A/N- Hey, this is my first fic. So go easy on me! I am mostly writing this to entertain my
psycho, sister in the force, Caroline Higgins. This is purely humor and is mostly
composed of inside jokes and such. Read and review! May the Force be with you!
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars or anything. Master Lucas does.
Lord Vader's meditation was rudely interrupted by the sound of a high-pitched squealing emanating from the room next door. "What is a woman doing on my ship?" he thought. But his memory soon returned to remind him that he had two young, female, earthlings on the Executor now. After they had been captured for impersonating Princess Leia in a talent show. They are staying with Vader to become apprentices and entertain the crew. Lord Vader situated his helmet on his bald head and went to see what was wrong this time.
"Oh, by the Force!" Caroline screeched as there was a large, hairy spider on her bunk. The poor spider looked confused by all the commotion it was causing. "I'll get Adrift!" said Anna, reaching for the bookshelf. Adrift was her summer reading book she hated that was used to squish bugs into a gooey mess. The spider, being unusually intelligent, sensed the danger and hopped onto a stuffed animal on Caroline's pillow. "Anna, stop! It's on BATISTA BEAR!" Caroline hollered as if the world were to end.
"So?" Said Anna.
"If you squish it, it will leave an icky mess on Batista!"
"Well, what should we do!"
The two thought a moment. They were not good at solving problems the orthodox way. A normal person would a) move the spider. Or, b) squish it and clean the bear. But no. these girls were not normal. Not in the least.
"Let's keep it as a pet!" said Caroline with much enthusiasm.
"Yeah! And name it Harriett!"
"Hurry, find a jar or something. Lord Vader's coming!"
Lord Vader wearily entered the room Anna and Caroline shared. Not very happy his helmet off time had been interrupted. His mood did not improve when he walked in to see the girls were no longer screaming at the tops of their lungs and were sitting on the floor, playing with a spider. "What in Palpatine's name are you doing!" Vader demanded.
"Look Lord Vader! We have a new pet!" Anna said cheerily.
"Isn't it cute Lord V!" asked Caroline.
Caroline and Anna were fifteen years old, neither of them could sing to save their lives, and it seemed they lived to pester Lord Vader and flirt with crew members. Anna had long, dark blonde hair nearly to her waist, a bust line that put Padme to shame, and a ghetto butt that she could slam doors with. However, she was a little on the short side of the Force. To be honest, she was five foot two on a good day. Caroline had medium length brown hair, green eyes, was really tall compared to Anna, and had gashes on her legs she claimed she acquired from a Mexican cloud swing. Caroline could also strut like she had a lightsaber up her butt.
"What? I don't allow pets on my ship!" Vader fussed at the girls.
"But she was already on the ship! See!" Caroline held up Harriett for Lord Vader to see.
"Didn't you have a pet insect named Esmeralda?"
Before Vader could finish the question Anna and Caroline bust out yelling…
"Ezzie!" they screeched in unison. Ezzie was a bug that was attracted to Anna's purple pants one night that they decided to keep, until a Stormie squished her. Coincidentally, the stormtrooper was never seen again….
Lord Vader, Having a moment of weakness, let the girls keep Harriett as long as she stayed out of his sight. (although it was an excuse to avoid much whining and drama). Remembering what brought him here in the first place, he said " Why were you screaming? That was unnecessary! Never disturb my meditation again! I thought something serious happened! Like the time Anna fell and you could not get her up! Or Jedi were attacking, or the Emperor appeared in your closet! NOT over a silly spider!" With that, Vader left the room. (In a very bad mood I might add)
An hour later found the earthlings sitting on the floor, Caroline was making eight, tiny converse high top shoes for Harriett, and Anna day dreaming about her lover. When, out of the blue, Obi-Wan decided to make a quest appearance to put his two credits in. "Ugggggggg! Obi-Wan! Why are you here!" snapped Anna.
"Yeah, Brit, Get out!" added Caroline.
Obi-Wan paid them no attention and sauntered out of their closet all blue and transparent. He frequently visited the girls to annoy them and reveal long lost relatives and stuff. The girls were sick of his ramblings and unannounced visits.
"Well, getting along well with my former apprentice I trust?" Obi-Wan mocked.
"Shut your dead, bearded mouth! And stop coming out of our closet!"
"What are you some HOBO?" Anna mocked just as mockingly as he had.
"Anna, Caroline, you both know hobos only attack through windows of haunted hotels with bent bars. " corrected Obi-Wan.
"And MEXICANS on the WATERFRONT! Not even Larry Johnson could save us from that!"
"Caroline, I am well aware of your scarring experience at camp, but try to focus, I came here to talk to you!" scolded Obi-Wan.
"Spit it out old man. Before you chop us to nuggets and burn us alive!" Said Anna with an irritated edge.
"I will choose to pretend I didn't hear that!" he said.
"Ooooooo! What ever happened to 'A Jedi shall not know anger', Obi-Wan!" said Caroline pointedly.
"It matters not! Anyway, both of you know he really cares about you. You worried him today." Said Obi-Wan
"Who?"
"You know!" urged Obi-Wan
"No, I don't think we do….'' Said Anna
"VADER!" yelled the ghost.
"Ohhhhhh……" thought the girls as they realized who and what the crazy old man was talking about.
"Maybe we should apologize." Said Anna, with a regretful tone in her usually loud voice. The pair thought awhile, then said,
"NAWWWWW! we've got to test his limits first!"
Obi-Wan surrendered in his crusade to bring some compassion into Anna and Caroline's actions, and turned to leave through the closet and have dead person tea with Mace Windu, But not before saying
"Anna, go easy on Admiral Piett"
Anna turned to Caroline with a confused look on her face.
"You'll see." Said Obi-Wan. And he was gone just as quickly as he had come.
"Soooooooo, What to do." Pondered Caroline.
"Accompany me to the bridge? Caroline T.?" asked Anna
"Why certainly, Anna E.!"
And they skipped off to the bridge…….
