A/N: My interpretation of what could happen during the episode. Mostly was supposed to be a one-shot, but it just kept going. Miraculously, I was able to write all three chaps in one night. FIVE HOURS it took. I hope it was worth it. lol.

*Many thanks to my lovely beta, sendtherain, for getting every chap beta'd within an hour after I sent it to her. She is truly the best.

*I own nothing. No copyright infringement intended.

...

"I love you, Barry."

Barry closed his eyes, cringing at words he never thought he would, because his reaction to them had been worse than Iris flat out saying nothing when he recited them to her two years prior.

Everything had been good between him and Iris, between him and the Team, between him and everyone, ever since coming back from defeating the Dominators. It finally felt like they were all moving in sync again, no one shooting glares at each other or slinking off to somewhere private because they couldn't stand to be in the same room with that person any longer than was necessary.

But that had all changed in the last couple days. Not significantly, but Cisco had started to distance himself a little with Christmas just around the bend. Barry couldn't connect the dots until an annoyed Caitlin did it for him.

"It's his first Christmas without Dante, Barry," she'd said, followed by a look that chilled him and made him quickly glance down to see if her metahuman power-suppressing cuffs were still firmly wrapped around her wrists.

With Cisco shutting himself off little by little, Caitlin held an impromptu meeting with the team announcing that the two of them would be spending Christmas at her place while everyone else congregated at the West house. Cisco had been absent from this meeting, but he seemed to go with the flow as if he'd been there.

Barry tried not to think about this too much. After all the progress he and Cisco had made in mending their broken relationship in recent months, it hurt to think that had been all for nothing.

"It wasn't for nothing," Iris told him, coming up beside him after Caitlin had ended the meeting.

"No, I know," he nodded like he knew.

"Caitlin is his best friend," she continued, knowing he needed further reassurance. "She is the best possible person he could be spending Christmas with. At least this way you know he won't be alone."

That helps a little, he admitted to himself whenever he saw Caitlin and Cisco together after that. The voice inside his head that said I thought I was their best friend too wasn't as loud as before.

But his relationship with Cisco was only one aspect of the Christmas season that was making this year particularly hard to bear. He had also stumbled in on Wally training with HR, which had not only hurt but upset him to a degree he didn't expect. He'd blown up and then walked out, unable to deal with another complicated relationship when there was something much more pressing and forever present on his mind.

The threat of Savitar, and by default Alchemy, hung over his head more as the days went on. What better way, what better time, to act out more violently than ever before than when everyone was relaxing into the holiday season?

To make matters worse, his worry and constant stress over the threat they posed dampened every moment he had with the people he loved, especially Iris.

This escalated with such severity that those around him were disappointed every time he left the room and every time he entered it. He always found a reason to leave, and they all seemed convinced he didn't need to.

"Not today, Barry. Not while we're trying to find some normalcy at this time of year."

What better time for Savitar to strike? He'd wanted to shout back in desperation. But he hadn't. Instead he'd just left, spending hours at STAR Labs alone searching for a solution.

For her part, Iris seemed to be the only one not ready to lash out at him given the opportunity. He knew now though that she had to feel differently. Because the last time they'd seen each other she had told him she loved him – her first time as far as she knew – and he hadn't verbalized any sort of immediate response. She'd looked at him with concern and he'd gotten up, apologized hastily without meeting her eyes and left.

Of all the times for him to get distracted by something that wasn't Iris, this had to be the worst. He'd dreamed of this moment ever since he returned from Flashpoint. The fact that he was the one to ruin it absolutely crushed him.

The problem was he'd been having visions. Savitar had been calling to him at inopportune moments throughout the day. Sometimes it was barely a whisper. Sometimes it was louder. And sometimes visions appeared before him so vividly that it was reminiscent of his memories bursting in and out while in Flashpoint.

Only these visions he remembered. They were broken into pieces, often not very clear or put together. But at the very moment Iris told him she loved him, all that affection and hope brimming in her eyes, the pieces that had been so precariously thrown at him were put into place. They still jumbled around a little, but Savitar's booming voice that only he could hear became so unbearably painful that he'd needed to leave. He raced away from Iris to some other part of the city and then stopped. Before him the vision unveiled itself as if it was actually happening, as if wasn't a hallucination at all.

"I know your fears," he heard Savitar say, as the vision portrayed him coming between a future version of himself and Iris. In the vision, it looked like Savitar killed or at least severely wounded her and a powerless Barry raced – too slowly – to an unconscious Iris. Helplessly, he cradled her in his arms while Savitar disappeared.

"I know your weaknesses," the voice dissipated, leaving present Barry shaken, hardly able to stand. He blinked once to clear the tears welling up in his eyes and it was as if the vision had never been there to begin with.

Central City was quiet again. There was no threat before him and Iris was safe where he'd left her, wondering why he'd acted so strangely to her confession of love and probably worrying that she shouldn't have told him what was in her heart.

But Barry couldn't think about that. The only thing racing through his mind was the future Savitar had shown him. A future without Iris in it. A future without purpose. A future that would destroy him as surely as it would destroy everyone else and then some. He would not rest until he found a way to change it, to prevent the death of the one person who without fail gave his life purpose and had since the very beginning.

He went to STAR Labs and inspected the newspaper one last time. He wanted it to be a dream, for this all to be a nightmare he would wake up to any second. But her name was still absent from the byline. He asked Gideon to search all future newspapers for a mention of Iris West or Iris West Allen beginning in 2017, but there was nothing.

Pale and afraid of fainting on the spot, Barry slunk down against the wall and sat still until he could feel his heart resuming back to normal, until his breathing wasn't so fast.

"I have to stop this," he mumbled, sweat increasing on his forehead. "I have to…" His voice hitched. "I have to keep this from happening."

Jay Garrick.

The name clicked in his brain, and Barry knew what he had to do. Caitlin had been leaving STAR Labs, about to head home to start making things ready for Cisco. She was the only one left in the building, since it was Christmas Eve and everyone else was congregating at Joe's.

"Barry," she said, her eyes shut momentarily as paper flew around her when he speedily appeared in front of her work station.

"I need you to do something for me," he told her. As expected, she looked at him warily but he knew she'd comply. Because he didn't want to bother Cisco with this and because, at least when she wasn't Killer Frost, she could keep a secret.

So she found the stash of interdimensional extrapolators Cisco had been making and gestured to the pile, looking pointedly at Barry before she left.

"I handed you nothing. I told you nothing. I revealed no classified information. I simply showed you a part of Cisco's workshop you may or may not have seen before."

Barry fought a smile and nodded. "Understood."

"Merry Christmas, Barry," she said, watching him with hawk eyes before she turned to leave.

"Merry Christmas, Caitlin." He grinned when she was gone and then picked one of the devices up. "Okay, Jay." He took a deep breath. "Let's see if you can help me."

...

A/N: I won't be going into what all happens between Barry & Jay too much. Almost everything except Barry & Iris interactions are told just as brief mentions/recaps.