Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of these shows, and am making no profit, monetary or otherwise, through the writing of this work of fiction.

A/N: Set post series for, "Roseanne," and AU for, "Hawaii Five-0" (really, it could be in any season). I was going to write a, "Criminal Minds," "NCIS," crossover, but then my Muse was like, "Hey, what about a crossover with "Roseanne" and "Hawaii 5-0"? Might be fun?" I saw a picture of the actor who played DJ Conner, Michael Fishman, and that's how this was born. In an effort to simply write, I have decided to go with whatever my Muse decides to pursue. Apparently it was this today. I also have an idea for a story in which the Five-0 characters are turned into marshmallows. I am not sure if that will happen, but it could. There was actual dialogue for the story (Danny/Steve banter) in my head today, so...maybe it'll make it into a word document.


DJ Conner had come a long way in his life. Though he still lived in Lanford, Illinois, he had a good career, a loving wife, and three wonderful children. Taking a delayed honeymoon with his wife was supposed to be a good thing, but, not for the first time since he'd entered the police academy twelve years ago, he wondered if he'd made the right decision.

He could have pursued a safer, possibly less time consuming and harrowing career in journalism, but one, after witnessing a heinous crime when he was fifteen, he'd veered from that path. And, instead of flying halfway across the world to Hawaii, he could have shipped his kids off to his sister and enjoyed a few days alone with his wife. But, as his sister, Darlene, was fond of saying, he was a stupid moron who should learn to keep his big mouth shut.

"Detective Conner, how long have you been a homicide detective in Lanford, Illinois?" Danny double-checked the information on the tablet he held, and glanced at the man who'd allegedly witnessed a murder at the Ala Moana hotel where he and his wife were on a delayed honeymoon.

"This coming August will make it eight years," Conner said. "Look, detective, I know how it looks, but -"

"How it looks," Danny said, sitting down across from the witness, "is like maybe you had a little too much to drink, and you were maybe seeing things."

Conner's jaw clenched and he leaned forward, elbows on the table. "I know what I saw, detective, and I wasn't drinking. I don't drink."

Danny raised an eyebrow and motioned for Detective Conner to retell his tale of murder. There was no body, no blood. Nothing whatsoever to indicate that a murder had taken place at all, but Danny needed to take the man's statement, again, to see if anything changed the second time around.

"Like I said the first time, I was standing on the balcony at around ten PM. Melissa was on the phone with our youngest boy, Kenny. We'd just returned from a stroll on the beach, and a late dinner, but neither of us was tired. We're still on Lanford time. We've only been here for two days -"

"And how long are you planning to stay in Hawaii?" Danny interrupted. So far everything matched in the retelling, though Conner was being much more succinct this time around.

Conner sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Two weeks. Ten days, really. That's all the time off Melissa and I could afford. My sister, Darlene, and her husband, David, are watching the kids for us. Which means that we'll be watching theirs when they take their trip in the fall."

"Sounds like a good arrangement," Danny said, taking note of the way that Conner leaned back just a little. "It's always good to have family around to help out with vacations."

Conner nodded, and sighed. "Yeah, I suppose it is. Look, detective, I understand what you're doing, but I've already given my statement, and I just want to get back to my wife and my vacation before the day's completely wasted. She has her heart set on visiting Haiku Gardens and the Bishop Museum, and just about every corner of the island."

Danny nodded. "Fair enough. I understand that you had to put off your honeymoon for several years?"

Conner nodded, and took a deep breath. "Yeah. Money was tight, Melissa was six months pregnant. It just wasn't the right time."

"And twelve years later is?" Danny asked. He understood money issues, and the pregnancy, but to put off the honeymoon for twelve years? That was a little odd.

"My parents put theirs off for longer," Conner said. "Actually it was our Aunt Jackie who gave them their honeymoon. It was a stay at home one. She took us kids to one of those fancy hotels for the weekend."

"You wishing that you and your wife had done the same?" Danny asked.

Conner nodded. "I'm starting to. I mean, in my line of work...in our line of work..." Conner gestured between them, "we deal with death on an almost daily basis. I see the aftermath of murder, and those pictures, they never really get out of my head, you know?"

"I know." Danny remembered his first case as a detective, the pictures were still fresh in his memory.

