Hey everyone!

This is a little thing that I wrote until I publish my next series. It's not particular good, and really unnessicarily sappy, but if you are lacking stuff of to read, why not read this?

And my beta is angels.dandruff, so love her too.

Enjoy…

P.S: The song is Suffocate by J.Holiday.


His honor

She was in bad shape. Multiple boxes of used Kleenex were scattered around her bed, and the two wastebaskets were both overflowing. The covers on her bed were tangled around her limp body, and the stuffed animal he gave her was on the floor, facing away from her. She had thrown it across the room.

A sob escaped from her mouth, and she bit her pillow, trying to stifle it. Hadn't she already shed enough tears? She could have already filled a small lake, must she now fill the oceans?

And all for him. All for Syaoran Li, the man who had broken up with her 2 days ago. What was his reason? Nothing important, something about her needing someone who was financially stable, and someone who could give her all the attention she deserved. Not someone who was constantly ignoring her for periods on end when he needed to work for his clan. She said she didn't mind, she really didn't. He said he did.

The worst part was the carefully planned out steps and cautiousness he had broke her heart with. He had called her up for a date, gave her the best dinner he could, and then towards the end of it, he started to close himself off from her. Finally, when they were walking to her house, she asked him what was wrong, and he looked at her with shuttered eyes and told her that he couldn't do it anymore. The love had died.

The look on his face had initially scared her. She didn't know what it meant. And then as he began to speak soft, carefully chosen words to her, she understood.

She could still perfectly picture how his fingers trembled as he agitatedly rubbed his own arm. How his voice became pained as the silent tears fell from her own eyes, and how he flinched away from her as she moved to encircle him in her arms. And she remembered how he walked away without looking back once, even as she called his name, begging him to turn around and reconsider. He didn't even falter.

She would not chase him if he wanted to leave her. She wouldn't call him, or visit his house, or his art galleries, and she most certainly wouldn't beg him everyday for a month to return. Instead she would lie on her bed and miss his voice, his touch, his mind, and his presence. She would pretend that she was living in a dream, and that in a moment she would wake up and he would be hovering above her, rousing her from a bad dream.

But then she would sleep for a few hours, awake, and she would quickly sit up and call out his name, and listen intently for movement, or sound. When silence greeted her, she would fall back into her sheets and the tears would silently fall. And how they fell…

Her alarm clock rang, and she lifted heavy eyes to stare at it. Its insistent song would stop after 2 minutes. Then it would be 7:02. She had been awake all night. But that was alright. There was no need for her to move from where she was. In fact, there was no need for her to do much of anything. Life seemed a little greyer after him. A little lethargic. Or maybe it was just her.

She moved her eyes away from the alarm clock to sweep her gaze around the room. So much of it reminded her of him. The first time he had came over, he laughed at her own embarrassment of the size of her home and swept her up into his arms and revealed that he preferred cozy houses to the endless space that his own had. They even talked about him moving in with her, but he decided that it would be better to remind separate. At least until one of them finished school. That way "in case" something happened, their kids would have a source of income.

Sakura softly laughed, but the sound came out strangled. She swallowed convulsively, and her bottom lip trembled. She wanted kids so badly. She had loved growing up in her family, and the thought of raising a family with him made her feel so proud, even if they didn't exist yet. Now they never would.

The doorbell shocked Sakura out of her thoughts, and it was her intention to ignore it, but after 5 minutes, it was still ringing. She pulled the covers around her shoulders and dragged the blanket to the door with her. She opened the door and saw Tomoyo standing there, with flowers and chocolate.

Tomoyo hesitated at the ghost she saw standing there. Quiet tears trailed down Sakura's face, her eyes were dead, and she looked incredibly thin. Tomoyo's hateful words about Syaoran died at seeing Sakura, and she invited herself inside, put the items on a table, and gave Sakura a hug. "Eriol said that… and I'm sorry."

Tomoyo pulled back and led Sakura to the couch. After Sakura was lying on the couch, she began to clean up the house and began to talk.

"So I know you're still sad about Syaoran, and that is to be excepted. But I think it will be better for you if you get out and about. It will help you rebound faster. Plus, I hear there a quite a few guys who have a new interest in you. Thanks to-" she muffled her next word by coughing.

Then she started again, "In any case, Eriol and I got three tickets to a club for tonight. And you're coming with us!" Tomoyo stopped in front of Sakura and looked at her form.

"But I think you are going to need a little help getting ready to flash your goodies at the boys." She met Sakura's eyes and pleasantly smiled. "And that's where I come in."

--

Sakura felt good. Tomoyo had dragged her all around town to get the most completely makeover in her entire life. Her hair was clean and styled, her face was pleasantly flushed from the city life, her eyes were glittering, and her clothes were skimpily hip and sexy. She felt like herself.

And it really had helped that Tomoyo didn't need another companion to respond when she was talking. After a while of listening to Tomoyo's words, her disposition had considerable lightened.

The club was loud, rowdy, and many guys had hit on her upon their time here. Tomoyo wouldn't leave her side, but after some nudging from Sakura to join her boyfriend who was begin attacked by hopeful girls, Tomoyo ran off to rescue him.

She swirled the drink in her hand in the cup and surveyed the crowd. People were grinding, chatting, hanging out, or plain old dancing, and it was a good mood. The end of the song and the silence of the bass speaker signaled a start of another, and Sakura felt her heart strings jerk.

