It was never anyone's fault. It was probably me all along and I couldn't even help it. I couldn't change myself and for years I blamed myself for being wrong, stupid or a mistake. Finally when I realized it wasn't anyone's fault I saw the fear and disappointment in their eyes. Even if I didn't blame myself anymore, I knew they did.
2005, age 12
"Well, something like this is…highly unusual. We have rarely seen cases like this but if you look at the test results…" he handed father a piece of paper, which my mother snatched away and quickly scanned through, "you can see why your daughter has this problem."
I wanted to flip the man off, even though I knew I didn't have the courage to do so. Instead I gripped my hand tightly and kept quiet.
"She has an extremely active brain and this has evolved into a set of skill. Some learn math really easy or copy pictures with their memory." He said. Mother looked up.
"Like a super smart brain?" she asked in a concerned voice. My father snorted.
"Something like that…" the doctor said, fixing the hem of his coat. I looked at my shoes now.
"She has instead of math skills developed a creative imagination and understanding for human characteristics. That's why she feels her own character is so real." He said with a smile.
I bit my tongue but knew deep inside what I wanted to say. She is real and alive! What do you know about us? None of you understand!
I kept quiet.
The man rolled his chair over to the desk, wrote a note and handed it to father.
"Here is a medication that will slow down the brains process. It should pull her out of the fantasies." He said and shook hands with my father. I was near to tears now.
I wasn't sick.
2008, age 15
"Why can't you be like normal girls?!" he yelled and a second later his hand connected with the skin just above my left ear. The ringing it caused was horrible and I staggered back.
"Take your goddamn medication and stop this nonsense now!" fathers voice boomed in the house. Mother sat in the couch, crying in loud sobs. I flinched as my father continued to yell and complain.
I glanced at the door and saw that in the shadows stood Charlie. His eyes showed fear and tears on the brim of falling over. I threw him a smile and winked, something that received another hit from father. When I glanced back at the door, he was gone.
2011, age 17
I ran down the stairs and stumbled into the kitchen, meeting the tired eyes of that woman. It took a second for her to see my ripped jeans, the chains and the hateful glare I gave everyone I met. She flinched and returned to the newspaper, obviously tenser now with me in the room.
`Fucking humans´, I thought as I grabbed a pear and stormed out the front door. 2 minutes later, since I missed breakfast, I gobbled up the fruit in my hand instantly.
.
I call myself Nori and I hate everyone and everything simply just because everything is so trivial and boring. It's not that I'm a depressed person; I just love to hate. Josie is the depressed one of us two.
We are two people in one body, which is the easiest way to explain it. The doctor, idiot, and her parents, retards, blame it on her brain being fried and try stuffing pills down her throat. Good choice if you wanted a obedient, brainwashed zombie.
.
I opened my locker and felt a hand on my shoulder. I glanced around quickly and found Jimmy standing there, Luke behind him.
"What's up, beauty queen of horror?" Jimmy asked with a stupid grin on his face. I ignored him and took the books I needed and put them in the bag.
"What coldness! Luke, our princess is evil this morning!" Jimmy complained and moaned to Luke, just a little bit too loud. I slammed shut the locker door, turned and kicked Jimmy's shin before I stalked off.
"See you at lunch!" Luke called as Jimmy cowered in pain. I rolled my eyes.
If there is something in this world I would consider companions, it would be the outcasts of this school that despise my efforts to keep them away with hateful eyes still came to me. Punkers like Jimmy and Luke for example. Not only did their choice of wardrobe stick out but they were also outcasts because their open gay relationship.
It's not like nobody knows about Josie and me; a good two years back a jealous blond bitch found out, spread rumors and had the whole school know. Then when I stood up in the cafeteria and said; "so what?" she lost face and ran off. After that Josie and I got different friends to hang out with. Whenever I showed up people like Jimmy would approach me. Weird really, if you ask me.
I hurried to a seat in the back with Suzie, the emo girl everyone usually ignored. I fancied her company more than the other idiots and like everyone else, she knew about me. Quietly she accepted me as I sat down and let me look at her notes.
"Mr Johnson is absent today?" a girl in front of us asked another. I glanced at the watch and saw it was ten past nine and still no sight of the teacher.
"You didn't hear? He got fired!" the other girl answered the first. I felt my lips twitch into a smile, suspecting the whole thing was about the fact that it just recently was discovered that Mr. Johnson was a closet transvestite. People like Jimmy had cheered but other teachers found it "inappropriate" for high school students to be "affected" by such a character.
A lot of other questions buzzed in the classroom but I ignored it all and started doodling in my notebook. I wasn't interested. Still, when voices rose in excitement and Suzie wouldn't stop pulling on my sleeve I glanced up at the front of the classroom.
The man was in his twenties, no more than 24 and very handsome. Pitch black soft hair that framed his marble like face with seductive brown eyes glancing across the room.
