Hagwarts

School of White Trash and Whore-istry

(Author's Note:) Please note that any similarities to J.K. Rowling's characters are intentional. This is all in good fun so please enjoy! ... but not in that way. : )



Main Characters you should know about:

Grippinwhore

Whorey Potter: Our hero. Defeated You know… Whore as a baby.

Ron Sleazly: Whorey's best male friend. Frequently ponders his sexuality: What is he? Man … or beast?

Whoremione Granger: the smartest whore in her year. She "befriended" Ron and Whorey in her first year after a rabid stripper dressed as a police officer attacked them.

Gropey and Fuuuuudge: Ron's older brothers. They like to 'joke around' and hope to open a sex toy shop in Dive-on-in Alley.

Vagina Sleazly: Ron's little sister. Her name says it all. She was writing in a possessed diary (diary was possessed by Tom Little (hint hint)) in her first year. She nearly died… of Passion!

Neville LongPenis: is possibly the worst whore ever but is very good at HERBology (wink wink).

Dean Nudist: draws people nude. He's an artist. The end.

Seamus Inagain: Best flirt ever. Has sex ALL the TIME. Irish Sex God!

Prosititute Patil: Prostitute is giggly, girly and all things whore-ish!

Lavender Breasts: really bad name, great breasts. Seamus Inagain is a constant "friend" to her.

Colin Creepey: Should be in Rapin'slut but sexed his way into Grippinwhore because of his "creepy" love for Whorey.

Rapin'slut

Ho Chang: dated Whorey for awhile. She technically "robbed the cradle" being a year above him. She's a … ho. The sluttiest girl in her year.

Luna Goodsex: strange and loopy, she has a whorish name but doesn't get quite how to be a normal ho.

Lola Patil: (you've had to have heard the song to get it) She is smart and rape-ish.

Whorepuff

Susan Boner: enough said.

Ernie McFeeley: likes to "feel" things. Minus the quotations.

Slytherin

Draco Prostitute: Whorey, Ron, and Whoremione's worst enemy. He is often found with his two dumb friends: Crabbes and Boyles.

Vicious Crabbes: One of Draco's cronies.

Brutal Boyles: One of Draco's cronies. Is rather effeminate and hides women's clothing in his 'closet', so to speak.

Deflower Parkinson: has lost her virginity at least 12 times.

Millicent Bullsex: likes it rough.

Professors

Albus Dumblewhore: Headmaster, AKA POSTMASTER hip thrust(times four) of Hagwarts. Is very twinkly and vague.

Mervin McWhoregall: teaches Transgenderation. Not a class for the close minded.

Severe Rape: teaches contortions, is very flexible.

Others

Moaning Myrtle: died while having sex in a bathroom of the Chamber of Sexpots. The Basilick licked her and she died instantly.

Perverts: two students from each house in years 5, 6, and 7 are chosen to be Perverts. Perverts help other whores with assignments and assign detentions when somebody is acting modest. Among them are Ron Sleazly, Whoremione Granger, Draco Prostitute, Deflower Parkinson, and Lola Patil.

Motha's: those without whorish abilities.

Voldematrix: an evil whore who has sex for all the wrong reasons. He spreads Herpes and HIV wherever he goes. Tried to kill Whorey as a baby.

Definitions

Gnome Tossing: "I'll toss your gnome!" Enough said.

Rape-Itch: Whore's game played on "brooms" and with "balls". Whoever catches the orgasm first wins!

Hagwarts: A Hazing: Whoremione often references this book. It tells of how Hagwarts first started in a trailer park with Godric Grippinwhore, Rowena Rapin'slut, Helga Whorepuff, and Sexalar Slytherin.

Pottymouths: the ability to speak dirrrrty. Pottytongue is the official name. Only a few whores can speak such. Whorey and Voldematrix among them. Sexalar Slytherin having created it.