"I have to leave," he whispered.
His voice yanked me from the vision and back to reality. My mind was in overdrive, and everything was once again up in the air. When I saw our life, it was everything I subconsciously ever wanted. Charlie and Renee in my life, the pack, Billy, Jacob, my kids, myself.... Of course I had never thought of kids, or staying human at all, but seeing it right behind my eyelids really set things back into perspective for me. For once in my life, I found myself questioning whether or not immortality was what I truly wanted. Once I was turned, there was no going back. Would I want to be human? To breathe and feel and sleep and die? As Jacob still held me, secure in his arms, the idea didn't sound so bad. I could stand dying if his skin was the last thing I felt. His warm embrace, his soft lips, his carefree laugh.... He wasn't mine, but he could be. It would be so easy to do, just like our friendship was like. I tried to regulate my uneven breath as I peered up at him. His beautiful brown eyes bored into mine, still reveling in the kiss. I couldn't let him go down there to fight. What if he never came back? I couldn't imagine the loss of him...there could not be a world without Jacob in it.
I shook my head, defiant. "No."
He smiled, and stepped forward, placing a soft kiss on my forehead, then whispered in my ear. "Bella, you know I have to go down there. I have no choice."
I shook my head and shivered as his hot breath hit my skin, lighting me on fire. I couldn't let him go, not for this. "Jacob, please. I'm begging you. Please stay here, for me." Remorse swept through me as I remembered his similar words as I left him to go save Edward from the Volturi. How he must've felt...I truly was a monster.
He closed his eyes and rested his forehead on mine, and his hot skin melted me. "Bella, you know that if I could, I would. But Sam won't let me, whether I'm second in command or not...he's still Alpha. What he says, goes." He took a deep breath before continuing. "I would stay for you, though, if I could. I'm going to go down there, fight the vampires and I'm going to come back for you. Do you understand me? I'm going to come back to you, not a scratch on me. I promise."
His voice was intense, and I knew he was right. I had to trust that he would come back for me, it was the only way I could handle it. I heard a howl in the distance and I knew he had to go, but I couldn't seem to let him out of my grasp. I stood on my tip toes and placed a fluid kiss on his supple lips. I pulled back and gazed into his endless onyx eyes, trying to convey all the love I truly had for him. The love I only now realized.
"I love you Jacob."
With a smile, he let me go, and slowly backed away from me, into the cold forest. "I love you more." My eyes followed him as he retreated into the forest until I could not see him anymore. My eyes blurred with tears and I covered my face with my hands. I turned around, and headed back into the tent, unsure of anything. The sand colored wolf still lay on the bed of pine needles near the tent, his eyes accusing.
My fingers shook trying to unzip the tent, my sobs and heavy breathing making it difficult. Cold hands replaced mine then, opening it with ease, and leading me gently onto the soft sleeping bag. The guilt that overtook my senses in that moment grabbed me by the throat and wouldn't let me go. I couldn't speak and it was hard to breathe. I couldn't even bring myself to look at him.
"Bella, what's wrong?" His velvet voice was concerned and full of love. It pierced through me like knives. How could he not know what's wrong? Hadn't he heard every thought that passed through Jacob's head?
"I kissed Jacob," I whispered through a cry.
He was silent for a moment. "It's okay Bella. He tricked you, it was merely an act of guilt. There's no way I can ever be angry at you."
I shook my head, deflecting his words. It may have started as an act of guilt, but that kiss was everything. I didn't know who I wanted, and which life I wanted to be part of anymore. I had always been in favor of immortality, of being a Cullen. But now, everything was 50/50. My head was a jumbled mess of confusion, and I just wanted to be alone. I couldn't fake my remorse to Edward right now, not while I was waiting for Jacob, and while swallowed by guilt.
Seth whined uneasily outside, and Edward stood up, listening to his thoughts. He turned to me, his topaz eyes soft, "Bella, there's more newborns than expected. We need as much help as we can get right now, and Sam's asking for my assistance. Please stay here for me, I'll be back as soon as I can."
I nodded weakly and he stepped out of the tent, saying something quickly to Seth, then running off at inhuman speeds. It was disconcerting how things took a turn so fast. Just this morning, I was so intent on keeping Edward in my grasp, not allowing him to fight. Yet here I was, sitting alone in the tent as Edward ran off to fight newborns, while I thought more and more about the kiss Jacob and I shared.
