November 1975
"Oooh, nice skirt, Evans! You should let me take a peek underneath!" James Potter's voice was loud in the corridor and he waggled his eyebrows suggestively at her as he walked by, while Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew laughed appreciatively.
Lily flipped him the bird as he turned the corner but otherwise paid little attention. Potter was stupid and annoying, but harmless. Severus, however, was totally disgusted, offended on her behalf. "I'd never treat you that way," he remarked contemptuously, before he could catch himself.
Lily hardly heard him. "Anyway, I think you should stay here with me over break and not go home."
"I'll stay if you want me to." He told her, and something about the way he said it gave her pause for just a second. "I have to go to the library, want to come?" She asked.
He nodded. "I need the second volume of Winward's 'Spells, Hexes, and the Nature of Hedgewitchery.' for the Binns essay."
"Me too!" Lily exclaimed, and laughed. "We can work together," she told him, and he smiled, too pleased for once to be self-conscious.
Later, in a shadowy corner of the library, in the wavery golden light of a candle or two, they went over the text together, copying different bits and pieces of information for their essays onto long rolls of parchment. Undisturbed, they sat happily together until the library closed and made great progress on their assignments. Severus loved working with Lily; she was smart and quick, and made connections with a speed that he both marveled at and appreciated. She was the only friend he had that he felt was a true intellectual equal.
That night Severus lay in his bed in the Slytherin 5th year boy's dormitory, turning his afternoon with Lily over and over in his mind. She had invited him to study, had touched his arm (twice!) and even pulled his tie, jokingly. Surely that meant.. something, didn't it? He fell asleep with images of her emblazoned on the insides of his eyelids and thoughts of her like sculpted statues ornamenting the corridors of his mind.
Friday Lily and Severus sat together in Potions, and again in History of Magic, whispering together during class about the superiority of their essays and their plans for the holiday. Though Severus said nothing, he noticed with a frisson of satisfaction that James was watching the two of them, his ordinarily handsome face cast in a glowery scowl.
"Potter looks like he's trying to work out where he left his brain," Severus whispered, inclining his head a bit in the other boy's direction. Lily looked out of the corner of her eyes and quickly stifled a laugh.
"Oh, Sev, you know Potter didn't have a brain to begin with." She fired back.
Professor Binns cleared his ghost throat sharply. "When I call your name, please bring your essay to the front and place it on my desk. After you have handed in your essay you are free to go."
Lily and Severus waited, somewhat impatiently, for their turns to be called. Severus was first. Grabbing his bag and pushing his lank dark hair out of his face, he headed up the aisle between the desks, ready to be done with his classes for the day and hopefully to spend a bit more time with Lily. As he neared where James and Sirius sat at the front of the class, James stuck his leg out, tripping Severus. James and Sirius laughed, while Remus, pale and smirking, looked on but said nothing. Severus stumbled but didn't fall, and Lily saw the malicious glitter in James' eyes as he watched Severus falter. Severus stopped and stared at him momentarily, dark eyes shooting daggers in James' direction before he thrust his essay on to Professor Binns' desk and left the classroom.
Severus waited for Lily outside of the door, and she came out a few minutes later, visibly irritated. "Let's go," she said shortly, and pulled him by the sleeve of his ratty robe away from the doorway. Severus wondered what Potter and his lackeys had said to her.
"I'm sorry Potter tried to trip you up." Lily said. It seemed as though there was more she wanted to say, but she didn't add anything else, just looked at him with her green eyes soft and attentive. She had noticed that when she and Severus spent more than a little bit of time together, James' attention towards Severus, and in turn, his attempts to humiliate him, got much worse. She was looking forward to the winter holiday because Potter always went home, and took Sirius Black with him as an added bonus.
Severus looked stricken and embarrassed for a second, but recovered from it well. "I'll make sure he regrets it," He promised.
"What did he say to you, before you came out?" Severus asked.
"Nothing I'd like to repeat." She said, and then looked at him. Her anger seemed to melt away before his eyes. "I don't have any homework I have to do today," she told him, once they got closer to the stairway that led to the Slytherin dorms and common room. "We could go back to the library," He offered, eager to be with her, to talk with her, to be in her presence. "If you want to, that is," He added quickly.
"Maybe we can get the good spot by the window with the nice chairs." She said hopefully.
Distracted by schoolwork and lives led in separate houses, the winter holiday crept up on them with each passing day. Soon it was December and the holiday was upon them. Severus enjoyed the empty hallways, the informal meals, and time away from both Potter and Black and his own Slytherin set of friends. Though Severus shared their interests, he recognized that it was pragmatism rather than friendship that caused him to keep up in their circle. There were perks to their friendship, of course, and Lucius Malfoy was particularly interested in him because of his vast knowledge of hexes, curses, spells and jinxes. Within his set he was well respected for his knowledge of the dark arts, and appreciated as a talented brewer of all sorts of useful things. He had long ago mastered most of the curses and spells that his older year friends were just discovering. Naturally, all his friends came to him for potions, draughts, and tinctures, intended to solve a variety of problems or to produce a variety of affects. Teasing him about the time he spent with Lily, they called her a base mudblood slut and told him that he had low tastes because she was, afterall, from a non-magical family.
