A/N: Hello everyone! This idea came to me after Lady of the Lake aired. I was so angry with Henry for standing Regina up for lunch and this kinda came from that. This idea has been swimming around in my head since then, but this semester was brutal and I'm only just now getting around to writing this. Keeping that in mind, everything post 2x03 is disregarded, so Emma is still all "SHE'S NOT DYING!" and not ready to blame Regina for everything evil that's ever happened to the fairy tale folk in terms of her feelings for Regina.
This was supposed to be a short piece, but it kinda got away from me and turned into a character study-esque piece about Emma and her relationship with the people around her. Possible slashy undertones if you squint. It's my first OUAT fic, and these characters are trickier than I anticipated! I hope I've done them justice, and I REALLY want to know what you think. Also, this is unbeta'd, so sorry for any punctuation mistakes, etc.
Enjoy!
For Henry's Sake
When Emma had lobbied so hard to become sheriff of Storybrooke all those months ago, she had never anticipated the mountains of paperwork that came with the job. It's going on twelve noon and she's been at it since she sat down at her desk at eight thirty this morning, yet she's only about half way through the massive stack of papers on her desk.
Taking a deep breath, she leans back in her chair and presses the heels of her hands against her eyes. She's been back from the Enchanted Forest for nearly a month now, and she finds that she is having trouble adjusting to the new Storybrooke.
While all of these people she thought she'd gotten to know since she arrived here have begun to find themselves-and each other- again, she feels out of place. Mary Margaret had moved in with David soon after the curse broke, and Henry had come to live with her in Mary Margaret's old apartment.
Her relationship with Henry, it seems, is the one thing that has remained relatively constant. While she is still coming to terms with being Henry's mother, he still treats her same as he always has; and that is nice, given that Mary Margaret is suddenly her mother and not her best friend, David Nolan is her father, she is a princess and everyone else treats her with a sort of reverence since she broke the curse. The dynamics in Storybrooke have changed so quickly and she finds she is having trouble keeping her equilibrium.
Her thoughts drift back to her son. His birthday is this coming Saturday, and she's planning on having a small party for him. Snow had wanted to throw him a large party and invite half the town ('He is a prince, after all, Emma,' she'd reasoned) but Emma had immediately vetoed the idea. It's just more than she can handle at the moment. So instead, they are just having a small get together at her parents'-the concept of which still felt weird to her-home with family, friends and some of Henry's classmates.
Stretching her arms above her head, she sits back upright. Back at it, Sheriff Swan, she thinks to herself. She puts her head down and begins scribbling determinedly at the remaining papers on her desk. When she resurfaces she's shocked to see Regina standing a few feet away, staring at her.
"Regina!" She exclaims. She is surprised, to say the least. Nobody has seen or heard from the former mayor since she'd brought herself and Snow back to Storybrooke. Naturally, since nobody has seen her, rumors are flying about the Evil Queen, most prevalently that she is seeing Dr. Hopper on a regular basis and that she is barely using her magic at all. If Emma had heard such things about the Regina she knew before she'd fallen into the Enchanted Forest, she wouldn't have believed it. Now, she isn't so sure…
She looks different, Emma thinks. She's still as pristine and put together as always, but her eyes look tired and her shoulders droop almost imperceptibly. There's a vulnerability about her that sets Emma on edge. Emma realizes that she's staring and can't think of anything to say. Stupidly, she asks, "How are you?"
Regina ignores her and strides towards the desk. She reaches into her purse and hauls out a perfectly-wrapped package in simple white tissue paper with a royal purple ribbon in the corner. "Give this to Henry on Saturday." She says, extending the package to Emma. "It's his birthday gift."
"Sure." Emma replies. She reaches out to take the package, but Regina hauls her hand back.
"This is for Henry's eyes only, Ms. Swan, do you understand?" She all but hisses, leaning over the desk and meeting her gaze determinedly. Her expression is deadly serious, and Emma's eyes widen.
"Of course." Emma replies coolly, although her curiosity is most definitely piqued. She reaches out once again, and Regina hands her the gift. "Henry's eyes only. Got it."
Regina says nothing, simply turns on her heel and stalks away.
Before she can stop herself Emma calls out, "Regina!"
Regina stops, but doesn't turn around. Emma starts to speak, but finds her voice has caught in her throat. It's none of her business, and she wishes immediately that she'd said nothing at all.
