Hey everyone!
Welcome to my second fanfic in two days xD
Hopefully this one is better than my first =)
The song in this is I'll Stand By You by the Pretenders.
Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or I'll Stand By You.
I was waiting for her to emerge from Vance's office. She had been in there for half an hour now. Talking with the director and Gibbs. I knew why she was in there. McGee had somehow found out and told me. I knew what her reaction would be like. She would be steely-eyed. Emotionless. That was on the outside at least. On the inside I knew she cared about her father. Deep down she cared for him, even if she wanted nothing to do with him anymore after her whole Somalia ordeal. She had no one now. Her brother and sister were dead, and as far as I know, she never knew her mother. At least she had a father. Now, all that was left of her family was her.
The doors opened and I saw Ziva walk out. I was right. Her expression was straight, emotionless. I know she saw me there. But she walked straight past me, downstairs to her workstation. I waited for a few minutes, debating with myself whether I should go to her or not, and then followed her footsteps, ending the journey at my workstation instead.
She was sitting at her desk, silently staring at her blank computer screen. I observed her for awhile, also quiet. I knew she could feel my concerned eyes on her, but she did nothing about it. Then, after three minutes of staring, I saw it. Her eyes momentarily drifted from the computer and met mine. I saw something that wasn't too common in Ziva. Pain. It was in her eyes. She was hurting, and I know she was doing her best to hide her only- human emotions. It all happened very fast. Before I knew it, she was back to staring at her computer. This time though, I saw something even rarer in her eyes. Tears.
Oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
I knew what I had to do then. I didn't even have to think about it. It was just the two of us in the Squadroom. I got up off my chair and slowly walked over to Ziva's desk. I half sat half leaned on the edge of it, looking down on her. She acknowledged me, yet at the same time, pretended that I wasn't there. Gently, I placed my hand on her shoulder and left it there. No words were exchanged. No words needed to be exchanged. At my touch, Ziva's eyes met mine. They were tear-filled, but still beautiful. I knew she wanted to look away, to hide her face from me, her partner of 4 years. The person who had been with her through thick and thin. The person she knew had her back. I didn't let her. I maintained my eye contact, scared that if I broke away, she would go back into her own little bubble and not let me in again.
Don't be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
'cause I've seen the dark side too
Finally, she looked away. But still, I fought my way into her barrier. I knocked it over. I knew that it was only me who she'd let in. Not McGee, not Abby, not even Gibbs. I didn't take it for granted. We had been through a lot together. The two of us. As partners. When we first met, and were standing in the rain outside that hotel, she told me about Tali. How she died in a suicide bombing when she was just sixteen. It was soon after that she became a Mossad Liaison Officer with NCIS and we were sent undercover as married assassins in a hotel. And then there was that time where she fell in love with Roy Sanders, the Lieutenant who died of radiation poisoning before she could get to know him better. I was there for her then, and she knew it. And how could I forget about the whole Jeanne ordeal. Deep down, I knew that I wouldn't have been able to get through it without Ziva. And then I went and shot Michael Rivkin. Her boyfriend. And she almost shot me. I had seen better times. But when she stayed in Israel, because of me, I was lost. She was my partner, and partners were not supposed to fight. I regretted killing Rivkin every single day I had to arrive at work and sit opposite no one, or just some random woman who tried, but did not succeed to fill Ziva's shoes. When my gut had told me that something was wrong with Ziva, I didn't hesitate to put my life on the line to rescue her. We had made up. That was all that mattered, and it still is what matters most.
So I knew that when Ziva let me in, she needed something that only I could give her. Comfort. Advice. Reassurance.
When the night falls on you
You don't know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less
It was then did she fall apart. All the pain, all the hurt and ache for her dead father and now non-existent family that she had been attempting to hide came rushing out. She had fallen into her own arms on her desk. Her sobs racked her body violently. I knew I should have been scared at seeing her like this, but I wasn't. I was relieved. Relieved that she no longer felt the urge to conceal her emotions in a blanket of secrets and toughness. I was relieved that she was letting it all out, and not allowing it to eat her up from the inside out. Her sobs became louder and more aggressive, but I did not leave her side. I stayed with her, not saying anything, just allowing her to free herself of all these emotions. I just stood next to her, occasionally rubbing her back and soothing her.
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
When her crying had somewhat ceased, I made her look at me. Her eyes were red and puffy, and the little make up she wore was now running down her face, but that didn't matter. I handed her a tissue from my pocket and watched and waited patiently as she wiped her face, hiccupping every now and again. When I felt she had recovered enough to speak, or at least listen, I began talking. I hoped that with me saying words of condolence and reassurance, she would pick up and also begin talking about what was bothering her the most and how she was feeling at that point in time.
So if you're mad, get mad
Don't hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too
Well I'm a lot like you
And talk she did. She spoke for ten minutes straight. I didn't interrupt her once. She spoke about her family, the pain her brother and sisters loss had caused her, the silent battle she had been having with herself after Somalia about her father, and why she had decided to cut him from her life. She spoke about her regrets at doing this, and that deep down, she mourned her father's loss like she did Ari and Tali's. Occasionally, a tear or two would find its way into her eye and slide down her cheeks, and when that happened, she would wipe it away and continue with her story. The more she spoke, the more I learnt about her, and the more I realised how little I actually knew about the woman I felt I could call my best friend. It pained me to see her like this, but I knew that I had to be strong. For Ziva's sake. I had to be there for her now. This was the beginning of a better relationship between us. A relationship that was filled with truth. Honesty.
When you're standing at the crossroads
Don't know which path to choose
Let me come along
'cause even if you're wrong
When she was finished with her story, I began talking again. I spoke from my heart. My head said nothing. I gave her advice on how to deal with her father's death. I gave her advice on the future. And most importantly, I told her that I would be there for her whenever she needed it. If she was upset. If she was proud of something. Even if she just felt a sudden urge to talk. I told her that I would always be listening.
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Take me in into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you
After an hour of uninterrupted conversation, crying and confessions, I stood up. I gestured for Ziva to do the same and she did. It was then that I put my arms around her and held her tight. It was our first hug ever. Our first hug in over four years. It felt right. Ziva also wrapped her arms around me and buried her head into my shoulder. In her ear, I whispered that I would stand by her. She nodded her head in understanding and belief and continued to hug me.
Feel free to comment/criticise =)