Gasps and giggles were heard from the girls as the boys started pulling their shirts and hair. I snickered but didn't honor the man with a second glance and instead continued my doodling.
"Good morning class. I'll be your substitute teacher from now on and I hope we'll get along just... great. My name is Sebastian Michaelis." He said, placing his stuff on the teachers desk.
"He's giving me the creeps…" I said, disgust rolling off my tongue. Suzie shrugged.
"He's hot and Jamie said that he's not normal. I don't know what to believe…"she sighed and I could hear the lack of interest in her voice. I frowned.
"What do you mean `not normal´?" I asked her "despite the weird vibe, I think he looks pretty average..."
She gaped widely at me as I looked at her, even more confused by the face she was making.
"I do have a boyfriend and got no interest in the teacher but, as a girl, I have to stop you there." She said, her index finger up to make her point. I stayed silent, waiting for a lecture that was bound to come.
"He's got the looks of a model, he's hotter than the gods and have you seen his eyes? They spell seductive." She said. I frowned even more.
"Eyes don't spell…" I tried but she patted my shoulder.
"It only shows how little you pay attention to other guys, you have no realistic judgment." She said with a smile but still felt slightly offended. I gave her no reaction however since I knew she was enjoying herself.
The teacher, Mr. Michaelis, continued talking about the study plan so I leaned in to Suzie.
"What did Jamie say?" I asked in a low voice. She too leaned closer.
"Something about demons, ask him later" she whispered. I said nothing as I looked forward, dreading the remaining hour of class. Only for an instance did I catch the eyes of the teacher as he glanced at the two of us with a knowing grin. I wondered for a moment if he'd just noticed us whispering and disturbing class. Another voice deep within told me he'd heard what we'd said.
.
"Demon?" I questioned. He gave a nod.
"Red, horns, hooves and lives I Hell kind of demon?" I asked. He rolled his eyes sighing at my ignorance.
"I don't know! I have a weird sixth sense and so all I can say is that he has a demonic aura." Jamie explained.
"With an angelic smile…" Jimmy joked. I threw some corn at him.
"I agree with you, he's weird…" I said and got a grin from Jimmy.
"Oh? Aren't you, like every other girl of this school, falling for his amazing skills and drool producing looks?" he asked, munching on the corn I'd "given" him. I too grinned.
"Oh? Speak for yourself. Don't go cheating while your boyfriend is right next to you." I warned. He stuck out his tongue and leaned onto Luke. I sighed.
"I couldn't care less! Demon or not, he freaks me out! Plus, I still don't get what he's talking about during class so why bother caring about his looks?" I said, steam coming off with every word. I glanced around the table, hoping to get a general response. Everyone had a pale look on their faces as they looked passed my shoulder. I blinked.
"What?" I asked. A hand landed on my shoulder, sending chills down my spine.
"Oh my, Miss Jester. Having trouble in class?" an amused voice asked. I put on my poker face and turned my head to look at him. I handed Mr. Michaelis a firsthand killer glare. He smiled back but at this point I just wanted to run away. I kept face as my glare turned towards his hand.
"Take it off." I said as coldly as I could. For a second he looked like he would say no but moments later he released my shoulder. Instead he placed his hand on the table and leaned in.
"If you are having troubles in class, I will have to ask you to stay for extra work after school hours." He said. I opened my mouth to protest but one look from him shut me up. Me! How to explain it? The snake lost to the shark...
"My classroom, this afternoon then?" he asked with a smile and without waiting for an answer he turned to walk away. The table was dead silent.
"Oh. My. Banana!" Jimmy said as I laid my arms and head on the table. I groaned.
"Why me?" I sighed. Jamie patted my back.
"I'm surprised someone survived Nori's `Death Glare´" he said, "I guess that only supports my suspicions." He shrugged. Jimmy whistled.
"That was a lot s-words..." he commented but I glanced at Jamie.
"What suspicions?" I asked. His lips became a thin line as he glanced after Mr. Michaelis.
"That he isn't human." He said.
.
I had decided to be angry, very angry, with Mr. Michaelis. Making me stay behind was ridiculous, I didn't even have bad grades, and so I was sure he only did it since he'd heard me during lunch and wanted to pay back. This brings me to the reason why I was angry with myself.
I had actually suspected a teacher to be a demon, which was stupid, silly and unrealistic. I mean, sure I had seen some creepy things while playing with the occult and unlike Josie, I wasn't afraid of ghosts. She is unable to sleep after seeing a horror movie while I sneak out during the night to go vampire hunting with Luke and Jimmy. No luck so far.
Still, to think an actual demon to appear was laughable.
I stopped outside the classroom door and stood still. I had deliberately walked my laziest and slowest walk to make sure he'd have to wait of give up waiting for me. Either way, I wanted to mess with him.
I opened the door, passed the teachers seat, threw my bag on the floor and sat down in a seat in the back of the classroom. As I threw up my feet I glanced up and noticed I was actually alone. Just as I was about to say "what the hell?" the door opened and Mr. Michaelis walked in. I narrowed my eyes at him.