"Well, Ms. Swan?" She asks, her voice annoyed, but not quite as sharp as Emma is used to.
"I-I just…" Emma stutters.
"You just what, Ms. Swan?" Regina finally turns around, exasperated and annoyed.
"I was just wondering if it was true…" Emma asks gently, but pauses before continuing. She feels stupid. Even if the rumors were true, who was she to think that Regina might actually confide in her?
"If what was true?" She spits at Emma, daring her to continue.
Emma sighs. She's already put her foot in it; she figures it can't get much worse than this. Emma breathes in deeply.
"Is it true that you're seeing Archie? That you're not using magic?"
Regina's expression falls. Her eyes flash with pain briefly and she purses her lips. Her eyes fall to the floor for a moment, but when she raises them again she meets Emma's gaze with a watery one of her own.
"Yes. It's true. It's for Henry."
"What?" Emma is dumbfounded by the other woman's honesty.
Regina swallows thickly. "I'm trying to be better for Henry. He asked me not to use magic."
Emma just stares at her. She wants to say something comforting, something reassuring to let the older woman know that she doesn't doubt her sincerity and that she really believes Regina can redeem herself– for Henry. She understands, simply, that everything Regina is doing is fueled by her bottomless love for Henry – which is the largest thing she shares in common with Regina, funnily enough. But before Emma can say anything Regina has turned on her heel and swept from the room, leaving Emma staring behind her.
XXXXX
She had promised Regina that she wouldn't look; the gift was Henry's after all.
But Emma Swan has never been one to follow the rules. Besides, she rationalizes, what if it's dangerous? What if it's magic? What if Regina was lying after all? In her heart of hearts, Emma knows that Regina would never hurt Henry but she needs to tell herself something in order to justify what she's about to do.
Emma sits on her bed and begins to unwrap the package before she can talk herself out of it or feel guilty about it. Delicately, as if Regina might burst through the door and discover her deception should the paper crinkle too loudly, she removes the wrapping, undoing all of the perfectly folded corners and edges. When she sets the paper aside, she's left holding a leather-bound book.
It's heavy and thick, and it looks to her like it's been hand-bound. It reminds her vaguely of Henry's treasured book. Emma runs her fingers along the spine, looking for a title, but finds none. She runs her thumb across the heavy yellow pages of the book and as her eyes skim the pages, she realizes that she's holding a diary.
Intrigued, she opens the book to the very first page. Her breath catches as she begins to read.
Dear Henry,
Above all else, you must know that I love you. Nothing in this world or any other will change that.
Making the decision to adopt you was the best decision I have ever made- or will ever make- and my love for you has saved me in ways I'm not sure I will ever be able to explain to you. You brought me such joy when I was unsure I was able to feel anything but the emptiness in my heart. Believe me when I say that I will regret for the rest of my days that I lost sight of that for even a moment. I am deeply sorry that I ever made you feel that you were anything but loved and cherished always, but as I've told you…I don't know how to love very well.
These pages contain the stories that your book omitted. I owe them to you, and I think you're old enough now to understand. I promise that everything written here is exactly as I experienced it, down to the very last detail. I do not wish for these stories to act as an excuse for my actions. Rather, let them serve as an explaination of how I came to be what I am.
I am painfully aware that simply telling you how profoundly sorry I am is not enough to earn your forgiveness, Henry, but I will do whatever it takes, and I am foolish enough to hope that it is a start.
Love Always,
Your Mother
Stunned, Emma closes the book. She can't read any further, and she desperately wishes she hadn't read anything at all. She feels slightly dirty, like a voyeur. She's seen something she wasn't supposed to, and now guilt settles in her stomach like a stone.
She doesn't have to guess what these pages contain. She's met Cora and she knows now that the pages in the book she's holding detail a life of abuse and pain, the story of a woman who has done unspeakable things because of her broken heart.
Sighing, Emma puts the book aside along with the wrapping she'd removed earlier. She thinks of Henry sleeping in the next room and wants desperately to do something about what she's read but she's unsure where to begin. She turns off the light and heads to bed, hoping that something will come to her in the morning.
XXXXX
The idea comes to her when she's in the shower. It's so simple that she's ashamed that it hadn't occurred to her when Regina was at the sheriff's office yesterday afternoon.
