unconscious due to the joined efforts of the three girls. Len was busy being embarrassed by the idea of his lovely sister kissing another girl. I stared at our unconscious friend and shrugged before returning to discussing Mew-oneesama with my other friends.
Mew-oneesama was mine, and now everyone knew it.
. . .
Mew-oneesama was with a purple-haired boy when I came out from school a few weeks later. She was on her motorcycle, and he was on another. They were talking so amicably. I froze. Was I seeing this right? Mew-oneesama always came alone, didn't she? As he harassing her?
"Mew-oneesama?" I murmured as I walked over to her.
"Rin!" she chirped. "I wanted to introduce you to someone!"
I stared at Gakupo. He was smiling kindly, but my gaze didn't mirror his, not even slightly. His brow creased in concern as he saw my expression. Who was he? Why was he here? This was my time with Mew-oneesama.
"Rin, this is my boyfriend, Gakupo."
Boyfriend? No, Mew-oneesama, you can't have a boyfriend. There's no way. You would've told me earlier, right? Right?
"We've been dating for a couple weeks now, and I really wanted you to meet him. We were going to go to my place and watch a movie. Want to join us?"
The helmet she offered to me was the same one I wore everyday. I didn't look at it, or her. I stared at him, her boyfriend. No. This wasn't fair. I was the one who loved Mew-oneesama, not this guy.
Mew-oneesama gasped as the helmet was whacked out of her hand. With tears in my eyes, I stared at her and, not caring about making a scene, shouted, "How could you? This isn't fair! How could you do this to me? You're so mean, Oneesama! You're cruel! I wish I'd never met you!" I squeezed my eyes shut and clenched my hands into fists on either side of me. "I love you, Mew-oneesama! I really, really love you! Couldn't you see that?"
Then, using my whole arm to wipe off the tears, I ran away. Everyone moved aside for me as I ran down the street, sobs ripping from my throat and tears pouring from my eyes. It was so humiliating. I loved her! Was I just some kid to her?
I ducked into a niche between the school and someone's house so she wouldn't find me if she even bothered to look. Then, I choked out sobs, rubbing my red eyes against the sleeve of my school uniform. Eventually, as I remained there, curled up into a ball, it lessened to sniffling and hiccups.
I was so crushed.
Author's Note: I really wanted to write an oneesama-type shoujo-ai fic, so here it is. Dedicated to polarhamster10, the awesomest girl EVER! Hope you liked it! Reviews are appreciated!