"Oh, welcome Miss Jester. I figured you'd be running late, I went and got myself some coffee." he said, holding up a cup of Starbucks coffee. My mouth literally hung open.
Let me explain this so you understand. If you walk directly to the nearby Starbucks, to get there, wait in line, get the coffee and get back you would need about 20-30 minutes. The exact time I'd spent dragging my feet to get to the classroom.
Mr. Michaelis looked at me in confusion as he sat.
"Would you please chose a seat closer to the front?" he asked, acting all sweet. I stared at him, silently trying to psych him out. He sighed and rose, walking down the classroom towards my seat. I sucked on my teeth, not moving an inch. He gave one of those irritating smiles.
"You will be able to see the board better from the front." He tried but I just stared at him, switching the position of my legs. He glanced at them before letting his eyes fall to the floor...no, to my bag. He gave a final glance at me before reaching down. With my legs on the table I was a second late, knocking over the chair over in the rush as I reached out to snatch my bag back. He hadn't moved so I got a hold of it, both of us holding the bag. I gave him a cold glare.
"Get off. It's personal." I said. He gave me a thoughtful look before smiling.
"Then join me?" he said and released the bag, walking to the front of the classroom. I stood frozen in my spot for a moment, hesitating, before I reluctantly followed.
.
I woke in my bed, embarrassed to find that I had my mouth slightly open and that a small pool of drool had formed on my pillow. I wiped my mouth disgusted and turned over my pillow before getting up. I glanced down and realized that Nori hadn't even bothered to change, as I was still dressed in ripped jeans and a black shirt. I walked over to the closet and opened the left door, pulling out a simple summer dress with flower pattern that I quickly changed into. I glanced at my alarm clock and realized it was almost time for dinner. I hurried out of my room, down to the kitchen.
As I just finished putting in the dishes light footsteps were heard by the door.
"Josie?" she asked carefully. I turned to look at my mother, smiling.
"Did you nap?" I asked and she looked a little relived as she smiled.
"Yes, a little...it helps you know. I'll watch some TV with Michael now." She said, walking back out to the living room. My smile died out a little and I felt my eyelids getting heavy. I vaguely remembered the look she had earlier that day, the fear of Nori, my other side. I sighed and shook my head before getting dinner started.
The next day I wore the same dress with a pair of leggings and a jeans jacket. I also wore my reading glasses, as I had felt a headache coming up. I guess something told me today wasn't going to be easy.
.
"Hi Jessica." I greeted my childhood friend while I reached to open my locket. She came at me with a flying hug, clinging to my whole body as people in the hallway started staring. I sighed.
"I've missed you sooo damn much, you know that? I've been sick this last week and then that Nori had to show up yesterday, stealing you away from me!" she whined as I collected my book that was necessary for class. I smiled at her.
"I'm here now, and I think Nori will avoid school from now on..." I said, suddenly hearing a loud gasp behind me.
"Really?! Why?!" Jimmy suddenly came up to us. It wasn't the first time I had spoken to Nori's friends but I was still surprised. Luke stood behind his boyfriend with the same concerned look on his face. I smiled, trying to ease their worry.
"She dislikes this new teacher I think. At least she will avoid all classes with the man." I said but Jimmy just shook his head.
"Easy to say, Sebastian got like...2/3 of all classes here now." He said, looking at Luke who nodded.
Jessica and I glanced at each other surprised.
"Really? Who is he, I haven't had him yet." She said, looking confused. I agreed with her, all I had was fussy memories of the man, I hadn't actually met him myself. Jimmy raised a finger.
"Don't be fooled by looks girls, that man is not normal!" he said as a warning. When the first bell suddenly rang the guys waved and walked off. We stood still for a moment before Jessica got her book as well.
"That was...odd." I said. She shrugged.
"We can talk to whomever, right?" she said, walking ahead. I hurried after.
"Well, they have never talked to... you know, me?" I said, pointing at myself. She smiled at my gesture as we reached the classroom.
"Maybe it's time for you two to... share lives? I don't know..." she said and opened the door. I knew what she meant but at the same time I wasn't sure that was possible considering how it was at home...
I looked up, surprised to find the classroom quiet and calm. What happened to the chaos that occurred every morning? The paper airplanes, the chasing and the huge amount of talking gossip? Jessica nudged me and we both looked at the teacher Mr. Michaelis... Sebastian was it?
He smiled and gestured for us to take our seats, which we did quietly.
Class flew by and for once we actually got some peace and quiet in the classroom. Sebastian was a wonderful teacher and I somewhat failed to see what everyone saw as evil in him. I shrugged at my own thoughts but decided it was for the best to avoid the man. I didn't want to Nori to flip out and she did have a good sense of danger. If Nori says stay away, you stay away.