After she drops Henry off at school, she makes her way to the pharmacy and buys a package of white tissue paper. She spends the better part of an hour that morning painstakingly wrapping the book until each edge and crease in the paper is perfect- like it had never been unwrapped at all. She sticks the purple bow on top and hopes it's enough to fool Regina.
After taking care of some things at the station, she leaves for Regina's with the gift in tow. She knocks on the door loudly, and while she waits she wonders for the fiftieth time that morning if this is a bad idea. She doesn't owe Regina anything, but the woman had loved and raised Henry for the first ten years of his life and Evil Queen or not she deserves to be with her son on his birthday.
The door swings open, and Regina's eyebrows lift in surprise when she sees Emma on the other side. She's dressed as impeccably as ever, Emma notes, and she suddenly feels slightly sorry for the former mayor though she hides it well. She doesn't know how Regina stays sane with nothing to fill her days anymore and nobody to talk to.
Emma is pulled from her thoughts when Regina clears her throat. "Sheriff Swan?" She says expectantly, crossing her arms over her chest.
Emma holds out Henry's gift, offering it to Regina. "Give it to him yourself." She says. "Come to the party on Saturday."
Suspicion clouds Regina's features but hope shines faintly underneath. Tentatively, she reaches out to take the package but Emma yanks it back before she can take it, just as Regina had the previous day.
"The condition," she says pointedly, "is that you behave civilly with Snow and the others."
She watches Regina chew on the inside of her cheek. "I will," she bites out "if I am granted the same courtesy."
Emma nods. "Of course." She'd be damned if she let tensions between Snow and Regina ruin Henry's birthday. Emma proffers the package once again. "Come to the party, Regina. Or, you know, only come to half if you're uncomfortable. But it's Henry's birthday, and you should be there."
Regina takes the gift from Emma and holds it protectively to her chest. She doesn't even bother to hide the gratitude shimmering in her eyes, and it brings a smile to Emma's face.
She turns to leave. "See you Saturday?" she throws over her shoulder.
"See you Saturday." Regina confirms, shutting the door gently behind her.
On her ride back to the station, it occurs to Emma that she hasn't run any of this by Snow or Henry. She is not looking forward to having those conversations in the slightest.
XXXXX
"No, Emma! Absolutely not!"
"Shhhh, Snow," Emma hisses, pointing to the next room. "Don't let Henry hear you!"
Snow lowers her voice but remains agitated, seated next to her husband across the table from Emma.
"Why would you ask Regina to the party on Saturday?"
"Because," Emma says patiently, "she is Henry's mother. It's his birthday. Why shouldn't she be there?"
"You don't know her like I do, Emma, She's-"
"Yeah, yeah I know," Emma interrupts, "she's evil and wicked and a million other things, but she raised him and loves him and she wouldn't hurt him. Anyone else, maybe, but not him. Not to mention she's not using magic because Henry asked her not to."
Snow's eyebrows shoot up in surprise.
"Yeah," Emma confirms, "and she's doing it for him. That's gotta mean something, right? It means she's trying."
"Why are you so quick to come to her defense?" Snow snaps. "Have you forgotten what she did to you?"
Emma doesn't know how to answer that question.
"I haven't forgotten, Snow," she begins, "but I think she's trying to redeem herself, and I don't want to hinder her on that path, for Henry's sake. I don't see any reason why we shouldn't give her a chance."
"I…" Snow falters, turning to her husband for help. "James…"
James had sat through their entire discussion, quiet and contemplative.
"I hate to say it, Snow, but I think Emma's right."
Snow gapes, affronted, and a triumphant smile crosses Emma's face.
James continues, "She really held her own while you were gone. Not at first, I mean she did try to take Henry from me once she gained her magic back, but she let him go when he asked her to and I think that's the important part. And when Henry stood her up…"
"He what?!" Emma shouts. Nobody had told her this story.
"Yeah. He called her and told her to meet him for lunch, and instead sneaked into her office to steal her skeleton keys and run off to her father's vault. He thought there would be something there to help bring you two back. She called when she realized what was happening and told me where to go to find him. I managed to find him before he was seriously hurt. She said she would've gone herself, but Henry didn't want anything to do with her."
