A World Without Stars
Chapter 1
Since before I can remember I've felt drawn to the night sky. As a little girl I would often fall asleep gazing out of my bedroom window nestled in a rocking chair that had been passed down on my mothers side for generations. I loved looking up at the stars. Gazing out at them until I found my favorite and then trying to will the star to move or flicker to let me know it had its eye on me too.
I used to imagine that the stars were really angels guarding the gates to heaven. That these small dots of sparkling light were watching over everyone on earth and deciding who was worthy enough to enter heaven. It was a childhood fantasy but it started a custom I've grown quite fond of. Almost every night I still look up at the night sky & get lost in the stars above me. I like to think up new ideas for what those stars could really be. Everything from space ships to the souls of the brokenhearted has crossed my mind.
Science tells us that stars are fading balls of fire and maybe they are but maybe they're not. Everyone feels drawn to something, some people feel drawn to the sun and it's warmth and some people feel drawn to the moon with its mysterious craters and pale disposition. My father was drawn to the moon, like myself he loved the night sky but for him it was all about the moon and it's cycles. There is this poem he used to tell me before I went sleep, it's a little thing about the moon that I just loved to hear as a child. Sometimes when I can't sleep I'll recite that poem over and over again in my head till I drift off. It goes:
High among the stars,
The big white moon sits still as can be,
Yet it still manages to follow me.
Night after night when I turn off my light,
He whispers dreams of joy and of fright,
He also says prayers for those who can't sleep at night.
Sweet moon, sweet moon as bright as can be,
Even when your light is dim I here you calling to me.
A protector of the night the moon stands guard,
Watching over our loved ones as well as comforting the stars.
Swept up in memories of my childhood and of my father, I softly whisper the poem aloud to the stars in the sky above me, to the dried up and broken down fountain that's below me, to the anciently beautiful and abandoned church to my right and to the animals, plants and trees that are all around me. All I hear in reply is the light whistling of the wind playing with the branches of the trees and the occasional squeak or chirp of some nearby animal. It so peaceful here in this deserted part of the woods by my apartment.
I come here a few nights a week sometimes to think and sometimes not to think but mostly because it offers a wide and beautiful view of the sky that's not cut and chopped by power lines. A beautiful church that decades past had been forgotten rests here overcome by time and nature. It's smallish and rectangular in size with an angled roof cloaked with leaves and debris. Thick cement walls keep the building in place while vines and other plants that scale them make it all the more enchanting.
A heavy wooden door and two small broken windows on each side are the only ways in. The inside holds little more than a few unsteady benches and a large, tattered and mildew smelling couch that sits along the far left side. It faces the back of the church where the most wonderful stained glass window sits. An assortment of angels and peasants gathered together in dazzling colors hide beneath a layer of dust that is still magically intact after all these years.
It's a secret and hidden gem lost amidst this small and ordinary patch of woods that's only 2 miles or so deep. The couch was already here when I discovered this place a few months ago; I just moved it out of the path of the occasional leaking holes in the roof. I've cleaned the place up a bit adding a few glass jarred candles and I bought a long cheap cotton tablecloth to drape over the couch that I angled so I can sit on the left side and look out the window or sit on the right side and look at the stained-glass window.
I'm not sure what possessed me to try and make this abandoned little church into something more but clearly I'm not the first person to find sanctuary here even after it closed down. Otherwise I doubt there would have been a couch inside when I stumbled upon the place. The outside of the church is just as mesmerizing to me as the inside. A large circular fountain is centered a dozen or so feet from the front door. It has a wide enough rim that I can sit comfortably on it and even lay down upon it at a slight curve like I am now.
The center, which I imagine once, had some long and elaborate spout has been destroyed and all that remains is a jagged, hollow stump. Yet a good inch of water resides in the fountain courtesy of the last rainstorm. Still, this hopeless fountain is my favorite place to rest and watch the sky now that my mother's rocking chair is no longer an option. It's a beautiful spring night. Warm with a slight breeze that rustles the trees just enough to make it's own music but still be pleasant.
Nights like this I can't help but be drawn out here to this place. The views from my apartment are pleasant enough for some things but the sky is cut in half by the tops of budding trees and power lines. Plus I like the quiet of being outside at night surround only by nature. Spring shower could flood the skies at any moment in an attempt to keep me contained behind a windowsill so I'm taking advantage of all good things right now.
Tonight the sky is clear and the stars are all shining like they've been freshly polished just for me. I close one of my eyes and trace the big dipper with my index finger. Next I trace a small cluster of stars off to the north that look like a big Sunday hat. I close my eyes briefly and breathe in the sweet and spicy scent of the air around me. Just then a gust of wind whips over me and brings with it a fallen flower that lands half on my chest and half tangled in a curve of my hair.
It's a beautiful white and purple flower that looks like a mix between a rose and a tulip. I pull myself upright to examine the flower more closely. I haven't seen any flower like this before and certainly not anywhere near the path I take through the woods to get to this place. It's truly odd this gorgeous little flower with it's short stem that looks to have been cut straight across to land on me in this place having traveled from some unknown distance to get here.
A slight vibration in my right pocket promptly followed by the beginning of Gypsy Death & You by The Kills alerts me to an incoming call on my cell phone. I reach into my pocket and see on the caller id that it's my friend Mave I also note that it's almost quarter after nine which means I'm late meeting her at my apartment. I press the green button to answer as I swing my legs over the side of the fountain and pull myself up stretching my back as I go.
"Hey girl I'm on my way now give me ten minutes..."
"Where are you? I have to pee really badly. Hurry up!"