I didn't meet Sebastian until the end of the school day, as we walked into each other in the hallway.
"Oh, Miss Jester. Did my help yesterday do any good?" he asked with a smile. I paused for a second, thinking over the hellish hour Nori had been forced to spend with Sebastian. I frowned but then smiled.
"I suppose so. You didn't teach anything new but repetition is important too." I said and he looked surprised for a second. I realized I might have sounded a bit rude but it was too late now. He still smiled.
"Then would you like to do some more work this afternoon? New things that is." He said and I did consider the offer but then again, I knew it wasn't smart.
"I don't think you should be talking with me like this outside the classroom." I said as I pushed up my glasses and glanced more at my shoes than anything else.
He was silent for a little while before sighing.
"Are you worried about what others will think or say? You really shouldn't..." he said, reaching out to place his hand on my shoulder. I took a step back so that he completely missed me. I looked at him.
"I'm never worried about that. I just don't want your fan girls to jump me because you're talking to me in the hallways." I said before walking past him.
.
Sebastian POV
I sighed and rubbed my brows before looking towards the way she'd left. She had been so honest when telling me off that I had actually been surprised. Which was rare.
"Her boldness is refreshing." I said to myself, letting my lips curl up into a smile. At least now I understood my targets situation.
.
Like I had suspected, Nori avoided school all together. Unfortunately for me, that meant she used our spare time to meet with Jimmy and Luke. After a few days I had been away quite a lot and started to notice the piles of dishes that nobody had bothered to take care of and the boxes of fast food that filled the dinner table. I felt mean for not being home, taking care of it all.
"Let me out." I heard Nori say inside me but I refused to listen to her. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I started to take care of the dishes first and then moved on to throwing out food boxes and other wrappers that littered the kitchen. I walked out into the living room, finding more of it.
Mother was in the couch watching TV. She was pale and skinny, despite the fat food they had been eating these last days. I looked at her concerned but she didn't even notice I was there. I looked up and saw Charlie in the door. He looked tired.
I finished getting the trash from the table and walked over to him.
"Help me make dinner, okay?" I said and he followed quietly. As we got started he looked more and more energetic, helping me make vegetables and setting the table. I smiled but knew that I had also let him down by not being around. I rustled his hair when we were done, getting a heavenly smile from him.
After a rather tense dinner, as neither Father of Mother spoke a single word, Charlie and I decided to play some videogames. After that we went to the local store and bought some candy before getting a football. Even though it was getting dark we played for at least 45 minutes.
When it was time for bed I settled with the 12 year old in his bed, ready to read him a book. He chose Harry Potter, duh, and we continued on the chapter we had left it at last time. Half an hour later he was sound asleep.
I entered my room and wondered if I would settle to do my homework or just drop dead in my bed. Seeing how the time was 23.14 I decided I'd rather die than deal with homework right now. I snuck into my warm bed, unknowing of the eyes that had been watching Charlie and me all night.
.
A few more days passed as Nori and I returned to our usual switching schedule. It involved her having to go to class, despite Mr. Michaelis, and that way I got more time to take care of the duties at home. I noticed Mother becoming more of a shadow every day and soon Father got home later every night. I even noticed a lipstick mark on his shirt but I didn't comment on. Somehow I wasn't surprised.
"So, have you finished the assignment?" Jessica asked. I sighed and frowned.
"Almost. I'm having trouble wrapping the thing up and writing a good ending to it. We only got two more days..." I said and she nodded.
"I'm having trouble with it too, I don't really know how to present the subject, you know?" she said, leaning her chin into her hands. We looked at each other and sighed before she lit up.
"Wait, Sebastian has a study group where you can work on assignments. We should go!" she said. I hesitated, knowing I had told him off once already for Nori's sake. Then again, I wanted good grades...
You prioritize grades before me huh? Nori thought.
"Yeah..." I said out loud, which Jessica took as an okay while Nori sighed. I couldn't help but smile a bit.
.
"Try to wrap up your thoughts on the subject in a way that is easy to read. You need to point it out to the reader" Mr. Michaelis said as he leaned over my shoulder and notes. I sighed.
"That's the problem you know..." I said, rubbing by overheated head. I noticed him glancing at me as he sat down.
"Don't give it too much thought, make a list first and then write it out. I'm sure you'll do just fine." He said and stood. I took a breath, ignoring Nori's complains about personal space.
Jessica came up to me a minute later.
"Hey, I'm all done and got to go. But good luck ok?" she said and rushed off. I looked around and realized I was alone in the room with the teacher. I glanced at my watch and figured I didn't have too much time either. And it was Friday...
"Still having trouble?" Sebastian leaned over me. With no one else around I lost control over Nori. She shot up from the chair and took a step back.
"Back off, ok? I don't want you near us!" she snapped at him. He lifted one eyebrow with a grin.
"Us? It's only you left, no?" he said and Nori realized she was speechless. Nobody had actually told him about the double-sided person we were. Still, she grinned as well.
