Don't Feed It After Midnight
A Daria/Gremlins Crossover, by Anguirus1955
Daria and Beavis and Butthead are owned by Mike Judge, Glen Eichler, and MTV.
Gremlins is owned by Joe Dante and Warner Brothers.
Chapter 01: The Gift
It was a couple weeks before Christmas, and Jake Morgendorffer had gone up to New York for a brief consulting job for a client who had begun setting up a new business on Manhattan Island. It was on his way back from the last meeting that he noticed a small shop in China Town, having decided to stop there and maybe get a souvenir or two for his family. The shop, called Wing Oddities, he noticed, didn't have a front door on the ground level, but a series of steps leading down to the real entrance.
"Hey, Mister, you looking for something interesting?" asked a young boy standing outside the shop entrance. "Uh, sure, little guy!" Jake said with enthusiasm. The young boy opened the door and led Jake inside the shop.
The shop had an air of antiquity and mystery to it, which was somewhat enhanced by the haze that floated through it. Jake coughed lightly as he looked around. Jake looked around carefully, seeing all of the little odds and ends and things that looked neat. He soon came upon the owner of the shop. He was an old Chinese man, with long white/silver hair, a fake eye, and a really old pipe that he was smoking from.
"You must be Mr. Wing, I suppose?" Jake asked. The old man nodded his head. "This is, uh, quite a place you got here," Jake said with genuine interest. The old man nodded his head again. "So, have you ever had any consulting done for anything here? Like, you know, new products or different ways of letting people know that the shop is here?" Jake asked as politely as he could. The old man stared at him. Jake gulped. He was about to ask another question, and possibly gain a potential client, when he heard the strangest sound. It was like a whistle, and it carried an interesting melody.
"Do you…hear that?" Jake asked as he craned his neck to look around. The old man almost imperceptibly raised his good eyebrow as Jake walked over to find the source of the singing. The young boy followed him over to the cage with a blanket on top of it. When Jake lifted the blanket off the front of the cage, he saw the most peculiar thing inside of it.
"Wow," Jake whispered. "What is it?" "He's a Mogwai, and he's singing," the young boy explained, "He does that sometimes." "Neat-o," Jake whispered before he walked back over to the old man. "How much does that, uh, Mogwai cost?" Jake asked him enthusiastically.
The old man furrowed his eyebrows. "Mogwai is not for sale. He is much responsibility; I cannot sell him…at any price," he said. "I'll give you two hundred dollars," Jake said, bringing the cash out of his wallet to prove it. Today had been a very good day for him and his consulting skills, all things considered.
The young boy's eyes widened at Jake's offer. "I am sorry, but Mogwai is not for sale. Too much responsibility," the old man reiterated. "But Grandfather, that's two hundred dollars," the boy exclaimed. "I will not change my mind," the old man said firmly. Jake looked crestfallen as he put his money back in his wallet and began heading towards the exit as the old man turned around to give attention to a book that had fallen onto the floor.
The young boy quickly walked over Jake Morgendorffer. "Hey," he whispered, "Wait outside in the back with that money. I'll be back in a little bit." Jake raised an eyebrow but otherwise stayed quiet as he did as the boy said. An hour later, and growing a little bit restless, who knows what could have happened to his car with how long he'd been away from it, the young boy reappeared and handed him an old-looking traveling box of sorts.
Jake took the money out of his wallet and handed the two hundred dollars over to him. "Here you go," the boy said. "What about your grandfather?" Jake asked him. "Forget about him; he's crazy! Besides, we need the money," the boy replied. Jake prepared to turn around, before the boy grabbed his arms.
"Oh, before you leave, there are some rules you need to know about for handling the Mogwai." Jake nodded. "These are very important," the boy stressed. "Okay, what are they?" Jake asked him. "Well, there are three main ones, and they are the most important ones. You must never, ever forget these three rules, got it?" "Three rules; never forget; got it. So what are they?"
[Cut to shot of Jake walking away as the boy's voice plays over the imagery]
"First, rule number one: Keep him away from bright lights. He hates them, especially sunlight; it'll kill him, literally.
Rule number two: Don't get him wet. No water for drinking or bathing. If he gets dirty, he'll be able to clean himself on his own.
