fandom - Initial D
title - Unfolding rose
pairing - Kei + Ryou, Ryou x Takumi
rating - pg-13
description - Ryousuke must make a decision between his past and his future, especially as Project D is about to end.
Disclaimer – Initial D and White Light don't belong to me.
Unfolding rose.
By miyamoto yui
"I hate you, Aniki."
It was the most childish thing he heard his little brother say to himself, but it came to be such a shock as he passed by Keisuke's room. He was only there to give him a stack of results to show his progress throughout the whole time he'd been in Project D, but there he was standing in a white robe and a towel over his shoulders, taking in the water drops from his semi-wet hair.
Maybe he'd expected it all this time. After all, no matter who it was, Keisuke was always compared to him even though in his own heart, he adored his little brother. His brother, after all, did not have to analyze everything in order to get the results he wanted. With a little advice and experience, Keisuke was always able to find the answers he was looking for. Then again, Keisuke was that simpleminded to just focus on one thing rather than a few at any particular point in his life.
As for himself, Ryousuke was always envious of Keisuke for that of which he was not. No one knew it but himself. Of course he did. Improvement meant knowing your strengths and weaknesses, however, the most important thing was if you could keep accepting all the changes.
Was it worth it to change so much? To become someone you didn't think you could become?
How about if the person he became was not the person he wished to be?
But each challenge was as seductively alluring as the driver of the AE86.
So, to hear Keisuke's single utterance with his back towards the slightly cracked open door, he had no idea how to analyze the situation. Keisuke's voice was very misleading, after all. It was because, all these years, he'd tease him so much that Keisuke couldn't distinguish the difference between his brother's seriousness or sarcastic humor. Add Keisuke's not-so-shiny moments, and Ryousuke could totally give a comment while holding the smirk deep inside himself. So, Keisuke's reactions, like when they were kids and he'd always try to con him out of a toy only to find that Keisuke would eventually give him anything he wanted, were very predictable to say the least.
Keisuke, obviously, was not a patient person. And Ryousuke had grown up to think that resilience meant tolerance for many things, good or bad events and expectations.
Ryousuke's right hand did not touch the wooden frame of Keisuke's door. Instead, his fingers became a fist and he slowly and painfully pulled it away.
And yet, this projection was one that he'd kept in the back of his head for so long that he'd forgotten when he first thought of it.
Taking a deep breath, Ryousuke calmly called, "Keisuke?"
"Yeah?" The younger brother gulped.
Keisuke's back straightened up, wondering how long his brother had been there. Then, he became a continental soldier that wouldn't move even if he wanted to turn around to the Aniki he'd do anything for. He hated himself for being such a trained puppy sometimes.
"How old are you to want so much attention from him?! Can't you just concentrate on beating Takumi-san?" Keisuke thought and actually hit himself on the head. He bonked himself with his right fist and rubbed his forehead. "Ow!"
Ryousuke pushed the door open, but he had watched the whole thing happen. He cleared his throat as he put his hand to his mouth because he started to laugh. Keisuke was such a dork sometimes.
He was no better as he softly touched his brother's spiky blond hair that matched the color of his towel. He shook his head because he couldn't hold his laughter in.
"Well, that certainly is a reaction," Ryousuke said with a deadpan voice.
Keisuke's ears twitched. In fact, his whole head was tingling from his brother's gentle rubbing, just like when they were kids.
Then, Ryousuke ran his fingers through Keisuke's hair. Before Keisuke could react, Ryousuke took his hand away and sat down to show him the papers he'd brought.
But of course, Keisuke didn't understand anything, technically or emotionally. The blond just kept on listening to the rhythm of his older brother's voice. That's how he always reacted to his brother ever since they were little. Since he couldn't ever understand anything about the techniques or explanations Ryousuke gave to anything, he only reacted to Ryousuke's tone. Each pitch had a different meaning.
This was especially important in driving. To become closer to his older brother, he had to conquer the one thing that Ryousuke probably loved more than Keisuke. He used to hate racing and only started to understand what the hell his brother was so passionate about. His brother was always restrained, but in racing, he was always pouring himself, building to that moment that he could let go inside a controlled battle.
He could tell. Ryousuke was easy for him to read in this way.
And right now, Ryousuke's tone was slightly nervous, as if he had heard what he'd just said. But there was no way that Keisuke was going to say that of which he shouldn't have ever thought of in the first place. The blond's stomach turned over in itself.
"So, you've been making good progress," Ryousuke ended as he got up from the bed. Keisuke looked up to the robe that was a little parted in the middle to show a little of his older brother's naked chest.
