Hey guys, this is yet another story full of more random events. This time it is taken from the actual Perfect Dark storyline with some (drastic) changes. Cristalina has been a great inspiration to this fic, so I'd like to thank her even before I start.

So here we go with… Perfect Dark: What really happened

Joanna Dark and her sister Velvet were in the jumpship. They had just been briefed by Carrington while flying through the jumpship at great speed. The jumpship finally stops.

"Remind me not to eat before going into that jumpship… that pilot is a maniac. I feel like I'm gunna be sick" Velvet held her stomach as she leaned against the door, unaware that it would open causing her to fall outside as the camera took a shot of Jo skilfully jumping out of the jumpship and landing on the helipad with only the slightest noise.

Joanna rolled her eyes as she saw her sister on the ground holding her stomach.

"Hey get up" Joanna whispered to Velvet as she drew out her Falcon 2 silenced

"Okay, I'm trying" Velvet said as she got up

"You aren't really supposed to talk much you Natalya look alike" Joanna said coldly as she prepared for the mission

"Who the hell is Natalya?" Velvet asked

"Umm… I do not know, but people always say you look like her" Joanna said

"Riight…" Velvet took a few steps back from Joanna

Joanna had enough of this and jumped off the helipad. She spotted her first guard and shot him in the stomach before hitting him hard with her pistol whip function. As they moved on Joanna shot out all the cameras while Velvet punched a guard in the nose. He dropped his weapon and raised his hands.

"I give up!" The guard declared, Joanna could see the total terror in this poor guards eyes. She then moved her gun all around the guards face and jokingly went to pull the trigger multiple times.

"Please don't!" The guard begged again

"Hey Jo! This guy is totally pissing in his pants… what's the matter? Did you fail in Toilet training 101" Velvet laughed

Joanna gave a smile "Oh but we have to let this guy live" Joanna said

Velvet sighed "I suppose so"

"Oh thank you so…" The guard was cut off when Joanna hit him with her Falcon.

They moved downstairs and threw an ECM mine on the screen that was in the room.

"Right, you go downstairs and kill all the guards" Joanna said

"Okay sure!" Velvet smiled innocently as she ran at top speed blasting any guards who got in her way.

Joanna was surprised at how easy it was for her to convince Velvet to go downstairs all alone. Now all she had to do was complete her objectives, get the necklace from Cassandra, place another ECM thingy and go to the lift.

Joanna headed to the office level and saw Velvet had already left her mark, several guards lay dead in the room. She continued to walk into Cassandra's office.

"Who are you and what are you doing here?" Cassandra demanded

"Look out! She's got a gun!" Cassandra's secretary screamed as she ran

"You won't shoot me you foolish child! Don't you know who I am!" Cassandra stated arrogantly

"Oh this is boring" Joanna then whipped Cass across the face knocking her out "Hey she makes a sound too sounds a bit like Natalya though… whoever she is" Joanna said as she repeatedly pistol whipped Cassandra who yelled out like 'Natalya' each time Joanna hit her even though she was supposedly 'unconscious'.

Meanwhile Velvet was getting shot up badly by multiple guards… she killed a few of them but unfortunately there was one who got to close and Velvet didn't see him and he put a whole load of bullets into her causing her to drop dead.

Meanwhile

"Where on Earth is that girl, she's taking her sweet time" Joanna tapped her foot impatiently standing in Cassandra's office after she got bored of playing punching bag with Cassandra.

Joanna got more impatient "Fine I will look for her myself" Joanna declared as she went downstairs a few floors and saw a few guard crowded around something. Locking onto all of them with her CMP150, she then just held the trigger and all 4 of them dropped dead.

When Joanna looked at what they were crowded around she saw it was Velvet who was by this point well and truly dead.

"Oh, it's just my sister… I wondered why she was taking so long, stupid lazy thing, I have to do this mission myself now. At least she'll regenerate in the next level, to do my dirty work" Joanna said

Joanna being Perfect Dark had little problems in going downstairs and blasting all the guards with her CMP150 as well as placing the other ECM mine, before heading to the not so secret lift on the bottom floor.