"Nobody told you, poor guy. And you call yourself a teacher?" she said but stayed quiet as he walked closer.
"You mean how some students call you "crazy bitch" one day and eat lunch with you the next? The fact that some friends call you Nori while your name is Josie?" he said and came up in front of her. I was somewhat aware of the whole situation and felt just as uncomfortable as Nori.
"Do I make you nervous?..." he said and leaned in "Nori."
Nori snapped and wanted to hit the man but I held her back and made us rush out of the room instead. Only 20 minutes later, halfway home did I realize we had left everything behind.
"No, my notes..." I sighed and scratched my head as Nori rolled her eyes.
Despite the loss of my bag and notes I knew it couldn't be helped. I had all the knowledge I needed for the assignment and my bag would still be there Monday morning. I just really didn't want to go back...
.
My phone started vibrating on the table so I dried the remaining dishes and walked over to look at it. I had gotten a text from Jimmy which said; "Amnesia?"
Nori knew he was referring to a club downtown that was easy on the age and gayness of us young people. Nori even had a half assed ID card. I sighed but figured that Nori could have the night out.
After putting Charlie to bed I was ready to leave, dressed in a pair of ripped black jeans shorts, a white boat shaped shirt with a sparkling print on. I grabbed my phone and wallet and put them in my pockets as I grabbed a leather jacket. At the same time the doorbell rang, surprising me enough to jump. Who the hell rings someone's bell at 10.30?
I ripped open the door, ready to give the person a piece of my mind. I stopped as I realized it was Sebastian. He stood there in the same working clothes he had earlier that day, grey pants with a white shirt tucked in. He shot me a smile, looking up my figure.
"Hello. Nori I assume? Looking good, going out?" he asked. I stood speechless for a while, wondering if I should yell at him or shut the door.
He reached out and held up my bag, something I hadn't noticed him holding. I snatched it back.
"Thanks..." I said and put it down next to the shoe rack.
"You are going out?" he asked again. I walked out and closed the door, locking it.
"Yeah, and I got to go. Thanks for the bag." I said and walked passed him towards the road. He followed behind me.
"Where? I can't have my young students walk out alone at this time." He said, faking concern. I turned and gave him a look.
"I'm taking the buss and for your information, I can handle myself!" I said. He smiled.
"And Josie? Can she if something happens?" he asked. I was about to tell him off when he pointed over to his car. A very nice BMW...
"At least let me give you a ride." He said, placing his hand on my shoulder. I shivered and felt pressured. I looked over at the car, sighing. I slapped his hand away.
"Fine! Just this once." I said and walked ahead.
.
We pulled up at the club entrance and stopped. I noticed Luke and Jimmy standing outside, probably waiting for me. I looked over to Sebastian.
"Thanks..." I said and hurried out. I shut the door and walked over to the boys, ignoring their questioning looks until the car drove off. As it did I grunted.
"What was that? A man?" Jimmy asked, shaking my shoulders in panic. He could be very overprotective.
"It's nothing..." I said, releasing myself from his grip. Luke raised one brow.
"That was Mr. Michaelis car. I've seen it on the parking lot." He said and I felt busted. Jimmy glared at me, grinning despite trying to be serious.
"What? What?...What?" he just said, getting weird looks from both me and Luke.
"Honey, you need to finish that sentence if you want to make sense..." Luke said, patting Jimmy's head. Jimmy just stood with his hands open in question. Luke sighed.
"He already had two drinks, don't mind him..." Luke said and lit a cigarette. I motioned for one myself, getting one, which he lit for me. I took a deep breath and let it out quietly as I glanced at the way the car had left.
.
A few drinks and a whole lot of dancing and I was feeling way better. All stress and worries had washed away, leaving me free of Josie's parents, schoolwork and all the other shit that came at you everyday. Swaying to beat was the only thing I wanted to do.
I noticed a pair of eyes on me that really caught my attention, as I could swear they had an almost red glow to them. The man was tall and handsome with his rustled hair back in something that resembled a back slick. He wore a tight grey shirt and black jeans. I shivered, feeling that the man was very alike a certain annoying teacher and I didn't know if I really wanted to get into anything. Yet they looked nothing alike, the attitude and air around them were different. It was a good thing Josie didn't remember everything after a wild night...
The man walked closer, not looking away. I decided to go with the flow and danced with him for a while. Nothing weird, just following the rhythm together.
Our eyes met several times and he stared into me just as much as I did in him. Intense and searching, like an animal and I felt that maybe we were the same. I figured I had had one drink too much since I was thinking nonsense but it didn't stop us from dancing.
He leaned in next to my ear and whispered.
"Having fun?" he asked and I stopped dead frozen. No way that it could be but I swore that voice was not the one of a random hot stranger, but the voice of my freaking teacher. I looked up at him and took a step back. He smiled.