Keisuke shook his head. "Actually, I'm right where I started."
"Excuse me?" Ryousuke asked, a little confused, but shrugged his shoulders. "Never mind."
Keisuke was Keisuke.
"Uh, nothing, Aniki." Keisuke took the stack of papers and put them on his desk as Ryousuke was walking towards the door. "Thanks for this."
"You're welcome."
As Ryousuke was about to walk out the door, Keisuke said, almost impatiently "Aniki."
"Yes?" Ryousuke stopped walking, but didn't turn around.
"I hope that your dream will be realized, whatever you're looking for and wanting to finish."
Ryousuke's eyes opened a little in shock. Even though he'd understood it as Keisuke's way of saying "I'm doing this all for you", it was times like these that Keisuke was more perceptive than he'd wanted him to be.
"Little by little, it's becoming a bit clearer to me." Then, he turned around at that moment as Keisuke turned his head to face his brother. "Through you, I'm able to see something I wasn't able to when I was behind the wheel."
Ryousuke was smiling at him like he did when they were little. It wasn't the strained one he always had when he had to do his duties in the hospital, receive awards on multiple stages, or to save face whenever their parents warned him about how dangerous street racing was.
And yet, Keisuke couldn't help that the smile that always warmed away his insecurities was transforming into something new.
"Thank you, Keisuke." With that, Ryousuke left his room and went into his own.
On the other hand, Keisuke threw a jacket over his tank top and navy blue sweats, got his keys, and left his home before Ryousuke could finish rebooting his computer. Ryousuke watched him as he drove away.
From the rearview mirror, Keisuke saw the white dot that resembled his brother and pressed more on the accelerator. Stamping his fist on the steering wheel, he gulped and shouted, "Shit!"
He couldn't say it. He couldn't ever say it to his brother. He wouldn't ever tell him that Ryousuke hugged him that one time when they were little had been the trigger. Why did Ryousuke give him a gentle kiss him on the lips to make him feel better after saying that he didn't like that classmate that insulted him as a twisted way of liking him?
It didn't make him feel better. He yearned for more from his older brother as timed passed quickly between them, pushing them apart into different roads and lines of life.
But what he never knew was that Ryousuke knew that more than anyone. After all, who was the one that was most experienced at 'holding back'?
And yet, sadly, Ryousuke didn't understand what it meant to be immersed in something, body, mind, and soul. That's why he was so intrigued by his brother and Takumi.
"Reason doesn't fall into the realm of satisfaction. Isn't it ironic that when you say you'll do something for another person, it ceases to be your own? Yet, with this mentality, it can be used as a constraint or a standard to be surpassed. The difference lies within what you keep and what you wish to give up.
When both are equally important, what is the best result? Is it 'you' that you're satisfied with being or the 'you' that wants unpredictability to the point that you'll definitely fall before getting up again?"
Passion. It all came to passion, whatever you thought your heaven was.
*/*/*/*
Ryousuke looked at the road as the dawn was about to come. Anxiously, he was still waiting for Keisuke because he'd not come home. He yawned and took his morning coffee as their cousin ran off to school.
As he did his rounds, he couldn't help but countdown the days until his 'hobby' would be gone. It was finally time to stop living two lives that wore him down and to finally pick one with the best outcome. But what was success in life anyway?
He took a break in one room of the hospital where there was a small corner in between books and tables. His favorite table was always facing an open window where the breeze always lifted the sheer, see-through curtain.
Drinking a cup of coffee, he looked at the curtain flowing in front of the window.
Life wasn't easy even though many thought that being smart automatically meant you knew everything, including life. Yeah, right. Then, you had to build the confidence to compete and deal with the people around you. It was never a given, but an asset he'd used to his advantage.
All those responsibilities…
…all those strategies…
…countless hours were used to make 'the right decision'.
And yet, what was happiness once this 'dream' was accomplished?
Was being a doctor everything? Just because you're capable of something doesn't mean you particularly prefer it. Life was never meant to be so clear cut, but where was he in the middle of this?
Deep inside, he too was someone who also had fears and countless, unreasonable wishes.
And so, his dream did not lie here in the hospital. It was something he'd especially given to Keisuke to take care of because this was the only way he could return his feelings.
And the other dream, well…he had no idea how to attempt to accomplish it and-
"Ryousuke-san," a voice behind him said. It was shaking and uncertain, almost upset and unnerved. This from the person whose father drove like a maniac?
Ryousuke turned his swivel chair around to greet the visitor. "Hello."
In his head, it was always 'Takumi", but he didn't want to be distant by saying "Fujiwara" either.
