Chapter 1
Scarlett was so withdrawn into her world of despair that she hardly paid attention to anything Wade or Ella spoke or did during their twenty-five mile journey back to Tara. Unbeknownst to her, a curious battle of emotions was raging in Wade's thin chest. He was afraid of his mother's quick temper but for the first time, a feeling stronger than fear, an oddly instinctive feeling to protect his mother during her time of grief was overcoming him. He felt the urge to act grown-up, whatever that was. He was now old enough to understand that Aunt Melly could not be with them anymore. He was going to miss Aunt Melly very much! Poor poor Beau. Without a mother!
Wade swallowed hard and put his shivering palm, mildly damp with sweat, on Scarlett's hand. This gesture stirred Scarlett from her haunted reverie. Her thoughts were too confused and woebegone to make sense. She looked at Wade as if noticing him beside her for the first time. She looked across at Ella who was quietly engaged in pulling her doll's hair into two straggly plaits. Scarlett did not shake off her son's clammy hand. She couldn't bear to. Not now. Not after she had lost everything and her spirits were so low that any kindness was unabashedly welcome. She awkwardly pressed Wade's palm and drew back her hands.
Scarlett realized that Rhett hadn't said goodbye to both children when he left the Atlanta house for good. They assumed that all her sadness stemmed from Melly's death. Scarlet's face twisted as a fresh wave of pain flooded her senses. But she would not cry. Crying never did any good. It didn't change anything. It was only an invitation for useless hugs and meaningless words of assurance. And Scarlett had no use for either... unless they were from Rhett. Oh, how she had taken his strength for granted. What a fool she had been! And Melly... dear, kind Melly.. who on several occasions had hugged her, kissed her and stayed staunchly by her side. And what had she given her in return? Scornful glances, unkind thoughts, and worst of all, she had schemed passionately to steal Ashley away from her! Why, oh why had she taken all that precious love for granted?Why did she harden her heart to rebuff any form of tenderness or kindness? And Rhett.. his departure was the worst of all since it was utterly .. utterly unexpected! It was as if the walls had fallen away. But Scarlett would not think of it now. If she thought of it, she knew that she would arrive at Tara completely broken. And no one must suspect Rhett's departure. Not Suellen nor Will. Not any of the neighbors. It would be too much of a disgrace and she knew that everyone would blame her. They always did. No, she would be very careful. She would not unburden her feelings to anyone except Mammy.
They finally arrived at Tara and Scarlett found herself hugged by her sisters and Will Benteen kissed her on the cheek. In a few minutes she was inside the large house sipping some coffee and the family gathered to recount some of their memories of Melanie and the gravity of her loss in their lives. This conversation was the last thing Scarlett needed. Her own heart was pounding away and she couldn't bear playing the role of an understanding sister. They all sounded like hypocrites to her. They didn't know Melly like she did. She wished she could get up and leave. But as she lifted an impatient glance, she caught Mammy bustling about the kitchen. Scarlett finished her coffee in one gulp and ignoring the servant beside her, she deliberately carried the cup to the kitchen.
"Mammy!,"she choked, drawing up beside her sole refuge. She placed the cup on the table with trembling hands and waited for Mammy's comforting arms to embrace her.
Mammy turned to Scarlett but her eyes were devoid of any emotion or.. "or.. interest," realized Scarlett with the familiar feeling of dread chilling her bones. This was the way Rhett had looked at her during their last conversation. Surely Mammy..
Mammy wordlessly turned away. Scarlett stared after her, biting back angry tears.
Scarlett complained of a headache and stayed up in her room for most of the evening. But she couldn't sleep. Stray bits of that accursed conversation with Rhett floated into memory and muddled her. Memories of Melly's soft, heart-shaped face tormented her.
Just then she heard a knock on the door. "Come in, Mammy," she cried, gratitude lighting up her face. but it wasn't Mammy. It was Wade.
He solicitously carried a plate with a large jam tart to the side table near Scarlett's bed. "Oh,darling.. Mamma's not hungry right now-," said Scarlett disguising her annoyance. "Mamma's head is aching terribly and a tart is not going to lessen the pain-"
"All right,Mother,"replied Wade, scooping the plate back into his hands and before he could leave, his large St. Bernard lumbered into the room. Scarlett put out her hand and ran her fingers lovingly through the dog's fur coat.
When Wade had left, Scarlett's thoughts followed him. She knew he was afraid of her. He always maintained a respectful distance. That annoyed her. A hint of similarity rang when she remembered her own attitude toward her Mother. She had regarded Ellen as holy Mary and was very proud of her mother's gentility. Suddenly a horrible thought struck her. What if Wade held her in such an odd respect?! She certainly wasn't even half as good as her Mother. Why she had been a regular tomboy, climbing fences, trees, playing with the black children.. she loved playing rough games and coming home with bruises. That was how she had been at Wade's age. Wade was all right if he didn't now and then look like he was about to burst into tears. Scarlett blamed this on Charles. Wade must have inherited this softness from him.
But Bonnie was different.
As Rhett had proudly noted ever so often, Bonnie wasn't afraid of anything - except the dark.
A tear slipped down Scarlett's cheek. And she had been so jealous of the love that he showered on Bonnie. Scarlett's own parents never romped around with her. Her mother never. Then a memory rose up of Beatrice Tarleton. She was a very different kind of mother and her children loved her very much. Theirs was a transparent love with no rules and ideals. Rhett had shown the same love to Bonnie and he had won his way back to respectability. Suddenly an idea struck her! Why, she would copy Rhett. What Rhett did with Bonnie, she could do with Wade. She would be so nice and sweet to him that everyone would sit up and take notice and start being nice to her! Yes, she must somehow win the affection of the matrons. And the sooner she won their affection, the sooner she will have a real chance at chasing after Rhett.
"Mamma didn't want the jam tart," mumbled Wade, glumly setting his plate on the kitchen table.
"Oh is that where you took your tea?" inquired Mammy with interest. "Now Master Wade, that tart was meant for you!"
"But Mamma didn't have lunch with us. She must be hungry-"
"Honey, she'll come down for dinner and I'm cooking a fine dinner.. chicken roast and you like chicken,don't you?"
"Yes,Ma'am," replied Wade, still glumly. He was the first to sense the lapse in Scarlett's severe parenting style. She had always been too busy for him or vexed with him if he whined out loud. But now she seemed different. This encouraged Wade tremendously.
"Now you eat your tea-",said Mammy."...and don't you give none of it to that dog of yours!"
"Yes,Ma'am."
