Title: Aftermath
Summary: After all they went through during the search for the linchpin, Castle's feeling guilty. A bit spoliery for season 4 episodes Pandora and Linchpin.
Disclaimer: I don't own most of the characters I write about. If you recognize a name, odds are it isn't mine. But seeing as this is a fanfic website, you probably knew that already.
Thanks again to Sunshiny-Kate, the best beta a writer could ask for! Extra thanks this time, because the idea for this fic came from her!
Beckett was having a stare-down with her bathtub. The thought of soaking her sore muscles in hot, bubbly water was incredibly enticing. However, she wasn't quite comfortable with the idea of being immersed in water yet, no matter how relaxing it may be.
An unfamiliar noise wrenched Beckett from her inner debate. She left her bathroom when she realized it was her new phone. She hadn't had time to do anything but add in a few numbers, so she hadn't recognized the text tone. She grabbed it off her dresser and read the message Castle had sent her.
How're you doing?
Fine. You? She typed back.
Bored. Alexis is with Lanie and Mother is teaching a class.
She took in a deep breath and bit her lip before answering.
You could come hang out here, if you want.
Exactly four seconds after she hit the send button, the door-buzzer went off. She threw on some shorts and a tank top over her underwear and headed towards the front door, confusion crinkling her features. When she opened the door, she found Castle standing there, a goofy grin on his face.
"Hey." He said simply.
"Were you already here when you sent me that text?"
"Yeah. I was just going to ring the bell, but I decided to make sure you weren't busy first."
"Since when does that stop you from barging in?"
The smile disappeared and Castle looked down at his feet, which were shuffling nervously. He brought his gaze back up to meet Beckett's eyes.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come. We've been through a lot the last few days."
"Well, you're here now." She said bitingly. "So come on in." She stepped aside and he walked past her.
Beckett shut the door and turned to face him. She stared at him for several silent moments. This wasn't the Castle she knew. He was lacking the laugh lines that usually were highlighting his hauntingly blue eyes. He seemed closed off, like he was totally unsure of himself, his confidence gone. His broad shoulders were hanging lower than normal, like he couldn't hold himself up.
"What would you have done if I hadn't suggested you come over?" She asked, her tone softer than before.
"I would have asked." He answered.
"And if I'd said no?"
"I would have gone home."
"Okay, Castle." She sighed loudly. "Let's have some coffee. I think we could both use some."
She turned and went to the kitchen, and he followed after shrugging out of his coat and hanging it in the front hall. Once the water was streaming through the aromatic coffee grounds, Beckett turned towards Castle, who had sat on a stool on the opposite side of the counter. She wasn't expecting to see the hurt on his face. Suddenly his eyes darted to her left shoulder, then slowly moved down to her chest before coming back up to meet hers.
"You have a bruise too." He said softly.
"What?"
"From the seat belt, when we went into the river."
Kate caught on to what he was saying and she glanced down at the darkened flesh.
"Oh. Yeah, well it was a pretty hard impact."
"Yeah." Castle agreed. "Look, Beckett, I'm sorry."
"Sorry for what?"
"Almost getting you killed. Again. At least four times."
"What are you talking about, Castle?"
"Every time I convince you to go rouge, we end up in a life or death situation. This time we almost drowned in your car, we were almost blown up with a grenade, we were shot at, and then today Sophia nearly killed us."
"Castle stop. None of those things were you're fault. I'm a cop. Danger is part of my job. You have nothing to be sorry for."
"But Beck-"
"No." Beckett interrupted. "No. We're done talking about this. We solved the case. We saved the girl."
"You saved her." Castle cut in. "Not me."
"You figured out how to find out who she was. You're the one who really saved her." Kate crossed her arms. "Where is all this coming from, Castle?"
He sighed and locked his eyes with hers.
"I just don't like seeing you get hurt. I don't like it when you aren't safe. I'm your partner, and I want to protect you. Not lead you into more harm."
Beckett swallowed hard. How could he love her this much when she kept him at a distance? She was like the carrot before the cart; the promise that was always there but just out of reach. She shook her head slightly to clear her mind and turned around. She pulled two coffee mugs from the cabinet and remained unspeaking while she fixed them their drinks. When she turned back to Castle she smiled and handed him a cup.