Takumi looked at Ryousuke in his white coat with the afternoon sunlight touching his elegant figure. Ryousuke was leaning forward with his coffee cup in between his two hands and looking up at him. Except, Ryousuke didn't look fazed to see him there.
"What is the meaning of this, Ryousuke-san? I don't understand." Takumi's distress grew even more inside as he dropped the stack of papers onto the table in back of Ryousuke. Ryousuke's eyes didn't even blink.
"It means that even though we're reaching the end of Project D, we've reached our end." Ryousuke's eyes looked deeply into Takumi's. "Honestly, I have nothing more to teach you. And so, you'll have to train under that person as your mentor for the remainder of Project D."
Getting up, Ryousuke put his cup down, shook his head and grinned nervously as he leaned on the table while crossing his legs. His right hand touched Takumi's shoulder. He could feel Takumi's mixed feelings flowing almost translucently through him.
All this time, he'd always envied this boy's honesty. It was half of the reason why he was so interested on studying him and his driving.
"You should be very proud of yourself for this accomplishment. After all, what you've achieved in a year, many people have-"
"Cut the crap, Ryousuke-san." Takumi's eyes were concentrated, not calm and collected to the point of apathy.
Everyone was just surprising him today, weren't they?
But those eyes were beautiful. Was that what Takumi looked like whenever he was driving against a powerful opponent? Did he ever look this way when they raced?
Ah, that unreasonable tinge of jealousy was coming out in spurts. "You can't control his fighting instinct," Ryousuke thought. He was more intrigued than ever…
…but he had to cut this off…
The leader of Project D's eyes looked at the floor and they were glazed over with nostalgia. This was a very new, yet too familiar feeling even if he couldn't exactly logically clarify it to even himself. Nothing he said now would be effective.
"I never thought I'd see the day that you'd lie to me to my face." Takumi still looked at Ryousuke with such hurt and tenacious intensity. "There are many more things you have to teach me and I know only you can teach them to me."
That was when Ryousuke focused on Takumi again and asked but almost didn't want to know the answer, "And why must it be me?"
"Because if it isn't you, there's no meaning in doing any of this."
"I gave you an offer to improve yourself. This was the part of the agreement that had nothing to do with me, Takumi."
He didn't realize he called him with his first name, but Takumi sure did. It didn't help that he started to blush, that untimely reaction that only Takahashi Ryousuke could evoke out of him.
"The more I became praised by you, the more I wondered why it was so important. And then, before I knew it, I realized that it wasn't the praise I wanted. The person who said it became the goal of all my races.
"The confidence I didn't have in myself came out whenever you talked to me, Ryousuke-san."
This was what Ryousuke didn't want. He didn't want to taint his passion to drive…
…but to be the supporter of it wasn't in the calculations…
At that moment, Takumi took his face into his hands and whispered the first piece of advice that Ryousuke ever gave to him when they were starting Project D. It was that embarrassing moment where he sang a stanza of a song that his following had named him after.
Takumi's warm breath mixed with his deep voice as he said to Ryousuke's ear:
"So you can be free,
If you find a way to reach your heaven
Where the light will be over again.
So you can go now."
That wall of responsibilities and expectations that Ryousuke had made for himself was punctured, ready to crumble.
Takumi panicked but Ryousuke kissed him. He took Takumi's hands off his face as he pushed onto the table, pressing his leg in between both of Takumi's. Pinning Takumi's crossed wrists to the table with his left hand, he continued to kiss him while undoing Takumi's shirt and belt.
As his hand reached down and past Takumi's hip, Takumi's head jerked. Ryousuke sucked on his lower lip as Takumi gasped while gripping his fingers helplessly over Ryousuke's left hand.
Then, his tongue traveled up Takumi's jawbone. He whispered, "So, in the end, this was your response to my challenge. You gave in to me."
Takumi shook his head in between his moans. "You never knew what you wanted until you raced me."
That was true. So very true.
Ryousuke then pulled him to sit up and held him close with one arm. He tightly hugged him closer and closer, almost wanting to cry but he'd forgotten how to all this time, embedding each piece of suffering and loneliness within himself all this time.
He would be able to continue on as a doctor...He would be able to let go of driving…
…but at the end of Project D, even he knew he wasn't prepared to let go of Fujiwara Takumi.
In the end, beyond all the titles and insults he'd ever been given in his lifetime, he reached for that radiant, energetic passion he had never been able to grasp or understand. The courage to clearly see what he wanted was now before him.
The song that he'd listen to a million times and sang to Takumi in order to find an answer finally came back to him.
