Necessary Evil
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Authors Note: So I've read quite a few fic's post Shades of Grey… but this is my take. I think I took the episode a little differently from other people… so hopefully this isn't too repetitive for you!
On an unrelated note I have a question for my readers. In Urgo the following conversation has me confused:
O'Neill: Carter?
Carter: The technology implanted in our brains, sir. We're looking at some sort of visual communication interface. Controlled hallucination.
O'Neill: So... I... What?
Urgo: He gets confused. By the way, who is Mary Steenburgen?
So… who is Mary Steenburgen? I know she's an actress… but is Urgo saying Colonel O'Neill is thinking of her? And why?
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Post – Shades of Grey S03E18
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Jack O'Neill sat down on one of the stools in Sam's lab and propped his elbows up on the table, resting his chin in his hands. It had been two days since they had apprehended the rogue group who had been stealing from the Asguard, Tollan and Tok'ra. He felt like it was a job well done… apart from one little thing. He couldn't seem to shake the hurt expression on Major Carter's face. When she stopped him in the hallway between his visit to the infirmary and heading to General Hammond's office he had to find a way to push her away. He couldn't have her asking too many questions.
It took all his willpower not to rush back and apologise. This irritated him to no end and his thoughts kept circling back to the moment. He hated feeling like he had to protect her. He knew very well she could take care of herself. He had seen it first-hand… but over the past few years of working alongside her he found he actually cared what she thought. He cared when he did something to upset her.
"Is there anything I can do?"
"About?"
"Well Sir, with respect. You aren't exactly acting like yourself."
"No Carter. I haven't been acting like myself since I met you. Now I'm acting like myself."
He had known for a long time that Carter made him a better person. He wasn't as daft as he often made himself out to be. It hadn't been easy to accept. He didn't want to put his sudden lust for life, for adventure down to one thing… but meeting Carter, joining forces with Daniel and Teal'c and forming SG-1 had been a turning point for him. He had never wanted to be back in the military, or to head through the gate again. The team kept him going – but Carter kept him on the level. She balanced him out in a way he had never come across in previous relationships.
"Hi Sir," she entered her lab her eye brows raised in question. He had been so lost in his thoughts he hadn't heard her footsteps approach.
"Hi Carter," he kept his chin in his hands and looked at her. She shifted from foot to foot looking anxious. He hated that she was suddenly so tense around him. He wanted her to be able to trust him again and he knew it would take time. He also knew she understood his reasons for keeping his mission from her, she being military understood classified.
"Is everything okay?" She came around the table and took one of the stools furthest from him, resting one arm on the table and turning herself to face him.
"I just wanted to see how you were." He admitted and turned so he was now facing her too. "I know that the last week was… difficult… for SG-1 in particular."
"I understand why it had to happen the way it did." She told him simply.
"But?" He could see she wanted to say something else. She bit her lip and he had to look away. It was one of her habits that turned him on and it was beyond inappropriate for him to be feeling that twitch in his groin over his subordinate.
"It was all an act right?" He turned back to find her blue eyes wide and curious. He was pleased to see her posture had relaxed and she was looking more like herself.
"You are wondering about what I said to you, in the hallway." He knew she would ask about this eventually.
"I guess so, yes Sir." She nodded.
"You… keep me balanced Carter." He rubbed a hand over his face. "I am different since I met you."
"Oh," she didn't look convinced.
"I am different in a good way… I think." She opened her mouth as if to say something but closed it and frowned, looking down at her hands.
"You keep me balanced too, Sir." She trapped him in her gaze and he felt his heart skip a beat. She let out a nervous laugh. "We work well together."
"Yes we do Major." He straightened. "So… we okay?"
"Of course Sir," she smiled at him and he reached across to take her hand in his. He gave it a gentle squeeze before letting go and standing up.
"See you at tomorrow's briefing then." He turned to leave but she called out before he made it to the door.
"Do you want to go get a drink at O'Malley's?" He was pretty sure this was the first time she had initiated a conversation about getting together out of work. He spun around in surprise.
"Alright," he cocked his head to one side taking her in. She was now standing, her hands behind her back in a military stance… but she had a small smile on her face. Though he would never tell her, that little smile she gave him was absolutely adorable. He knew it was the smile she kept only for him.
"It's good to have you back, Sir. I'll get Daniel, you get Teal'c?" He left her lab feeling lighter. Though he was not one to talk about feelings sometimes getting things off your chest was a necessary evil.
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The End.
