Chapter One: Bilgewater

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It don't matter if the cold wind blows

I'm gonna wind up working in the thick of it

Sunshine through the rain and snow

There's an oily brine bilgewater baptism waiting below

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That's just the waves slamming against the topsides' sound

Don't let the ever rolling motion go and get you down

Don't let it shake your steady thread cutting hand

Keep stealing ribbons from the steel

And giving hell to every halyard you can

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The world came crashing back into focus as Rick felt the raging anger within him slowly ebb away. As he pulled his knife from the throat of the man before him, his hands slipped slightly on the hilt with the blood that coated his fingers. The man before him thumped ungracefully to the ground and Rick stared dazed at his blood-soaked hand.

A slight shifting noise from behind him brought his gaze over to his son and Michonne crouched together in the dirt. Carl's head was tucked to Michonne's side as she tried to protect him from seeing the sight before him.

His feet felt frozen to the spot he stood as he watched them. Michonne's wide eyes studying him. Finally, she nodded slightly and tucked her head to whisper something to the boy. He didn't make any indication that he heard anything, but let Michonne guide him up by his shoulders and lead him over to the abandoned SUV. The creak of the door hinges shattering the silence that had befallen the group.

Rick's eyes finally found focus on the other two men. Daryl's head hung low on the hood of the vehicle, unable to meet his eye while his brother stood close behind, a comforting hand rested momentarily on his shoulder. He watched as the younger Dixon angrily pushed himself away from the vehicle, readied his crossbow and stalked into the woods surrounding them. Leaving Rick and Merle to watch him disappear into the darkness and neither of them able to find any words to say to stop him.

Unsteady legs brought him to the spot Daryl had just vacated and he leaned back against the vehicle, slowly siding down until he was sitting in the dirt with his legs laid out before him. He stared out into the darkness.

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In spite of all the wherewithal

To fight it all I will face it all

In spite of all the wherewithal

To fight it all I'll embrace it all

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When every day is like a war between the will to go on

And a wish that the world would spiral into the sun

Turn your head towards the storm that's surely coming along

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Days ago, Merle wouldn't have had a moment of hesitation before following after his brother away from the man who had left him to die like a caged animal in Atlanta. Yet here he was, standing still. This was a man who before the world ended he wouldn't have given a second thought to leave his ass behind. A man who he stood next to, fought next to, as he tried to defend their home at the prison as it was painfully stolen from them. A man who he had begun to respect after he thought he had lost his brother in the chaos.

His eyes shifted from the spot where he had last seen his brother, to the man staring despondently at nothing and then through the dirty SUV window to the woman and the boy, sitting in a shocked silence.

With a sigh, he rubbed his hand against his face and made his way next to Rick and slumped next to him.

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Will you be ready when the straw boss calls?

He's got an ever loving bone to pick with one and all

Don't let his condescension get you down

Just have the strength to know you're wrong

And when you're right the strength to stand your ground

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In spite of all the wherewithal

To fight it all I will face it all

In spite of all the wherewithal

To fight it all I'll embrace it all

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Relief and disgust. Those were the only two words to describe what Daryl was feeling at the moment as he made his way in a slow circle around where the rest of his small group was holed up.

Relief because Rick was alive. Carl was alive. Michonne, she was alive. Merle, he had always known that nothing could kill that tough old bastard. However, the surprise for him had been when his brother had stuck around with the man who he deemed to screw him over. But he was. Merle was alive and kicking, and with the group who had left his ass behind in Atlanta. He was protecting them.

And disgusted with himself because those that he had chosen to follow had tried to kill them all. The ones he'd followed had tried to kill his family.

He finished his full sweep of the perimeter. He knew that the noise they had stirred would attract any walkers nearby and he would not fail them again. If they were there, he would find them. He would finish them before they could do any harm to those he cared about.

Making his way back to the road, his eyes glanced back to Rick sitting outside the rusted out SUV, his face bloody and his head staring blankly at the woods before him. Merle sitting next to him, silent, possibly for the first time in his life. Daryl could see the change that had come over his elder brother since they had left the prison. This was a man who was finally a part of the group, someone who not only belonged, but wanted to.

After everything that had happened, his brother had come to him. Hand reaching out and grasping his shoulder, muttering about how he knew nothing could take out a Dixon but a Dixon. Their motto.

Daryl shook his head. His brother had bested him. He managed to protect this group better than he had. Beth. The blonde-haired, hopeful girl was gone because he had lost her. That was on him and him alone. He had failed her. He had failed them all.

