TITLE: she/me

AUTHOR: Charlie

EMAIL: hoogenboogen2000@yahoo.com.au

FANDOM: Buffy the Vampire Slayer

RATING: A solid G

CATEGORY: A totally gen, reflective piece

SUMMARY: Buffy tries to talk to the BuffyBot...

SPOILERS: Not the big season 5 one, but the smaller season 5 one.

DISCLAIMER: Buffy belongs to Joss. And a whole heap of other people, but I think Joss gets there first.

NOTES: I'm a real Negative Nancy at the moment *g*

THANKS: to Sel, for the beta *hugs*

'She's so beautiful', Buffy thinks. 'Beautiful and shiny. Perky and new. Things I was, and things I won't be again.'

The cybernetic duplicate stares blankly at Buffy's face. "We're Buffy!" she chirrups. "We like to slay!"

As a kid, Buffy always wanted an identical twin sister. Of course, she pretended with Dawn, and people humoured them, but everyone knew they weren't really twins. Now she has a real twin. And it's far from what she expected.

The robot smiles.

Buffy scowls.

She catches sight of the two of them in a mirror, and the differences are even more apparent.

she - clean, pretty, smiling, beautiful

me - dirty, sullen, angry, old

And even though they're superficially identical, they're separated from their heads -

she - immaculately coiffed and styled, a thousand strokes before bed

me - greasy locks, no time to wash, covered with a bandanna

- right down to their toes.

she - red suede, imported, Italian pumps

me - battered trainers, spotted with blood and dirt

Buffy figures she's aged about ten years in the short time since her mother died. As if slaying and dealing with Glory isn't difficult enough, now she's expected to be a full time parent, while the evidence of what she isn't, and what used to come so easily, continues to stare her right in the face.

Buffy feels tears begin to prick the corner of her eyes.

The robot's smiling face shifts to a mask of concern. "What's wrong?" she says, tilting her head.

Buffy's glad that the tears are now streaming down her face, because that means she doesn't have to see that uncomfortable reminder, someone who's a better Buffy than Buffy.

The robot looks confused. Then, with an exaggerated gesture, moves one hand to pat her sobbing doppelganger on the back. "There, there," she coos, then sits back up, a proud expression on her face.

Buffy looks up again, the familiar strange face brought into sharp clarity.

she - innocence

me - ???

Buffy puts her face in her hands and resumes crying, sobbing soundlessly, wanting to kill and wanting to die all at the same time.

she - whatmighthavebeenwhatcouldhavebeenwhatisntwhatwillneverbe

me - what is

The robot looks down at Buffy. She's confused. There's nothing in her database that prompts her what to do.

They stay like that, a macabre tableau, until Dawn comes home from school.