Takahashi Ryousuke didn't know what the future would bring, but he didn't want to know right now at this point in time. He didn't care to know. He didn't want the straight, rigid road that was always out before him.
Everyday, he had become frustrated and angry with himself for not being able to deal with his own insecurities and questions about life, especially the kind of person he wanted to become.
He took Takumi back to his car in the parking lot. When Ryousuke was about to run back, Takumi pulled on his white collar and kissed him before going into the car. After it, Ryousuke stood there shocked. Again, Fujiwara's unpredictability bested him.
He smiled widely at Takumi, who was holding onto the steering wheel with determined eyes and an open window. Takumi smiled humbly, yet with much affection.
"You're more formidable than I thought, Fujiwara," Ryousuke tried to tease.
Takumi's eyes blinked seconds before he burst out laughing. "Don't tell me you were secretly part of the lonely drivers club that my friends made. I didn't think you'd ever be a member, Ryousuke-san."
Then, save for the wink, he smirked, lifted his chin as a goodbye, and drove away.
With a relieved and light heart, Ryousuke ran back to the hospital to start his rounds again.
"I didn't know until I raced you that I shouldn't have been ashamed to be the kind of person I wanted to be, even if it meant going against myself. I found a place in between all the wandering."
All this time, he had learned to hate himself more and more when he let go of the things that he took so long to learn to love and became someone that wasn't himself deep inside. Even if it didn't show and his face never wavered, his heart was always taking the impact of all his responsibilities and the quality of his weighted decisions to the point of becoming confused and lost without anyone to ask for directions.
But, to find someone who could contend against his present self and accept his old self, then, the answer he'd been looking for was gradually being unfolded before him like a flower blooming amidst all the chaos.
*/*/*/*
Watching the next race, Takumi looked at Ryousuke as Ryousuke watched him when he was getting into the car to start the downhill race. Ryousuke's lips curved slightly upward and Takumi could see that childish part of him come out through his eyes. He wondered if Ryousuke knew that he'd known what it meant to be passionate all along.
When Takumi's car left the starting point, Ryousuke looked at the course and waited patiently. This time, as confidently as he projected himself to be.
Ryousuke closed his eyes for a second and with his guard down, let everyone see his smile. Keisuke, who was a few yards away, had his arms crossed while thinking of Takumi and his own future. Though it pricked at his heart to see his brother smile so widely for someone else's sake, he learned that he had to grow up. He would finally break away from standing behind his brother, for his happiness was in that single smile towards the person he was waiting for to come back to the finish line.
As Ryousuke sat inside the van waiting patiently, he thought to himself, "So, no matter what road he or I took, we were sure to manipulate it to get to each other. Without knowing it, we wanted to be what the other was.
But because of the way we are, the more challenging the person or task is, the more enjoyable it becomes."
Imagining the image of Takumi through the car window just now, he finally understood that variable he tried to investigate in Project D. It exceeded 'passion' and 'love'.
Whatever you wanted was never the goal of your destination.
It was the attitude you took about getting there.
Everyone let Ryousuke have his space and so he continued to sit quietly inside the van. He reached into his back pocket to take out his wallet and open it to take out a single, white petal smashed into a small, ratty looking bookmark. It was the only thing that wasn't in 'absolute pristine condition' in his collection of things.
Keisuke had given it to him when they were little saying, "Aniki, I made this for you at school. They told me to give it to my hero." At that moment, little brown-haired (at the time) Keisuke gave his big brother a bookmark he'd made at school. Blushing, he rubbed his hand on the back of his head and ran away when his older brother hugged him from behind.
Thinking as always, he leaned forward and put his chin on top of his folded hands with the flower petal in between his fingers. His eyes watched the goal carefully, waiting earnestly.
He held his breath, scared, yet so full of confidence at Takumi's arrival.
"You weren't someone that miracles happened for.
Instead, you made them happen because of your instinct to finish everything without regret or turning back. That's why people are attracted to you.
That's why I find you so mysterious. Why is your ability to do something for the sake of another so pure? Without thinking of yourself or the suffering that you know is sure to come?
And yet, you go to the corners of your life with no hesitation.
That is something I admire and hope to learn from you, Takumi."
Owari.
-
Author's note: Aiya, still very rusty, but trying hard! ^_^ I'd been wanting to do a fic with all three of them for months now. T_T I just wanted to do something where you dove into each of their personality changes towards the end of Project D, or what I would hope for them to be.
I fangirled Takumi because that last shot of him driving was very very hot. But I liked 4th Stage, Episode 24 because you see Takumi laugh! XD
I hope you liked this fic! I spent so much time writing it today. -;
Love,
Yui
