A little while ago, I've been asked to do a story about Robbie. That was kind of a challenge since I've never written anything about him before, so I'm hoping it worked out alright.
Disclaimer: Still don't own Victorious.
I'm Okay
"I'm okay." I tell him. But I'm not. "Sure?" He asks. I nod. But I'm not. I'm not okay. And I want to tell him -I do. He's my best friend, I want to tell him. I need to tell him. But I can't. I can't tell anybody. It's too big a secret. It must never come out. He walks away. Not angry, I think. Not even sad. But somehow disappointed. In me. For not trusting him with my worries. Not talking to him, like we used to. For shutting him out. But what am I supposed to do then? Walk after him? Tell him everything? No. I can't. He may be disappointed now that I don't trust him, but imagine what it would do to our friendship if he knew that I'm in love with his girlfriend? It would ruin everything. So I keep it to myself. I let the secret swallow me. I let it eat me alive. All for the sake of friendship. I pretend that it's not true. But I know better. Because it is true. I am in love with Beck's girlfriend. I am in love with Jade. And it is love. It's not some sort of a stupid crush. Like I've had over Cat, back in the days. No, this is love. The kind of love where I think about her all day. About how beautiful she is, to me. About how she's definitely not perfect, but I love her anyway. About how I'd do anything, just to make her smile. And about how she'll never be mine. Sick, ain't it? I mean, who does that? Who falls in love with his best friend's girlfriend? That's just horrible! ...That's just me. So you see, why I never could come clean. Not even with my best friend. Especially not with my best friend. So, I keep to myself. Keeping others at arm's length. Lying to my friends every day. Telling them I'm okay when I'm really not. Waiting till I'm alone till I can fall apart.
From the corner of my eye, I can see them. Beck and Jade. They're kissing. They look so happy together. A tear rolls down my cheek. But I can't cry. Not now. Get it together! I take a deep breathe before walking away. "I'm okay." I whisper to myself. "I am Robbie Shapiro, and I am okay." I will keep telling myself this. Over and over again. Maybe, just maybe, I'll someday believe it.