Rule number three, and this is the most important one: No matter how much he begs, no matter how much he cries, never, ever feed him after midnight."
"Um, when is it okay to feed him? Could you be a bit more specific?" "Don't feed him between, oh say, 10:00 pm and 3:00 am, to be safe, okay?" "Okay got it. Thanks kid!"
[Voice-over sequence ends as Jake avoids stepping in a puddle and gets into his car, Mogwai in tow]
Daria Morgendorffer shut her locker as the last class of the day was over and headed for the exit of the school, her friend Jane Lane right next to her. "So, got any plans for this Christmas, or whatever you celebrate?" Jane asked her. "Aside from trying not to puke every time Upchuck tries to put mistletoe over his head and any girl who walks by him? Not much," Daria replied sardonically.
"Wanna' spend time at my place, then?" Jane asked her. "Sure, as long as my mom doesn't make a big deal out of me not spending enough time with the family. She gets like this around Christmas," Daria replied. "Or, maybe I could spend time at your place?" Jane suggested. "Sure, and subjecting you to my family's antics at Christmas would be the best present of all. God bless us, everyone," Daria said sarcastically.
"You make it sound so beautiful," Jane said in kind. "Thanks," Daria replied. "So, what are your plans for the holiday?" Daria asked her. "Oh, you know; sitting around painting, watching Sick Sad World, trying to wake Trent up slightly early, and occasionally wishing that my parents were actually home for maybe a day," Jane said with a slight sense of bitterness in her voice.
"So, let me guess, even the holidays are spent with just you and Trent?" Daria asked her. "Occasionally, Wind might stop by because of marriage problems, and Penny might drop by for a day before heading back to another country that she doesn't understand," Jane replied as they made their way to Daria's house.
"Okay then, spend time with my family for one Christmas," Daria said. "Thanks, I'll make sure I don't smell like paint," Jane said. "That would still smell better than whatever my dad will try to cook. In fact, the paint might make the meal seem slightly edible," Daria said. "Is he still trying recipes from his days in military school?" Jane asked her. "Unfortunately," Daria replied.
"Well, I definitely have to be there for this. Want me to bring Trent over?" Jane asked. "If he can stay awake long enough, sure," Daria said. Her crush on Trent had been starting to fade lately, although it was still there, just not as strong as it had been during the failed trip to Alternapalooza. She could still smell the peanut butter from that day whenever she wore that particular pair of jeans she'd worn on that trip, no matter how much they had been washed. "So, aside from the established dinner, you got anything else planned for Christmas?" Jane asked her. "Um, not really," Daria replied.
After arriving at home, Daria noticed that her dad's car was already parked in the driveway. "Huh, I thought he wouldn't be back until later tonight or sometime tomorrow," Daria said. "Who, your dad? Why, was he on a trip?" Jane asked her. "Yeah, he had a client up in New York," Daria answered.
After entering the house, Daria and Jane both noticed that Jake Morgendorffer was being unusually giddy. "Oh, hi girls!" he called as soon as he had spotted them. "Daria, do you know when Quinn will be home?" Jake asked her. "Well, she's probably over at one of her friends' houses right now with the rest of the clothing worshippers," Daria replied.
"Worshippers? Did she join a cult!?" Jake asked urgently. "Relax, Mr. Morgendorffer, Daria's just talking about the fashion club. You know, since their lives practically revolve around clothes and makeup," Jane said. "Oh, right," Jake said with a chuckle. "Well, I was hoping that both of you would be here at the same time so that I could show you what I brought back from my trip," he said.
Daria knew from past experiences that this would probably be something neither she nor her sister would actually care about, although she knew her father had the best of intentions whenever he did something like this. "You could just pretend that Quinn's here but is just ignoring us, so it would be the same either way," Daria offered.
"Well, I guess I was hoping that Helen would be here too, but she's at the office, isn't she?" Jake asked. "She has a busy schedule this week," Daria said, having heard many of her mother's conversations on the phone with her boss. "Well, I don't know how long this can wait, maybe another day at the most, but I can't keep the little guy holed up forever," Jake said.