A slow song.

And when one song played, there would be a small string of them until the DJ felt like people had had a nice break and it was time to dance.

She bit her lips and tried to assuage the memories that were flooding her mind. She began to look for Tomoyo, but stopped when she felt a hand on her arm. She turned up to look at the perpetrator and saw one of the guys that she had danced with. He nodded his head towards the dance floor. "Shall we?"

She hesitated, then let him lead her out to the dance floor. He pressed himself against her, and Sakura stiffened. He didn't feel anything like he was supposed to. Sure, he was attractive, and well built, but all his muscles were in the wrong place, he didn't smell right…

He wasn't Syaoran.

Tears began to fill her eyes, and when her partner felt the tears on his shirt, he startled her by pulling himself roughly away and leaving her on the dance floor to fend for herself. Sakura's eyes were wide with shock, and then quiet short sobs began to accompany her liquid pain down her face and onto the floor.

Ashamed and infuriated with herself, she tried to navigate her way off of the dance floor, but a hand on her shoulder stopped her in her tracks.

"Could I have this dance?"

She slowly turned around and looked full on into the eyes of Syaoran. He had never looked better. He looked vital, healthy, and not at all like someone who had just dumped his girl friend. But she knew him too well to ignore the hints of remorse in his eyes, or the restless energy that radiated from his clenching and unclenching jaw.

She had planned to confront him with polite coolness and to kindly blow him off, but instead she was standing in front of him her face red and puffy from her damned tears, and it wasn't helping that those eyes of his were looking down at her with the utmost love.

He seemed to understand that she wasn't going to respond, and he gingerly placed his hands on her hips, eyes trained on hers, looking for a go ahead.

She had planned on maintaining this distance, but there wasn't enough space, and soon she found herself pressed up against his body, her cheek against his shoulder, his arms protectively around her waist, holding her as tight as he could without hurting her. They began to sway to the beat of the song, and she closed her eyes, letting the song soak into her soul.

Cause I can't breathe when you talk to me,
I can't breathe when you're touching me

Her tears had dried, and she fought to resist the urge to melt into his arms. He wasn't going to take her back, and she'd be damned if she went crawling back to him, hounded him like some sick fan girl. Fan girl she was not.

Even if his fingers were stroking light circles on her back, even if his heartbeat seemed to be going as crazy as hers was, even if his body against hers felt better than it ever had, she would not give in. She wouldn't. She hardened her heart against his being, but it just as quickly melted when his voice tingled her senses.

"I've tried so hard to let you go the way I wanted to. I tried to not think about the way you cried when I left, or the way your voice called my name when I walked away. But those things have been there in mind, and they're killing me Sakura." He took in a deep uneven breath, and Sakura listened to him with a bated breath, trying not to jump to conclusions.

"I'm addicted to you. I've become addicted in these few years that I've known you, and I don't know what to do about it. There's no anti drug, no replacement, and my memories seem to make it worse…" He pressed his face into her hair and inhaled.

"If you'll take me back… If you can find it in your heart… He separated from her and walked her outside. The warm summer air greeted them cheerfully, but she couldn't breathe for the tension in the air. What was he talking about?

They stopped in front of a beautiful water fountain of Zeus lifting his hand to Hera. The sky was crystal clear, the stars seemed to be winking down on them, and the trees surrounding the fountain gave the gods an appeased look. His hand clasped hers, and he stared into her eyes.

"Sakura, I told you that I didn't love you because I thought you needed better than me… and then Eriol called me and began to yell at me because Tomoyo told him that you were in bad shape… and then I began to think that maybe I was wrong, and you need me like I need you…?" He broke off and released her hands.

"And then I came here because Eriol told me not to because you were going to be here… but I needed to talk you… and then I was so mad when I saw you dancing with all those guys… I thought that you had moved on… and I was going to leave, but I saw you alone on the dance floor with those beautiful eyes all teary… I caused those tears didn't I?" He put his hand on her cheek and brushed away the new tears that were trickling down her face.

"I couldn't bear to see you alone… Don't cry Sakura, I've been so foolish, and I've been so confused about everything, god I wanted to make you happy but I think that I've endangered us by being silly…" She noticed that he was trembling, speaking nonsense, but it sounded so beautiful to her.

"I don't want you as my girlfriend Sakura, I want more, so much more…" He dug around in his pocket and pulled out a small box and got on one knee. Opening it, he took the emerald ring out and looked up at her with endearing eyes. "I want you as my wife Sakura… If you are willing to handle someone as frustrating and in need of light like I am… maybe you would… we could…"

Sakura looked into his eyes, and suddenly it didn't matter so much that he had put her through hell for the past few days. He sounded like he gone through the same mental torture, plus the strain of figuring out how to mend their relationship…

She reached her hand out to him, and he slid the ring on her finger. Standing up, he pulled her in his arms and murmured, "Would you do me the honor of becoming my wife, Sakura?" Wetness blinded her, and she threw her arms around him.

I suffocate when you're away from me
So much love you take from me
I'm going out of my mind

She threw her arms around him. "Yes… Damn it, I love you Syaoran."

He nuzzled her forehead with his. "And I you."

A shooting star passed above them, and as their lips met, one could have sworn that Zeus' hand reached forward and put his hand on Hera's. Sakura and Syaoran had each other. Forever. Nothing would ever break that bond.


:)