"Shhh..." he said and put a finger to his lips "we can't have anyone know a high school teacher is here dancing with his student, can we?" he said and closed the space between us. I tried to form words but he just took my hands and placed them on his shoulders. Somehow my drunken mind figured he had a point and continued dancing with him, a little stiffer. What can I say? The snake lost to the shark once again...
After a while he pulled me with him to the bar. He took a seat and glanced at me.
"Go get your jacket, I'll drive you home." He simply said. I glared at him.
"What do you think I am? a kid?" I said and walked off. Jimmy and Luke were happily dancing so I left them alone and grabbed my jacket at the booth. I headed for the exit, noticing Sebastian coming up next to me. He opened the door for me and I silently walked past him.
He drove up to my house and stopped the car. I was out even faster than I had been at the club. He too got out and stood in the open door.
"Thank you for the dance." He said and grinned. I gave him a glare and tried to ignore my heating cheeks as I walked up to the door, unknowing of the eyes that saw us from the window.
.
The next morning, well midday, I woke with the usual headache that came after a night out with Nori. I groaned as it was always me that handled the day after. It sucked...
Charlie peeked in through the door.
"I know you are tired so I'll make pancakes for us. Do you want some?" he asked quietly. I smiled at him and nodded. He smiled back before he closed the door.
After a few pancakes in bed I stayed a couple of hours in the cozy warmth. Only when it was getting close to dinner did I decide to get up and get dressed in a pair of jeans and a pink shirt. I hurried down and started cooking a simple meal.
An hour later the door could be heard and Father walked passed the doorway. He stopped and gave me a glare. I raised a brow.
"Had a good day?" I asked him and saw him nod once before walking away. I was surprised but didn't give it much thought. Usually Father never answered questions about his day, in any way. I shrugged and started to set the table.
Later as we all sat at the table and ate my Father was staring at me more than usual. I frowned but looked at him with one brow raised.
"Something wrong?" I asked. He chuckled.
"Nothing, just thought it was funny you got yourself a man... you fucked him yet?" Father asked, glee in his eyes. I frowned even more as Charlie looked up in surprise and Mother covered her mouth in shock. I thought back and realized he'd seen M. Michaelis outside with Nori.
"It's not like that..." I said but he just laughed.
"Good riddance if you leave with him... maybe he can buy you off us, huh? Like the good old days." Father added, making my chest tighten. I was speechless. I wanted to say something but couldn't find words. I meant that little to him?
I stood and walked out of the kitchen, putting on Nori's boots and grabbing a jacket. I tore open the door and ran out. I felt my eyes sting as I ran faster, away from the house.
20 minutes later I found myself sitting outside the supermarket, deep in thought. I just didn't know what irritated me more; the fact that he wanted me out of the house or the fact that no matter what I did he wouldn't see the work behind it. Who did the dishes? The cooked the meals? Who took care of Mother as he was out working or drinking? Who helped Charlie with his homework and read him a bedtime story? Oh, I did.
I buried my head in my knees and sighed, still hungry since I'd left halfway through my dinner...
My stomach grumbled and I figured sitting out here was useless. Instead I got up from the curb and walked inside the supermarket.
I passed the vegetables and started hunting for something quick. Somehow I couldn't make up my mind and simply drifted through one aisle after another. Cookies? No. Ready made sandwiches? Nah. Sushi? Maybe. I sighed, as I couldn't make up my mind.
A voice cleared his throat, catching my attention. The teacher that had caused the whole dinner incident stood with a cart half-full with food. He grinned and left the cart. I acted on instinct and turned to leave the other way. Still, with just a few steps he was in front of me, blocking my way but placing his hand on the shelf. I stopped and felt my body grow stiff.
"Well, if it isn't miss Jester? Josie, right?" he asked, surprising me with guessing it right. I nodded, looking down. His grin dropped.
"What is it?" he asked. I bit my lip, not wanting to drag it out. My chest started to hurt and I was all confused. The dance last night, my Father's words, meeting him here... it was all getting too much.
Sebastian's hand touched my shoulder as my eyes stung and he looked concerned.
"Tell me what is wrong" he said. A tear fell silently as I was trying to hold it back.
"My... father saw you, last night..." I swallowed once "and he...good riddance" I managed to say as more tears fell. Sebastian frowned.
"He meant you?" he asked and I nodded silently, rubbing my eyes. I couldn't see Sebastian's face but his hand gripped my shoulder tightly. I drew a sharp breath and wiped my face. Suddenly he pulled me into a gentle hug, making Nori freak out on the inside. Still, I didn't move. It was nice to just stand still for a while...
"Don't touch my Sebas-chan!" a voice called out from a bit away, catching my attention. I tried to look around Sebastian's shoulder but he got in between.
"Don't mind that..." he said and glanced behind him. I realized now we were still close and stepped away. I looked at the floor again.
"Thank you... I didn't mean to trouble you." I said but Sebastian shook his head.