"She's cute, but she's tainted. Dirty blood. Have her and be done with it, she's not good for anything but a shag anyway," Lucius told Severus one afternoon in the common room. Severus was offended, but said nothing, thought he wanted to tell Lucius that Lily was not that sort of girl. Instinctively he knew it was pointless to defend her to his friends, who considered blood purity much more important than talent or intelligence, and who might respect him a bit more if they thought he and Lily were more than just friends. After all, most of his friends had dates and trysts and were, in a capacity that outstretched Severus, variously sexually active. He never embellished the truth or lied to his friends about Lily, but he also never dissuaded them from thinking that he and Lily were together in some fashion.
On Christmas, the two of them met in the Great Hall to exchange presents- Severus presented Lily with a rare signed copy of Merle Whitewood's 'Radical Potionmaking' (it had been his mother's book to begin with), remembering that she had been looking for a copy and had intended to order it. Lily gave Severus enchanted ink, two Sugar Quills, and a small vial of Essence of Euphoria, which she had brewed herself.
"Radical Potionmaking!" She exclaimed delightedly, hugging it to herself before hugging Severus as well. Severus blushed and trembled at the feel of her arms around his shoulders, if only for a moment. She laughed and released him. "My gifts seem a bit bad, now, compared to yours."
He shook his head. "They're great," he assured her. "I've wanted to reverse brew your Essence of Euphoria and now I can."
"The secret difference is mint and roses to cut the sweetness." She told him, and then smiled. "I can't believe you remembered," She said, flipping through the book with obvious excitement.
"It was my mother's before she gave it to me," Severus said, looking at his scuffy old shoes rather bashfully.
"Sev! Is this a signed copy?" She asked, looking at the florid signature on the inside front cover. He nodded.
"Thank you." She said quietly, touched, and Severus felt his knees go watery at the sight of her bright smile directed solely at him.
When they break was over, and classes resumed, Lily and Severus partnered in Potions. "I should separate you two," Slughorn chucked amusedly, "You two have the rest of the class at a disadvantage!" Lily and Severus turned to look at one another and smiled- it was true.
For Severus, this was the brightest spot in his school career. He and Lily spent nearly all their free time together. The way Lily glanced at him, touched his hand or arm, the way she shortened his name to 'Sev' affectionately, instead of calling him 'Severus', all these small things began to coalesce in his mind, to pile up on themselves and form a kind of solid certainty that they might really be together someday soon. Never before had he been so sure that Lily was, for all intensive purposes, his girl. There were, however, several downsides to this set of circumstances- Potter and Black had become almost unendurable in their torment of him, and he was terrified to tell Lily how he felt for fear that her attentions and friendship would withdraw. Perhaps her feelings for him were not the same. Severus recognized that he would never know for sure if he didn't make some sort of move, and his inability to do so burned him to the core.
He wasn't short on opportunities to tell her, either. Moments alone whispering in an alcove, her breath sweet and warm on his ear, or sitting side by side, poring over some ancient grimoire, walking the rugged and craggy grounds of the school together. In his mind, at night, he practiced possible ways to confess his feelings.
"I love you," He'd think to himself, and then shake himself out of the deep trembly feeling it gave him to think of telling her those words. You're my best friend. I want to take you to Hogsmeade for a date. Please say you love me, too. I want no one but you.
After several weeks of intensive, wishy-washy thoughts, Severus decided that he would tell her the truth of his feelings. It was Tuesday, and they were walking to the greenhouse through the fresh January snow to get Slughorn a green supply of Glorywort for a potion he wanted to demonstrate brewing to his mid-afternoon class.
"And you know what it said in 'Radical Potionmaking?'" Lily was asking him enthusiastically.
"What did it say?" He asked her mildly, amused by her passion and pleased that his gift was such a success.
"It said that you don't really need to stew the spider eyes if they're not fresh! I've been wasting time all year, can you believe it?"
"Lily, I want to tell you something," he said, and slowed his walk to a halt. She stood beside him, peering up into his long face.
"What is it?" She asked, immediately concerned.
"I think.. I mean to say.. Would you want to-?"
"Look out Snape, ya' wanker!" a voice called, and he turned to be hit in the face with a large snowball. Immediately angry, he wiped the snow away with his scarf and drew his wand.
Potter and Black were trudging through the drudged up snow towards them. Around them whizzed a number of well-formed snowballs that Potter was controlling with loose gestures of his wand. Sirius and James were laughing, and Potter directed one of the snowballs towards them with a tight motion of his wand, but it whizzed past the two of them harmlessly. The next one hit Severus in the side of the head hard, stinging him, and as the snow fell away, a bit of blood was left on his forehead by his hairline. There were rocks in the middle of the snowballs.
"Stop it, Potter!" Lily shouted, her eyes watching the little trickle of blood flow down the side of her best friend's face.
"Oho! Got your girlfriend to protect you, do you?" Black sneered. "Snape, you weakling."
Severus looked at Lily, angry and embarrassed. She wasn't helping.
