Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. I do however own Janice, all three Sues, and the Mary Sue hotline. Though you can take them! Their stupidness kills!
1-800-MARY-SUE
One fine day, Janice, employee of the month for the Mary Sue phone service, was sitting at her desk playing Pacman when the familiar noise of a phone ringing sounded. She picked it up.
"Hello?"
"Hi, I'd like to buy a Mary Sue."
"Of course you do. Now what kind of fanfic are you writing?"
"A Harry Potter one."
"Well then this is your lucky day! We have three fine Sues available for that fandom!"
"Great! What are they?"
"The first one is a traditional!Sue, a blond haired blue eyed orphan with a mysterious scar who sweeps Harry off his feet before discovering that her parents were killed by Voldemort, but since she survived she is destined to help Harry kill him. How does that sound?"
"It sounds nice, but its not quite what I'm looking for."
"Okay, how about a sister!Sue? A red haired green eyed girl who is also an orphan who turns out to be Harry's secret twin sister and after helping Harry kill Voldemort she hooks up with Draco, causing him and Harry to be best friends?"
"Maybe... What's the last one?"
"The last one is a Death Eater!Sue, a black haired red eyed Slytherin who is Voldemort's daughter who was sent to Hogwarts to kill Harry, but after falling in love with him she works with Harry to kill her father."
"I think I'll take that last one."
"Great! Send us twenty dollars over the mail and we will send you your very own Death Eater!Sue!"
"Thank you!"
"No, thank you!"
Janice hung up the phone and continued her Pacman game, oblivious to the damage the Mary Sue would do to and reader's minds everywhere.