"I...Melissa...we thought that a trip to paradise would be a nice change of scenery. Both of us have high pressure jobs. We just wanted to get away from our lives for a little bit," Conner said.

"Your wife's a..." Danny scrolled down the page on the tablet until he found the information that he was looking for, and squinted at the words, "high school teacher?"

"Some nights it seems that she works harder than me," Conner said, shrugging. "She's always got something to grade, or a student she's worried about, or some kind of meeting."

"That's got to be very stressful," Danny conceded, noting the stress lines around Conner's mouth.

Nodding, Conner said, "Yes, but that doesn't affect my eyesight, Detective Williams. I know what I saw, and last night, at ten o'five PM, I saw a woman fall from the balcony to her death. I walked back into the room to call the police, when I returned, the body was gone."

"Along with the blood, and any trace evidence that would have been present had what you said happened, happened," Danny said. "I want to believe you, but without any evidence to support what you've said, there's nothing I can do."

"I know what I saw," Conner said. "She had blonde hair, it fanned out around her like some kind of halo. She was wearing a blue nightgown. She fell right next to the pool."

"Look, I wish that we could corroborate your story," Danny said, grimacing. Conner grimaced, too.

Sighing, Conner said, "But there's no evidence that a crime occurred, so let me guess, this is going to be chalked up to an overtired, overstressed tourist seeing things."

Hating the circumstances, Danny offered Conner his hand as he led the visiting detective from the interrogation room. "I don't doubt that you saw what you say you did, unfortunately, there's nothing for us to go on."

"I'd like to be wrong. She looked like a beautiful, young woman. No one reported anyone missing?" Conner asked as Danny led him down the hallway.

Danny inwardly groaned when he saw that Kono was approaching them. The look on her face could only mean one thing. "Actually, we just got a missing person's report for a Donna Fisk."

"Let me guess, she had blonde hair? Was a guest at Ala Moana hotel? Went missing sometime last night? Or couldn't be found this morning?" Danny asked, Kono nodded in answer to each question.

"Well, shit," Conner said. "I was starting to hope that I was overtired and stressed."

"We'll need a more detailed account of what you witnessed last night," Danny told Conner, giving him an apologetic look as he made an about face and led the Lanford detective back to the interrogation room they'd just left.

"Should I call, Melissa? Tell her to go on the sunset cruise on her own?" Conner asked as they settled down at the table.

"I'll try to get you out of here in time to salvage your evening," Danny said, "but go ahead and give her a call. There's a shopping mall right next door to the hotel."

Conner groaned and banged his head against the table. He understood why his father had done that so often during his childhood. He loved his wife, but was already starting to go through their finances in his head, figuring just how much overtime he'd have to work to cover this particular shopping spree.

"We both promised each other not to work during our vacation," Conner said, and Danny placed a hand on his, and squeezed it in understanding. "She wasn't supposed to worry about any of her students, or create lesson plans, and I wasn't supposed to think like a cop."

"I'm sure that shopping will be enough of a distraction for your wife, or maybe the beach," Danny offered.

The stricken look that crossed Conner's face might've been funny had Danny never been married. Conner shook his head. "Let's just get this over with as soon as possible, so I can salvage my pocketbook."

"You understand that, as long as this is an open investigation, you won't be able to leave the island?" Danny asked. "We don't have much to go on, other than what you saw, and a missing person that may or may not match your description. I'll see about getting you clearance to work with our team the the foreseeable future."

"You can do that?" Conner asked, scrubbing a hand down his face when Danny nodded. "We'd better get cracking then, hadn't we? I can't afford to stay here long."

"Sounds like you might need to plan another honeymoon," Danny said. "Five-0 is the governor's task force, we have a bit of leeway when it comes to adding personnel, and adding a temporary liaison from Lanford, Illinois, would not be out of the question. I think it could even be a paid position, provided that the governor signs off on it."

"And that I'm ruled out as a suspect," Conner added.

"There is that, yes," Danny said.

"Well, Detective Williams, if we're going to be working together, you might'se well call me DJ. No one calls me Detective Conner," Conner said, holding his hand out to Danny.

Danny took the offered hand and shook it. "Call me, Danny."


Thoughts? Or, maybe I should just ask for some cookies, or marshmallows?