My fingers came to my lips then, and I grazed them, trying to feel the spark of warmth that electrified me earlier. The kiss was so different from every one of Edward's. This kiss was open and strong and passionate, while Edward's were so...weak and reserved. With Jacob, I felt wanted and loved. His touch so hot, his kisses so...human. His lips were so soft and warm, and they brought me to places that were a reminder of him. They brought me to La Push, First Beach and his garage. Warm sodas, and sitting on drift logs in the summer heat. Times where he brought me out of darkness and into his sunlight. If only back then I would have made a real effort to come out of depression, I could have enjoyed his innocence more. Back then, he was just a happy-go-lucky kid, with not a worry in the world...no vampires to kill. Even now though, if I tried enough to bring back the old memories around him, you could see that the innocence was still there, just under all the heartbreak and pain. I sighed. That's what affected me most...his pain. It rocked every bone in my body when I saw the hurt in his eyes. We had such a strong connection, every emotion from one person could be felt by the other. His pain, my pain. And now after the kiss, I could also feel his love.
Suddenly, I heard a sharp howl right outside the tent. I ripped open the tent's entrance, and saw the Seth wolf frantic. He looked me in the eyes, then pointedly motioned with his muzzle for me to climb on his back. I quickly obliged, swinging one leg on each side of his back and grabbing onto the fur at his neck. He lurched forward, running so fast that everything around me was blurred. I closed my eyes as I felt the contents in my stomach rise slightly. I could tell we were going uphill, further up into the mountain. Suspicion overtook all sensible thought and I opened my eyes, looking back to see a blur of striking red hair speeding after us. I closed my eyes and shook my head, biting my lip to muffle the scream. So this was it. I was going to die, and so was Seth. It was only a matter of time before she caught up and ripped us to shreds. I hated that Seth was dragged into this--he was so young, so innocent...so much like a younger Jacob. We reached a clearing then, it was wide and you could see the plush green grass under the thick white snow. It would've been beautiful if we were not running for our lives.
Out of nowhere, Seth whipped me off of his back, and stood in front of me in a protective crouch. I landed in the freezing snow with a thud, shaking with fear and coldness. He growled as Victoria approached, and howled again as she halted in front of him. She looked past him to me, smiling with hatred and anticipation. Her bright red hair had flakes of snow in it, and contrasted strikingly with the surroundings.
"Well Bella, it looks like you really know how to capture the hearts of monsters, don't you?" She sneered, eyes still on me. Seth never moved away from in front of me, and I couldn't stand for him to get hurt.
"Just kill me and get it done with, but don't hurt him," I managed to whisper.
"I have no intention of hurting him at all. As much as I despise werewolves, I'd really rather not harm him. I'm sure he's rather sweet as a human. If he would only move...."
Seth growled menacingly through his teeth
"...But seeing as he won't, I have no choice. You see Bella, when you get involved in the supernatural, you're going to get hurt. It's only fair that I kill you, seeing as Edward killed my mate." She took a step closer, daring Seth to make a move. But he didn't, he stood stagnant, waiting.
Before my eyes could adjust, she had whipped Seth across the clearing. He flew into a boulder and landed into a broken heap on the ground. His head lifted a fraction, then fell again, blacked out. I ached for Seth, wanting to run to him and help, but I knew I couldn't. She'd kill him next chance she got. She turned her head back to me again, and smiled a wicked smile. She didn't strike right away, as I thought she would have. Instead, she walked step by step, her feral movements accentuating her anger. Her slow and casual walk reminded me of Laurent's words in the meadow over a year ago... But if you knew what she had planned for you, Bella...I swear you'd be thanking me for this. I swallowed the scream that had built up in my chest, not wanting her to have the satisfaction. I closed my eyes, waiting for death to come, but a minute passed and it never did. When I opened my eyes again, her face was within an inch of mine, and I muffled another scream, not bothering to get my ragged breathing under control.
She lifted her hand up to my face and cut a long gash down my face using her sharp, granite nail. Her smile widened with satisfaction and she closed her eyes, breathing in my blood. She brought her face up to the wound and licked it with her venom-coated tongue. The gash seared with pain, unbearable pain. The smell of rust and salt filled my nostrils and clouded my vision. The venom trickled through my flesh like acid. My wound stung as if a million bees had left their mark. I closed my eyes, trying to blink back the tears, but they broke through my weak barriers.
"Please, just do it already," I pled, though it was only a whisper.
"Bella, living without James is painful, I'm going to let you in on the experience." she sneered.
