I can kill you with the snap of my wand

And Merlin knows I get all the ladies

But there's a question that haunts me

It sometimes drives me crazy

I'm the darkest dark wizard

That you will ever see

But still that question haunts me

Its really driving me crazy

I can torture you within an inch of your life

And have you begging at my knees

But still that question haunts me

Why can't I kill babies?

In the darkest hours of the night

And the tedious hours of the day

I ponder this question endlessly

It chases all other thoughts away

Sniveling little snot-rags

That don't have any hair

Not that I do, either

But my point is still there

They can't even talk

Let alone use magic

So how did this situation

End up so awfully tragic?

Bested by a baby

Just sniveling in a crib

It just can't be possible

It must be a trick or a fib

So if I can torture you easily

And have you begging at my knees

Won't somebody tell me please

WHY I CAN'T KILL SODDING BABIES?!