"I don't mind, really." He said and patted my head.
.
Sebastian POV
That Shinigami was so dead later on... I glanced behind me but decided to ignore the redhead. She suddenly pulled away, leaving the space between us cold. I frowned as she didn't look at me.
"Thank you... I didn't mean to trouble you." She said. That this girl could carry so much on her own without, unlike Nori, getting angry or hateful was admirable. Very mature for her young age. I shook my head, smiling slightly.
"I don't mind, really." I said, meaning it, as I reached out and touched her soft hair. She now looked up, red around the eyes and looking very tired. Still, a small smile was visible on her lips. I walked her over to the cart and decided I'd done enough shopping for one day. I eyed her, hearing her stomach being upset. I grinned.
"Something you'd like me to buy?" I asked. She looked surprised and then embarrassed. She raised her hands and shook her head.
"No, it's fine. I can get it myself..." she said, glancing away. I raised an eyebrow and leaned on the cart.
"Then I'll wait here." I said. She obviously wanted to get away but realized I was seriously going to wait. I couldn't let her go this easily...
"Alright..." She finally said and hurried away. I followed her with my eyes and once out of sight I still listened to her stressed footsteps. I smiled, amused by this sudden change of pace.
.
Oh my freaking god, I'm an idiot! Idiot!
My cheeks burned with shame as I realized I'd just cried in his arms... oh my gosh. I scratched my head and was glad Nori had decided to not jump out. I hurried to get a readymade sandwich filled with salad and ham. I didn't really feel like spending much time thinking about my choice...
Knowing that man would still be waiting I stopped at the corner and took a deep breath. I rustled my hair and rubbed my eyes, shaking my head to clear it. One more breath before I walked out and saw Sebastian waiting. His eyes were closed, as if he was listening at something. Suddenly his eyes opened and locked with mine. I quickly glanced away and found the jars of jam more interesting. I showed him the sandwich.
"I'm done..." I said, glancing back at him as he drove the cart closer.
"Good, let's go then." He said, grabbing the sandwich and placing it in the cart. I wanted to protest but stayed silent as I followed next to him. He looked pleased so I decided it was fine for him to pay for it...
"Where do you want to go?" He asked as we drove out of the parking lot. Don't even ask how I'd gotten in the damn car, I wasn't as mentally strong as Nori...
"I don't know..." I mumbled, thinking of somewhere else than home. He glanced over at me and then looked back at the road.
"Then have your dinner at my place, even better, you can have some actual food rather than a sandwich..." he said, smiling slightly. I gaped at him.
"No... I couldn't. I mean, you don't need to, I can go to a friend or something..." I said, trying to find a way out of the situation. He shook his head.
"No, it's fine. I could even help you with some school work." He said, looking ahead. I paled and frowned, leaning back in my chair. Now what?
.
It turned out that the charming teacher actually lived at a fancy apartment. A very fancy one. I looked around and then glanced at Sebastian.
"A teachers salary can get you this?" I asked suspiciously. He laughed and shook his head before disappearing into the kitchen. I followed him.
"No, my last boss was just very generous when he died... we were very close." He said, placing the bags of groceries on the table. I glanced around.
"Can I do something?" I asked. He smiled but shook his head.
"Please wait in the living room, I work quicker alone..." he said and I left silently. What did I do now? I was in a teacher's home, no one knew where I was... I didn't even have a phone. Good job, Josie...
Let's snoop, find some info on him... Nori suggested but I shook my head. Sebastian was too scary to face if he'd find out I was looking through his stuff. Nori sighed.
Let me do it then! She continued but I decided to ignore her. Not long after that, about 20 minutes later, Sebastian came out.
"Dinner is served." He said, drying his hands on a towel. I followed him into the kitchen once more and found the table to be set. A beautiful steak with mashed potatoes and salad was served, smelling wonderful. Once again I was reminded by my stomach that it craved food...
"How did you make this so quickly? Steak takes a while..." I asked but he shrugged and led me to one of the seats.
"It was already prepared, now just enjoy." He said and walked over to a shelf, pulling out a bottle of wine. I sat and waited for him to join. My whole body was tense but the food really did smell wonderful. He sat down, pouring himself a glass. He glanced at me.
"I can't serve my student alcohol, hope you don't mind..." he said. I shook my head.
"I would prefer water anyway." I said and smiled. "It's just Nori that... goes crazy sometimes." I continued and poured my glass with clear water. He went silent for a few moments before offering me the salad. I took some as he got mashed potatoes.
"How did you and Nori... meet?" he asked carefully. I sucked on my lip a bit, handing him back the salad. I smiled.
"She started talking to me when I was 11, just a tiny voice. Still, it sounded stronger than me, despite being so small. I liked her because she understood me when I was lonely. She was my friend, another me but she grew so quickly. Took more space everyday, eventually my parents found out and I was put on medication. For a few years I took them but Nori didn't disappear, I did. I quit eating them and my family... broke apart." I finished and looked at him. He listened seriously, which was new to me. No other doctor or psychiatrist had looked at me with those kinds of eyes. He looked like he understood exactly what I meant. My cheeks warmed and I looked at my food. He smiled.