Unbidden, the image of a crestfallen Regina sitting at a table at Granny's alone pops into her brain and a surge of pity rushes through her. Along with everything else Regina has to deal with, her own son won't even eat lunch with her.
"And once Henry asked her not to use magic," James continues, "she agreed and is apparently putting real effort into proving herself to him."
Emma interjects "And she brought us back."
James nods in agreement. "At great risk, I might add. You wouldn't be here without her, Snow, and it would've been much more convenient for her to leave the two people she presumably hates the most with no way back home. But she didn't, and everything she did while you were gone was for Henry."
"But-"Snow starts.
"Look," Emma interrupts "I know it doesn't make up for all the shitty things she's done, but it seems to me that she really wants to try to do exactly that. Wouldn't you rather help her do that by giving her a chance instead of writing her off like everyone else has?"
Emma knows she's won when Snow's shoulders fall in defeat. "Okay. But good luck convincing Henry, Emma. He's still really mad at her."
XXXXX
She decides to approach the topic casually later that night. The credits to Finding Nemo are rolling, and Hnery is in his pajamas, curled into her side on the couch.
"How would you feel about your mom coming to your party on Saturday?"
Henry is nonplussed. "You're my mom. You're gonna be there, right?" He asks looking up at her, brows furrowed.
"Yes, but I mean your other mom."
"I don't want her there."
"Why not?"
"She's the Evil Queen." He says simply, like that fact alone is reason enough.
"She's your mom, Henry." Emma insists.
Suddenly, Henry is agitated. He leaps from the couch and stands in front of her.
"No, Emma! She's evil!"
"You know," Emma starts, her own temper flaring just a little, "I don't get it." Henry just stares at her. "She raised you, Henry. All she's ever done is love you, even when you never felt like it, and no parent's perfect, but she never gave up on you. And right now she's trying so hard to change because she wants to be better for you. She misses you, and it's all over her face. Heck, you died, Henry, and she was devastated. We both were."
She pauses, her throat clogged by the memory of those horrible moments when Henry had been dead and she'd felt like the only sure thing she'd had on that terrible day had been ripped from her. "You are so lucky, Henry. I would've given anything to have even a fraction of what she's given you growing up."
Finally, she pauses and looks at her son. There are tears shining in his eyes and Emma is suddenly filled with shame. She's still new to this whole parenting thing; she hadn't meant to make him cry.
"I'm still mad at her." Henry says quiety, staring at his toes.
And suddenly, Emma gets it. Henry doesn't hate Regina. In fact, he loves her very much. But he's angry and hurt and he doesn't know how to love her and be mad with her at the same time.
Emma moves to kneel in front of him and takes his hands. "That's okay. What she did was horrible and wrong, but she knows that and she's trying really hard. Can you honestly claim that she's never loved you? Or that you don't have any happy, loving memories of her? "
"No." Henry says reluctantly.
"Then do you think you can give her a chance? I'm not asking you to forgive her right away, but do you think you can try for her like she's doing for you?"
Henry sniffles, and then nods. "Yeah. I can try."
Emma smiles, then pulls Henry to her, hugging him tightly. "I love you, kid."
"Love you too." He mumbles into her shoulder.
"Now go brush your teeth." She says, pushing him gently towards the stairs.
As Henry runs up the stairs, Emma exhales heavily. She's just learned about a dozen parenting lessons, something she's not quite used to yet. She hopes that she's taught Henry some small lesson about forgiveness in return.
XXXXX
Saturday arrives in a whirlwind of excitement for Henry.
Emma, though looking forward to the party this afternoon, is slightly nervous. She's never given anyone a birthday party before, and she wants everything to be perfect. Granted, Snow has done most of the organizing- all Emma has to do is show up and help out. She just wants Henry to be happy at the end of the day.
When they arrive at Snow and James' place, Emma sets everyone-Red, Granny, Cinderella, Thomas, Abigail, Frederick and her parents once again- straight. She tells them that Regina is coming whether they like it or not, and to please put their hostility aside for Henry, and if they can't do that they are free to leave. They all agree, and Emma is relieved that she doesn't have to kick anyone out. Though she's not sure who they're more afraid of- Regina or herself- should they disobey.
Soon, Henry's friends start showing up and everyone relaxes. The smile on Henry's face is radiant, and it fills Emma with a joy such as she's never experienced before. If someone had told her a year ago that she'd be throwing her son a birthday party, she would've laughed in their faces. But now, there's absolutely nowhere else she'd rather be.