I bend down and touch my toes real quick then pull my hands behind my back to stretch them too. I put the phone back to my face:
"I'm sorry Mave I'm walking now I'll be there as soon as possible but there's a key buried in the dirt on the left side of the steps right next to the bush, let yourself in if you don't think you can wait."
"You buried your spare key?" Mave asked with a tone of disbelief in her voice.
"Ha yea it seemed like a good hiding place, now I have to find a new one"
"Okay thanks Cass I'll see you in a few."
"Yep see ya soon"
I end the call and turn to the fountain where I have two small glass-jar candles lit and blow one of them out and put the lid on it. I tuck the flower behind my ear then reach for my bag and pull out my flashlight; I turn it on then blow out and put away the other candle. Sling the bag over my chest, I turn towards the right of the abandoned church and start to make my way home. I've come and gone this way so many times that its second nature but it's not a trip I'd take without a flashlight.
Most of the way here is on a heavily worn trail but I've got a few yards to go before I reach it. I move through the woods at a steady, slightly hurried pace. I trust Mave in my apartment more than anyone else but I'm still not exactly comfortable with idea of someone being in my apartment alone. I try remembering the way I left it this morning. I'm not an overly messy person but I'm not very tidy either and I had hopped to straighten up the place before she came over to hang out. Time just got away from me as it usually does in this place.
Lost in my thoughts and going through the motions on the trail it takes me a minute to notice a dim light up in the distance. Squinting my eyes to see farther ahead I slow my pace a little. I've never come across anyone else in these woods before now but the only explanation for the light up ahead is that someone else is in the woods and carrying a flashlight. The thought occurs to me that if I'm noticing their flashlight up ahead then whoever is there must notice my light too.
I chill runs down my spine causing the hair on my neck and arms to stand up sending a shiver through me that a warm night like tonight wouldn't produce. Even if I didn't have on a hoodie like I do now. It makes me freeze, overcome with sudden fear. I press the switch down on my flashlight that turns it off. Still focusing on the light ahead that doesn't appear to be moving I let my eyes get used to the darkness around me without the glow of my flashlight, then I start taking timid steps forward. All the while keeping my eyes focused on the light.
Not one to usually get startled or scared I listen to my intuition, which is telling me to be wary. Stepping lightly putting each foot in front of the other, its not long before I step on a stick, breaking it in half and sending a loud crackling sound through the forest. My heart jumps in my chest along with the rest of my body making me let out a childish shriek. Heat floods my cheeks and I realize how silly I'm being. Getting all worked up over a light and a stupid twig. I don't own these woods and it's not like it's a crime to be here.
Whoever is up ahead has just as much right to wonder these woods as I do. Calming myself and trying to regain some of my normal confidence I switch my flashlight back on. A small shadow of doubt still lingers in my head so I reach for my phone just in case I need it. I start moving again, walking more briskly than before, highlighting the ground in front of me as I go. Still keeping an eye on the light ahead that's growing brighter with each step I take.
I can't make out any shapes yet, the light is rather overpowering. Forging on I figure I'm about half way from the church and the edge of the woods. My thoughts return to Mave alone in my apartment waiting for me. Relieved to take my mind of the rest of the walk home, I decide to veer off the path a little so I won't have to get too close to the owner of that mega flashlight. As I draw closer to the light which is now coming up on my right I can't help but wonder who it is and what they're doing here.
I feel a bit territorial over the possibility that someone else could discover my secret place. That someone other than me could stumble upon the church and rest on the fountain or sit on the couch and study the stained glass window. It's not a place I want to share. Even Mave my closest friend in this entire city doesn't know about this place and how much time I spend here and I have every intention of keeping it that way. At least whoever it is, is staying put where they are.
I'm amazingly close to it now. I can see the area the light is coming from crystal clear and I can make out the trees around it but I can't see anyone behind it. Should I call out to them? Maybe it's someone who's lost and doesn't know his or her way out of the woods. "Hey there" I half shout at the light from a few yards away. My voice slices through the dark and quiet forest traveling far beyond its designed destination.
No reply. No movement. Just bright and nearly blinding silence. I want to move closer to investigate the source of the light but that chill returns to my skin and I can't will myself to step any closer. Instead despite my curiosity my common sense rules out and moves me to keep moving forward and get on my way home. Tonight the woods don't feel anywhere near as safe as they usually do.
As I come to pass up the light that's mere yards away and to the right of me I can suddenly make out a short and slight shape standing in the light. I crane my neck to keep my eyes on it when a strange sound pulses out from the light. It makes me stop dead in my tracks. It's a light sound wave that I seem to be picking up more in my right ear. "Hello? Who's there?" the words fly out of my mouth shaky and frightened.
The shape barks at m, making me realize it's a dog, possibly a golden retriever. As it walks towards me on all fours moving ahead of the source of light, I take two steps back. My instincts are screaming at me so loudly that I can't decide what I'm supposed to do. I feel frozen in place my eyes glued to this small non-threatening looking dog; my brain isn't sending me any signals on how to react either. Then the strangest thing happens, the light just goes out. Like someone flipped off a light switch in the middle of the woods.
The light goes out in a flash and the second the darkness descends all my senses return to me compelling me to run! I turn to my left and hike up my legs in a fevered run. The aura of my flashlight fly's over the ground in front of me as I jump over fallen branches and sprint through the trees. At the pace I'm going I know I'll reach the end of the woods in a matter of minutes, fear propelling me to run faster and faster. I don't look back once, not even when I burst from the last of the trees and find myself safely out of the woods. I just keep running and running all the way home.