By some miracle (because the game says so) Velvet appeared in the lift with Joanna. Both of them crawled into the space at the top.

"Oh somebody's coming in the lift… I look really dorky when I do the salute thing, all the men give me hell for it" The guard sniffled "But a job's a job I guess" The guard then stood up and did the dorky salute.

The lift doors opened but nobody was inside.

"HAHAHA you LOSER, you salute thin air now!" One of the guards laughed before he walked back the other way

The guard frowned again as he checked inside the lift "Huh?" He looked around, there was nobody inside, he stepped inside to get a closer look.

Joanna then swung her Falcon 2, to hit him on the head knocking him out before she swung into the lift and drew her gun.

"Can I come down now?" Velvet asked

"No, I'm not finished my bad ass pose" Joanna put her gun in position completing her pose "Okay now" Joanna said as Velvet joined Joanna.

"Alright, we've got some work to do" Joanna said as Velvet drew her weapon.

"Yes, let's do it" Velvet said

Joanna and Velvet exited to the left and ran down the corridor killing two guards on the way.

"Alright I'll go first…" Joanna declared "Back me up" Joanna went inside the room and fired a few times.

"She left for me dead last time, let's she how she likes it" Velvet smiled evilly

Joanna chased after the two guards who appeared to make a retreat however she was punched across the face and shot by two of the guards. Joanna tried to fight back, but she hadn't positioned herself very well, she fired off a few times and managed to get rid of the guards but even this early in the mission she had taken heavy damage.

Velvet meanwhile was sitting reading a book titled, 10 things you need to know about Joanna Dark.

"What on Earth are you doing?" Joanna shouted

"I'm reading this book, its called 10 things I need to know about you. Apparently you aren't as stupid as Jonathan thinks" Velvet said

"IDIOT! I was nearly killed in there" Joanna yelled out really loudly causing Velvet to quickly close the book and stand up.

Velvet entered the next room and fired upon the one of the guards, however one she didn't see got a shot off at Joanna causing her to die. Velvet quickly avenged her by shooting the guard.

"NO! You can't die! You're Perfect DARK!" Velvet shouted

"… Stupid book… and its right too, you're on your own from here" Joanna then faded into nothingness

Meanwhile

"Whoops, I just let Joanna have a load of bullets" the person who was controlling Joanna said "I'm not very good at this game I don't think. I'll just watch you complete the mission with the other girl" The same person finished

"Alright then" The other player picked up his n64 pad and started playing again

Velvet then entered the through the doors to her right, she saw two guards and quickly got rid of them. She then walked up to the next door and instinctively walked into the room.

"Get out Jo! The levels are too high! Use the campsy!" Carrington ordered through the radio

"Why does EVERYBODY call me Jo! Or Joanna! My name IS VELVET" Velvet got really angry and shot the camspy several times blowing it to pieces.

"Nice work Agent Dark, how are you going to complete the mission now" Carrington said

"Oh, no problem… I brought my own camera" Velvet took it out and took a photo of what she was supposed to take a photo of.

"Stupid Blonde" A voice remarked through the radio

"What was that?" Velvet asked anger rising in her voice

"Jonathan be quiet… never mind… just get the job done" Carrington said

Velvet nodded as she went through the corridor of guards hiding behind crates but they were no match for her as she headed for the robot control room.

"Reprogram the cleaning bot, it'll give you a way in" Grimshaw suggested

"Affirmative" Velvet replied

Velvet did as she was asked causing the robots to follow a programmed path while Velvet went into the labs and blasted all the guards and convinced the scientists to shut down their experiments. She even outwitted one who tried to set off the alarms by knocking him out when he was close to the terminal that would set the alarms off.

Several dead guards and security doors later Velvet had found an empty room.

"Dr. Caroll?" Velvet called out "Dr. Caroll are you here?" Velvet called out again

"Well is it…" Dr. Caroll started but the cut scene was COUGH regrettably COUGH, cut off.

We now see Joanna alive and well again in the lift that had just opened. She walks outside and gives Dr. Caroll the go ahead.

"Wha? Sound the alarm! She's here!" The guard on the ground shouted out

"LIGHTS OUT!" Joanna's reply was kicking the guard

Just as she did this the lights began to… go out.

