o===

Why hello. If you are reading this then someone, somehow, is leaking confidential information to the outside of the Fourth Wall. I, Doc Scratch, will have to investigate this matter when it alarms me. For now this is an automated message, an "author's note", perhaps, but I am not the author. No, this is an autobiography, how much truth, how much fiction, I don't know, about a failed verse. An Alternia I scrapped for reasons you will soon find out. This is the memoir of a failed version of the Knight of Blood. When I find this, I will take it down, but for now, stir up some tea, feel free to take a few licorice scotties or a === or two. Enjoy.

CHAPTA 1

MAN, I FEEL LIKE DA CONDESCE 'CAUSE EREWHERE I WALK, DERE AT LEAST ONE, NAW, TWO LUSUSFUCKAS BOWIN' DOWN TO ME. YEAH, I'M DAT BIG AROUND HERE. IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHO I AM, THEN YOU'S EYES AN' EARS MUST BE SERIOUSLY ASSBACKWARDS, YO, BUT HERE'S MY NAME. MY NAME, IS KARKAT VANTAS. BUT ON DA STREET, I'M KNOWN AS DA KNIGHT O' BLOOD. ON DA OTHER STREET, I'M KNOWN AS DA CARCINOGEN. ON ANOTHER STREET, I'M KNOWN AS KARKITTY, BUT I DON'T GO TO DAT STREET NO MORE. SO ANYWAY, I'M STARTIN' MY STORY WHEN I WAS PLANNIN' MY MOST INFAMOUS OF CRIMES AND YOU HAVE TO KNOW WHAT DA FUCK DAT WAS, HELL, EREBODY KNOWS WENT DOWN ON 4/13. YEAH, NOW YOU'S REMEMBERIN'. DAT WAS JUST A FEW SWEEPS AGO, WADDN'T IT? BUT I WAS STARTIN' OFF PLANNIN' DIS SHIT WITH MY HIVEDAWG SOLLUX CAPTOR, AKA DA KILLA BEE, AKA YELLOW FEVER, AKA MUSTARD GAS, ON DA MECHANICS. SO I WAS IN MY HIVE WITH SOLLUX. WE WAS TALKIN' 'BOUT DEM HIGHBLOODS AN' HOW THEY SO FUCKED UP AN' SHIT.

"YO SOLLUX, AIN'T DEM HIGHBLOODS FUCKED UP AN' SHIT?" I SAID.

"yeah man, they 2o fucked up. repriimandiin' our riight2, actiin' all hiigh an' miighty, they need two get they're a22e2 off our 2treet, man," SOLLUX ANSWERED.

"AMEN, BROTHA, WE NEED TO RUN DEM FUCKASSES OFF OUR TURF!"

"hell yeah, when we doiin' iit? twomorrow?"

"NAW MAN WE NOT DOIN' IT DAT SOON! WE GOTTA PLAN IT OUT YO! WE COULD GET OUR SICKLES AN' OUR PSYCHIC POWAS AN' RUN THOSE LUSUSFUCKERS OF OUR STREET RIGHT NOW, AN' THEY'D JUS' COMEBACK WITH THE COPS AN' THE FEDS AN' THROW US IN DA SLAMMA, YOU WANT THAT, BRO?"

"aw hell no, we'll plan out thii2 biitch. ii diidn't even thiink of da con2equence2!"

"EXACTLY MAN, WE NEED TO MAKE A PLAN, YO. ALSO STOP YO DUMBASS LISP, MAN, IS MAKIN' US LOOK RIDICULOUS IN DA BAD WAY!"

"brotha, you be hatin' on da li2p? nobody hate2 on da li2p. nobody."

"WELL FUCK ME, I BE LISP HATIN'"

"ii thiink you's askiin' for an optiic bla2t, hater!"

"LOWBLOOD, YOU DA ONE HATIN'!"

DA PLANNIN' WAS PUT ON HIATUS FOR TWO DAYS DUE TO CREATIVE DIFF'RENCES (I.E. SOLLUX BEING A BITCH).