Snow is in the middle of a game of 'Pin the Horn on the Unicorn' with the kids when Regina arrives. She makes a muted entrance, slipping quietly into the room unnoticed by all the kids except Henry. He gives her a tentative smile and gentle wave in greeting and it brings such a hopeful smile to Regina's face that when it falls as Henry returns to his game, Emma's gut twists a little.
She hadn't meant for things to turn out like this in terms of Regina's relationship with Henry. It wasn't her intention for Regina to feel like she'd taken Henry from her altogether. One of these days in the near future, Emma thinks, she is going to have a real conversation with Regina about how to raise Henry as a pair and how to get along with each other for his sake, even if relations between them will never be anything more than cordial.
Regina sticks close to Emma through most of the party, but she never takes her eyes off Henry. When Henry blows out the candles on his cake -all eleven of them neatly arranged – Emma looks up from her position behind her son and she swears that Regina's eyes are glimmering with unshed tears. She's got her arms wrapped around her torso, like that action alone might somehow hide the emotion that Emma can feel is radiating off her in waves. She finds herself wondering what exactly is going through the troubled woman's mind, though she's not sure she would ever understand.
Emma helps distribute cake, and when all of the kids have a piece and are munching away while talking and laughing, she grabs a piece for herself. On a whim, she grabs a second piece and two plastic forks and joins Regina on the other side of the room.
"Here," she says, offering the piece of cake to Regina. "I brought you some cake."
Regina looks disdainfully at the piece of cake, as though the sugar in the icing alone might put her into a diabetic coma where she stands.
At Regina's hesitance, Emma rolls her eyes. "For god's sake, Regina, it's just a piece of cake. It's not going to kill you. Besides, it's yummy."
Giving in Regina reaches out and mutely takes the cake from Emma's hands. Daintily, she picks up the fork and, satisfied, Emma does the same. They eat in silence until Regina says quietly "Henry seems to be enjoying himself."
They watch their son as he laughs with his classmates and Emma hums in agreement.
"Well done, Ms. Swan." Regina murmurs staring straight ahead, but the congratulatory words sound like an admission of defeat to Emma.
XXXXX
Eventually, all of the kids leave and it's just Emma and her parents, Regina and Henry left.
Henry studies his new gifts which are displayed on the dining room table. Emma notes that Regina's gift isn't among them. Henry grabs a book and settles down on the sofa to begin reading. Everyone heads to the kitchen except for Regina, who is standing across the room from Henry, clutching her birthday gift to him. Regina is anxious, eyes flitting from Henry to Emma to the gift she's holding and back again.
Sensing that Regina wants a moment with her son, Emma quickly finishes picking up stray wrappings and streamers and moves quietly to the kitchen, but stops just inside the doorway. She has a clear view of Regina moving to sit tentatively on the sofa next to Henry, who doesn't look up from his book.
"Henry," she hears Regina say, and she watches Henry close his book to give her his full attention. She leans in close to him, and Emma can't hear what she's saying anymore, but she can tell it's genuine and Henry is listening and nodding. She hopes he remembers to try, even if it's only because she asked him to.
Regina finally hands Henry her gift. She folds her hands together in her lap and anxiously taps her toes as Henry pulls the book from its wrapping and examines it. To Emma's dismay he looks at the book briefly, but doesn't open it. He mumbles a 'thank you' and hugs Regina half-heartedly, but before she can even bring her arms around him he rises from the couch and, placing the book on the table with his other gifts, runs up over the stairs.
Regina looks absolutely dejected, sitting alone on the couch with her head bowed and her shoulders curved forward. When she finally does raise her head, her features are sharply schooled; she's as controlled as Emma has ever seen her.
She stands up gracefully and heads in Emma's direction. Emma quickly busies herself with the dishes in the sink, trying to act as nonchalantly as she can. When Regina enters the room, Emma greets her as though she hasn't seen a thing.
"Hey." Emma dries her hands on a towel. "Did you give him your present?"
Regina merely nods. "Thank you for inviting me, Miss Swan." She stalks towards the front door but before she can get there Emma wraps her hand around Regina's forearm.