Severus reached up and touched his fingertips to the warm blood that was there. "You'll be sorry you did that, Potter," He said, trying to maintain some kind of cool, and flicked his wrist with a laziness that hid his malice. He had no doubt that he was the superior magician, as long as Black didn't curse him unawares.
James was jerked upwards by the ankle and was now hanging upside down. The snowballs that had orbited him like small moons fell into the snow with soft thuds. Sirius Black thought this hilarious and laughed sincerely, but James protested angrily and fired a quick curse in Severus' direction. Severus blocked the curse with a fluid movement of his wrist, and sent it rebounding back to James. Immediately, James' face began to swell, his cheeks blossoming and growing enlarged, puffing up over his eyes, which had become piggy slits in his bloated countenance. His lips were red, the skin stretched taught and shiny, their shape grotesquely large like uncooked sausages. He was muttering and yelling, though his swollen lips muffled and distorted his words. Severus' own mouth was pulled into a pointed, satisfied smile.
"Sev, that's enough." Lily said, and laid a hand on his arm. He looked at her and let James drop without bothering to look at him, reversing the spell as silently as he had cast it.
"Let's go," Severus said cooly. His satisfied smile was gone. Besting himself against Potter in front of Lily had given him new confidence, and as he put his wand away in his robes he took Lily's hand and led her towards Greenhouse #3. He hoped with all his might that Potter might see them hand in hand (if he could see), and take it as an added insult to injury. To his delight, Lily did not pull her hand away.
"You shouldn't have done that, Sev," she said, once they were inside the greenhouse and the door was shut. "He deserved it!" Severus said, suddenly defensive. "And you shouldn't have said anything!"
"Oh?" Lily asked, somewhat indignantly.
"I don't need you to defend me," he said hotly. He wanted to tell her that it was humiliating to be stuck up for by a girl, but he sensed that this was not the right thing to say to her. He was thin and pale, lanky and awkward, with overlong hair and an overlarge nose. He was not strong or handsome, neither athletic nor dashing, and when Lily came to his defense, his lack of these particularly masculine traits was, he felt, exacerbated.
"Even so, it makes you just as bad as them when you fight back."
"So I'm supposed to let him get away with it all?!" Severus asked her, exasperated.
"Well, no.. but you're better than that, Sev.." She said, as though this were obvious. In Lily's mind, Severus was different from the other boys in their year. He never made crude jokes or expressed even the slightest interest in getting girls to like him. She pulled a small white kerchief from her pocket and extended a hesitant hand to him, wiping away the little trail of blood that had run down from his forehead and cheek before she pressed it tenderly to his small wound. He flinched and looked at her, tense and wary at her touch.
"You're bleeding," she said quietly.
He kept his eyes locked on her, and stepped a bit closer to her in spite of himself. How he longed to take her little waist in his arms and kiss her on the mouth, to put his hands in her red hair and smell the sweet shampoo smell that her hair gave off up close. He wanted her so badly, it was like a mania suddenly possessed him. She drew her hand away slowly, looking up at him. They were close in the warmth of the greenhouse, and Severus knew that now was the moment. He wanted desperately to kiss her, but instead he reached for her hand and uncurled her fingers, feeling the sticky dampness of his own blood on the cotton of her kerchief.
"Earlier, before Potter, you were going to ask me something." Lily said. She looked at their hands together, Sev's fingers half clutching her own, half clutching the bloodied hankerchief. He seemed to crackle with unexpressed energy. In that moment she felt her heart swell with some inexpressible affection for him.
"Can I take you out to-"
"There you are!" Slughorn cried, throwing open the door. "I thought you two had gotten lost!"
Severus dropped Lily's hand and took a step back, irritation and misery flashing across his face. Some small part of him noted remotely that Lily, too, seemed annoyed at Slughorn's unexpected interruption.
"You took so long that I thought I'd just nip out here to get the Glorywort for myself!" Slughorn pressed past them, pushing them up against the tables, his enormous belly sailing ahead in front of him. He moved to the far end of the table, took up a dainty pair of shears and began to clip the delicate green leaves of the Glorywort from their curling vine.
That night in the Gryffindor 5th year girls dormitory, Lily lay on her canopied bed with the curtains open, dressed in a flannel nightgown, watching Mary Macdonald comb her hair.
"I think Sev tried to ask me out today." Lily said. "But I can't be sure."
"Ugh," Mary said, setting her brush down and looping her long hair through a rubber hair band. "I don't know why you spend your time with him, he's so creepy."
"You just don't know him, he's not creepy." Lily said defensively. "He's very smart."
"Yeah, and he uses those smarts to study up so he can join You-Know-Who." Mary said matter-of-factly.
"That's just a silly old rumor." Lily told Mary dismissively.
"I think you want him to ask you on a date, if you ask me! You spend all your time with him. Is he any good?" Mary asked, curiously.
Lily blushed and looked down at her hands, seeing Sev clutch at her her fingers in her mind's eye. He must have taken the kerchief, because she didn't have it. After she had gotten back up to the castle she had had to go to the lavatory to wash the faintly rusty smudges of his blood from her fingers.
"I wouldn't know, we're only just friends."
Mary rolled her eyes.