"Castle, I want you to know that over the last four years, I have many regrets. But none of them have anything to do with following you on some unsanctioned investigation or going on wild goose chases that end up being anything but." She paused and took a cautious sip of her still steaming coffee. "I told you once that you make my life a little more fun. And I still feel that way. Plus, I need you to keep getting us into bad situations."
"What?" He raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Why?"
"Well, the count is now 10-8, so I need to save you three more times to take the lead."
For the first time since Beckett had opened the door, a smile found it's way back onto Castle's face and his eyes lit up.
"Only if I don't save you anymore first." He replied.
"Don't hold your breath, writer boy. I'm not used to losing. I'm going to be stepping up my game."
"I'll keep that in mind."
"You do that." She laughed. "Come on, let's go sit in the den."
Castle hopped off his stool and Beckett fell in step behind him. He sat down on the couch first and she had to step in front of him to get to the other side. She leaned over to set her cup on the table and heard him suck in a breath. Then it was her turn to inhale sharply when she felt him touch the back of her knee.
"Castle? What are you doing?" She choked out.
"You have another bruise back here. And it's a bad one." He practically whispered.
His fingers traced the outline of the bruise, his moves reverent and gentle, like he was afraid he would break her if he pressed too hard. She felt her mouth and throat go dry and she was struggling to breathe normally. A few weeks ago, when he'd carressed her hand, she'd felt the world stop. Now the universe was threating to collapse in on itself.
"Castle, it's fine." She said, her voice shakier than she'd intended for it to be.
"You should put some ice on it. Reduce the swelling." He responded, still stroking her skin softly.
"I can take care of it by myself. Thank you for your concern. Now please remove your hand from my leg so I can sit down."
Castle did as he was told, but not before running his thumb feather-lightly across the middle of the bruise. Chills ran up her spine and she closed her eyes for a moment, glad that he couldn't see her face. She joined him on the couch, making sure to keep a couple of feet between them.
"What's that from?" He asked.
"Um, it's where Sophia kicked me to get me to kneel down."
Castle's face came alive with emotions. Anger, worry, sadness, and love all flashed in his eyes.
"Kate. I'm so-"
She put a finger to his lips, cutting him off.
"Don't say you're sorry. She did this to me, not you."
Castle pressed his lips forward, effectively kissing the finger she was still holding up. She instictively pulled her hand away, but when she put it down, it somehow landed on his knee. Castle placed one of his hands on top of hers. Beckett shot her eyes down to his lips as she licked her own unconsciously. Then her cell phone rang.
They both jumped at the noise and jerked their hands apart. Beckett stood up and went back to the kitchen counter, where she had laid the phone down.
"Beckett."
Castle couldn't hear the other person, but he could tell by the change in Beckett's demeanor that it was Gates on the phone.
"Yes, Sir." Beckett said, confirming Castle's theory. "I'll head over there now."
She hung up the phone and looked over at Castle.
"Body drop?" He guessed.
"Yep. Let me go change, and we'll head out."
"Need any help?" Castle asked jokingly.
"Actually, yes." She answered, and he stood up off the couch so fast that he almost bumped into the coffee table. "While I change, will you fix us some coffee to go and turn off the pot?"
"You really are a tease, you know that?"
"I don't know what you're talking about, Castle."
With that, she headed for her bedroom. When the door clicked shut, Castle went into the kitchen, carrying their barely touched mugs of coffee. He poured them out and fixed the requested caffeine to go. By the time he was done with his task, Beckett was coming out of her room.
"Ready, Castle?"
"Yep."
He trotted over to her and handed her the coffees so he could put his coat on, then took them so she could do the same. They left her apartment, she locked the door and they went down the hall to the elevator. After pressing the button, Beckett looked up at Castle.
"I can't wait for you to see what Martin had his guys do to the Crown Vic."
"Please tell me they installed lasers and machine guns?" Castle begged.
The doors opened and they stepped inside.
"You'll just have to wait and see for yourself." Beckett told him with a grin.
An excited squeal escaped Castle's lips as the doors slid shut again.