"That's a really crappy pun Jo" Velvet crawled out of the lift again

"Shut up" Joanna replied as she switched on her night vision

The two went through the darkness and shot all the guards before reaching the lifts again. Joanna, Velvet and Dr. Caroll all went in together.

"You could do well to loss a few pounds my dear" Dr. Caroll said looking at Joanna

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?" Joanna shouted

"Oh you're in for it now" Velvet said

"Well, we are all very squashed in here… and well…" Dr. Caroll could see Joanna getting redder and redder with anger. "Hmm… my analysis tells me I should shut up" Dr. Caroll said

"GOOD IDEA" Joanna was fuming as the door opened

Joanna was so angry that she completely ran over the guard in front of her shooting him about 6 times before she quickly reloaded her weapon. Velvet joined her.

"Cool a key card, hey I just want to try something" Velvet said as she went back for the lift

"Don't take too long" Joanna called out for her.

Joanna went to the next room and shot a couple of female guards then she saw the dataDyne hovercopter. They muttered something on the loud speaker.

"OH piss off!" Joanna shouted still angry as she took the shotgun from the female guards and went into a room and crouched underneath a desk.

"OH NO! She's hiding behind the expensive desk we aren't allowed to shoot at. Cassandra will kill us if we do anything to it" The guard in the hovercopter shouted.

"TAKE THIS!" Joanna shouted as she fired her shotgun while underneath the desk

"Shall we see if we can drive around the building to get a better angle at her?" The other guard asked while they were taking hits.

"Nah… we've got to stay put, she might come out and then we can shoot her" The other guard said

Unfortunately Joanna didn't move an inch as she just sat there the entire time and shot the hovercopter until it blew up.

"AHHHHHHHH!" The two in the hovercopter screamed as the hovercopter exploded.

Joanna quickly also shot at the desk with her falcon twice.

"NOOO! She damaged the DESK!" The guard cried out as the hovercopter plunged into the darkness below.

Velvet however went back down in the lift and opened the door downstairs, inside she found a man in a white coat as well as two guards, they didn't move an inch when Velvet came in.

"Who are you?" Velvet asked

No reply

"Hey I'm talking to you!" Velvet said a bit louder

No reply

"WHY won't you listen to me!" Velvet was now shouting and she drew out her weapon "Fine, I'll just shoot you!" Velvet said as she proceeded to shoot the man in the white coat multiple times in the face but he only move slightly each time she hit him causing bits of red to appear all over his face.

"Hey this is fun! I can do art with this!" Velvet drew out her CMP150 and proceeded to give the man she would find out was actually Mr. Blonde a face lift.

Velvet soon ran out of ammo though and got bored. So she headed for the glass doors that led to the street. She tried to open them, and surprisingly they opened.

"Wow… I wonder what's out on the street" Velvet wondered as she walked out of the dataDyne building onto the street. Unfortunately she walked a bit too far to the right and found herself falling.

"WHAT? How'd I fall off the street! AHHHHHHHHH!" Velvet screamed as she continually fell until she felt herself touch the ground but by her doing this, she also seemed to… die?

Meanwhile…

Joanna was ready to go to the office floor.

"That's not how it goes…" a worker said

"Yes it is" his counterpart said

"Give it to me you are doing it wrong" The first worker complained

"Stop annoying me!" the second worker rolled his eyes

"WILL YOU JUST HURRY UP!" The guard watching over them lost his patience

"Ah I got it!" The second worker said

"She's there! FIRE!" The first worker ordered

Unfortunately they failed to see it was pointing the wrong way causing it to explode in their faces.

"I say… that wasn't very intelligent" Dr. Caroll declared

However suddenly Joanna felt some pain go through her…

"What just happened?" Joanna asked surprised

Meanwhile…

"Whew, I'm back to life again" Velvet said at the bottom of the dataDyne building

Joanna had got over her sudden health loss and headed up to Cassandra's guards.