Finally, deciding the area was clear, he slowly walked back towards the two men. Pulling a rag from his back pocket and pouring a bit of water on it from his near empty water bottle.

"We should save it to drink." Rick's voice sounded hollow, but he lifted both his hands and eyes towards the offered cloth.

Merle shook his head, sending a glance towards his brother. "You can't see yourself. He can." He motioned over his shoulder towards the SUV where he knew both Michonne and Carl to be seated in. Resting, with however much rest their minds could allow themselves.

Daryl nodded his head tightly, slightly shaking the hand which held the rag.

With a sigh, Rick reached out and grabbed the rag. Pausing for a moment to stare at it blankly before quickly wiping his face as Daryl slowly lowered himself next to Rick against the vehicle.

"I didn't know what they were." Daryl's voice was tight and laced with guilt as he tried to explain to the two men beside him just why he was with the group that had attacked them.

Rick just continued to wipe his face with the rag, nodding slightly. Finally, he tore his gaze from the dark and looked over towards Daryl and asked, "How'd you wind up with them?"

"I was with Beth." Daryl started, leaning his eyes towards Rick, but unable to look at him fully. Thoughts of the spirited blonde raced through his mind. "We got out together. I was with her for a while."

A silence descended upon the men. Rick and Merle could see how much difficulty Daryl was having recalling the past few weeks since the incident at the prison. Finally, when Daryl hung his head, Merle asked the question plaguing them with a loud sigh, "Is she dead?"

Daryl finally looked at them, shaking his head slightly. "She's just gone."

Rick held his gaze for a moment and Daryl could see the same guilt that he was feeling wash over the other man's face. Rick was shouldering the guilt for the lost girl as well. Guilt for something he was unable to control.

"After that, that's when they found me." As Daryl spoke, Rick began rubbing the rag against his fingers in an attempt to remove the blood staining them. "I mean, I knew they were bad, but they had a code. It was stupid, but it was something." Daryl spared another quick glance over towards them, expecting to see disgust on Rick's face. He was surprised to see only understanding and sighed. "It was enough."

Rick nodded his head. "You were alone."

"Said they were looking for some guy." Daryl sighed again. Rick finally quit trying to get Daryl to look towards him, knowing that the man needed to say his piece without witnessing the emotions he was not sure he could supress from washing over his face. "Last night they said they spotted him. I was hanging back. I was gonna leave, but I stayed. That's when I saw it was you four."

Daryl looked over to the two men to his left. Nodding slightly to his brother before looking down at his feet as if they were the most interesting thing in the world. "Right when you saw me." Daryl struggled to continue, to explain. "I didn't know what they could do."

Rick ducked his head in another attempt to meet Daryl's eyes. "It's not on you, Daryl."

Merle scoffed. "Hell no, little brother."

Daryl was still unable to tear his eyes from his shoes. "Hey." Rick exclaimed forcefully, trying to get Daryl's focus. It was successful and the younger Dixon shifted his burdened eyes towards the two. "It's not on you." Rick restated firmly, shaking his head slightly.

Although he tipped his head in agreement, Daryl still blamed himself for the decision that he had made. Rick knew the guilt was still eating away at the man, so he continued. "You being back with us here, now. That's everything."

Another silence passed between the three men.

"You two, you're my brothers." Rick stated, quietly. Drawing both men's eyes towards him. Daryl was shocked to see Merle slowly nodding his head in his acceptance.

The three let out a sigh and looked forward, staring into the woods before them but not focusing on anything. After a moment, Merle looked back towards the man sitting next to him, who had taken up to scrubbing away at his knuckles. "Hey, what you did last night, anybody would have done that."

"No," Rick grimaced, shaking his head. "Not that."

Daryl clenched his jaw a few times, trying to figure out words to say before nodding his head in agreement. "Something happened. That ain't you."

Rick looked towards Daryl with a dark look that had never been seen from the man before. "Daryl, you saw what I did to Tyreese." Shaking his head, he continued. "It ain't all of it, but that's me. That's why I'm here now. Why Carl's is." He spared a quick glance to the SUV window behind them. "I want to keep him safe and that's all that matters."

With that final word, the three men turned their gaze out to the darkness before them and waited for the sun to rise.

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When every day is like a war

You find no strength from your usual source

There's no peace, there's no rest

Your fortitudes feeling put to the test

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When everyday is like a war between the will to go on

And a wish that the world would spiral into the sun

Turn your head toward the storm that's surely coming along

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If the sun was always shining and our load always light

We'd be shaking like a leaf with every God given night

And we'd break under the weight

Of any pain that ever came in this life

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Bilgewater - Brown Bird