"Little…guy?" Daria asked her father curiously. "Yeah, I-wait, it's supposed to be a surprise," Jake said as he looked over at the windows, seeing the daylight outside. "Well, I guess it's best if we do wait until after dark," he said. "Okay, I am officially curious," Jane said.
"Um, Jane, if you'd like to stay and see what I brought back, you're more than welcome to, although, do you have a ride back home?" Jake asked. "I'll just call Trent and he'll pick me up. He's usually awake by the time the sun sets anyway, even in the winter," Jane replied. She was about to say more when she heard what sounded like singing or whistling.
"Does anyone else hear that?" Jane asked. "Oh, that? Well, that, oh, part of the surprise," Jake said nervously, still glancing at the light coming in from the windows, even if it was a cloudy day outside. Sunlight will kill him, he remembered the boy saying. "Okay, how about this: we'll wait an hour for Quinn, or at least for the sun to set, and then I'll show you what I brought back with me," Jake said. "Okay, Dad," Daria said. The strange singing had caught her attention as well, but she could hold her curiosity until Quinn arrived.
An hour later, Quinn did indeed arrive home, muttering curses about the cold weather affecting her hair, despite having a cap on.
"Quinn, Honey, I've got something really cool to show you!" Jake said from his seat at the kitchen table. "Not another lame doll or outdated fashion accessory," Quinn muttered under breath as she made her way over to the couch. "Just stay right there, I'll bring it right over. Hey, Daria," Jake called upstairs, "Your sister's home!"
There was no response, as Daria's usual tone of voice didn't carry very well through wall and carpeting. However, the sounds of footsteps soon became apparent as Daria, Jane in two, made her way downstairs to the living room where Quinn was sitting.
Quinn looked over at her sister and Jane. "Jane, what are you doing here?" Quinn asked the older girl. "You tell her, Daria," Jane insisted. "Quinn, the surprise is that Mom and Dad have adopted Jane. She's our new sister," Daria said sardonically. "What!?" Quinn exclaimed. "Relax, I'm not being adopted," Jane said after chuckling at Quinn's reaction.
"Whew," Quinn muttered. "Okay, so then what is the surprise?" Quinn asked her sister and her best friend. "Well, if we knew that, it wouldn't be a surprise," Daria said genuinely, although her usual monotone voice still made her sound as though she were being sarcastic, but Quinn had grown up around this, so she could, at times, detect whether Daria was being serious or facetious. However, Daria had a very good poker face…and voice.
"Alright, here we go," Jake said enthusiastically as he walked into the living room, making sure to close all of the drapes and blinds throughout the living room and kitchen after setting a small antique-looking box down on the floor. "I wish Helen were here too, but we'll have to surprise her after she gets back from-" The front door opened and Helen walked in, a scowl marring her face as she walked upstairs.
"Hey, Helen, I've got a really cool surprise for you and the girls!" Jake hollered up the stairs. A few minutes later, Helen made her way down into the living room. "Yes, Jake?" she asked in a mildly impatient tone. "Helen, you'll want to sit down for this," Jake said excitedly. "Fine, Jake," she said before noticing how dark the room was. "Jake, why are the drapes and blindfolds closed?" Helen asked her husband. "That's part of the surprise. It's actually a necessity," Jake explained vaguely.
It was then that Helen spied the box on the living room floor. "Jake, what is that?" Helen asked him. "That's part of the surprise, Honey!" Jake replied. "Okay, the lights are dimmed, and no sunlight is getting into the house," Jake said as he made his way over to the box and carefully lifted it into the air as he sat down on the couch, before settling the box into his lap.
"Okay, which way faces forward again?" he asked himself before turning it around slowly. "Okay, everybody, ready?" he asked. "Sure, Dad," Quinn said with only mild investment in her dad's surprise. "Okay," Jake said as he undid the latches on the box and unlocked it. He slowly lifted the curved lid of the box just enough for a shadowy shape to be seen inside. Quinn, her curiosity having won her over, made her way over to the box and peered over the top, before a blur of white and brown jumped up before retreating back into the box. "Eeap!" cried Quinn as she scooched back from the box.
