Of Gryffindor
Elsa learns a thing or two about courage.
Elsa clasped her hands together, squeezing almost painfully tight, eyes boring into her thighs as she refused to look up at Professor Dumbledore. He was sat across the desk from her, eyes as blue and piercing as her own, directed calmly at her bowed head.
"Miss Kingsley," He said, his voice gentle. "You are aware that you are not in trouble, are you not?"
Elsa swallowed.
"Yes, Professor Dumbledore."
There was a pause, and she heard the man shift slightly. The fingers of her right hand rubbed against the back of her left, her heart beating erratically in her chest as she waited for him to continue.
"Then, if I could ask, why have you not been attending your lessons?"
And there it was.
Elsa's head snapped up, her eyes wide and panicked as she opened her mouth to excuse her actions; she was sorry she hadn't been attending lessons, she would try harder, she would do better, she would be better- but before she got the chance, the headmaster held a hand up, asking for her silence.
"Do not misunderstand. I am only asking, so that I may find an appropriate way to help you. Please, continue."
Elsa settled back in her chair a little, though she was far from relaxed. Her shoulders drooped, her head turned away and her eyes were cast down, a little to the right of the bottom of Dumbledore's desk. Her lips parted and she inhaled one, long, shaky breath before speaking.
"Professor…is there any way that the Sorting Hat could be…wrong?"
When he didn't answer, Elsa looked up, but saw only blue eyes encouraging her to elaborate, though she doubted he needed any more information. It was entirely for her benefit.
"I'm in Gryffindor." She said. "Gryffindors are supposed to be brave. We are supposed to be courageous, and protect people and I-" she looked down at one gloved hand, palm facing upwards and closed it into a fist. "I can't even go to my classes without being afraid."
It was more than that, though. She wasn't just afraid; she was terrified. She couldn't walk the corridors of the school, unless she was alone, or almost so, and she stayed in her dorm almost constantly, only occasionally visiting the common room if she needed something. She had gone to few lessons in the last month; she tried to attend one, at least once a week, but even that was difficult. Her sister had been sneaking food for her every so often, but it was rare Elsa would answer the door. More often than not it would be left outside the door, until she was sure her sister had left the common room, and then Elsa would go to fetch it. This wasn't fear; this was anxiety.
Anxiety was far worse than fear, Elsa thought. When you were scared, there was something to be scared of. A test, a monster, a dream. With anxiety, there was nothing. She had no reason to be afraid, and no way to stop it.
Elsa was no Gryffindor.
"It seems to me, Miss Kingsley." Dumbledore regarded her over the rims of his spectacles, jolting her from her thoughts. "That you need to be more careful with your thoughts."
Elsa's eyes widened, and she sat up a little straighter.
"Professor Dumbledore?"
"What I mean is-" Elsa saw the light reflecting off of his glasses, and suddenly felt a little less afraid. "You are here."
"Excuse me?" She was still confused. Dumbledore had summoned her to his office, hadn't he? She was supposed to be here. Anxiety rose in the pit of her stomach as she began to overthink; panicking at his words.
"You could have left Hogwarts." Dumbledore continued, as if she hadn't said anything; as if he wasn't aware that she was so terribly afraid of what he was about to say which, of course, he was. "I am sure going home to be with your parents would have been far easier than staying here. But still, you stayed."
Elsa was stunned.
"I-"
"You attended Charms last week, did you not?"
"Yes, but-" She had left half an hour into the lesson, excused herself to go to the toilet and never returned.
"And you are sitting here in front of me?"
"Professor-"
"What I am saying, Miss Kingsley." Elsa closed her mouth, her eyes wide and afraid. "Is that the courage it takes to stand up to an enemy, is far different to the courage you have displayed in your time here at Hogwarts. It is not worse, nor is it better, but the Sorting Hat saw that in you, on your first day here." Elsa looked down, her heart fluttering, her eyes pricking. "It takes a great deal of courage to do the things that scare us. Anyone can win a war, for it is our desperation that drives us, then, and not our courage, but to do as you are doing." The Professor paused. "That is truly brave."
Elsa swallowed a sob, tears collecting on the ends of her eyelashes.
"Now." The Professor straightened up. "I believe you have a Charms lesson to attend to. You wouldn't want to be late, now, would you?"
Elsa looked up, for the first time in a while forcing her fear away, and gave a weak smile.
"No, sir." She got to her feet, clutching her wand tightly in her fist, but just as she turned to go-
"Oh, and, Miss Kingsley?"
Elsa looked back at her headmaster, only to see him give her a surreptitious wink.
"Sometimes I find that the worst fears, are first only conquered twice a week. Don't you?"
Feeling her heart swell, Elsa chanced a smile.
"Yes, Professor Dumbledore." She said.
And then she went to Charms.
