LUST


blankness filled the room, the creek of the empty seats behind me made me shudder. The cold winter wind breezed through the room, this scene―that I was staring in front of me―I was witnessing my decisions that had brought me here. The cuffs around my wrists were becoming sweaty, each drop of sweat made every second last longer. It's as if I were never be able to escape this enclosed room.

I forgot who I was, what am I? My life was token away from me. Was I meant to end up like this, was it something that I had done in my past life that had to make this one a nightmare? The room was hazy just as my mind was. My options were already chose because of my actions, my pitiful, stupid actions. The answer that I had been waiting for, seemed like a death soon to come. I knew what was coming. I knew that as soon as that gavel hits, I'll be that home run ball, I was never going back.

I was out of the field.

The wooden stick banged on the counter as if it were the bat that had swung me out. I looked the judge in his eyes, I knew what he had in for me. I knew what he was thinking, adults are all just the same. The only difference they have from children is that they have money. Money is what controls adults to do what they do, their being controlled just as we are being controlled by them. Nobody has power. We are just puppets being displayed as humans with skin, we are nothing more than what we appear to be. But as soon as we do something that we are not told, disobeying the rules that had made this world, we are seen as the people who are "bad", But the people that disobey the rules, are we really "bad"? Are we really just what the society thinks we are, or are we just revealing the natures behind the human minds that have been sealed? I don't know. But I want to.

As he announced some of the requirements to be said before revealing the decisions, I could have felt the glares of the parents on the other side of the room. Looking at me as if I was a monster. I stared at them as many seconds passed without any emotion slightly on my face, they were in disbelief of how I was not ashamed. I didn't care anymore. I wasn't the one that was building up this rage inside of me ready to burst. In fury, one of the parents got up abruptly, slamming his hand onto the handle of the seat―marched towards me and slapped me in the face―Screaming wildly―as many words came streaming out of his mouth as he tears were. But then is carried away by one of the guards to the outside of the room, still glaring into my eyes.

I touched my cheek, it stunged immediately and I pulled my hand away from it as fast as possible. The judge cleared his voice and spoke loudly into the room, gathering everyones attention and announced his decision.

"Yukihara Sakura Mikan, You have been called guilty for- "

I couldn't even focused on what the judge was saying, my mind was blank. My eyes were gazing at the snow falling out the window. I realized that I could never enjoy seeing snow fall as it was now. Am I like snow? Did I get built just to fall? I bit my lip as I noticed one of the guards telling me to rise to exit the room. I knew that it would never work out―I knew that my life was just a twisted dream I would never wake up from. That is why as the two doors behind me slammed together in unison, I closed my eyes, hoping that if I fell a sleep and had dream, would this cold winter turn into a bright warm summer? An everlasting summer to run away from this cruel reality that would never leave me alone.

ah.

I wish.