Final Words to You My Love

"I could tell you that I love you more than anybody has loved any one throughout history. I could tell you that my love for you is bigger than the ocean or more plentiful than the stars in the sky.

"I could tell you that I wish I could hold you in my arms until the day I die; I wish I could tell you that you are the most beautiful woman I have ever set eyes on. I could tell you that I would sacrifice my life for you. I could tell you that I would give you anything you wanted if only you would love me back.

"But then it would sound like I was trying to hard. That if I used too many big words, they detract from the simple beauty of just telling you that I love you.

"Because I do. I love you more than anything. You see? Less is more. Doesn't it sound more beautiful if I tell it to you simply?

"I think that people have started to dress up their "I love yous" because its almost cliché. Everyone says it to everyone even when they don't mean it. Especially when they don't mean it.

"I mean it. I love you. I really really love you. I feel as if I'm trapped whenever I look into your eyes. When I am in your presence, all I want to do is leave before you find out all of my mistakes. But the moment I leave, I miss you.

"I love your little ticks. I love how you tuck your hair behind your ear every five seconds. I love how you look down when you're embarrassed and how you take charge whenever you have to.

"I love how you think about other people and always put them before yourself. I love how sometimes, when you look at me, I feel like I'm flying."

I look down at the floor. "Look at me. Here I am, doing and saying everything that I just said I didn't need to say. We were meant to be together. I love you more than I have every loved anyone. I feel like I'm drained because there is no more love for anyone else. You encompass my being.

"But I suppose I am saying this all wrong. You were a beautiful person. You encompassed my being. You tucked your hair behind you ear every five minutes. You took control whenever you needed to. You made me feel like I was flying when you looked at me. See? All past tense.

"But not me. I'm not past tense. I still love you. Love, not loved. Don't you see? I can't let you go. I can't bring myself to let you go. Why did you have to leave? Why did you insist you were fine? Just come back.

"See how crazy I am now? I didn't used to act like this. I'm a nervous wreck. I'm only half of me without you.

"I don't even know why I came here. I knew what effect you would have on me. I know I would be crushed. I knew it. But I came anyway. You see? Even when you're gone I can't stay away from you.

"You are right there but you are nowhere. I guess you're finally at peace. But where does that leave me?

"I could tell you that you were the most beautiful, the smartest, funniest, most wonderful person I have ever known.

"I could tell you that. . . if you were alive to hear it."

I turn and walk away; I feel lighter now. Like I've finally said what I needed to say. I'll always love her but I can't stay tied down to a grave. So now I feel free even though I remain haunted.

But this time I leave the grave behind me; it no longer hovers above my head with its scary inscription. Words that I never wanted to see.

Sydney Bristow.

Loved by all.

1970-2002