"I see, it's an interesting story... I see why you two are so close." He said and started cutting the steak. We didn't speak about it after that, just chatted about school or everyday things as we ate. I didn't even care that it was late.
I put the dishes next to the sink and offered to clean them. Sebastian shook his head.
"You don't have to, I can handle my own household..." he said, lowering his face to my height.
"You already deal with dishes at home, don't you?" he said more than asked and I took a step back. How...?
My elbow bumped into an object next to me and a crash was heard behind me. I turned to look down behind me, stepping right on the broken glass pieces. Sebastian grabbed my shoulders and pulled me in but my foot already stung like hell.
"Argh, dammit!" I said, jumping on one foot. Sebastian frowned and pulled me up in his arms, carrying me to the living room couch. I probably would have freaked out if I hadn't been busy with a bleeding foot. He sat me down on the couch.
"Stay there." He said and went away. A few minutes later we were both sitting in the couch, him plucking out glass from under my bare foot. I bit my lip to stay quiet but he glanced at me.
"Don't do that, you'll ruin your lips..." he said. I rolled my eyes.
"Does it matter, my foot is already ruined..." I said, getting a smile from him.
"But how will you kiss boys with ruined lips?" he asked. I blushed and my foot twitched, still, he held it firm.
"This might sting a bit..." he said but I sat still, not biting my lip anymore. As he poured disinfectant on my wounds I sat completely still. He eyed me.
"You didn't even flinch, I'm impressed." He said smiling. I shrugged.
"I'm used to treating my own wounds already, had to learn early since Mother never helped out." I said, letting too much slip out. Sebastian looked at me with suspicious eyes.
"And how did you get them, exactly?" he asked and I felt my face pale. I swallowed.
"...Nori tends to get wild, so..." I said, figuring he would take that as an explanation. His face showed he didn't. Still, he stayed silent and put bandages on the sole of my foot and I was good to go. As I put down my foot down again he leaned in closer, way closer.
"Who hurt you?" he asked and I felt my spine shiver. He didn't ask how but instead who. I stood up and jumped a few steps.
"Don't be silly, no one did." I said. He too stood, having the same suspecting look on his face.
"You can tell me, I won't say anything. I promise." He said and something inside me really wanted to believe in him. How could I tell him of all the bruises and cuts, the beating that I had lived through for years? I hadn't said a word, never mentioned it to anyone. Not even Nori and I spoke of it.
Sebastian walked closer and grabbed my arm as I wobbled, unbalanced standing on just one foot. He sighed.
"I'll just drive you home, alright? We'll talk some other time." He said and helped me out to the hallway. I felt relieved he left the topic hanging but still felt like for once someone cared enough to listen.
I held my left boot in my hand as the two of us got down to his car. The rest of the trip home was quiet and calm but Sebastian still had a suspicious look in his eyes as he dropped me off outside my house. I thanked him and watched the car drive off before sneaking in, getting into bed as soon as possible. My head was just a mess...
.
I avoided Father by staying in bed the next morning but on Sundays he was usually at home until midday, leaving only after having lunch. I couldn't stay in bed forever.
I got up, rubbed my sore eyes and realized my foot was as bad as yesterday. Looking at the bandages made me relive the whole evening and now I really didn't want to leave bed...
I glanced outside my door and saw Charlie come up the stairs. I waved him over silently and with light steps he ran over.
"I didn't see you last night, where were you?" Charlie said in a worried voice. I hushed at him and pulled him inside.
"I need the first aid box, the red one in the bathroom downstairs. Can you please get it?" I asked, pointing at my foot. Charlie paled when he saw my foot and looked up with worried eyes. I smiled and placed my hands on his cheeks.
"I'm fine, I was just careless and stepped on a sharp thing. It's nothing." I reassured him and he slowly nodded. Moments later he ran downstairs and when peeking outside one final time I could smell food cooking downstairs.
Charlie returned with the first aid box and handed it to me as I sat on the bed. I poked him.
"Who's cooking? You didn't leave anything on the stove, did you?" I glared at him, worried I wouldn't be able to run if a fire actually would break out...
Charlie shook his head with a humorous grin.
"No silly, Mom is making spaghetti and cheese for lunch. You already missed breakfast and Mom said not to wake you up..." Charlie said and then looked sad. I realized my brother was actually a lot older than I gave him credit for. I pulled him in and hugged him hard despite his wiggling body and embarrassed laughs. I rustled his hair before he left the room and I got to attend my wound.
I spent most of the Sunday in my room, avoiding people and walking around too much. My foot was sore but taken care of and I finally had the time to finish my big assignment. Like that the day and night passed and I could finally go to bed, looking forward to school the next day.