"Regina…"She sighs, and the other woman looks at her expectantly. "Just…Give him time." Emma says gently.
Regina's eyes widen and her mask slips for just a moment, long enough for Emma to see hurt and defeat lurking beneath the surface. But the moment goes as quickly as it came, and Regina is gone out the door before Emma can say anything else.
XXXXX
It's been a week since his birthday, and Henry hasn't mentioned anything about Regina or her diary.
They're driving to school one morning in her beat up yellow buggy when she says "Have you read the book your mom gave you for your birthday?"
"No," Henry replies simply, turning to look out the window.
After a moment, Emma tries again. "I think you should, Henry."
But Henry just shrugs.
XXXXX
A week later, after putting Henry to bed, Emma sits down in front of the TV with a mug of hot cocoa, unwinding for a little while before she heads to bed herself. She's watching Conan talk to a guest she's never heard of when she hears a noise in the doorway.
Henry stands in the doorway in his pajamas, tears streaming down his face.
"Henry!" she jumps up in alarm. "What's wrong?"
"You have to take me to see Mom." It's then she notices that he's clutching Regina's diary tightly to his chest. Comprehension dawns on her and her heart aches.
"Henry," she begins.
"Now!" He cries through gasping sobs.
"Henry," she bends over to look into his eyes. "It's late. Your mom is probably asleep. I'll take you first thing in the morning."
"No, now! I need to see her now!" Emma's never seen him so upset.
"Okay, okay!" Emma caves, because she doesn't know what to do when her son looks at her with distraught, desperate eyes and tears streaming down his face. "Get your shoes on." She doesn't even bother to tell him to change from his pajamas.
Henry is out the door and climbing into her car before she's even grabbed her keys. He clutches the book to his chest, sniffling and sobbing the entire ride.
XXXXX
She hasn't even put the car in park outside Regina's home when Henry jumps out and runs up the pathway to the front door. She wants to tell him to slow down, but she doesn't think he'll listen to her right now.
When she catches up to him, he's pounding furiously at the door with his fist, gasping from the exertion of running so fast while crying.
Emma calls his name to get his attention, but he simply ignores her. His intensity is frightening and Emma is truly at a loss for what to do.
Just as she's about to call his name again, the door swings open and Regina is standing in the doorway wearing silk pajamas, her hair mussed from sleep.
Before the surprise of seeing them both on her doorstep this late at night can even register on her face, Henry has tackled her with a hug so fierce that it throws her off balance. Regina stumbles back into the house with her arms around Henry. Emma follows, picking up the book that fell from Henry's arms in his haste to hug his mother and shuts the door behind her.
Henry clings to Regina, sobbing into her torso, mumbling incoherently into her shirt. Regina holds him close for a moment, running her fingers reassuringly through his hair. Then she pushes him back gently by the shoulders and kneels in front of him.
"Henry, darling," she says, wiping his tears tenderly from his cheeks, "what is it? What's wrong?"
"I'm sorry." He sobs. "I didn't know. I'm so sorry." He buries his face into her shoulder.
Regina looks utterly confused and looks to Emma for help. Emma just smiles sadly and motions to the book in her arms.
Realization dawns on Regina and her face crumples with emotion. "Henry." she urges, "Henry, look at me."
He does, sniffling and red-faced. "It's okay." She whispers, her voice thick with tears. "It's okay. I love you."
"I love you, too."
Tears stream down Regina's face as she pulls Henry back to her, burying her face in his hair. She whispers his name over and over with such reverence and raw emotion that Emma, still standing in the doorway, feels incredibly intrusive. She looks away, giving them what privacy she can.
"Emma."
She looks up and her eyes meet Regina's over Henry's head. "Emma, thank you."
In that moment, through the sincerity and gratitude in Regina's dark eyes, she swears she can see straight through to the other woman's battered and broken heart. Her own eyes begin to burn. She just nods, hoping that she's helped her son's mother heal, if only a little.
She vows to herself then that she won't read what's in the book she's holding. This woman is a permanent part of her life now, whether she likes it or not. They do, after all, share a son. She wants to hear the stories from Regina herself and she hopes that Regina will one day trust her enough to tell her.
For now, she'll settle for having helped them begin to heal, and maybe pushing Regina a little further down her path to redemption.
End.
AN: Thanks so much for reading! Leave a review to let me know what you think! :)