I closed my eyes, wishing she would just get it done. Tears came as I realized everyone I'd never see...Edward and Jacob and the pack and my family. Everyone I've hurt, I guess this was the payback. I didn't care, I'd take it if it meant that they were safe. I felt comfort in knowing that no one else would get hurt. Jacob could find his imprint, or at least someone else to love. Edward could move on...Charlie could find someone to spend his days with. I knew that everything would be okay, that everyone would remain. I opened my eyes, confident now in my death. I would take whatever came to me now, however long it took.
"Maybe after I'm finished with you, I'll go hunt down your lovers. Edward and Jacob is it? Tisk tisk Bella, I never thought you'd be one for a dog," she laughed harder than before.
This brought out the anger more than anything else before. She knew nothing about my life or anyone in it. She didn't know that Jacob meant everything to me, that he had saved my life many times over. She had no right to say anything about them, and she was not going to kill them.
"You can do anything to me...tear me apart, drink my blood, break every bone in my body. But please, please don't hurt them. "
A snarl ripped through her chest and a grimace stretched across her porcelain face. She grabbed me by the neck at vampire speed and held me up in the air. There was no way I could get air to my lungs through this grip, but I didn't care. My body savored it's last breath, willing for a gasp more. My vision blacked, but not completely. For one second, I thought about begging for my life, but the thought passed without consideration. This was what would save everyone else. My brain begged for air, my lungs ached, my heart slowed. I heard snuffling close by and the rise and falls of giant paws.
In an instant, my neck was released and I gasped for air, filling my body with it's drug. I staggered and landed on my back, falling to the cold, snowy ground again. Snarls and growls and shrieks filled the air as Victoria battled for her life against a pack of wolves. I saw the russet wolf that was my Jacob and my heart fluttered. He was okay, I was okay. He grabbed her granite arm between his teeth and ripped it off, tossing it away. The other wolves ripped chunks of her body off and tossed them into a pile. Her high pitched scream filled my ears and made my heart race. Even though she was a clearing away from me, with the pack attacking her, I could not help but be terrified still. I watched Jacob's every move, so lithe, so graceful...and yet so menacing. He was a great Protector, it was in his heart, it was in his blood. I winced, wanting to shut my eyes when he went to tear off her leg. His teeth latched on, but she managed to kick him off with every bit of vampire strength she had.
"Jacob!" I screamed, horrified.
He flew across the clearing and into the same boulder as Seth, falling to the ground with a loud whine. He tried to get up, but fell back down when his leg faltered. Broken. I couldn't stop myself from running to him, and I knew no one else would either. The snow kicked up behind me, flying up and into my hair. I reached him as fast as I could and kneeled down to his eye level. I grabbed his face, and kissed his wet nose. Tears streamed down my face.
"Jacob," I whispered through a cry. He whined as he tried to stand, his shoulder sticking out unnaturally. He fell back down, spent. In my peripheral vision, I saw Seth whining softly. I scooted over to him, about three feet away, and wrapped my arms around his neck, placing a kiss on his nose too. I heard a growl coming from Jacob next to me. Laughing softly, I looked Seth in the eyes, "Thank you Seth. I'm so sorry this happened to you, it's all my fault. You were so brave, I would have been long dead if it wasn't for you." His sandy tail twitched then wagged and he licked my face. The growl from Jacob grew louder.
I crawled back over to Jacob, and put my hands on his face, leaning my forehead against his.
"You broke your promise Jake," I whispered. Jacob whined uneasily.
"I love you, more than you even know. You're everything to me. Don't ever do that again."
His eyes sparkled, and he nodded once.
For once, I didn't care what would happen from here on out. I didn't want to think about who -in the end- I would eventually choose. Which life I would be forever stuck living. Right now, it was just Jacob and Bella.
I turned around and leaned against his soft side, making sure first that it was uninjured. I took his paw in my hand, and it's warmth radiated as if he were in human form. It was comforting, it was home. We sat in silence as the pack tore Victoria limb from limb. She was piled and set on fire, the smelly smoke burning my nose like acid. Together, Jacob and I watched in silence, there were no need for words at all. We waited anxiously for his wounds to heal just enough to move. It was all we really needed.
In the distance, I was vaguely aware of the Cullens approaching. I knew they would disapprove of my close proximity with Jacob, but I didn't care. It was a worry for another day; one that may be in the near future, but one that would be pushed aside unless it was absolutely necessary to think about.
A/N: Well here's a little chapter. Not sure if it should just be a one-shot or a full story. Review and tell me what you think!