"We meet again girl!" Cassandra said "You've become quite an annoyance" Cassandra looked at Joanna who was actively scanning the room. There was a long pause. "Good night Miss Dark… see you in the morning" Cassandra said

"WHAT?" Joanna shouted out in surprise

"Umm… never mind… HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA" Cassandra went back to her evil laugh as the room darkened but Joanna had already turned the lights on stunning the guards who were no match to Joanna's close range action with her shotgun.

Joanna chased Cassandra but she had disappeared.

"Don't keep the jumpship waiting, get back to the landing pad" Carrington said

Velvet had then come to Jo, she was holding a dragon.

"Where'd you get that?" Joanna asked

"From Cassandra's secret room in her office" Velvet replied

"Oh I see, but we have to go" Joanna said

"Can't I just…" Velvet started

"No you can't" Joanna replied firmly

"Fine…" Velvet threw the gun down 'accidentally' setting it on the proximity mine function

The two headed to the top of the building, they were having a race to the top to see which one was in the cut scene.

Velvet won. Joanna grumbled as she had to hide out of the picture for this one.

"Going somewhere?" Cassandra had a sinister smile

"Something I can do for you, old woman?" Velvet asked

"Return our sapient immediately, you don't know what your doing!" Cassandra ordered

"Yes I do… I'm leaving, then I'm taking a hot bath, then after that I'll see Trent and we might…" Velvet was cut off mid sentence

"Okay I didn't really need to know that. Umm… oh yes. Give it back, and you can come and work for me" Cassandra said

The jumpship appeared behind Velvet

"Sorry gotta run" Velvet said as she shot the two guards causing both of them to drop as she jumped into the jumpship that had already picked up Joanna.

"Velvet the line is sorry gotta shoot" Joanna said

"It sounds so stupid, I hate puns" Velvet replied

"Hmmph, fine…" Joanna rolled her eyes as the jumpship again went off for another bumpy ride.

Cassandra hit her hands on the railing with frustration.

"You must get the sapient back, we cannot proceed without it" Mr. Blonde told her firmly

"I KNOW…" Cassandra's face suddenly turned from fuming with anger, into a stupid smile

"What is so funny?" Mr. blonde asked irritably

"YOUR FACE! HAHAHAHAAHAHA! It's all red, did something go wrong with the transformation!" Cassandra was laughed her head off banging her hand against the railing

"STOP this laughter now! It was because that stupid girl came and gave me a face job, and I couldn't do anything about it" Mr. Blonde replied but Cassandra was still laughing. However he then pushed her backwards…

"Fine… fine… I know that! And I know who to…" Cassandra again was cut off as Velvet's proximity dragon that was left there caused an explosion engulfing both of them. "DID you just blow one!" Cassandra laughed as the explosion cleared leaving both of them unharmed

"What do you mean?" Blonde was losing his patience

"Did you… I didn't know Skedar…" Cassandra had the laughs again

"THAT IS ENOUGH, and it wasn't me" Blonde said

"It certainly wasn't me either" Cassandra replied "and I know who to talk to… Mr. Carrington" Cassandra finished

A/N: There will be a few references to Cristalina's fics in this one. 10 things you need to know about Joanna dark will be the main story I will refer to, but I will list any references to anything odd will be pointed out here.

References…

1. The book title. Obviously Velvet wasn't reading any book… as well as the line quoted out from it. That was the first thing that we needed to know about Joanna Dark.

2. The line "You can't die, your Perfect DARK!" is also a quote from the fic, but it's not an exact quote but it's obviously it's origin. And it's true too Joanna simply cannot die, if she does its only temporary.

3. The part about Velvet seeing Trent is also in 10 things believe it or not. While there is certainly no romantic interest between the two in the fic, somewhere in the story Velvet does something pretty suggestive. Cristalina was completely unaware of this at the time and when I pointed out to her she couldn't believe she wrote that, and now that 'innocent' moment in the fic has become a little bit of a joke. I just hope Cristalina doesn't fry me for pointing this out, but she knew that was going in the fic. There will be a much bigger clue to exactly what part I refer to next chapter.

4. The part about Velvet falling off the street and going into that room and shooting Mr. Blonde is actually possible. Try it sometime.

5. Velvet actually does look like A LOT Natalya from Goldeneye… compare the two, aside the hair they look very alike.