Slowly, two tiny, fur covered hands rose up and gripped the rim of the box. "Jake, what is that?" Helen asked with concern. No dog or cat had digits like this…animal. "Just be patient," Jake said quietly. "It's okay, little fella, come on out," Jake encouraged the small creature inside the box. Soon, a furry head and face, with white fur and patches of brown covering one eye, with two long ears, rose up over the rim.
Jane and Daria both raised eyebrows at the sight of this creature, and neither could deny that they wanted to get a closer look. "What is that, Mr. Morgendorffer?" Jane asked as she and Daria moved closer to the box to look at the creature. "He's a Mogwai," Jake said. "A what?" Quinn asked him. "A Mogwai. I call him Gizmo, though. He seems the like the name," Jake said with a smile.
"Who wants to hold him?" Jakes asked. Quinn fidgeted, and Daria and Jane were both very hesitant. "He doesn't bite," Jake said. "I guess…I'll hold him," Daria offered as she slowly made her way over to the box and carefully reached inside, firmly holding the small furry animal as she carefully lifted it out of the box and into her arms. He made small squealing and cooing sounds as she brought him closer to her body.
"That…is actually pretty cool," Jane said as Daria sat down next to her. "What'd you say his name was again?" Jane asked. "Gizmo," Jake replied. "Um, dear, you said that the lights were part of the surprise, and since the…Mogwai is out of the box, perhaps we can turn them back on now?" Helen suggested.
"Um, actually, Helen, there are a few rules for taking care of him that we need to go over before we do anything else," Jake said in a somewhat serious tone, at least in contrast to his joyous and enthusiastic tone from a few moments earlier. "Rules?" Quinn asked him. "Uh, yeah, there are at least three big rules that absolutely must be followed," Jake said.
Daria and Jane, who was petting Gizmo's head while Daria gently rubbed his back, turned to look at Jake as he spoke. "See, there are three very important rules for Gizmo. The first rule involves bright lights. He's very sensitive to bright lights, and sunlight…well, it'll kill him," Jake said.
"If the complexion he gets from having so much fur on his face in the sun doesn't' get him first," Quinn said. "No, I mean it will literally kill him," Jake said. Everyone raised an eyebrow or two at this, especially Daria, who glanced back down at Gizmo before looking back at her father.
"The second rule is to no get him wet. Keep him away from water, so no baths or drinking water," Jake said. "What? Eeww!" Quinn said. "Like, how is he supposed to stay clean?" she asked her father. "Um, I'm not really sure. The kid at the shop said that he knows how to clean himself," Jake replied. "What happens if he gets wet?" Jane asked.
"The kid didn't say what would happen, just to make sure that it didn't," Jake replied honestly. "Okay, then what's the third rule?" Helen asked. "Ah, that one; it's really important," Jake said. "Okay, then what is it?" Quinn asked him. "Never feed him after midnight, or between the hours of ten p.m. and three a.m.," Jake said firmly. "What if he's reeeallly hungry?" Quinn asked. "Nope, not even then," Jake said in a firm manner.
Daria raised an eyebrow. Her father seemed to actually know what he was talking about for once, although the fact that the consequences of breaking the second and third rules hadn't been properly explained left her with an odd feeling of uncertainty. She looked back down at Gizmo, who Jane was once again petting as he produced a light purring sound. "Hey, can I hold him?" Quinn asked Daria.
"Uh, sure," Daria replied. "It's okay, Gizmo, Quinn doesn't bite…much," Jane said with a smirk as Daria gently placed Gizmo into Quinn's arms. "Mogwai," they heard him say. "So, can he speak?" Jane asked. "Um, he can sing," Jake said. "Like a bird?" Quinn asked. "No, more like a whistle," Jake said.
"Never mind," Quinn said with an exaggerated sigh as she gently rubbed Gizmo's forehead. "Aw, he's really cute," Quinn said. She made a few face at him, and Gizmo rolled his eyes, which made Quinn giggle. "Do you think he understands what we say?" Quinn asked. "Most of it, I guess," Jake said. "Isn't that right, Gizmo?" Jake asked the little fur-ball. Gizmo nodded his head in response.
This, Jane thought, is going to be an interesting Christmas.
